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How To Ask For Forgiveness

What do you do when you are trying to restore a relationship and you ask for forgiveness for specific things you did, however the offended party also blames you for things you didn't do? Do you state and ask for forgiveness for the things you didn't do just in the hope of making peace? What do you do when the party states I forgive, but I will not forget? By the way, this is for minor or petty things.

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 ---Tim on 7/29/07
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Honey you cannot be responsible for how people react to you. I would apologize and ask for forgiveness. This is all you can do. If you are sincere of heart and mind, you have done your part. In other words, refuse to continue to feel guilty or worry about this. The ball is in their court after you apologize.Either they can choose to live in defeat, by holding onto the anger and hatred, or choose to forgive and move on with their life. You have made the better choice.
---Robyn on 8/3/07

About forgiving meaning to forget > well...the Bible clearly says God will forget our sins, yet, the Holy Spirit has inspired Paul to tell us how Peter and "even Barnabas" played the hypocrite (see Galatians 2:11-21, please).

I'm certain Peter and Barnabas were forgiven, but their sinning like that is NOT being forgotten. God may want us to remember things that our own nature still can make us able to do, so we are alerted against letting this happen again.
---Bill_bila5659 on 8/2/07

The Word says that God "remembers our sins no more". Does that mean He forgets? No. It means He considers them so done away in Christ that they cannot be put back together. To re-member is to take each part and put them back together in your mind so that the situation or offense is no longer past but "now" in your thinking.
---Linda on 8/3/07

That causes divided focus because you can't focus on Christ and Him crucified and on the offense at the same time since it is the person and work of Christ who dealt with it. Distraction and divided focus are a major enemy of the church. You can't re-member Him and re-member sins at the same time.
---Linda on 8/3/07

"The word forgive implies forget. Although the offense may never be forgotten, it should never intentionally be brought to mind if indeed forgiven. I by no means minimize the pain or wrong of what is considered a major offense. I simply bring to mind the biblical definition of forgiveness - To set forth, put away, denoting separation or departure from, (by implication the offense taken). For the spiritual sake of the offended. The offender will reap that which was sown.
---josef on 8/18/06 "
---Crystal on 8/2/07


Thanks for taking the time to answer my question. I go to an Assembly of God church, therefore I don't take issue with the Gifts. Maybe the difference is your personal presentation versus doctrine per say. At times, for me anyway, your answers seem long, are hard to follow and may or may not answer a person's question in a way most people understand. Again, maybe it's just my personal preference. Thanks.
---Jimbo on 7/31/07


Thanks for taking the time to answer my question. I go to an Assembly of God church, therefore I don't take issue with the Gifts. Maybe the difference is your personal presentation versus doctrine per say. At times, for me anyway, your answers seem long, are hard to follow and may or may not answer a person's question in a way most people can understand. Again, maybe it's just my personal preference. Thanks.
---Jimbo on 7/31/07

Part 1
Jimbo, I am sorry this is going to be long but you are looking for an explanation. We are a supernatural church. We do believe that the administration, operation, and manifestation of the Spirit is in operation still today and is for the purpose of profiting the body. If that is what makes us charismatic, then yes, we are charismatic.
---Linda on 7/31/07

Part 2
We are also full gospel in that we preach Christ and Him crucified, which is the power of God unto salvation to them that believe. We believe that there is no problem that does not find its answer in the person and work of Christ. We believe that all of the Feasts of the Lord bring us to Christ and are fulfilled in Christ and are to be experienced by the believer, all the way from Passover to Tabernacles, and that comes by the foolishness of the message preached.
---Linda on 7/31/07

Part 3
We also believe that the body of Christ is to mature, to come into the unity of the faith, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ...and that is the result of preaching Christ and Him crucified and seeing Him for who He really is. In our fellowship, we have people who, at one time, WERE Catholics, Baptists, Methodists, Church of Christ, Church of God, atheists, Nazarene, Episcopalians, and we have all come under the banner of Christ and Him crucified.
---Linda on 7/31/07

