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Marriage Is A Fairy Tale

I am 30 and single. I've given up on believing that God will bless me with a wife, it seems like a fairy tale wish. I know, someone out there thinks I should fast, I would die of hunger if I waited that long. Married people, don't reply to this. You have no clue what I'm going through.

Moderator - Sorry, but whining will not attract a mate.

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 ---Charles on 7/3/07
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I am married, so don't read this if you do not wish to. I married very late indeed, so I know just what you are going through. I accepted the fact that I would probably remain single, and I got on with life. Life is tough whether you are married or not. Not a fairy tale. There are no fairy tales. You are blessed if you are healthy and doubly blessed if you are born of the Spirit. Enjoy your freedom while you have it.
---frances008 on 3/11/08


Marriage is not afairy tale, the way it is presented in the media is. RElationships are hard work, they continue to be hard work even after marriage happens. People get angry at each other and they change and grow, but with work, they can grow together or learnt o love the new aspects of their spouse. Finding someone who is worth the work of a marriage is hard, but not impossible. Finding a relationship that is easy forever will never happen.
---Marla on 3/10/08


Charles: After reading your posts it seems as though you are not ready for marriage anyway. Marriage is not so much finding the right person as being the right person.Whining is a bad trait to carry into any relationship.You must learn to live with yourself first before rushing into a marriage relationship. What's the rush? You need to face the real problems you are dealing with. Don't ruin someone else's life with your wrong ideals.
---Robyn on 3/10/08


If you have given up on believing God then you have no hope of gaining a mate. Get your trust back and start believing Him again. 30 is such a young age. I know people who waited much longer before they found the right one. Patience.
---betty8468 on 3/10/08


Charles, I totally understand how you feel. I've been there, still am. It's hard to sit and wait on God's timing for that special someone. I find it difficult, especially since I'm a huge romantic and want to be cared for. And it gets even harder when all those around me are married or getting married. But be patient, you don't know what God has in store for you. Besides, God knows the desires of your heart, and He will provide. For now though, enjoy being single, I know I am!
---Katie on 7/16/07




Hi Brad, hi anonymous. :) I just want to clarify to avoid any misunderstanding, I am definitely not seeking marriage, the first 3 times I was, and gave my heart away to the wrong men. Today I am with someone that has been 100% respectful and Christ-like towards me, and to others. :) All I can say is, he's making me look at men in a more positive light. :)
---Mary on 7/11/07


Another view: Marriage is not what its cracked up to be,my friend. Sometimes being single is the better choice. Especially this day and times. People are very selfish and does not want to share anything in marriage. Some people never learn this lesson. I respect some people who refuse to marry. They have spared some poor man/woman a life of sorrow and misery. Marriage is nothing to play with. I have been married a long time now. Spouse is wonderful man.I am more complicated.
---Robyn on 7/11/07


Charles::I was married 54years, But am now single.Find someone who really & truly believes in the vow "Till death do us part".Then work, work, work together to make that happen.If you think you have fallen into a beautidful garden of Eden--forget it-- roses are cultivated after much love denial & hard work & they do have thorns trick is to avoid getting them in your flesh:like roses wives thrive on Love & attention-all the time.Good luck in your quest, & Blessings.
---Emcee on 7/10/07


LOL! I'm married, but I DO understand what you are going through because I was there myself. God knows the desires of your heart. My mate came when I was at my breaking point, had given up on love, and decided to accept a live of singlehood. Hang in there buddy.
---Kate on 7/10/07


'Marry', it's not just happening, you're allowing it to happen. If you were strong, you could say, "NO".
He's not an answer to your prayers, because you haven't been praying or looking for a mate. Did you meet the other 3 the same way, they all fell into your lap?
If you've been seeking God, trying to straighten out your life, I see this as a scheme from the enemy to knock you off your course and fall back into destruction.
---anonymous on 7/10/07




'Marry', it's not just happening, you're allowing it to happen. If you were strong, you could say, "NO".
He's not an answer to your prayers, because you haven't been praying or looking for a mate. Did you meet the other 3 the same way, they all fell into your lap?
If you've been seeking God, trying to straighten out your life, I see this as a scheme from the enemy to knock you off your course and fall back into destruction.
---anonymous on 7/10/07


