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Christians Critique Waitress

Should a Christian critique a waitress if the service is bad? Why or why not?

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 ---j._nonymous on 12/6/07
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Ah, Amy, what a sweet person you are.
---alan_of_UK on 12/28/07

Amy: I don't think Allen has ever responded to anyone here by name-calling. Furthermore, we have a saying here in the US which usually refers to human gastric emissions, but I think it applies perfectly to your assessment of Allen as a "jerk":

"He who smelt it, delt it".
---j._nonymous on 12/17/07

"Jesus was saying that, unless you life is perfect, you need to be very careful about criticizing others."

No, He was pointing out that the Mosaic Law required that both parties to the adultery be stoned. Rabbinic understanding of a "good witness" as one not guilty of the SAME sin as the accused. So how could this woman have been CAUGHT in the act unless the man was there as well? The man was likely an accuser, in which case he was ineligible as a witness.
---Ktisophilos on 12/16/07

Christians should not be Wimps for Jesus. If service is bad, say so. Criticism is not the same as abuse. If the waitress does something worse out of spite, tell the manager. He would rather have your repeated custom than a vindictive and sloppy waitress.

In my experience, if your criticism is polite, the waitress will be apologetic. Whether it's out of niceness or wanting your tip, I neither know nor care.
---Ktisophilos on 12/16/07

To critique, as taught to me by Toastmasters, would be to give constructive criticism. We were taught to "make a sandwich" . . . 1) tell what they did right, 2) then what needs to improve, and 3) then end with what they did right. We need to hear what we did right more times than what we did wrong to overcome the negative effects of criticism. The speaker needs to feel good and strive to improve, not feel attacked and devastated.
---Gena on 12/16/07

#2 Critique - Instead of telling them that it looked stupid for them to swing their right leg high while they talked, say, "I notice you swinging your right leg. I would like to see you work on trying to not swing it the next time. Pretend your feet are in a bucket of cement." Or, "I see that you didn't swing your leg so high this time. That's good. Keep working on it and you will soon be able to keep it still while you talk."
---Gena on 12/16/07

L.L. Yes sometimes translation is necessary ... eg, hood & bonnet, trunk & boot, sidewalk & pavement, yard & garden, turnpike & toll road, pants & trousers.........
Neither UK or US usage (useage) is wrong ... but we should understand the differences. That is not dumb
---alan_of_UK on 12/15/07

Lovable Linda ... I'm sorry to disagree with what you are saying about your relatives from England.
You say they don't play dumb, ... "au contraire, they're so busy correcting everyone's grammar, etc.... "
Now I would have thought that was playing dumb.
Much more intelligent would be the investiagtion of differences between the linguistic practice of two peoples, so best to be able to understand each other.
---alan_of_UK on 12/14/07

Alan of Uk, if you are not here to help answer the question, then go somewhere else. This is not an English class. You are only making yourself look like a jerk.
If service is bad you should tell the person. You shouldn't be forced to have mediocre treatment just because of your religion.
---Amy on 12/14/07

L.L. We have many words which for years have been used as both verb and noun.
And recently, more have arrived, with "showcase" and "trial" which I know as nouns, now being used as verbs. I don't know whether this is as a result of Amerian influence.
But I had never before heard of "critique" being a verb
---alan_of_UK on 12/14/07

You're welcome.
I have relatives from England and they don't play dumb, not by a longshot.
Au contraire, they're so busy correcting everyone's grammar, etc., that the fun of having a conversation becomes lost in the translation, or manipulation of words.
---lovable_linda on 12/14/07

Lovable Linda ... "nice try, Alan"
Yes, I it was a successful try (effort) to obtain information about the use of the word "critique".
I'm glad you approve of my attempt to improve my knowledge of the English language as used in our two countries.
As I said, I have never come across this as a verb in England, nor is it in my dictionary. I now know it is so used in the US. Thank you j.nonymous
---alan_of_UK on 12/14/07

In a previous life I was responsible for the training and maintaining of a wait staff of over 100. Personal problems were never to become part of the service. As with most professions dealing with the public, the customer is king. Handeling it with the manager is the right thing to do. Often leads to compted meals etc.
---dan on 12/14/07

NurseRobert: I agree that we should be careful, wise, and gentle as possible. But I think we disagree if you think this scripture means we should NEVER criticize.
It benefits society and makes things run better if we do. I would differentiate between criticizing and verbally assualting someone in anger though. This is a hard balance to strike, but in the end, it can be a good thing.
---j._nonymous on 12/14/07

alan_of_UK: critique 1. an article or essay criticizing a literary or other work, detailed evaluation, review.
2. a criticism or critical comment on some problem, subject, etc.
3. the art or practice of criticism.
verb 4. to review or analyze critically.


