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Divorce Abusive Husband

I was told that if I leave my husband who has been mentally abusive to me and my kids for years, if I leave I will die a short life. I am so scared to leave, but I don't want to live with him.

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 ---Amy on 7/31/07
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Just think what the abuse is doing to your children. If your husband won't love and protect them, it is YOUR job to take care of them. Being in a two parent family is not more important than protecting them from abuse. They will be damaged. It might be hard to start over, but in the long run they will be learning that you stood up for them, and tried to help protect them.
---Sheryl on 7/5/10

Do what your heart tells you. Ask yourself are you happy are your children happy...if you are not its best you leave. we are all entitled to happiness. if he truly loves his family he will seek counseling. sometimes they have to lose what they take for granted to appreciate it and make an attempt to change. commit to the change. unfortunately 9 times out of 10 how children see their parents marriage is how theirs will be and how they will treat people since they see its acceptable at home or they become the weaker one that is taken advantage of. seek counseling it helps seriously. churches offer great counseling programs. sometimes it takes someone from outside to point the light at things we tend to ignore.
---ALY on 5/2/10

For those of you in a toxic relationship, sometimes it is best we take a good look at ourselves first. We tend to see the bad side of our partners, but we cannot see the good side of them. Try sitting down, and write down everything good and kind that your partner has ever done for you. You can only do that with God's help, and I tell you, it will do wonders for your relationship. You would be surprised at how selfish, demanding and materialistic we can become with our partners.
---Eleanor on 5/7/09

God hates divorce, yes. He hates it because of what it can do to families, emotions. However, God does NOT expect either a man or woman to be abused day after day. Mental abuse is horrible! I know!!..
We are forgetting that God who hates divorce is also the same God who hates ANY kind of sin because He is holy and cannot sin. But we still have that old nature and will until the day we see Christ. God also FORGIVES divorce,,knows every heart and HE is the only one we are accountable to. Seek his help and then seek the help of a Godly mentor. I remarried a Christian spouse and I do not feel that God is going to condemn me into hell for making the choice of marrying a Christian and being with someone who wants to serve him as well as I do.
---kandee on 5/6/09

Totally Abandoned!
With no acts of kindness! My wife and I were in a Toxic marriage! We Separated, I thought for 6 months, but it's been 4 years now! I haven't seen my wife for 3 years! I have been in counseling over three years and classes, and I had to beg her to get counseling also! She only went for 1.5 years. She still refuses to meet with me, even with a chaperon, or go to church with me! She says, until/when I change, then she will be a helpmate! She says she is being a neighbor, but doesn't think she is wrong and she says she is doing what God wants and she is right where God wants her to be!
Can this be true?
---Re on 3/18/09

Who told you that, a "prophet", because if it was, that's witchcraft.
---George on 3/27/08

Seek counseling from your pastor. My best friend was in this same situation, except that there was physical abuse as well. Our pastor actually encouraged her to leave, just to shake him up and get him to realize some things about his behaviors. He claims to be a Christian, but to this day, nearly 3 years after their divorce, no one sees any fruits of the Spirit. You need to bring the behavior to his attention and give him the opportunity to change, especially if he is a Christian.
---Kelly on 8/16/07

I believe in being humble and submissive but NOT to extremes where a woman starts losing her own identity by a mentally abusive husband especially if he is an alcoholic.
---Stormy on 8/10/07

Has anyone noticed that those who advise abused women to stay with the abuser is always a man. The men here are even trying to excuse the abusers behavior... just acting like a man...
Those who say that God hates divorce, are you saying that he approves of a man abusing his wife?
---robin8683 on 8/6/07

Dean: What in the world are you saying? Yes.You were able to change, but how do you know this man can,or is willing to change? Do you watch the news and other programs on television? These programs and telecasts are real! What is going to stop him from moving to the next step: murder! You have people calling themselves Christians and commit more murders and heinous crimes then the unsaved. I say leave and seek safety with her kids/she should get out while she can.
---Robyn on 8/4/07

