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Control Freak Husband

What is the best 'christian' way to deal with a control freak husband? i.e. always telling you exactly how to do everything from doing dishes to blowing your nose.

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 ---Teddianne on 11/3/07
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My ex-husband was such a control freak and know-it-all that one day while I was putting on my bra, he said, "Wait. Let me show you how to put that on." That was the last draw. He also insisted that the Washington Redskins were based in Seattle and that there was one singer who used two names--BJ Thomas and Billy Joel. I'm serious. He quit his job the day after our wedding. And people wonder why that marriage lasted six months.
---Karen on 11/9/07


guess my response is a bit late but i juz join christianet and i came across this blog which is so similar to my marriage situation.
my husband is also a control freak and a mummy's boy too...
my in law is also a control freak who loves to intrude in every aspects of our lives. i feel so alone and neglected even though we are newly married, don't even know how to carry on.
---shara4544 on 11/5/07


I would sit down and have a serious talk with this person. Let him know he is not in this relationship by himself. You have a mind, opinions and thoughts that you would like to share to help better the relationship. You are also an adult who wants to be respected and consulted before he makes a decision for you and without you. That's just for starters. I have been there. This is what I started with. It took ten years, before he completely understood what I was saying.According to him.
---Robyn on 11/5/07


Shoot, I'd just let him control. Lay back and let him take over EVERY little thing! When you feel the need to blow your nose, tell him to do it, then move over and let him 'show' you how to do the dishes! Hopefully, he will soon get tired of all that. Pray.
---sue on 11/5/07


Your answer is on the way, T.

Don't throw the husband out with the dishwater.
---Michelle on 11/5/07




Thanks, All - I have been praying and think its the only solution really. My husband is a wonderful christian man and definitely a God Send. This is why I wanted others views on this issue, I don't want this one very annoying trait to ruin all the good ones!!!
---Teddianne on 11/5/07


I would politely say, "Thank you for your advice, but I prefer to blow my nose this way. You can refrain from further advice about my nose blowing in the future." "Thank you for your advice about dishwashing, but I prefer to do the dishes this way. You can refrain from advising me how to do the dishes in the future."

Don't get angry. Just set the boundary and be loving and gentle, but stand your ground. He should get the hint after he hears it enough times.
---Trish9863 on 11/4/07


I would simply tell him to back off, and give you some room to breath. Life is too short for anyone to be a control freak.
---Rebecca_D on 11/4/07


Be anxious for NOTHING but in everything by prayer and supplication let your requests be made known to God with thanksgiving, bring it to the Lord in prayer, this is not easy, infact it is a nightmare especially if you are married to it, but the person must be open to changing, or even feel a need to change, because if they are set in their ways, this thing will never change, except by a miracle of God.
---Whisper on 11/4/07


Spiritually, all controlling spirits fall under Fear.

Fear
Controlling spirits

Produce/manifest as power to dominate
Produce/manifest as power of control
Demand submission
---Michelle on 11/4/07




Spirit of Fear

Disobedience is the root sin that opens the door to fear.
Gen 3:10
Matt 8:26
1 John 4:18
Rev 21:8
II Tim 1:7
Matt 12:29-30
Matt 7:16-17
Job 4:14-16
Isa 54:4
Jer 51:46

Someone with a spirit of fear producing/manifesting - control - will be Hypercritical
Perfectionist
---Michelle on 11/4/07


The fearful controller will often be introverted and reclusive
Belittle others
Suspicious
Phobias
Anxiety
Doubtful
Irrational behaviors
Uneasy
Nervous
Agitation
Fear of death
Fear of man
Fear of pain

A spirit of fear, control can push someone to the extremes of

Paralyzing terror
Nightmares
Aimless actions
Panic attacks
Heart attacks
---Michelle on 11/4/07


Fasting and prayer, the power twins, for the wife that's praying for a controlling husband.
Knowing that no man can control your spirit but God. You are free in Jesus Christ.
Do you know to pray with/in the Holy Spirit?
---Michelle on 11/4/07


Why have you been given a controlling husband?

It may be that he was given to you, to keep you on your knees.
It's through the hard issues of life that we learn....learn that we are not wrestling with flesh and blood.
We learn how to pray through and when this prayer is answered, you will move onto the next battlefield with some extra stones to knock down other spiritual giants, squarely in the forehead.
---Michelle on 11/4/07


If you picked this man, without God's help, it doesn't do any good to dwell on the past.
Prayer can move spiritual mountains.
If you did the picking, all the more reason to hang in there and not respond back to his criticisms in the flesh.
Take up your cross and follow Jesus right into the spiritual battle. He will help you through His Holy Spirit to respond in love, not hate, unforgiveness, bitterness or fighting back.
---Michelle on 11/4/07


When belittling comes, remind yourself, God wants you down on your knees, praying for the breakthrough.
While doing dishes, smile, laugh yourself silly, even if it's only on the inside. Eventually, you'll be laughing on the outside, right outloud, knowing the answer is coming. You'll be able to say, "Thank you, Jesus", I know you're helping me, that you see what's going on in this marriage, and I don't have to fight back, because You, Jesus, are fighting this battle for me.
---Michelle on 11/4/07


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"For with God nothing will be impossible." Luke 1:37
---Michelle on 11/4/07


Control freaks do not like the tables being turned on them. They have no intentions of being controlled and must always be the controller. I wouldn't suggest that initially you try to control him but it might be an idea to not always do as he says, especially in the trivial matters. You are a human being, not a doormat or a slave. Perhaps some gentle, subtle changes need to be made. The bible speaks of submitting to one another, it does not say 'be subservient' or 'never have a mind of your own'.
---RitaH on 11/4/07


I appreciate the fact that you want a "Christian" way, so here is one. GIVE UP let your husband make every decision and calmly informed him that he is responsible for the outcome. When in doubt, ask him what to do, once he understands he has complete control(and responsibility). He will ask you to make some of the decisions on your own.
---Mima on 11/4/07


Well I would think if it was me go on strike and leave to see how long it would take him to figure it out he can't manage without you. Or tell him to do it himself if he doesn't like the way you run things, if he is abusing u then Get Out you don't need that, and that could be the start of it too.
---ANN on 11/3/07


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Love never fails. That's the Christian way. Show him the question you asked us. He deserves to know what you are saying about him.
---john on 11/3/07


All the 85 words I'm allowed could be used to address this question - but would do very little good. Your best avenue would be to get some Christian counseling from a qualified counselor. Don't be surprised if you have to do it alone. Most "control freaks" don't reconize the problem within themselves and think the other party is over-reacting.
---wivv on 11/3/07




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