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Committed Adultery In The Past

I committed adultery one time five years ago when I first got married and never got caught. I have been saved and asked for forgiveness from God. The problem is my husband has no idea of the event so should I tell him?

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 ---Maria on 12/21/07
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This was posted seven years ago. Go do God's work now.
---a_servant on 3/14/14


So, if I stole something long ago, got away with it, got saved, asked forgiveness of God, then all is well?
No consequences? No giving the offended party the ability to forgive?
If I murdered someone long ago, got away with it, got saved, asked forgiveness of God, then all is well?
No consequences?
Interesting concept.
Love your God and your neighbor would seek forgiveness from all offended parties.
What your husband don't know won't hurt him right?
The guilt you still hold for not telling him is affecting your relationship far more than if you told him.
If you are truly relying on God, let the other half of the "two shall be one" know and let God work in his heart.
---micha9344 on 3/14/14


Not now, after five years and especially not if your marriage is good - unless the other party lives close to you and there is a big risk that he might, one day, tell your husband.

Be guided by God as He knows the whole story and knows where the other person is. Pray about it when alone and just allow Him to show you the way.
---Rita_H on 3/11/14


If you ARE saved, born again according to John 3:3 and John 3:16, read this:

1John 1:5-10

Do the above, believe you have received forgiveness, never repeat it (love your husband even more and with Christ's love), tell him nothing, tell no one else anything because what you have done is settled, sufficient and under the blood. Anyone who tells you to confess your 'sins to one another' is hurtfully misusing the scripture out of context and preaching a form of Roman Cathoicism. Read the scripture I gave you, do it, believe it and move ON.
God bless you and Maranatha... look for Jesus' coming in the harpazo ... it is imminent and He will take you. Receive HIS forgiveness.Amen.
---Born_again_believer on 3/9/14


This was asked many years ago so the asker is unlikely to still be looking out for new answers BUT, on the off-chance that she is - I'd say that if you didn't tell him at the time NOW is far too late, especially if you are still together and happy.

Why spoil something which is now good and, if you have both 'moved on' (with others)what would be the point to bring it to the surface now? It would cause great heartache which neither of you might survive.
---Rita_H on 10/7/13




definitely not - dont dump yr sin on another, you take it to Father..between u & Him alone....Davids murderous adultery, he confessed only to God...study Psa 34 & 51...use 1 John 1.9, yr guilt is also yr sin, confess to Him, leave it behind, stop playing with it & move on...
---Len on 10/7/13


Not a good idea to tell. God has forgiven you, so, go, and sin no more.
---pat on 10/15/12



Beware of those who mix lies and truth. Compounding a sin by hiding it from the one against whom you have sinned is one of Satan's most attractive devices.


pure wisdom!!

people thinking they got away with not telling their spouses have it bite them in their backside years later. always risky to sneak around and hide a dirty deed because it must be torture wondering if, or hoping it will never raise its ugly head years later. I honestly don't know how people live with that kind of stress. Asking now could be God nudging you to make peace with your lie so you're not tempted again. husband didn't catch you but in some ways you are caught, forever tied up lying and deceiving your spouse for life.
---Follower_of_Christ on 10/12/12


yes you should tell your husband. God wants us to be honest and truthful. If your husband truly loves you he will forgive you. it also not good for you to hold things inside. (THE TRUTH) which is JESUS... is always best
---michelle on 10/11/12


yes you have to unfortunately
---nakita_garnes on 9/12/11




It depends on what kind of personality your partner has. Are you his everything and are you his one and only ? If he really loves you, it will surely hurt him deeply and he may even consider some time apart to cope with everything.If that's he case then....maby you don't have to tell him. Just make it right with God. But if you can't hold it in anymore, then tell him but keep in mind that there is a chance you'll mariage will fall apart. Best of luck !
---Sher on 8/18/11


Beware of those who mix lies and truth. Compounding a sin by hiding it from the one against whom you have sinned is one of Satan's most attractive devices.
---Wayne on 5/27/11


