Daughter OK With Hell
My 12 year old daughter has become very negative about church in the last year. She helps with the little ones on Sunday mornings, but doesn't pray or like to hear about my faith. She says she isn't a Christian and doesn't care if she goes to Hell.
Moderator - Why do you think she feels this way?
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---Melissa on 6/25/07
Helpful Blog Vote (4)
If she feels that way, back off. "Do not try and pen your religion on someone else's sleeve because they may nor wear it". There is also another scripture that saids to "preach to the heathens whether they wish to hear it or not". The bottom line is to always ask God what to do. >>We preach to awaken the spirit in those whom God might save. As always you stay in prayer.
---catherine on 2/8/08|
It's possible that she is in the wrong church.
You know the next question, and you do not have to write a response.
Is this an emergent seeker friendly church? If so, you need to find her a new church home and go with her - sooner rather than later. Families, from the head down to the youngest - serious decisions are being made.
Some are falling away.
---Michelle on 2/8/08|
She is only 12 and doesn't know what she wants....keep her involved with the church and give her extra love and attention ....ignore her anti-christian tendencies...pray for her....trust God...
---Fred on 2/7/08|
It is her choice. Get her away from other little ones so the infection of her apathy does not pour out onto them. Be fruitful towards her. Her rebellion is natural for a pre-teen. You can not force her to be a believer, you can show her love.
---RYan_Z on 2/7/08|
Melissa...I know that God will direct you the church where HE wants your family to be. Right now is a hard time for your daughter. One of the reasons she stays with the children at church is because she is at the age where she is in between a child and a teenager and it is scary for her. I'll be praying for you and your family.
---Susie on 6/28/07|
my dear, this life is unsearchable but i will like you see to your daughter in three ways, ether she is hurt by one of the sunday school helps or child's perent, or spirit of depression has come upon her(boring of the church system/settings), personality problems like no friends, boy friend if she is teen pls. check into her life stilys or things she use or play with all the time. thank
---jackson on 6/28/07|
I believe that she is asking you to spend more time with her,finding out why she feels as she does, she is still teachable,and i suspect that she would love to have many heart to hearts with her mother. She will probably deny this, if asked, and also, try to keep from doing it, when actually, it may be the exact thing that she is seeking. I would press for this to happen.Allow her time to open up and tell you what is really bothering her, it will be worth it, to win her over. Many Blessings !!!
---Gayla on 6/27/07|
I think finding a church with a good youth group would definitely help. She needs friends who love Jesus and think church is cool. I know there are young people like that out there!
---Melissa on 6/27/07|
I agree with Susie; she is saying this to shock you. It's a normal teenage rebellion issue rather than demons whispering in her ears through friends. Keep exposing her to love and religious principles. Encourage friends that have a good influence on her. Hopefully, when she faces difficulties in life she will turn to what's comfortable (her religious upbringing). The bible supports this:
Proverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
---Sherry on 6/27/07|
I am indeed, 13 years old. Just saying :).
I am definatley surprised by your daughters behavior. (not in a bad way) But, i think you should try and find why she feels this way. Talk to her all about being a christian and all the awesome things that reflect in good behavior of it. Tell her about How much God loves her and pray for her to work with God. Pray that she falls on her face before God and realizes what she did and said was wrong to do, and is closer with God than ever before!! AMEN!!
---Alyson on 6/27/07|
We are known by the company we keep. Does she have friends. The 16 yr old teen I know has few friends, she prides herself in being oppositional defiant. Grandpa took her to church from birth through 9 yrs of age. She's no longer interested either.
Does your daughter suffer from depression?
---Truffles on 6/27/07|
I feel for you! My suggestion is that you change churches. Find one who has peers her age, organized and shepherded by a youth pastor. After puberty, parents often can have little influence on their kids, especially if they are unhappy. The easiest way to be happy for any human is to have good friends who are also happy. She will not want to change churches or to join the youth group there, but you must make her understand that this is how it will be. First, make sure that the leadership is worthy.
---harold on 6/27/07|
Does your church have a Sunday School Class specifically directed toward her age group? Is There a Youth program on Sunday evening or during the week? If not that is contributing to her problem, today youth derserve more then just being used for cheep nurcery attendents during church. Your Church my be gulty of contributory negulance for inneffecting Christiam Education Programming. May be you need to attend a church that resources to meet her needs.
---notlaw99 on 6/27/07|
Thank you all for your wonderful advice! What you have told me validates something I have been struggling with for a long time - the fact that I have my family in the wrong church. We have only 12-14 people on a Sunday morning and my kids are the only kids there. There is nothing for young people at all. I have tried to do youth activities, but, with no support, have not been very successful.
---melissa on 6/26/07|
I have already been attending another church on Wednesday nights for several months because they have a special program for kids. My daughter, unfortunately, finds fault with everything. We are invited to start attending another Wednesday night youth program when this one is over in the Fall. I am praying that she will truly find God there.