Part 4
That takes care of all doctrinal differences and gathers all together who have a covenant with God by sacrifice of His Son. It is hard to put a "denominational label" on that because we are not the sum total of our doctrinal beliefs. We are who we are because of Christ and His work.
---Linda on 7/31/07

Part 5
Here are the seven "M's" that guide the ship:

Man (Christ Jesus)
Message (the Gospel)
Maturity (growth in grace and knowledge)
Manifestation (the Spirit profiting the body)
Ministry (King/Priest speaking a sovereign word and bearing the burdens of the people)
Mercy (a flow out of rest because the people have come to rest where Jesus came to rest)
Majesty (seen as the fullness of Christ is made apparent in a people, the revelation of Jesus Christ)
---Linda on 7/31/07

We are a church with vision and purpose first in Winchester, TN then to surrounding cities, states, countries. The vision has been written and those who have read it are running the race :)

We believe that Jesus was born of a virgin, He lived a sinless life as the spotless Lamb of God, He submitted Himself to the Father's purpose and became obedient unto death, He died to reconcile, He rose to save, ascended and sat down at the right hand of the Father, and has come, is come, and shall come.
---Linda on 7/31/07


Is it a Charismatic Church or? I am just trying to better understand your vantage point.
---Jimbo on 7/31/07

DoryLory, this situation has been going on and off for over thirty years. Since it is parents, I can't easily do things as some have mentioned in this blog. I don't think waiting it out will help in this situation nor am I sure how to resolve.
---Tim on 7/31/07

Tim, people with a strong Melancholy temperament have as a strength in their character, a tremendous sensitivity to the feelings and needs of others. But that strength of character will work as a weakness against themselves as they expect to receive the same sensitivity in return. Because they are so sensitive they get hurt easily and tend to hold grudges and yes, I speak from experience. Thankfully, as I've aged, I'm not nearly as sensitive this way as I once was.
---DoryLory on 7/31/07

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Melancholy people do not like this characteristic about themselves but usually feel helpless against it. Your friend probably just needs time to sort out their own emotions. If this relationship is important to you, keep treating them as normal as possible and they will eventually come around. If you want more understanding about the Melancholy temperament, google: Florence Littauer. She teaches about the four personality temperaments with their corresponding strengths and weaknesses.
---DoryLory on 7/31/07

Jimbo, I understand. I did get off topic in regards to something someone else said, but not before I answered Tim.

Denomination? I'm in Christ just like everyone else here who has called upon the name of the Lord and been saved. If you are looking for the name on our sign outside, it is Winchester Christian Center, International.
---Linda on 7/31/07

I have assembled there for almost 10 years and watched that fellowship come out of legalism by the preaching of Christ and Him crucified and into the glorious freedom of relationship with Christ based on what He did. It is a glorious sight to behold and it began one year when the Holy Spirit led me to memorize Eph.1:17-23 and pray it faithfully and consistently over our fellowship.
---Linda on 7/31/07


One additional question. What denomination are you in? Just truly curious.
---Jimbo on 7/31/07

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Sorry, I missed your posts at the bottom :) I just got lost in what was being said in the other posts and don't understand what the point is.
---Jimbo on 7/31/07

bill_bila thanks for the additional input. Mima, do you have any additional wisdom to add? Is there anyone out there that has had an unforgiving spirit in the past who could add additional wisdom to the hurt person's point of view?
---Tim on 7/31/07

Hi, Tim . . . I see we have gotten a lively discussion or two extra going here. By the way . . . God IS love. This can be like a mother bear who, in love for her cubs, is fiercely slashing and smashing hunting dogs who are trying to get to her and her babies. God in love uses wrath to deal with the devil and evil, in order to get them away from us and KEEP them away...including like how a campfire can warm YOU while keeping predators away. "For our God is a consuming fire." (Hebrews 12:29)
---Bill_bila5659 on 7/31/07

Tim, that person ALSO needs to evaluate how he/she needs to do better.