Seek God, search the Spirit and do as the Spirit directs. For each it will not be the same. God knows your heart and the reason you proposed the question, he knows your husband and your marriage. If It's guilt, we are not under condemnation. Now I am sure some posters have lied to others and not gone back to everyone they lied to. Definately not their boss. My point is take your direction from the Holy Spirit.
---1Usmcmarine on 4/22/11


ginger, the other post closed. please allow me to reply:

delivery start with the seed or is it when fruit is produced and maintained through the Spirit ? -aka

//Both// True, but the new creation can die before it is delivered, so Jesus tells us in the parable of the sower in the seed.

//Its NOT us who produces the fruit and maintains it. Christ is.// The seed (the Word) is of Jesus Christ and the maintenance is of the Spirit who Jesus Christ left us (fruit of the Spirit).

//you think Christ came so you could sin for free?// I would never suggest such a thing. We cannot grieve the Spirit. If we do, the Spirit cannot work though us.

Are you suggesting that once the Spirit is in us there is not a dual nature?
---aka on 11/8/10


The truth hurts, but it WILL set you free. I committed adultery and when I was convinced everything was lost and my life was over God saved me and my marriage. Yes, it was tough, but looking back it was more painful living with regret, self hate and guilt. We now enjoy a healthy christian marriage full of joy. We gave our lives to the Lord and only after that did we start picking up the pieces. We had to break down everything built on lies to lay new strong foundations. Thats just my story, but hope it inspires you to tell the truth. Pray about it - it is amazing how God comes through in His perfect timing PS - I am still struggling, but remember to forgive yourself and remind yourself daily that God forgave you.
---Loreal on 11/7/10


I know this is a while after the fact, but I too sinned the same. When you get married you make a covenant with God and your spouse. Yes confessing your sin is the first step. This restores the covenant between you and God. Secondly, you need to try to restore your covenenant with your spouse. This is biblical. It's not easy,....I know. But that guilty feeling in your gut is the Holy Spirit trying to prompt you. Listen to it and you will be restored.
---AW on 7/6/10


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Is it worth bringing it up or have you already dealt with it?
---Carla on 4/22/10


I think its important to tell your spouse about your cheating on him..'only once' or not, you have sinned against both your husband, and God. I feel compassion for you, and I hope your marriage gets stronger. You need to not only confess your sins to God, but also to your husband. I believe it is moral and right to confess to God, and whomever you have sinned against. It may be a hard thing to do, but it is important you do this. You may find letting your husband know could help keep you accountable and help you grow the bond between you and your husband. Regardless of the consequences, tell your husband, and be honest and loving to him. Pray to God for the strength to do this. You can do anything through Christ who strengthens you.
---nekomeme on 2/7/10


Why tell him? It was a one time event that is over, confessed, and forgiven. I believe that God totally forgives when we acknowledge a wrong, confess, and repent. If you believe you are forgiven: let it go. God has forgiven you and you have been restored fully as His child. In the Gospels, please go read, no sinner brought before Jesus was left wondering what next. He forgave, restored them to their place with Him, and commanded them to sin no more, take up the mat, etc. See, we humans hold each other in the wrong by not totally forgiving one another. We are brought up condemning others, and that is probably the source of your guilt. God has fogiven you, and you have not done that again. Let it go.
---Nora on 2/7/10


5 years ago? You asked for forgiveness from God and never asked your husband the one you lied to and covered up your act for so long?

