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Dad Got Me Pregnant

My daddy got me pregnant when I was 14. Now my daughter is 14. Should I tell her who her daddy really is or keep it buried forever.

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 ---Helen on 1/5/08
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I would not call him daddy.
---Dianne_Popoff on 10/8/11


Elen, are you a Christian? And how old are you? This problem is not very much talked about here. It is a big problem and in order for anyone to answer you, you have to give more details this way others will not condemn you with their answer. This blog is very old so I don't think Helen is still around. And you had to look up the blog in order to answer it and get answers from others. Can you give more details this way others can answer? Thanks
---Mark_V. on 10/6/11


Yes please do! Im pregnant myself with my dads child and we have agreed to bring her up together then tell her that im her sister and mother and david is her grandfather and dad.
---Elen on 10/1/11


well if he aint pay child support and you aint gettin no money then you should be and i would never tell my baby that her daddy is my daddy 2 i think that would just cause more problems in you incested relationship
---shiniqua on 12/2/10


For fourteen years if your daughter has been brought up without that knowledge, please spare her that one grief. Medical procedures are fairly advanced to treat illnesses of different kinds. Even by studying her genes her father can be traced as someone very close to her mother which could also be used for treatment. Maybe you could just tell her that her father's identity you've hidden becoz she was born of some extreme sexual violation. Probably to be kind to you and not bring back your past memories, your daughter may refrain from insisting on knowing. May God help you handle this problem.
---hop on 11/22/10




What your father did to you was wrong, sinful and horrible, but your daughter has a right to know who her real father is. It doesn't change the fact that you love her, but later in life that information could be vital to her medical history should an emergency arise.

Sit her down, explain what happened, how it hurt you, and why you think it would be a bad idea for her to associate with him. Make it perfectly clear that you still love her and that your father's actions in no way change that.
---Aeryk on 11/19/10


Richard, the only sin involved here is the sick father--disgustingly sick father, who I can't even fathom could do such a thing!
---Mary on 10/19/10


Richard, don't you understand how very sensitive this situation with her is?!! Besides, there's a difference between lying and omitting information--information that will prove very painful for her daughter.
---Mary on 10/19/10


my mother amrried a man who got my sister pregant..she stayed with with him and raised this little man..long story but I would wait til she got older because when he found out it it changed him..god loves all even the ones made from pain an sin of the fathers..god love you
---karen on 10/19/10


Id wait until she is older and more mature.
---JackB on 10/19/10




it is up to you,for if your daddy got you pregnant it is sin for if she ask i would tell her who her daddy is and explain to her what happened and ask for forgiveness.
for god says(Psa 101:7 KJV) He that worketh deceit shall not dwell within my house: he that telleth lies shall not tarry in my sight.and i love you and praying for your family,

---RICHARD on 10/18/10


it is up to you,for if your daddy got you pregnant it is sin for if she ask i would tell her who her daddy is and explain to her what happened and ask for forgiveness.
for god says(Psa 101:7 KJV) He that worketh deceit shall not dwell within my house: he that telleth lies shall not tarry in my sight.and i love you and praying for your family,

---RICHARD on 10/18/10


Yes. But trust in the LORD for His Guidance and Wisdom on how, when, and where to tell her. You know, she's NATURALLY going to want to know who her biological daddy is someday. No matter what this biological father would think of her knowing. He has no rights to demand that you get his "stamp of approval" first, beforehand. Life is full of good things coming out of "bad situations".
---Gordon on 10/15/10


Only when you are confident that telling-her will not disturb her life. May God guide you on this.
---Adetunji on 10/15/10


Yes you should or your daughter will never trust you ever
---david on 10/14/10


yes, tell her her father is also her own grandfather and get it ut soon , she is old enuf to handle it .
---bobby_tripeyu on 5/27/10


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Sweetheart my heart goes out to you but in my heart I believe that letting your daughter know who her dad is serves no purpose. It can only begin hurt,confusion,resentment,anger,vengence in her heart all negative things not good for her heart.
---George on 11/30/09


I would def. not want this burden placed on my shoulders if I were 14.... Please.. wait till much much later, and only then if it comes up, and she shows that she really really wants to know, otherwise, I think it is better off left buried...

