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Conned To Get Married

After the wedding the Christian woman found out that the man she married is a true psychopath, and she was being conned in the dating stage, now in an ongoing nightmare, and fighting for her sanity what is she to do?

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 ---Stepford on 11/20/07
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Mental illness such as psychopathy is a valid reason for ANNULMENT in many jurisdictions.

Your friend should take this route.

Besides, for a marriage contract to be valid spiritually, both bride and groom have to mean their vows when spoken.

And since psychopaths generally do not (cannot) regard the feelings of others, they are not able to make valid marriage vows.

Therefore, this marriage was void at the start.

Annulment/Divorce is just an acknowledgement of the fact.
---Nancy on 12/1/07


Cynthia "As I said, someone else is posting under my name"
Perhaps it is her name as well!!
If you give yourself a more individual name, as I have to identify me against the other Alans, you will not be confused with her!
---alan_of_UK on 11/27/07


Blessings to you alan of UK, I did not make that statement, Alan. As I said, someone else is posting under my name, and I agree with you friend, it was a very cruel statement to make. Just wanted to clear this up. God Bless you Alan!
---Cynthia on 11/23/07


CYNTHIAs ... Maybe you should BOTH adopt a morwe specific name ... say Cynthia1 and Cynthia2 ?
---alan_of_UK on 11/23/07


I would divorce, as it has been found that when you are with this kind of person, they will make you think that crazy is normal, and you will infact be driven to insanity, God forgives divorce, He hates it, but so do we. In the sight of God a little white lie, is as great as a divorce, He hates lying too, and a bunch of other stuff, GOD WILL FORGIVE AGAIN!
---Dr._Whisper on 11/23/07




Stepford, wife is still bound by her promise to God at the time of her wedding ceremony, according to the Bible.
---Jack on 11/22/07


Cynthia ... "If the Christian woman had discernment, she wouldn't have been "conned".
Maybe you were made for each other"
That is an unhelpful answer, and completely untrue, and very cruel.
---alan_of_UK on 11/22/07


Blessings to everyone, evidently, there is now two of us posting under the same name, Cynthia. The Cynthia that has the friend is not me, but another Cynthia. Cynthia, all of your answers are going under my blog replies, and if you want to post under the name Cynthia, could you post using maybe Cynthia-2? Just a suggestion my friend... God bless you!
---Cynthia on 11/21/07


Your friend needs to surrender her life to Christ. She needs to decide if she is going to serve God or mammon.
---Bish on 11/21/07


I think we can discern if we should marry someone or not. "And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment." (Philippians 1:9) If we are in God's love, we can do this reliably. So, I'd say a real pastor, also, can be expected to reliably discern if he should pronounce a couple. But do pastors have legal authority to refuse anyone they discern not to be of God? They have **God's*** authority, I'd think, but how about legal?
---Bill_bila5659 on 11/21/07




Stepford, wife is still bound by promise made to God.
---Jack on 11/21/07


I am concerned for my friend's mental health and welfare of her children.
She has restorted to living in a fantasy world, living through fantasy characters she has created as a coping mechanism. They are of all ages, teens, middle aged and older, and they have all kinds of lives. You're never quite sure who she's going to be, or what state her mind will be in. It's unnerving for everyone around her.
---Cynthia on 11/21/07


Her outside demeanor changes with the fantasy characters. She has had much counseling in the past to no avail. It has not helped her one iota, she's too smart for most of them. That's why it's going to take a spiritually strong counselor, one that goes beyond the normal textbook cases but into the realm of the spirit(s). She mocks the secular world.
---Cynthia on 11/21/07


Trish, my friend fights against anyone that advises therapy or counseling.
Because her husband is a psychotherapist that counsels others, she is repulsed at the thought of it. Her intelligence is also a hindrance, she considers her own mind far sharper. She has deliberately outwitted many of them, finds that to be a great deal of fun.
---Cynthia on 11/21/07


Blessings friends, I noticed that a previous answer to this question was posted using my name: If the Christian woman had discernment, she wouldn't have been conned... I do not know who posted this using my name, but that is not my answer. I as a Christian wife know how someone can wear a mask to hide the real person beneath, only to discover the real personality after the Marriage. My heart goes out to you Stepford, seek God and stay in His Word. Focus on God, for He will comfort you. God Bless!
---Cynthia on 11/21/07


Cynthia, your friend needs therapy, and a good therapist will NOT violate HIIPPA laws, which demand privacy. Her secrets would be safe with a therapist. She needs to work out this stuff with professional help.
---Trish9863 on 11/21/07


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My friend has always had an eye for the men, it's a sport like playing golf. She is intelligent and pretty, but spiritually she is bankrupt. She used looks and intelligence to snag her husband, but now she wishes she would have waited on God.
---Cynthia on 11/21/07


God is the only one who can help my friend.
I'm weary of her wild fanatasy world. She needs to come clean, not with me, but with the husband she cannot stand. She's afraid of his temper, so she probably needs to take a third person along when she spills the piggy bank.
---Cynthia on 11/21/07


My friend says they have horrible fights in the middle of the night in front of the kids.
She's scared and so are the kids. But the thought of all that money keeps her from packing herself & the kids, up and moving. So she spends her days complaining until she is forced to make a move. The church will collapse, but she has to decide between her soul or the money.
---Cynthia on 11/21/07


If she stays, she'll probably find another man on the side.
Money and men, or divorce. It's all a loss.
If she takes the money and men, she could lose her mind and then her soul. If she divorces, she loses security and reputation. But my friend has to make a choice.
---Cynthia on 11/21/07


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The other catch, is that my friend can't go for counseling. Her husband is a counselor, on paper anyway, and if she spills the beans, word would get out sooner. My friend is desperate for help, so she finds anonymous sources for counsel. None of it helps, as she thinks no one understands that she is between a rock and a cliff.
---Cynthia on 11/21/07


I have a friend who is married to a pastor.
Their church is now a business, but they cannot stand one another. If either one should leave, they both suffer financial loss. At this point, the money means more than matrimonial bliss. She recently had an affair and the pastor knows. But he considers himself a modern day Hosea and stands by his unfaithful wife. Money becomes a wicked partner, sometimes.
---Cynthia on 11/21/07


She should see an attorney and follow his/her advice.
---notlaw99 on 11/21/07


If the Christian woman had discernment, she wouldn't have been "conned".
Maybe you were made for each other.
---Cynthia on 11/20/07


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Scripture is true that we are to love one another. She is instructed to love her husband. That would solve her problem. If she has already decided not to do that then the only other recourse is to do what most other Christians are doing these days by ignoring God's word and just simply get a divorce and find another guy.
---john on 11/20/07


When you use the word psychopath, do you mean criminal, or just not nice behavior in the marriage?

She should get into therapy and learn how to regain her sanity.
---Trish9863 on 11/20/07


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