If it were not eating you alive then you would not still have this NAGGING overwhelming feelings about lying cheating and sneaking around on your husband

Often adults resort to acting like children with their mates believing because they "didn't get caught" they pulled one over on them (just as they did their parents when they were younger)

Taking responsibility for ones actions takes courage most adults prefer the easy road "confess to God" so they continue living their comfortable life ...it will be the same 10 years from now without action today
---Rhonda on 2/5/10


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This is a tough one.
What you need to do is pray about it.
I'm sure things have happened in the lives of posters (including me) on this site that they have not told anyone because they are not proud of it.
You should know your husband by now.
Would it hurt him more if you told him?
If you've asked God, the person you committed adultery with (if possible) to forgive you and have forgiven yourself that may be all that's necessary.
You can post anything here but God knows your heart.
WE Don't
If you decide to tell him it will affect you and your husbands relationship, not us.
Let Jesus lead you.
Know you are not alone, I will pray with you.
---ashle7439 on 2/4/10


yes you should let your husband konw about your past if your husband fully spritual person because bible says in the book of Ephesians 5:22,23 and vorces 5,6 here you will find God's guidence if your husband is not a christian don't tell him regarding this just tell about this to God and he will forgive all your sins and don't turn to such a sin again...if your husband is spritual man he can understand all your past.. what ever your feels you just share it with your husband...
---Jebafrancis on 2/4/10


My wife committed adultery, I know this for a fact! To this very day she swears by the sun, moon and stars above, the easter bunny and anything else out there that she did nothing wrong. It pains me that she still seeks to deceive me. You can only be forgiven by the one you wronged, tell him!
---Robert on 2/3/10


Is it possible that this situation exist in order to keep you humble in your marriage??
---mima on 9/30/09


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Gods word says to confess your sins one to another.so if you have sinned WE ARE as believers commanded to confess the sin..God knows about it when it happened, he also knows your heart now.if your spose is a christian he is also commanded to forgive.why not trust in his word and treat otheres as you would want to be treated.with the truth.and it will set you free.divorce isnt something that can ever seperate anyone except by the worlds ways...and christians need to realize that when they follow the world in that, adultry,fornification etc always follows them.so do the right thing and confess in love!it will free you
---pat on 9/30/09


Your past is under the blood. so what is under the blood stays under the blood. I wouldn't say anything to your husband unless you want to stir up strife.
---Rebecca_D on 2/9/08


Getting forgiveness from God is easy. What's not so easy is getting forgiveness from another person. This is a deledate subject and should not be taken lightly. On this "Christian Bolgs" is not the place for an answer since all you'll get are personal opinions for the most part. Talk with your pastor, or better, seek the advice of a Christian Marriage Counselor.
---wivv on 2/6/08


I committed adultery in my own marriage and this one is a no-brainer. You HAVE to tell your spouse. The fact that you have asked this question shows it is eating at you. Read David's account in 1Samuel of what he went through while concealing his sin. Bring it into the light and leave the circumstances up to God!!
---Charles on 12/31/07


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Dear One,
My husband committed adultry on me years ago . God has since restored our marriage. I wish he would not have told me, but just repented to God and made it up to me some other way. If you do not have any diseases, thank God and don't break your husband's heart now. Confess to someone else if you need to take care and God bless
---Charlene on 12/30/07


The reason I asked that question is that I have seen similar situations where one spouse has ulterior motives in wanting to tell of their long ago sin. Many times they are wanting out of the relationship and find this to be an easy way to do it.
---Susie on 12/29/07


Obviously the Holy Spirit convicts hearts and minds. It's a good sign for those who want to make things right. This is a very common problem amoung Christian men and women today. It can only be answered from scripture.-Matt 5:42-44
Exodus 20:13-17,Ephesians 4:25. Any Christian in this situation should seek GOD's instructions and Safe Christian counseling for guidance. My prayers are with you and your family. God has a heavan or Hell to put people in, so fear God and keep His commandments.
---yochanon on 12/27/07


Staying silent to cover sin and robbing your spouse of the biblical option of leaving you is 9 X out 10, all about the money. The other tenth hinges on the children.

