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How To Regain Trust

I cheated on my wife with 3 different women, while on painkillers. She now lives at her mother's and she's waiting to see if I'm really gonna give my life to God now, which I have decided to, but I also need help on how to regain trust. What else can I do to truly apologize, other than say I'm sorry?

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 ---james on 7/13/07
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I can't thank God enough for people like Madison who help ones like me and so many others! A good therapist is a real gift! But yeah, obvioiusly, the man needs Jesus Christ first and foremost. But don't pick on therapists--I will defend them with all my heart.
---Mary on 5/17/08


Karen said: "I'll take Jesus any day over the worldly psychotherapists. Jesus is the healer and you don't need anyone else but HIM."

Karen this is abuse of God's mercy. Psychoretapy can be helpful and it's desirable.
---Caring on 5/16/08


So, the painkillers made you commit adultery with three different women? You can start by taking responsibility for your behavior and stop blaming drugs.

Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior? If not, I suggest you do so right away.

I suggest you get heavily involved in prayer and Bible study. I also suggest you consider individual psychotherapy and work on changing your perspective on drugs and your behavior.
---Madison1101 on 5/15/08


Karin>> So correct. Noone, absolutely noone, knows the mind the way God does. When God said to me face to face about a month after I was saved, and I quote Him."Noone is 100% in the mind". I just bursted out laughing. Noone had never said that to me before.
---catherine on 7/18/07


A man who cheats on is wife is a poor excuse for a man. The marital covenant is sacred, divinely designed. If the wife did not fulfill her marital obligations, or you took pills- that does not provide any excuse for adultery. You have children? As to therapy psychotherapists come from the tradition of Sigmund Freud, an atheist. Psychology and its man made theories of the unconscious are all a form of witchcraft and its the last place to go to mend a marriage. Your church, does it have councilors?
---John on 7/18/07




NOTHING. You are truly sorry comes from your heart. If God has truly forgiven you and in what you write I believe He has, then don't worry. To serve God you must lose your reputation among men. you make yourself of no reputation. I will not promise that there will never be war in your house because, sexual sins. God really hates. By the way, all of that is scripture. I do not usually admit that, this time I decided to. Have a good day.
---catherine on 7/18/07


Speaking from experience Madison...You've probably done all you can do. The rest is going to be up to your wife. She will have to pray for the ability to forgive you and move forward with your marriage. Pray in your quiet hour, cover your marriage, mind and condition. Yes you have a condition. Address the reason for your behavior. If not, it won't matter whether she forgives you or not because you'll do it again. Break the cycle. Praying for you.
---Neva on 7/18/07


Madison...I'll take Jesus any day over the worldly psychotherapists. Jesus is the healer and you don't need anyone else but HIM. The Holy Spirit gives all the discernment we need to see that this man is clearly not wanting to take the blame for his sin. His statement that she is waiting to see if he IS going to give his life to God tells a lot. He hasn't done it yet!
---Karen on 7/17/07


You have to connect or re-connect with your spouse whom you hurt. You should meet with her in person and have a serious talk with her, eye-to-eye about how you hurt her and you need to really understand how you hurt her, "how would you feel being in her place and your spouse did to you exactly what you did to her?" then ask her if she is able to forgive you. She may or may not, but where you are now is the consequences from your sin of betraying her. Pray and sincerely ask Jesus to help you.
---Eloy on 7/16/07


You go ahead and get yourself saved and join a good bible teaching church. I hope you are sincere. You don't play with God like this. When she see you are sincere, then you and her might want to consider getting back together. Not before. The trust will begin to come back if you continue to be faithful to God...first. If you and her ever get back together ask God to help you to be the man you need to be, not only for her, but for yourself also. Blessings
---Robyn on 7/15/07




I may have been hard on you, and I'm sorry. It is going to take time for you wife to trust you again. Just saying your sorry, doesn't cut it. It has to come from the depts of your heart. When you give your life to Jesus, your wife will see a big change in you. but she will take baby steps into trusting you again. Be patient, her trust will come around.
---Rebecca_D on 7/15/07


James, Trust is something that you have to earn over time. You cant just say or do something and the trust will be regained. And I agree with the other people regarding the pain pills, they dont make you cheat on your wife! Own up to your sins, stop blaming them on pills and pray for forgivness and for your marriage.
---sue on 7/15/07


Karen: We who work in mental health often refer to ourselves as "wounded healers." This means that we have been wounded and have worked through our pain in order to help others work through theirs. If a therapist has not been through his/her own therapy, then they may appear "sicker than their patients." Often, a patient's resistance to the therapeutic work will cause them to perceive therapy in a different light.
---Madison1101 on 7/14/07


James - I am wondering, sincerely, what the painkillers had to do with committing adultery? Is that the excuse you are using?
---Helen_5378 on 7/14/07


First of all, you don't wake up one day and decide that your going to start living for God. It does not work that way. If God himself is not convicting you of the sins you've done, then you can't not get saved. Self conviction or self repenting does not count. I am on pain pills, I will be on them unless God interviens. But these pain pills do not make me go and do stupid stuff. The problem lies in your heart. Out of the heart produces evil thoughts. You were lusting after these women and you gave in.
---Rebecca_D on 7/13/07


From my personal experiencing working with psychotherapists and counselors, they are quite often sicker than their patients. Give this whole thing to God. Read the Third Chapter of John to see what it means to be born again. Repent and accept what Jesus did on the cross for you.
---Karen on 7/13/07


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Stop blaming the pain killers for your sin. Take responsibility for your actions. That would be a good step in the right direction in your walk with the Lord.
---Susie on 7/13/07


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