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Husband Seeks Attention

My Husband won't stop seeking other womans attention. I have only been married 4 months and when I met him I had so much self esteem and now I do not have any. I feel worthless as a wife. Just seeing him do that gives me a sick feeling within my stomach. What should I do?

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 ---brendalee on 7/27/07
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I have been married 8 mths. Tell him how you feel. Don't let no man take your joy. Be faithful to God and let him fight your battles. Pray for God to take care of your problem and be patient. Pray and then let it go. God's GOT IT!!!
---Paula on 4/18/08


yep thats the real problem with the human race ,living by feelings instead of truth.
---tom2 on 4/17/08


Read the rest of it. Husband's likewise submit.

If you rely on anyone for your self-esteem, get help immediately. Personally you have issues that you need to work on. Get your life to where you like it, with or without anyone else, then worry about other people.
---dan on 4/17/08


I can relate to your pain I have been married to my wife for 18 months and at firsts she gave me all the attion in the world that was in reason but now there is no intamacy or any thing i feel like a fool sometimes and i have tried to talk about but it ends up in an argument
---Vernon on 4/17/08


First you should not feel wortless in any area of your life. If you are christian, then you're a child of the most high. It is your husband that is feeling wortless and has no slefesteem. Both of you should get to a counsler as soon as possible, if the does not want to go, then you go. God bless
---freeda on 8/2/07




First, you should not feel wortless in any area of your life. If you are christian, then you're a child of the most high. It is your husband that is feeling wortless and has no selfesteem. Both of you should get to a counsler as soon as possible, if he the does not want to go, then you go. God bless
---freeda on 8/2/07


-1-
"Oh, "a servant"! :*( If I hear one more man telling a wife to just clean up her act, or to tell her to just learn the way men are, I'm gonna puke!"

"maybe you ought to start acting like a man a woman would want to be made for"

OH NO, you are not attacking me.

I gave her requested input based on Jesus' doctrine: make sure you can see first.
---a_servant on 8/2/07


-2-
But to you, it is "some people don't take it in context and beat others over the head with certain verses"

This is God's world. It works BEST when we do it HIS WAY. Any advice supporting the notion of not trusting God, or taking matters into your own hand will lead to major problems.

Wives are to submit as Christ commands, AS UNTO THE LORD, not "submit no matter what."

Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
---a_servant on 8/2/07


Ask God, "Should I stay or leave"? Only works if you are born-again.
---catherine on 8/1/07


For all those men who believe a woman should "submit" to her husband no matter what, here is a real life example:

I know a man, a Pastor, who has spent years demanding the submission of his wife, even to the point of emotional abuse, leaving out his part to love her as Christ did the church and gave Himself for her. This man has a daughter who married. The marriage didn't start on the foundation of Christ and His work to begin with, so it is rocky at best.
---Linda on 8/1/07




Recently, the husband began to abuse her. And guess what her daddy did. He made her leave and told her that she couldn't stay married to him. Got a restraint order and everything. What happened to submission? What happened to "no matter what, you have to respect your husband"? That came back to bite him in the rear end.
---Linda on 8/1/07


In other words, it was all rules as long as it was to his benefit and satisfied his own love for himself but those rules went out the window when it was for the umm...."benefit"...of his daughter's husband. Until another man touched the father/daughter relationship and protection became forefront in his mind, those rules were IT. He couldn't even live by his own standard much less teach his daughter to...and now appears to be condoning the very thing he stood against all those years.
---Linda on 8/1/07


That is what legalism will do to you. It hems you in. The Law was not meant to free us. It was meant to bind us. It was not meant to strengthen us against sin. It was meant to strengthen sin's dominion over us. When you understand that, the rest is easy.
---Linda on 8/1/07


WOW! I wasn't trying to "attack" you--just merely saying I don't like how you use certain Scriptures you like in a twisted way. I wasn't arguing Scripture either--just don't like how some people don't take it in context and beat others over the head with certain verses. You should listen to Linda--she's a very wise lady.
---Mary on 8/1/07


Brendalee, are you coming back?
Without any more info, I guess you're working it out on your own.
---Brad on 7/31/07


Mary,
Mat 25:40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

Attacking me is attacking Christ. I quoted His Word:

1Co 11:9 Nor was man created for woman's sake, but woman was created for man's sake.

You found fault with one giving God's Word. That doesn't say much good about you.
---a_servant on 7/31/07


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Harry Bob, the person and work of Christ is the answer to every problem. The renewing of our minds to the truth changes us. If she never sees herself as valuable to God just for who she is, she will never consider her husband valuable enough to be treated any other way. Let's get to the root and stop stomping the fruit. If you really want to use Scripture on this one, consider the fact that the husband is to love the wife as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her.
---Linda on 7/30/07


If the husband is the head, then he is the leader in that kind of love. Until he leads in that kind of love, it is not likely the wife is going to make him feel any better no matter what she does and he is still going to seek the attention of other women. You want to blame the woman and then say out of the other side of your mouth that the man is the leader. If he is the leader, let him lead first in loving her unconditionally.
---Linda on 7/30/07


That kind of love nourishes and cherishes, not demands the attention of other women. The man has a self-love problem. That's why he does what he does and treats her the way he does.
---Linda on 7/30/07