---Melissa on 6/26/07|
Your daughter is enjoying the shock value of her statements to you. She knows that it upsets you and that's why she is doing it. Immediately take her out of helping with the children. I expect that as soon as you do that, her little game with you will end abruptly. Remember one thing. She is just getting started. The more you get upset about what she says the more she will come up with new methods to shock you.
---Susie on 6/26/07|
Her words do not honor Christ, thus Demons are whispering these things to her. Probably Satan influences her through friends that don't attend church.
You will need to oppose Satan via prayer. If you are saved then you have indwelling Holy Spirit authority over Satan.
Command Satan (in Jesus' name) to cease speaking or luring her thru any of his servants. Pray for God to influence her back toward Christ. Satan will not easily quit. Continue prayer until she is truly serving Christ.
---a_servant on 6/26/07|
She may change. Lets hope anyways. She may be angry and is saying stuff that she doesn't mean. Perhaps, to get back at her mother.
---catherine on 6/26/07|
12 years old is a very precious and changing season of a young girl's life; there are so many new awarenesses, and there is a strong need to be 'approved' of, this is the cry of her heart. This little one needs gentle answers of love to counter the times of her 'ups and downs' moments - we all rebelled at that age. Some of us did it in silent rebellion, acknowledging a parental 'boundary' or 'appearing' respectful, yet our hearts were not sincere in our 'listening' (end of Psalm 139).
---Prodigal24 on 6/26/07|
Even as the scriptures encourage us to walk in the fruit of the spirit, especially 'patience', showing great times of mercy, love and patience to those 'weaker' in the Lord, giving respect and mercy even when it is not deserved, we must display. For this is the way the Lord eventually wooed those who exercised prodigal years. A child will remember 'kindness', no different to they will also remember 'our christian profession' not measuruing up to our 'fruits'. Love Love Love her. For this is the key.
---Prodigal24 on 6/26/07|
First you should pull her out of caring for the little ones. That kind of influence does not belong there. Second she is in rebellion and needs to be put back in church or youth group where God can work on her and get her straightened out.
---betty8468 on 6/26/07|
I have a relative of 16 years old that is in rebellion towards God. Most of her antics are for attention. She's into some type of grunge, black T-shirts and cargo pants. She prides herself on listening to only music from the 60's & 70's, wearing it like a badge of honor. She likes to stand out at school, writes letters to the editor of the local newspaper, and wants her voice to be heard. I can only describe it as a terrible warring in the spirit when she's around.
---Truffles on 6/26/07|
I empathize with the daughter. She sees millions of christians professing Jesus Christ and then living in direct opposition to what they preach to them. don't do what I do, do what I say. Actions speak volumes to youth. If parents say don't swear, and then use profanity, that tells them clearly they are liers and can't be trusted in anything. parents cannot have it both ways. Either they live the gospel and love Jesus Christ more than life itself, or they live in hypocrisy. they will reap what they sow.
---ashley on 6/26/07|
I agree with others here who have said that this is not so unusual for a 12 year old. Have you asked her about it? If this is something recent you might ask if something happened to cause her to feel this way.
---maryj9396 on 6/26/07|
Don't over react! For a 12 year old to react this way is not all that unusual. If the "seed has been planted and cultivated" properly throughout the first 12 years, you will see the benefits later. But, this doesn't happen by parents doing nothing. She may not know the realities of hell, or the benefits of heaven. "Preaching" to her will not work. Nudge her towards Christian friends and activities and above all pray all the time. (Know from experience this works.)
---WIVV on 6/26/07|
Sounds like she is bored. Saying she doesn't care if she goes to hell and all that is typical of a kid trying to shock the parents. Is she bored with helping the little ones? Try getting her into something more challenging, like a bible class for kids her age. This may sound stupid, but make sure she is getting enough sleep if she has to get up early for church. Some kids have a really hard time waking up early.
---sue on 6/26/07|
Melissa I sincerely believe that when Parents show the God-kind of love, which is Un-conditional, only then almost automatically they will be drawn into, and be interested in the things of Christ.(1Jn4:7) Brian. 6933
---BRIAN. on 6/26/07|
Helping with the "little ones" is a good place to hide out so she doesn't have to sit under the preaching of God's Word. She should not be involved with the younger children until her salvation issue is worked out. Get her back where she belongs in the services of the church. But, maybe you are in the wrong Church if this issue has been going on unnoticed.
Children are an image of their parents. What do her parents do?
So many people are playing church today it is sad.
---Elder on 6/26/07|
Talk to your daughter with an open heart. Do not judge nor condemn her. There may be something that keeps her from praying like peer pressure or a negative experience which lingers. Remember also that parents like us can best guide our children not by our words but by our own deeds.
---Ana on 6/26/07|
She is 12 years old, she is probably bored with what she is doing. And, she has found a way to give mom a great shock. So don't be moved with this unless she gets really deep into dark things, Pray and love her through this. Remember, this too shall pass.
---Brenda on 6/25/07|