When adultery is hidden, one spouse usually holds the purse strings. They could be the major breadwinner or stand to inherit the family's fortune.
The adulterer will hang in there for the money. They will bemoan their horrible marriage but they'll hang in there like a bulldog waiting for the 'carots', money.
---Cindy on 12/27/07


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Adultery is deceit. Telling lies travels with deceit. If money is holding you there, like a puppet on a string, it could snap.
Lies of adultery - rob your spiritual bank. Making spiritual decisions for spouse that may or may not want to be tied to deceit.
If you tell your husband, he chooses to forgive you completely, you are married to someone who will see their "reward" for being a man after God's heart. If he decides to leave, he'll be within boundaries of the Word.
---Cindy on 12/27/07


Nancy, you've covered home base, but what's done in secret is exposed in the Light.
At the end of our days, the spotlight shines brightly on all deeds, actions or words - good or evil - it all comes to the Light.

Staying silent is the kind of advice that Dear Abby or Ann Landers might give - but neither one of them will be standing in for the rest of us.
---Cindy on 12/27/07


Is there a reason why you would want to chance ending your marriage by telling him this now?
---Susie on 12/24/07
Yes, there's a reason to risk this. By living the lie you're now living, you run the risk of allowing it to fester, and eventually blow up on you causing even more damage. If, as someone else asked, your husband found this out on his own, do you think he would believe you, afterward?
---tommy3007 on 12/27/07


I would like to answer this question by pointing out a simple fact from the teachings of Jesus. Matthew 5:27-28 says,"Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: "
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."
If there's any adult person not guilty of the above described act of adultery. Please let them come forward at this time!!! So let sleeping dogs lie.
---Mima on 12/27/07


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You're not being honest with your husband or yourself.
When a bank robber robs a bank, asks God for forgiveness but keeps the money for risk of being caught, what does that say about you?
A storekeeper always finds out when a store employee has been dipping in the till.
---Cindy on 12/26/07


Is there a reason why you would want to chance ending your marriage by telling him this now?
---Susie on 12/24/07


A few questions: one, would it ruin your marriage if you told him?

Two, are there any repercussions (like HIV) that your husband needs to know about?

Three, what would be your purpose in telling him?

Answer these questions, and you'll have the answer to your own. (And if the answer to #2 is 'yes', then you MUST tell him. Any silence regarding STDs is utterly reprehensible, and with regards to HIV, nothing less than attempted murder.)
---Nancy on 12/23/07


Fear of facing what's to come has caused many a well to do Christian to drop the cross and run. If by our own devices down here we find our lives we lose Christ.

In meekness and humility bear your cross, you're defrauding your husband if you keep him from his right to end your marriage for your unfaithfulness.

Jesus took a punishment he didn't deserve, how much more than should we answer for what we've done wrong? Be reconciled to your husband with your tears, he will forgive you.
---Pharisee on 12/23/07


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I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go, I will guide thee with mine eye...Psalm 32:8
---Dorothy on 12/22/07


I suppose it depends on how much this still haunts you. It seems like you still feel very guilty. Pray about it and consider how your husband might react if you told him. Only you know him well enough to estimate the outcome. Would it be worth it, telling him? Are there others who know about the affair that might tell him one day? If he ever asked you I certainly think that you should give an honest answer.
---RitaH on 12/22/07


You're not being honest with your husband or yourself.
When a bank robber robs a bank, asks God for forgiveness but keeps the money for risk of being caught, what does that say about you?
A storekeeper always finds out when a store employee has been dipping in the till.
---Cindy on 12/22/07


Only you know the real story, whether it was one time or fifty.

If you want to stop robbing your husband, you'll tell him the truth. He deserves that much. He can then decide if he wants to stay married.
---Cindy on 12/22/07


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Many people tell because they can't stand the guilt and end up hurting others by trying to get it off their chest. You did wrong and admitted it and got it straight with you and God. Hopefully you have accepted his forgiveness and don't find it necessary to open a huge hurtful can of worms that may end your marriage. I don't agree with cheating but also don't think it would be beneficial in this case to now chance destroying your relationship and your husband for something that happened 5 years ago.
---john on 12/22/07


It is in the past-5 years in the past.Some people are incapable of forgiving a straying mate.Just live right from here on.The fact that you now have a guilty conscience shows you are a genuine Christian.
---shirley on 12/21/07




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