God be with you both..
---Gayla on 11/25/09


"the truth will set you free"John 8:32

Yes, you should tell you daughter who her daddy is.
---sarah on 11/22/09


I would tell her, but not at age 14.

She will find out eventually and believe me shes gonna wonder why you never told her the truth if you hide it.
---JackB on 11/21/09


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Our Father God,
we pray for wisdom for this dear woman in handling this situation

we also ask that any trauma that has been a cause of this incident and some others will be taken care of by your Spirit
Thank you Jesus
amen
---patie3447 on 10/15/09


i think u should tell her she should realy know and make her owne choose on how she feels
---john on 10/15/09


Seek the help of a professional. She may need to know if she marries and wants children of her own someday. Genetics may be an issue at some point.
---Molly on 5/5/08


At some time you will need to tell her, but at this time I think she may be a little young to handle it properly. Just remember that GOD will watch over both of you with love.
Rev. Russell
---Robert on 5/4/08


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She's too young to know, knowing would be a traumatic experience. You could damage her for life at this age. You might also cause suicide, she's much too young to know. If you insist on someday giving her this useless information, wait until she's in her mid 30's.
---greg on 5/4/08


AS HARD AS IT MAY SEEM I WOULD TELL HER WHO HER FATHER IS WE DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THE THINGS THAT ARE GOING ON IN THIS WORLD.WE ARE ALL BORN IN TO SIN. I WOULD SIT HER DOWN AND EXPLAIN TO HER WHAT HAPPEN SHE HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW
---Andre on 5/4/08


James, I have to say this: a 14-year-old girl who's father is committing incest on her is NOT "consenting". She was the victim of a very sick man, not a consenting participant--big difference.
---Mary on 3/18/08


you know your heart...it is ususally very painful to hide the truth....it can bring up old memories for you that you would rather
forget....you know if you have invested in your child and she loves you she will want to receive the truth spoken in love..when the holy spirt leads you (you'll know the right time)speaking the truth, though painful at first can bring lasting joy and freedom for the both of you...only when the time is right/be srong and patient and humble
---nell on 3/17/08


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I would not tell her,what good would it do,if you where consenting aat the time.
---James on 3/10/08


I would say talk to God first. You don't want to make a huge mistake that has a horrible dominoe affect, so talk to God about it first and have patience while you await the answer.I'll pray for you.
---Dee8374 on 3/6/08


It sounds like you're thinking of telling your daughter who her real father is because she's now 14, the same age you were when you had her. If that's the only reason, then, since it's not a good reason, I wouldn't tell her until she was older, past her teens. If your father is still around I would keep him from her and you still need not tell her why.
---Ginette on 3/2/08


Helen, I know you have probably already made your decision. For anyone else that may face this dilemma, pray for the grace to forgive, the past can not be changed, ask the Father personally for an answer, then listen. Place yourself mentally in the child's position and ask yourself if you would desire this information, assuming for whatever reason, you loved and believed another man to be your dad. Then let your conscience be your guide. An answer to a question of this magnitude must come from within.
---josef on 3/2/08


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Helen, i agree 100% with wwii, who said that you should've told the truth a long, long time ago. To tell her the truth now, in my opinion, would be too hard for her to take. The main thing is that you should get the advice of a PROFESSIONAL.