And . . . I have noticed how even a man who wants to be considered for pastoring, though he has been forgiven, he should e-x-p-e-c-t to be TESTED before being trusted > 1 Timothy 3:1-10. So, just because you are forgiven, this does NOT mean you automatically should be trusted.

But it sounds like this person is failing the test for being someone to trust in a close friendship.
---Bill_bila5659 on 7/31/07

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I would not wast my time trying to earn their forgiveness. If I have apologized and they don't want to accpet my apology that's on them. Honestly, you don't want this person to turn around in manipulate you and make you a slave constantly graveling before them. You dust the dust off your feet and move on. Life is too short to be under the thumb of an self-righteous dictator.
---Marcia on 7/30/07

Jimbo, I answered in a posting and a half at the very bottom of the page.
---Linda on 7/30/07

Jimbo, I answered in a posting and a half at the very bottom of the page. And I notice you didn't answer at all. You must have just come around to make sure you let me know you didn't think I answered it.
---Linda on 7/30/07


What are you saying that is helping to answer Tim's question? In one posting, please let us know. Thanks.
---Jimbo on 7/30/07

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Tim, You need not apologize for things you haven't done,that isn't God's will, brother. In regard to that phrase of "I'll forgive, but not forget", in many cases folks say that because they are still hanging on to some resentment(denial/deceit),most don't realize it. Forgiveness,very important,Christians won't be forgiven if they don't forgive (Matthew 6:15). God will help His people forgive, when they truly turn it over to Him. God said: (Philippians 4:8). God Bless!
---Mrs._Morgan on 7/30/07

His judgment was love because it removed the wicked and left the righteous man. His judgment beginning at the house of God is not a judgment against. It is a judgment for us and is the cleansing of the temple of the wickedness between our ears in the form of vain imaginations.
---Linda on 7/30/07

The "election" of Jacob instead of Esau was an old testament picture of God's choice of Jesus and the blessing that rests on the spiritual seed. The hatred of Esau, who represented the flesh man, is a picture of no flesh being acceptable to God. God is love. Nowhere in the New Testament do you find that He is hatred. As a matter of fact, it is His goodness, not fear or wrath, that leads a man to repentance.
---Linda on 7/30/07

Linda God can also hate. Read Proverbs 1:23-33. If the wrath that God pours out at the judgement and the tribualtion is a reflection of His love please let me know.
Please explain to me if God only loves and can't feel anger or hatred, then why did God hate Easu? (Romans 9:13)
---Matthew_from_LA on 7/30/07

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For the record, Helen gives short answers, if you've noticed. She has more votes than anyone and I believe that brevity is one of the reasons. People don't like to read opining that carries on for 30-40 answers in a row. It bores them to sleep.
---Bill on 7/30/07

"God is not always a God of love.....God is love?"
---catherine on 7/30/07"

1Jn 4:8 He that loveth not knoweth not God, for God is love.
1Jn 4:16 And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love, and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.
The man who leaned his head on Jesus' breast and heard His heart wrote this under the inspiration of the Holy Ghost.
---Linda on 7/30/07

God IS love. He so loved the WORLD that He gave His only begotten Son. He came not to condemn the world but that the world through Him might be saved. He commended His love toward us while we were yet sinners and Christ died for and justifies the ungodly. Account that the longsuffering of the Lord IS salvation. He is not WILLING that any should perish and He would that all men be saved and come to the knowledge of the truth.
---Linda on 7/30/07

If there is any willingness at all that someone perish, it is found in our unwillingness to love. 1 Corinthians 13 gives the attributes of love. It is obvious that you consider your own reasoning and ramblings above that of Holy Ghost inspired Scripture. If you don't believe the basic nature of God as love, everything you say will be tainted, prophet or not.
---Linda on 7/30/07

