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Don't Know Who My Dad Is

I need encouragement. I do not know for sure who my dad is. When I was little my mom got beat by the man I thought was my dad. I found out later that they never married and was told by my mom that he is not my dad. She left him when I was around 5. Please be kind. Thanks.

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 ---Kella3336 on 12/24/07
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The first thing we have to remember is that God is our loving Heavenly Father.We must develop a loving,trusting relationship with our Heavenly Father which may be extremely difficult for those who have never known what it is to love and trust.I would say to you to just take one small step-say to God in your heart'I want to learn to love and trust you-please help me'and I guarantee He will have made some move in answer,because that heart-cry from one of His children is all He needs.
---Court7646 on 2/29/08

Kella...As encouragement to you, let me tell you that this week I located my niece and nephews who were adopted out several years ago. Their birth mother emailed me after I responded to a post the niece made on an adoption website. There is hope. God will get your through this.
---Susie on 1/3/08

Thank you very much Corrie. You speak with kindess and Truth. Thank you for praying.
---Kella3336 on 1/1/08

Kella, I'm sorry for your painful situation.
I have seen my dad twice in my life.
I wouldn't be able to pick him out of a crowd. In fact the last time I seen him he was right in front of me at a temp place.
He was there the same amount of time I was, about an hour. He spoke to me first. I don't know of anything that would help except pray God will fill that void with himself. After all, Who is our Father and Mother?
---faith on 12/29/07

Kella, My daughter had a son (out of wedlock) when she was 16. When Kyle turned 16 she said "I'm taking you to meet your biological father" Kyle was excited and they hit it off right away. Just to be sure they took a DNA test. Turns out he was not the biological father. Kyle was devastated and now is a very troubled youth with serious emotional problems. Some things are just best left alone.
---1st_cliff on 12/28/07

Rebekah, I get the feeling that you have some problems that you have not worked out yet. Are you sad? Do you need prayer?I am wondering if there are people who are not there for you.
---Kella3336 on 12/28/07

If possible, ask who your father is, if only so that you can get a medical history.

If you're considering having children, and it's not possible to get a medical history, I'd recommend gettting a genetic analysis for any hidden problems (lots of them affect only sons, not daughters), just to prevent any avoidable problems.

And best wishes in your soul-searching.
---Nancy on 12/27/07

Many of us know what you mean. If you have accepted Christ and beleive Him. You have a heavanly Father who loves you and has a new generational plan for you from His kingdom. Live from His plan and seek Him daily. He will lead you to real loving fellowships and earhtly parental care. Allow Him to work it all out and "trust Him"-Christ.
---yochanon on 12/27/07

Thank you to those who posted comments-defending me. :-)have a wonderful weekend everyone(early):-) and take care.
---Kella3336 on 12/27/07

Thank you so very much for prayers and advice. I honestly have been given a lot to think about.I really am grateful to everyone who did not judge me or try to make me feel bad for posting this blog-as I have meantioned. For those of you who have been very frank with your comments, and showed tact-thank you. Blessings and may you all have a happy new year!
---Kella3336 on 12/27/07

Amy is right. You may not like what you find when you do find out the truth about your father. I will pray for you on this matter.
---Susie on 12/26/07

Kella::: You are a child of God He alone supplies Your Real wants & needs not some DEAD BEAT .
---Emcee on 12/26/07

I am sorry about your situation my dad did the same thing so I know what your going through remember that god is your father and hes probably better then any father you could have now I`m 9 years old and I`ve learned that I could do no better then to depend on Jesus Christ and my heavenly father I`ll keep you in my prayers.
---corri on 12/26/07

There are ways, if you really want to know. Hire a private detective.
---sue on 12/26/07

Rebekah, How did you perceive that I need constant support? I did not give overwhelming details. I have a good life with imperfections. I have hurt and I have happiness. Mostly, I have Jesus. I do not want anyone to feel sorry for me. I was asking for encouragement. I do not do this often. If you had said that bloggers can't take away the pain and to turn to God, talk to a preacher....etc, I would not be defending myself, but you have been sarcastic and judgmental. Why? God knows....
---Kella3336 on 12/26/07

So many times we fantasize what someone will be like, and in reality we can find them to be totally different. If he was abusive to your mom, you were better off without him in your life. You can pray to Jesus that you will find your dad, but I would also pray that my dad will find Jesus.
---Amy on 12/25/07

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Rebekah, you are very mean. I have only posted a very small detail. There is much more that I did not meantion because I feel it would not be appropriate. Why do you feel the need to attack me? I Think you you lack decency. I do not want people to be unhappy and I did not post this to get attacked.
---Kella3336 on 12/26/07

I do not dwell on this matter to the point of not seeing Blessings from God. I Do however have moments. I am very grateful for many things. But I am only human and as anyone else, I have times of hurt. As I have times of Joy. For those who have been kind and posted advice, thank you. I have had some things to think about.RebekaI do not understand why you felt the need to reply as you did. What purpose was there? I will pray for you.
---Kella3336 on 12/26/07

Blessings sister kella. I cannot believe some of the unloving replies that you are recieving about your question. We should always be there for anyone that needs encouragement. My two boys father abandoned them when they were babies, and now one of my son's wants to try to find his father. I agree with shirley and she gave you very Godly advice. I would suggest sister, that you Pray about this. God will lead you in this matter. God bless!
---Cynthia on 12/25/07

A wise person once said," Wise is the man that knows his own father". The meaning of which is, that things are so messed up mixed up and fouled up that few people know who their own earthly father is. But here's an interesting sidenote. Most illegitimate or baseborn children are smarter on the average than their fellow humans. Interesting but true.
---Mima on 12/25/07

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Kella your pain is born of the reality that you care for what ought to be and not just what might have been. There's love in you that you never got to share.