And no matter what anybody thinks a 14 yr. old is never accountable for this type of thing (shannon) whether she thinks she went along with it willingly or not.
---sue on 3/1/08


Sandra, whether you want to admit it or not, you were the victim. Even if you were a willing participant, you were a child, he was the adult. I came from a home where my sister was molested by our father. And to this day, she has problems because I think she feels it was in some way her fault. My father is in church and forgiven for what he did, but keep in mind he was in church when he did it to my sister too. Seek God, and Christian Counseling, you deserve it.
---michelle on 3/1/08


Poor little girl. I feel so sorry for her and you. I think this is an occasion for white lies. Some truths are too difficult and cause too many problems to be exposed. To limit the damage, keep it quiet, and if you need counselling, go on your own.
---frances008 on 2/29/08


Besides your father being both the father and grandfather of your daughter, you are also your own daughter's half sister as well as her mother. How could a young girl cope with that information? Some things are just best unsaid I think.
---RitaH on 2/29/08


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Your daughter may be so sickened by knowing her father is also her grandfather that it could turn her off to men altogether. And if your father has not asked forgiveness for this evil he brought against you, then your daughter should never be alone with him as he may go after her too. I would not want to know if my father was my grandfather. YUCK! How horrible it would be for your daughter to learn that. And your dad needs to be put in jail for what he did to you. Neither of you deserved this.
---Frances on 2/28/08


If you didn't think you should tell her before, you probably had good reason. Think about what that was...has anything about that changed? You were not the adult...he was! And it appears he also has allowed you to feel responsible for what he did and knew was wrong.. The question should be, are you realizing He was wrong in what he did and are you protecting your daughter from him?
Apparently being his daughter does not mean she is safe with him any more than you were.
---Virga_7458 on 2/27/08


It would be good if you could get a prayer partner or 2 that you really trust to pray with you about this. Ask for the Lord's Wisdom in this. Make sure your partners are objective and don't have a firm opinion on this or if they do, they have shown willingness to listen to the Lord despite what they think. Personally, I would leave it alone unless my daughter kept pestering me about it. But groundwork would need to be laid first.
---Ginette on 2/22/08


I would not do this,because it will not matter,this has happen for years now.and if you where willing to have his child then leve it alone.
---Jerry on 2/21/08


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Thank you all for the words of comfort your replies have have been. I will face up to my sin by praying hard and trying to give my daughter the best I can. Perhaps when she is older I will be able to explain what a harlot her mother is. Bless you all.
---Sandra on 2/12/08


Helen: I don't see you posting since your original post not sure if your're reading these comments ...I have many of the same questions others have which probably wont change my thoughts on this ...Give your child something you didn't get to finish ...your childhood and allowing her to live her teen years out .pray continuously for Gods love and wisdom
---Rhonda on 1/30/08


revisit your need to tell her when she is past her college years it seems you may be using 14 as a symbolic way to cleanse yourself when you bury any emotion it will eat you alive release whatever emotions you need to release while praying to God for the strength to move past the hurt and other feelings you feel keep you trapped despite the shame or guilt you may feel children are always a blessing from God always
---Rhonda on 1/30/08


Sandra::"Am probably damned forever"If this is your presumption you are WRONG God is a merciful loving & giving God,"Taste of me & you will live forever".I am sure you have contrition or you wouldn't have divulged so great a secret.Go to Him open your heart He sees your anguish.HE WILL Forgive & forge,all you have to do is ask, go to his confessional & confess.He is always available.
---Emcee on 1/30/08


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Thanks for the replies to this but also understand that I was not raped nor at any time have felt a victim. Because of circumstances i was a willing participant and am probably damned forever
---Sandra on 1/29/08


Would you want to know who your Father is even if the news wasn't savory?

Matthew- 7:12/16:24
Anything else is defrauding them, don't miss it, I'm not saying do it without discretion, but give her the choice to know.
She might have been someone's wife 2000 years ago, add to that, that in custody disputes in some states children at only age 12 can decide who they want to live with, and divorce their parents for good cause.

The child is a person too.
---Pharisee on 1/16/08


You who say you live in the light, walk with Christ, now advocate a lie to cover up a sin?

The Bible tells us what is meant to cover sins, and that's love.

Look at the hardship and scars the people of God endured in the Old Testament, God let the sin and punishment go forth for restoration's sake, this was done according to his laws founded before the foundation of the world, and now one sin is to cover another?