[Origin: 16951705, < F < Gk kritik the art of criticism, n. use of fem. of kritiks critical, skilled in judging, r. critic]
---j._nonymous on 12/14/07

NurseRobert: I checked. You're right. I shouldn't have directed the "ANGRY" thing at you. Must have been someone else (I wonder who). My mistake. Be blessed!
---j._nonymous on 12/14/07

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Nice try, Alan.
---lovable_linda on 12/14/07

I ask this as a matter of interest only.
In the UK the word "critique" ia noun only, and not a verb.
We would criticise a waitress, but not critique her
If the word is a verb in the US it shows how differently language is developing in the two countries, although what happens in the US usually arrives here in due course.
---alan_of_UK on 12/14/07

my wife received a fried fly in the melted cheese on a sandwich at Shoneys.
We didn't keep quiet.

I certainly wouldn't either. But tell me, elder, how is that the waitress's fault? When that happened to my wife, we called the waitress over, asked for the manager, explained the situation and never went back.
---NurseRobert on 12/13/07

As far as being ANGRY? Why don't you use that word for Linda to replace "lovable". I've seen her blogs. She doesn't seem very "lovable" to me.

Am I missing something... I don't remember saying you were angry. (Maybe I miss read somewhere). As far as Linda, perhaps you should ask her why she is angry.
---NurseRobert on 12/13/07

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Stoning an adulterer is not the same thing as critiquing a waitress. Think about the meaning of the scripture of casting stones. Jesus was saying that, unless you life is perfect, you need to be very careful about criticizing others.
---NurseRobert on 12/13/07

lovable_linda: "Do you wave flags and banners, dance in church?"

Short answer: No.

"God has a Book, He knows who's naughty and He knows the names that are written in His Book".

God is not Santa Claus and there is no bag of coal in my stocking (this year). Nor are there burning coals waiting for me in the here after.

Now, stop nit-picking with me or they'll think we're married.

I'm taken.
---j._nonymous on 12/13/07

NurseRobert: "You need to be careful about casting stones".

Stoning an adulterer is not the same thing as critiquing a waitress.

Too many Christians take this scripture out of context to hush people and stop them from using critical thinking. As if God called us to be pushovers or play-things for other people.

As far as being ANGRY? Why don't you use that word for Linda to replace "lovable". I've seen her blogs. She doesn't seem very "lovable" to me.
---j._nonymous on 12/13/07

I personally consider myself as the word says and bear in mind they may have had a bad day or a serious incident happen recently and tip all good and the same.
It also shows a willingness to be no respecter of persons and do good to them that just might hate or dislike me.
I personally respect those young women that take a waitress job while supporting a child over those who work in strip joints and such.
It shows honesty and humility if nothing else.
---Frank on 12/11/07

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To add to what I said earlier. I tip well reguardless. However, I tip better when a waitress has done an extra good job. Good waiters or waitresses would be smart to make a beeline for my table.
---j._nonymous on 12/11/07

lovable_linda and NurseRobert : You are taking this to an extreme that it was never meant to be taken to. I don't know you 2, but it seems like you are overspritualizing this. Not critiquing is not practical. If I am paying for a service, I AM the correct person to do so. You are equating critiquing with anger. You can critique without being angry and without sinning or losing your testimony. It's called balance.

lovable_linda: I have Jesus. My sin was nailed to the cross. Not my brain.
---j._nonymous on 12/11/07

God watches how a Christian behaves publically as well as privately.

Do you wave flags and banners, dance in church?
All of that is wood, hay and stubble if you can't love your server as yourself. Have you ever waited on anyone? Have you ever waited on the Lord?
We never know when we've entertained angels unaware. God has a Book, He knows who's naughty and He knows the names that are written in His Book.
---lovable_linda on 12/11/07

Jnon, be a serial griper, complainer, whiner and throw a walleyed fit. See where and what all of your anger gets you. You're taking it out on the wrong people. You need Jesus Christ. May you find Him and receive an attitude adjustment.
I doubt that anyone is making a beeline to your table if you are a regular at the restaurantes.
Make a nuisance of yourself and they'll draw straws at the door who has to wait on you, with dread. Great street witness and testimony.
---lovable_linda on 12/11/07

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The greater reflection is your testimony of Jesus Christ in your life.
Are you really a Christian?
Anyone can be angry all the time and take it out on others, that's easy.