Falling into temptation, and not being able to say No, can lead you down the path to destruction. If you had been diligently seeking God for a husband, and this was confirmation, I might think differently. But it doesn't appear that's so.
The devil doesn't change, he'll use the same bag of tricks on a person if they keep working. He knows how to bring a good lookin' man (unsaved or temporary professing Christian) as bait to set the hook in your jaw.
---anonymous on 7/10/07


Counterfeits seem to appear before the real thing, and testings. So if you're not planning on marriage, there's really no need to date this man. It could still be a scheme to get your eyes off God and fall back into a trap/sin.
And taking responsiblility for consistently making bad choices does lie on your shoulders, too. Though your sins be red as scarlet, they are washed in the blood, but that doesn't give you another marriage license to keep on marrying.
---anonymous on 7/10/07


Ah, already preparing the fourth, Mary?
I'll try and find that for you. Mary, have you had counseling, why you have attracted the same type of man 3 times? Is this man charming like the other 3 in the beginning?
If so, you could have yourself another ringer. If you don't know the signs and you really don't know yourself, you will attract the same person over and over and over. A repeat of the same behaviors, in different wrappers. All bittersweet in the end.
---Brad on 7/10/07


If you've ever been married to an alcoholic, check the family tree - even if you are not an alcoholic yourself. There are enabling behaviors that resurface. If you grew up with abuse, it's really easy to fall right back into it with a husband. The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. It takes serious looking at past behaviors to reject them from ruining the rest of your life. If you haven't, it might be hard to trust yourself to be able to see other people clearly.
---Brad on 7/10/07


Mary, that fact it's all just unfolding and happening in spite of yourself, is really not a good sign. It could be old vulnerabilities setting you up for a hook up with another man who will cheat. You have attracted three, do you really know this person is not another cheater?
---Brad on 7/10/07


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Hi Brad; oh I'm definitely NOT jumping into this relationship; it's funny how I actually did everything I could to avoid this friendship, and it's happening inspite of me lol! But where is 3 the biblical limit? Thanks; Mary
---Mary on 7/10/07


Part 2; besides, it was my exes that committed adultery, not me, so why should I be punished down the line for their cheating ways? Not mad, just asking so please let me know what you think; thanks :)
---Mary on 7/10/07


Mary, be careful that the new guy is not the same as the last three, dressed up in summer clothes.
I don't know how long you've been divorced, but don't jump into yet another marriage. Biblically, I think about 3 is the limit.
---Brad on 7/9/07


Hi; I was told many years ago that if you're not happy with yourself, you'll never really be happy in marriage. I didn't believe it then, but have experienced 3 messy divorces to men who committed adultery. Now I'm single and happy, and am not looking for love--but I may have found it recently, inspite of myself! LOL!
---Mary on 7/9/07


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don't rush your self you are still young but one thing you should not say is that you have given up on god.he is the only one who will never leave you or for sake you.you no i have found in life that god shows up when we are at the point of thinking that he never will.so
let patience have her perfect work she'll come. mae..love
---mae on 7/9/07


Hi Bill; rock on, brother! :D Good advice and glad somebody's happily married in this day and age lol! God bless you :)
---Mary on 7/8/07


Well, John and Robyn, that can sure go for ME ! !

If I want a real woman of Jesus to be my wife, then I have to become a real man.

Ladies of Jesus have the sense of the Holy Spirit > they can tell how a guy really is > no matter how much Bible talking I did, ladies could tell, I stayed single...for a "reason".

And now loving ALL people does me so much MORE good than I was hoping to get in marriage.
---Bill_bila5659 on 7/7/07


Gal 6:9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

2 Thess 3:13 But ye, brethren, be not weary in well doing.

Seriously consider getting totally alone with God, with no distractions, from Fri when you get off work till Sun night. Speak very reverentially & honestly to Him about your needs. Then LISTEN. He will speak to your heart. I promise.