That kind of love nourishes and cherishes, not demands the attention of other women. The man has a self-love problem. That's why he does what he does and treats her the way he does. However, that isn't what defines her and she needs to find her value in Christ through relationship with Him. Her relationship with Christ will affect her relationship with her husband...and vice-versa for him.
---Linda on 7/30/07


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"I am absolutely sure He considers you beautiful, a rare gem that sparkles with the beauty of His life..."
That sounds nice, Linda. But on the practical side, her marriage is ailing. A husband is to be the spiritual head of the house and Brenda's is behaving like the rear end.
Is this man a Christian, were you, when you married him? Give us some feedback.
---Harry_Bob on 7/30/07


A servant: You sure like to quote how woman was made for man--so maybe you ought to start acting like a man a woman would want to be made for.
---Mary on 7/29/07


Seeking attention from other women - adultery?
There is a difference between adultery and flirting. Brenda, is he running around on you?
---Brad on 7/29/07


-1-
When I suggested this,
"Pray. Go to Jesus. Be sure to do what God requires of wives."

This was on my mind,
Mat 7:5 ..first cast out the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote from thy brother's eye.

Jesus' concept: you see correctly before you seek to correct another's blindness.

2nd, in this society women often forget,
1Co 11:9 Nor was man created for woman's sake, but woman was created for man's sake.
---a_servant on 7/28/07


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-2-
Thus, she may have unreal expectations, not realizing husbands were not created to do the bidding of wives.

3rd, it is wise for her to learn who her husband really is. He may be a rat, deceived her from the beginning. He may be foolish & not realize he is hurting his wife.

She may have unreal expectations, trying to live in fantasies & not reality.
---a_servant on 7/28/07


-3-
In either case, it is called SELF esteem & she should NOT guage her worth on the actions of another.

She should realize she is God's daughter, Jesus' bride, a queen in God's Kingdom.

If she is doing what God expects of her, He will likely give her remedy. If she is not, God will likely correct her as or before He corrects her husband.
---a_servant on 7/28/07


I agree with Susie. The jealousy you exhibit is attention to him. Some people consider jealousy a sign that they are worth something. On the other hand, if you are allowing his behavior to define who you are, then that is a bigger problem than his behavior. You are defined by who you are in Christ and I am absolutely sure He considers you beautiful, a rare gem that sparkles with the beauty of His life. Be caught up in Him and you will find that your worth is defined by none other but Him.
---Linda on 7/28/07


I would believe that if you would talk with your husband about his past, you might find that he has a reason for his actions. That is, there maybe something in his past that makes him feel the way that you are feeling at present.
---Ivory on 7/27/07


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Oh, "a servant"! :*( If I hear one more man telling a wife to just clean up her act, or to tell her to just learn the way men are, I'm gonna puke! Yeah, men are visual creatures by nature but they also have something called "conscience" and especially if they are a Christian. Are you married, servant?! I feel for your wife--sorry but honest! :/
---Mary on 7/27/07


You cannot change your husband. However, you can change your jealousy. Pray that the Lord will help you get that out of your life.
---Susie on 7/27/07


Pray. Go to Jesus. Be sure to do what God requires of wives.

He doesn't seem a serious Christian, or he would know to invest in you - Eph 5.

I know nothing of your situation, so this is general. Too many women raised as Christians, are naive about men. They expect men to fit their fantasies, & that is impossible.

Men do not think like women, do not feel like women, and don't communicate like women.

Suggest you learn how men REALLY are, & function from there.
---a_servant on 7/27/07


Are you unequally yoked, you're a Christian and he's not? Or are either of you Christian? If you both are not, then you are equally yoked.
I'm sure those signs were there 4 months ago, so why did you marry? That ungodly behavior does not come on over night.
That self esteem was short lived, because whether you know it or not, you've enabled this man. If we knew more, I think unconsciously you attracted the wrong person. The self esteem was on shaky ground already. Enablers pick users.
---Brad on 7/27/07


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Adultery? Would you know? If so, I'd get this sham annulled. Some states, it's 6 months. Seeking attention, affairs? Cut your losses, don't start a family, you've got a lifetime of misery ahead. If he's in adultery now, doubtful it will stop. If you're Christian, you have those grounds. You still have grounds,if you're not.

If it's adultery, get out and stay out.
Turn your life around, accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Find a good church, Christian women to mentor and help you.
---Brad on 7/27/07


Been there, done that with my ex-husband. While we were dating, I got all kinds of attention, bought me this, took me here and there. When we got married a year later, after about 6 months it went down hill. If he seen a pretty woman and said she was pretty, that wouldn't bother me. But he wouldn't stop there. I got a makeover one day for him, and his comment was I can't believe I married you, don't walk next to me. This among other things is how he became my ex.
---Rebecca_D on 7/27/07


After u have communicated and he doesnt seem to open up,do what u have to do..dress up nice, smell nice, cook nice, clean and decorate house, then pray and break the bondage of poligamy,lust and insecurity.read the related scriptures, ur confidence should come from God not from what ur husband does, otherwise u will loose this battle.
---Pet on 7/27/07


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