If kindness and humility mean that you are a doormat, you've missed it.
---lovable_linda on 12/11/07

J, I don't remember talking about adulters, but comparing YOUR work to the waitress. You seem to feel its YOUR job to critique someone else.

If you don't like the service, don't go back. When enough customers stop coming, the restaurant will call Gordon Ramsey and he can straighten them out.
---NurseRobert on 12/11/07

J, if you worked for me and were messing up, you and I would sit down and try to find out what's the problem.

The difference here is that the waitress does not work for you and you are assuming responsibilities that are not yours.
---NurseRobert on 12/11/07

J, I believe that you are taking "admonishing" out of context. When the Bible talks of admonishing, it is talking about our brothers and sisters in Christ, NOT the general public.
---NurseRobert on 12/11/07

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Hi, Susie. I've been here and there. Come on over to the blog about the Iraq war.

Sometimes I need to take a break from here. I still come to read and learn, but don't always respond.
---NurseRobert on 12/11/07

We Christians never want to risk looking mean, do we?
Many of you critique blogs when they are of no real consequence to you. Yet, you won't critique the person giving you food? How about critiquing, and then leaving the establishment due to the bad service? Whoever said critique and send food back? Not me!
However, I would find many of you unhelpful if I made a mistake in such work. Some of you seem to be more concerned with keeping up appearances than actually making a difference.
---j._nonymous on 12/10/07

A very good question. The answer is ofcourse not. Work at feeling sorry for them if they mess up. If they seem to mess up on purpose for whatever reason show some discipline on your part. If they are just plain stupid on the job show some compassion. TIP well regardless.
---catherine on 12/10/07

Rule #1 at the restaurante. You are not the first or last serial griper of the fly in the soup du jour.
You could be the straw that breaks the camel's back.
You could be the very one that gets the brunt of the wrath of the unhappy server or the miserable chef/cook. You could be the one that causes them to snap.

So stay sweet, act pretty, consistently - as unto the Lord and He'll see to it that you're not eating unsavory surprises.
Oh, and pray over your food, of course.
---lovable_linda on 12/10/07

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Susie, must I assume that the 'regular minimum wage in the USA' is not a compulsory thing? We have minimum wages in UK also (different rates for different age groups) but it is illegal to pay below that amount. That is why I hate tipping so much - because many who are expected to tip are earning no more than those who expect the tip. It is a practice that would be best abolished - over here anyway.
---RitaH on 12/10/07

I'm also familiar with that chain.

No, I would have cut the fly out of the sandwich and left it plain sight for all to see. I still would not send my food back for anything. Not a fly, not a hair of someone's chinny chin chin.
Not anything.
As I said, what I know that has actually been on plates for serial gripers is not fit for human consumption. What I know about what's used for stirring your tweeked order - with a big grin --- send back at your own risk.
Bon Appetite!
---lovable_linda on 12/10/07

NurseRobert: Are you comaparing critiquing a waitress to killing an adulterer?

How about the word "admonish" (which the bible encourages us to do). It means:

1. to caution, advise, or counsel against something.
2. to reprove or scold, esp. in a mild and good-willed manner: The teacher admonished him about excessive noise.
3. to urge to a duty, remind: to admonish them about their obligations.

What do you think?
---j._nonymous on 12/9/07

lovable_linda my wife received a fried fly in the melted cheese on a sandwich at Shoneys.
We didn't keep quiet.
If you want we will send you the next one.
I pay for food that is eatable. If it is not then why not get it that way?
---Elder on 12/7/07

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I disagree that most waiters/waitresses are just working those jobs until they get through college. I know many people who have lifetime careers in the food service industry. And, they depend on tips to survive because most of their pay is below the regular minimum wage in the USA. As far as complaining to the management, I would hate to see a person lose their job because a "good Christian" complained about their few minutes of bad service.
---Susie on 12/7/07

Hey Nurse Robert! Glad to see you here. Haven't heard from you in awhile.
---Susie on 12/7/07

I have noticed when you're hitting/eating too close too home, you will hear, "you're reading too much into the situation, you're assuming too much,"
My answer, guilty as charged.
---Chad on 12/7/07

Jack, what is a 'mere' customer? I actually thought that customers were the most important people in a restaurant. It might not be their place to discipline sloppy staff but they should certainly be telling management so that they can discipline when appropriate. Without customers there would be little point in running a restaurant and there would be a large amount of unemployable waiters/waitresses plus many eating establishments up for sale.
---RitaH on 12/7/07

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I did not post the nitty gritty that is not fit for human consumption to read. You have no idea what I know about the kitchen. If you can't stand the heat, you had better stay out of the restaurante.
If you are a consistent griper, you have no idea what's literally been on your plate over the years...served up with a big grin, smile and to the enjoyment of all those that have had to put up with you.
---lovable_linda on 12/7/07

Tell you what, J. Tell us about your work, we will come and critique you.