Somewhere the man is likely feeling that the hole in his heart for being a bad Father can never be repaired. It takes one child that won't give up to restore the man, bring healing and maybe even salvation.

Blessed are the peacemakers, find him and don't give up on him.
---Pharisee on 12/25/07

Kella-Prayers and Kindness to you and yours! Rebekah-how cruel-being "kind" is not being "controlling or manipulative"-your reply is much like Cain's-are we truly our "brother's keeper"?! While we can't be "responsible"-there are 2 commandments in the N.T.-"Love the Lord your God" and "the second is like unto it"-Love our neighbors as ourselves." This means "Kella" and the family and to really remember to pray for all of them!
---Aislinge on 12/24/07

Rebekah, I have not spent my time wearing people out. And also, I am not feeling sorry for myself. I do not need medical help. Needing encouragement does not always mean someone is going out of their mind. It is hard around the holidays. I have no more to say.
---Kella3336 on 12/25/07

Thank you Cynthia and others who have offered encouragment -who have expressed kindness and encouragment without judgment. It hurts this time of year and Father's day. And there are other times. But this is a small part of me and God has been the great father. Cynthia...I will be writing you soon. Thank you friend. Thank you for not judging me and not trying to make me feel bad. And not assuming anything.
---Kella3336 on 12/25/07

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At times a parent will tell a child something in order to alienate them from the other parent. This may have happened with your mother or she may not know for sure who your birth father is. Either way, you can go on with your life and concentrate on good things instead of not knowing who your father is. You could waste good years thinking about this.
---Susie on 12/24/07

Stay encouraged met dad 2 years ago went through alot in my childhood and adult life it truly effected me relationships he has been in prison all his life I resented my mom because didnt know my dad list goes on truly blessed not to have him in my life I believe I would have turned out bad All his other kids shows me that All the girls my sisters named our first born Jazmyne before we even met You do know who your dad is well the one that truly counts God Son and the holy spirit God says we lack nothing
---patra3999 on 12/24/07

My best friend had this same problem. He made the sweetest lemonaid with this sour lemon. Here is how: He did not want this to happen to his kids so he made up his mind that he would be the best dad ever-and he was, not only to his own kids, but to all kids. He is an old man now, near death and you should see all the love these 'kids' have now shown him! Take you eyes off the problem and give it to God. He will Bless you!
---Dr._Rich on 12/24/07

Both of my parents abandon all of us kids when I was only a few months old. I have never met them. It was the best thing that ever happended to me. When the welfare finally found us,(there were 6 of us.) I had lost 4 lbs and given only a few more months to live. I was put in a foster home and raised by foster parents who never had any children of there own. Though lots of TLC and practical care, I'm alive. They had a influence of 57 of us over the years. I'm now 70, and have had a wonderful life.
---wivv on 12/24/07

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You're probably sitting in some nice location for Christmas with your family having a wonderful time - posting these depressing details for everyone else to experience. This is why you need to find the right kind of help beyond the internet.
---Rebekah on 12/24/07

Blessings to my dear friend Kella, please write me at cynth9664, I would like to help you. God bless you, Kella!
---Cynthia on 12/24/07

You should talk to your mom and ask her to please be honest with you and tell you the truth of who your dad is ,she may not really know for sure ,if she don't then you need to let it go and not let it eat at you it will just cause you more greif.get into reading the Bible and God will lead you in the right path to make you a better dad when have children.
---judy on 12/24/07

I was not allowed the opportunity to know my biological father.

But, I do have the greatest adoptive Father in the entire world. HE IS GOD!
---Rob on 12/24/07

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God bless your heart,you may not know who your earthly father is but you have a heavenly Father who loves you very much and your elder brother loves you so much that He went to the cross and died for you.Their are some very famous people who don't know who their earthly parents are but they became millionaires and did much to help poor people and you can too.
---shirley on 12/24/07

The same emotional questions are asked repeatedly.
Needing constant sympathy/support from bloggers is a red flag for you to seek professional help.
We are not liable for the emotional safety of bloggers. All of the advice in the world from a few written answers cannot heal minds or situations at home.
This is a job for God and bloggers are not big enough to wear His shoes, repair broken homes, broken minds and be held liable for the mental states of those requiring medical attention.
---Rebekah on 12/24/07

It is also controlling and manipulative to tell us to "please be kind" - meaning please give more sympathy. No doubt, you've worn the actual people around you completely out.

The kindest thing I can tell you is to find a professional or find a Christian health facility for the sake of your children and bring back some peace in the home.
---Rebekah on 12/24/07

These types of problems are best left to the clergy or a professional, especially if you are depressed.
There is little that bloggers can do to repair emotional damage.
---Rebekah on 12/24/07

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Sweetie, I cannot imagine your pain right now. All I can do is encourage you to strengthen your relationship with your Heavenly Father. Get involved in a women's Bible study and a discipleship relationship with an older Christian woman. Pray and seek the Lord in this matter. If it is His will, you will learn who your earthly father is.
---Trish9863 on 12/24/07

Kella, You know what? It doesn't really matter! Put it behind you and don't dwell on it. Don't open Pandora's box, you might not like what you see!
---1st_cliff on 12/24/07

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