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I believe it is fear more than God that has caused you to isolate yourself. You are afraid that you won't be accepted as you are and that shows in your responses to others. A man or woman who does not know or believe that he/she is accepted in the Beloved because of His work and not his/her own will react and respond to others by rejecting them. The more you reject, the more you feel rejected and the more you feel you are "paying the price". Jesus paid the price, all of it.
---Linda on 7/30/07

If "church folks" have treated you improperly, I am sorry and ask you to forgive us. You are loved just as you are. However, love never leaves you where you are. Love, not fear. You need to forgive Father God first for the things you think HE has done to you. Then you need to move on to forgiving yourself for whatever it is that you think He hasn't forgiven and then forgiving those that are His who didn't know that He is love.
---Linda on 7/30/07

Catherine, I love you even when I don't agree with you and I long to see you come out of that hard shell you have built around yourself. You have been hurt, probably many times, but you are not alone. The bottom line is this: your relationship with others is a reflection of your relationship with Christ. The vertical determines the horizontal, and both meet right in the center or heart of love.
---Linda on 7/30/07

Thank you Mima and Bill as your comments speak to my situation. Because this relationship has been so damaged so long over things I didn't even know that I did (insensitive) and the person will not let me know, do I apologise by guessing issues or make a global apology or?
---Tim on 7/30/07

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This is a very good question and it opens up a great opportunity for you. Go to the person(get physically in their presence if possible) and simply explaining that you take full responsibility for everything that
happened. The mistakes you are conscious of making and any mistakes that they believe you made. Another words take full and total responsibility for everything that happen. Then clearly and directly ask for their forgiveness .
---mima on 7/30/07

God does not always want us in relationships because some devils out there will try and poison your mind and body. Don't have anything to do with devils. People, noone knows the true God. People make up their own god. God is not always a God of love. That is what is wrong with the church and this world. Preaching too much on the love of God. God's wrath against this world and its people is coming, soon. God is love?
---catherine on 7/30/07

you just countine praying about the situation, but you got to realise you have done what god wanted you to do,seek the other persons forgiveness, really if they can forgive and not for get they havent truly forgave, the problem now is with the other person not you, just keep praying that god will open there heart and heal there wounds,and you will have to move on
---nikki on 7/30/07

Well, that is a unique aspect, how the things are "minor or petty" >

IF they are trivial > maybe YOU think they are, but they are NOT small in God's sight.

Once I did something that was maybe not a bad or big thing, but my INSENSITIVITY was big and bad. I offered to make things right, if and when the person was ready. He calmed down, and we have done so better together.

And I PRAYED for him and me and our relating.
---Bill_bila5659 on 7/29/07

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I believe that if you offended anyone in anyway, regardless if it was petty or not. I'd still apologize to that person. I have been in your situation a time or two and I had to that person and make it right with them. If that person does not accept your apology, then you've done your part on trying to make it right. They would have to answer for holding a grudge. Mt 5:43-48, Mk 11:25-26.
---Rebecca_D on 7/29/07

To be forgiven is such sweetness that honey is tasteless in comparison with it. But yet there is one thing sweeter still, and that is to forgive.It is more blessed to give than to recieve, so to forgive rises a stage higher in experience than to be forgiven. To be forgiven is the root, to forgive is the flower. Quote from Charles Spurgeon, but oh so true.
---Cynthia on 7/29/07

Jesus was blamed for things He didn't do. As a matter of fact, He was crucified for them. What did He say from the cross in light of all that accusation? Instead of naming a list of things done against Him and requiring they ask forgiveness for each thing, He simply stood in their behalf for THE forgiveness of sins. Those who keep such lists of offenses are more than likely delighting in the offenses themselves and aren't truly moving toward forgiveness.
---Linda on 7/29/07

The "I will not forget" is evidence of the possibility of holding this over you any time it is convenient. Nevertheless, your part is to do even what the other party refuses to do.
---Linda on 7/29/07

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