God hates divorce!I know a christian man can overcome his weaknesses. I did!This man needs the help of men that will hold him accountable.You also need to look into yourself and see if there is any love left.
---dean on 8/3/07

God hates divorce!I know a christian man can overcome his weaknesses. I did!This man needs the help of men that will hold him accountable.You also need to look into yourself and see if there is any love left.
---dean on 8/3/07

I would take the short life. Abuse is never acceptable in any form and towards anyone. You deserve better. Take your kids and get out while you can.
---Robyn on 8/3/07

Is he just acting like a Guy? Guys act diferently than women. They mess with each other and tease. A comback like grow up, or that's not true, etc. might make you feel better. You don't have to insult them back. I am working on having a more positive confession. Or saying things like praise God. Bless you etc. Is your husband a Christian? Quoting a bible verse might help. Like men are supposed to love their wives, like Christ loved the church and lay their lives down for them.
---K on 8/3/07

You have no reason to stay with a man that is being abusive to you let alone your children. No one should tell you lies like this, the bible talks about being in peace. If this is not the situation then unless you feel strong enough to deal with his mouth, I would strongly suggest you leave, if you cannot get counseling or someone to help you resolve this problem without you having to leave.
---Carla5754 on 8/3/07

Whoever told you that you will die a short life if you divorce him told you a lie. There is nothing in any "TRUE" Christian Religion that says that. Get help, contact Social Services and get you and your kids out of that relationship before the mental abuse turns physical.
---Francis on 8/3/07

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1st get a key to a friends house. 2nd stash as much cold cash as you can. 3rd pack a bag for you and kids and hide it well. 4th leave.
---Gilbert on 8/2/07

When abuse happens you need time to heal and the abuser needs counseling. Following that a marriage can be reconsiled, it's rare but it can happen. God changed Saul, he can change your husband.
---Gilbert on 8/2/07

What? who told you that lie. & why would you want to pass abuse on to your children, don't u want to stop this. It will gratly affect your children, their children. Break the cycle if not for you, do it for your children,,,pray..... the lord will give you courage. I will pray for you and children
---freeda on 8/2/07

You might define what you consider to be mental abuse. That would help us discuss your question better.
---Susie on 8/2/07

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Whom ever told you that, told a lie. That is hogwash. If you stay with this man, you or/and your kids will have a short life. I would have already left, along with the children. First, I would get a DVP against him. (Domestic Violence Petition) Then I'd leave. Go as far as you can away from him. Then I'd divorce him. And no, God is not against you divorcing him for being abusive.
---Rebecca_D on 7/31/07

Please get the children and yourself out of this relationship. Fear does not come from God, but from the devil. Our Heavenly Father doesn't want us to be doormats for anyone. I would suggest that you pray for him for only God can change him. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord,thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
---Cynthia on 7/31/07

Just a short while ago a lady was in my office who claimed mental abuse. I checked into that one and found that the husband was not allowing her out past 10 pm and she was angry with him that he was so controlling. I don't know what extent your mental abuse is but unless you are in danger you should stay together and live by your vows and work it out. Those kids are his too, not just yours. Do everything you can to make it work.
---john on 7/31/07

I don't know who told you that. Has nothing to do with how long you live. God is in control of that.>>>You just may live longer. He is slowly killing you. One exception. If it's God's will to stay, then God will give the grace you need to put up with all the junk.
---catherine on 7/31/07

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You are serious, I know, but there is NO truth to what you were told about, having a short life. To prove it, ask them to SHOW YOU the chaper and verse from the Bible, in proper context. If they can't provide one, don't believe it. You may have a short life if you stay. Take the children and leave. Fear is NOT of the Lord!
---wivv on 7/31/07

Was it your husband who threatened this to you?
---Robin on 7/31/07

First of all get you and you children out of the abusive environment. Relocate with other family members or a shelter for batter women and their children. The important thing is to get him away from you and the children. Feel free to employ any legal action it takes to accomplish the first task. Then seek competent legal council, develop an offensive counter strategy then execute it. Listen to your attorney and don't listen to advice form idiots who told you if you leave him you will live a short life.
---notlaw99 on 7/31/07

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