Ask Him if Leslie would be a good wife for you. You already know she loves the Lord.
---a_servant on 7/7/07


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Then again, Robyn could be right on. God gives me wisdom, but I still don't know everything. Charles, this is between you and God. Only YOU know.
---John on 7/7/07


Friend you need to check your attitude. You are basically saying You know more than God does.You don't. He knows what you are in need of. Leave it in God's hands. He does not need your help,friend. You seem so bitter. Please trust in the Lord to meet all of your needs. Perhaps you do not need a wife until you get your attitude and outlook on life, straight. What's the rush? You are only 30 yrs old.Wait. Blessings
---Robyn on 7/6/07


More: Perhaps God is waiting on you to get that attitude straight. God is very wise. He always knows what's best for us. Go into your prayer closet. Make your needs known unto God. Do you approach Christ with the same bitter attitude, you are displaying here? If so, your prayers are being hindered and delayed because of your bitterness and anger toward God. How can you respect to receive anything from God with this much resentment and anger you are holding.
---Robyn on 7/6/07


I was molested as a child. So for me to trust a man as I grew it was hard. I got married at the age of 25 to a man whom wouldn't settle down. Everytime he seen a good-lookin' woman he'd make comments on how and what he would like to do to her. I said there she is, go get her. Needless to say he did. I left, we got a divorce. After about a year I met a man (my husband now) we dated, got engaged. I asked God that if this marriage was going to end up in a divorce, then don't let happen. CONT;
---Rebecca_D on 7/6/07


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CONT; In June it made us 8 years of being married. 9 years we have been together. I said all of that to say this. When it seems all hope is lost and you feel that there is no one out there just for you. Think again. I told God exactly what kind of man I wanted. To share my life with, to have the same faith as me. I found that man. God has called me to sing and him to preach. I know what it means to be "as one". Tell God what you want and wait. In due time you helpmeet is coming.
---Rebecca_D on 7/6/07


As long as you are looking for her she will never come. God has a way of surprizing us. When we least expect it he delivers our blessing to us. Not when we want it but right on time. Allow God to mold you into the man that your future wife will respect. Right now God is molding her into the women that you will cherish. It could be that Gods not done with her yet, when she and you are ready you will meet and it will be a match made in Heaven.
---Marcia on 7/6/07


Charles, Lighten up bro! Who told you it was over? You give up too easy. Give the Lord a chance to work in His time and perhaps bring the right one into your life. He knows what you need and when you need it. Charles, do you want to please God? The Bible says that without faith, we cannot please God. Your still young and you sure don't want to be with the wrong person, do you? That could be a disaster! God knows more than you. In the meantime, get close to Him. You will not regret it. God bless, John
---John on 7/5/07


I couldn't agree with you more, MikeM.
It's the only thing I can agree with you on.
Poor woman, I hope she sees the Light before her light is gone. It would be a travesity for her to miss heaven because of you.
---David on 7/5/07


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Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.
Are you putting your desire for a mate above your desire for the Lord?
Are you letting Him work in you to prepare you to be the mate he wants you to be?
If our expectations are unrealistic it can often hinder or delay our receiving what we are requesting from the Lord.
---Tsuanne on 7/4/07


If you really are a true Christian you should desire what God your Father wants more than what you want. God is BIG on patience from His people. That includes patience, with God the Father.>>>Hang in there.
---catherine on 7/4/07


I'm a woman who is almost 30 and still have no mate. I know God has someone out there for me. In the mean time, I thank God for my singleness, and for being my soul mate (God can be your soul mate too). I also pray for my future husband. You should try it, it works. God will bring that person in HIS TIME, not yours.
---Leslie on 7/4/07


Maybe God has other plans for you than getting married.
Maybe you are not a nice guy and need to smarten up.(sorry, but it might be true.)
We don't know, but there must be a good answer. Ask around to some of your friends and get an honest evaluation from them.
---john on 7/4/07


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You are still young Charles. Just take your time, serve the Lord and love people in Christ. The right person will come. Stay cool.
---Rose on 7/4/07


First 30 isn't old. You have plenty of time yet to find a mate. I understand you are lonely and want someone to hold on too. Be happy and confident in yourself and you will have a better chance. Desperation is a turn off. Also, you might look at what your criteria is, maybe you need to adjust it. As for God, you want your time to be his time and I've learned from experience they are rarely the same.
---grace on 7/4/07


My wife is the greatest wife there can be. No one out there can claim a better wife. The fact that she has put up with me for 15 years is a testonomy to her strength. Poor woman.
---MikeM on 7/4/07