You need to be careful about casting stones.
---NurseRobert on 12/7/07

If you frequent restaurants, develop a kindly and compassionate relationship with your server, hostess, everyone.
They will remember you. They'll treat you right. Don't complain, don't gripe and never send your food back. Eat up and shut up, or hide it under a napkin.
Stay sweet, act pretty, consistently. The next time you go, you won't have to sit near the door, near the kitchen where you do not want to look out of the corner of your eye, things will go smoother.
Bon Appetite!
---lovable_linda on 12/7/07

OK, so I gather from many of your responses that being quiet and never criticizing is always a virtue. So, is the idea that we are to be welcome mats for Jesus? Well, some of the greatest growing experiences of my life came when someone criticized me. How are you helping people grow if you don't say what they're doing wrong? Let me guess, the Holy Spirit will do it, right? If God gave us a mind and a mouth, why not use it (even in the "unspiritual" things)?
---j._nonymous on 12/7/07

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I'm sooo sorry to spill the beans. I've relatives that worked in the food industry until they graduated from college.
It's much less likely to happen in the ma and pa places, but big name chains, oh yeah.
As a server, you couldn't complain to the chef/cooks because of cliques in place (as in every workplace). If you griped about your orders because customers were griping, the next time it would be worse.
---lovable_linda on 12/7/07

Chad, don't assume too much by our answers. I responded to this one and the one about tips yet I cannot remember when I last ate out. Certainly not in the last 5 years. I do not find eating out pleasurable at all. I dislike tipping (not because I'm a miser, I just think it's a totally unfair practice) and believe that shoddy service (regardless of whether it's catering or something else) should not be tolerated. Linda's responses make me very glad that I don't eat out. I'm even less likely to do so now.
---RitaH on 12/7/07

if they are not dangerous (on drugs, might attack you) we should judge on the side of mercy, remembering the One we serve. everyone has a bad day and for some reason we expect so much from high school grads. no one goes to school to wait on you, its something they do untill something better comes along. the light of Gods love must be on all the time and we are to esteem others over ourselves. talk kindly to them, see if you can help, it might be an open door to do real good in their life.
---Kraus on 12/6/07

The best attitude to take when you get bad service is to say to the waiter/waitress, "Wow! You must be having a bad day." They usually admit that they are either feeling bad or are indeed having a really bad day (sometimes week, sometimes month). Compassion goes a lot further than criticism.
---Susie on 12/6/07

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Are you the waitress's employer or supervisor.

Then it's your duty.

Are you a mere customer? Then keep your mouth shut.
---Jack on 12/6/07

It appears with all the questions about tips, waitresses, etc. that there are some folks that visit restaurants constantly.
Try eating and doing your own cooking once in awhile and you won't be so quick to pounce on the hired help.
You'll be grateful instead of a pain in the you know what.
---Chad on 12/6/07

Try eating at home, I meant to say.
Do your own shopping, bring the groceries home, cook and clean up.
Less prima donna, and a better steward of your finances so you can give to others.
---Chad on 12/6/07

If you do, don't plan on going back.
I know what young people do back in the kitchens with food.
I know what happens when you send your food back, even one time. I know.
Don't plan on going back if you want to lay the law down for the waiter/waitress.
They have their ways of relieving stress.
---lovable_linda on 12/6/07

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If you're bent on addressing the bad service, you better call from home.
They will remember your face and your order.
I'm sooo sorry to tell you of the unspoken deeds that go on behind the scenes.
Ever send your steak back? Oh, that's a no no.
Many times they'll throw it on the floor then throw it back on the grill for you. Ooopsies, it slipped off the plate.
---lovable_linda on 12/6/07

There are some things that are better left unsaid if you like the food but the service was bad.
Ummmm, like is that drink better for you now, sir? We fixed it right up for you, big grin, smile, hmmmmm.
---lovable_linda on 12/6/07

One more reason not to send your food back and gripe about the service...
regardless of what kind of drink, soft or mixed - an unhappy employee will swirl your drink with whatever is handy, fingers, etc.
Common practice.
You want to gripe, don't go back.
---lovable_linda on 12/6/07

Anyone doing a job for which they are paid should do it well. It matters not one jot whether that person is a waitress or anything else. If the job is not done to the required standard criticism should be applied (by the correct person). Without being corrected no-one would ever improve their standard of work. They would assume that their sloppy job was acceptable and continue that way.
---RitaH on 12/6/07

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