Hi; personally I LOVE being single again, and my biggest fear is of falling in love (and someone is currently tempting me to do that lol); sometimes I think the most beautiful blessings come our way when we're not looking for them--or when we've been running from them! :)
---Mary on 7/4/07


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Not true after being married for over 10+ years, i thought i would never find a mate that i can trust and make me happy, but once i let go and allowed God to open my eyes to a man that was always right in my face, but i wasn't able to see him until God revealed him to me....Your Blessing is there just trust God to Show you.....Be Blessed
---Angela on 7/4/07


Having been an avowed single with no interest in marriage or it's consequences, ie. children. I was not able to escape it. The more that I tried not to marry the more opportunity's presented themselves. There is no Bible text for this, but try not to look so hard. Desperation scares people. Let God deal with it. He wants you to have life abundantly, relax it will happen.
---Dan on 7/4/07


Hi, Charles . . . I'm fifty-nine and have not succeeded at getting married for about twenty-five years as a Christian. So, I've had a fair amount of time to get some "practice" at getting the benefits we can have while we are not married ((O:}

ONE thing > there are all our brothers and sisters with whom we can have such fulfilling love relationships. Appreciate what you DO have > your eyes could be bigger than your stomach.

And I'd say, "Don't shop while you're hungry."
---Bill_bila5659 on 7/4/07


I wouldn't be too hasty if I were you marriage has it's blessings but it also has it's pressures, and for some they stay but for others they vacate! enjoy the freedom you have to be and do as you please don't give place to the devil to confuse your wait with impatience you'll jump for the closest thing without wisdom and then repent at leisure.
---Carla5754 on 7/4/07


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I would recommend that you take a serious self assessment. Try to gain more self confidence and exploit you strong points and minimize you weaknesses in you search for a female partner. Just as in marketing or getting a job you have to learn to put you best foot forward and sell you product and your product is you. You are a unique child of God and there in none other like you in this world. My you be successful in this endeavor.
---notlaw99 on 7/4/07


Charles, what advice could a young single person give you that would help more than advice from those who did find and marry later in life. I was married the week I turned 29, but I am young in my family. Most of my extended family did not find true love until well into their thirties and some in their forties. Their marriages lasted and were as wonderful and blissful and any fairytale marriage could ever hope to be. The first step is to stop looking and start living, life happens.
---lorra8574 on 7/4/07


Giving up is good. Stop striving to find a mate. Wait on the Lord, attend to the Lord.
Start praying for someone who desperately wants a mate. Don't pray one more prayer for yourself on this matter. You've stalled out. When you begin to pray for others in the same boat, God will show you multitudes to pray for. Your motor will begin to run on high octane fuel, you'll stop brooding. One day, you'll see your ship on the horizon. God will send you someone.
The mature Charles.
:-]
---Charles on 7/3/07


Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you. That is what the Bible says. Also are your criteria to ridgid so that you would not see the woman if God put her there? Just food for thought.
---jody on 7/3/07


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Charles,I am married and will reply, you needn't read if you so desire.Under what obligation is God to provide you with a wife?Not everyone gets married,not everyone gets married on their schedule & no one dictates to GOd what He should or should not do.Christianity is to be in the service of God and that does not mean you look at the Creator & say,"You give me what I want or I'll throw a temper tantrum."Go into the world & love people,& might I suggest you pray for peace in your heart,I will.
---Ryan_Z on 7/3/07


I have to agree with the mod. I am single, actually divorced. I did not choose divorce, and I have been single for six years. I desire to marry again, but the Lord has not desired that I do so yet. I guess He is not ready to share me with anyone yet. That means He wants me all to Himself.

Stop whining and start serving the Lord.
---Madison1101 on 7/3/07


Charles.....Many married people can relate to you because they are alone even though they are married. Also, many of us were single for years before we got married. In fact, one of our friends (named Charles) felt the same way you do. God brought a woman into his life and they have been married two years. Just wait until God does it.
---Susie on 7/3/07


One of the signs that God intends you to remain single is not finding an appropriate marriage partner among the women you know. That was certainly my experience.

Moderator, I think you're being very unfair. Obviously, Charles, like most Protestants, has never been taught about the signs that God wishes a person to remain unmarried.
---Jack on 7/3/07


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