What happens when truth comes out the wrong way, what damage will occur?
---Pharisee on 1/16/08


I was raped with my youngest son and although I knew the father it made it very difficult for him when It came out during an issue over (TV soap) abortion which he gave his veiw and it blew up all out of proportion. He reacted terribly but I'm glad it came out (not the way it did) but at least he knows how he was born and able to recognise the love I had for him and not abort him the way he said he'd allow his wife to of she was raped.
---Carla5754 on 1/14/08


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You are a "day late and a dollar short". IF you wanted to tell your child about who the real father is, it should have been done years ago. To even think about telling her now, as a teen is a horrible thought - she will have enough adjustments to make in her teen years and shouldn't have to deal with this. IF you are of the opinion she should know, seek the advice of a PROFESSIONAL, not a group of strangers like us, or family, friends or a pastor. Be prepared for some fall-out!
---wivv on 1/13/08


Being an incest victim myself I would truly think about what you desire to gain by revealing the truth to your child.

If your child asks, tell the truth.

If your child does not ask then do not volunteer the information if it makes you uncomfortable.

In time, as your child grows up and is able to process such things as rape, incest and the fact that grandpa hurt you and that you were not consenting, it's good not to say too much too soon.
---Ardith_Kay_Tolson on 1/11/08


The sin is not yours but HisYou were 14.What would be the gain in telling your Daughter of Her Origin.It will bring Her Pain shame & disgust & complete destroying of her Faith. Your Fathers viewing would be a constant reminder of His Transgression in His trust to You & Almighty God.This is MHO.
---Emcee on 1/11/08


The sin is not yours but HisYou were 14.What would be the gain in telling your Daughter of Her Origin.It will bring Her Pain shame & disgust & complete destroying of her Faith. Your Fathers viewing would be a constant reminder of His Transgression in His trust to You & Almighty God.This is MHO.
---Emcee on 1/11/08


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It's sad to hear that your very own parent can commit such a sin on you. Caring is right. You need to confide in someone who is trustworthy, mature and preferably a trained Christian counsellor who can also help you overcome inner healings of your wounded heart.
---Johnny on 1/11/08


I cannot believe some of these answers.

Mainly Pharisee-ridiculous! I will pray for you.
Helen you should seek professional and legal help it may even be a legal issue. I will pray for you and your child. God Bless You Both
---Nicki on 1/10/08


I think that the wisest and most prudent thing to do is to seek the advice of a good councellor instead of posting your question here and get dozens of different uneducated replies.
---Caring on 1/8/08


1. It has been said on C.N. before that child molesters are usually serial offenders. Your child (who is now the age you were when he got you pregnant) could be in grave danger from this man who is both her father and her grandfather. You don't say whether there has ever been any contact between the two, if there has not been it's probably because you don't feel it would be safe. If there is contact or you plan for there to be I'd suggest a chaperone for every second they are together.
---RitaH on 1/8/08


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2. What you tell her about him would have to be based on whatever you have told her so far. Does she know him at all? Is he her grandfather and does she love him? How is he with her? If she has never met him is it because you've told her that her father and grandfather are both dead or moved away or something else? I'd say that if she knows nothing of him leave the whole subject alone until she asks something and just deal with whatever you are asked.
---RitaH on 1/8/08


do you have to tell her now, I'd also recommend talking to professional therapist and see if you can tell her in session with therapist support...Peace be with you!
---tkd on 1/8/08


Pharisee, I will admit I am truly shocked by your reply to this dear woman: the part about girls needing their daddy and the daddy could sure use the grace--true but if daddy is warped and sick (and to rape your own daughter is beyond sick!!!), unless he's totally repented and changed, that girl sure don't need him in her life! He could rape her if he's not saved and totally delivered!
---Mary on 1/7/08


You should tell her so if in later life she needs information about her parents because of medical problems she will know
---sandra_jeckells on 1/7/08


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There are times when information given will do nothing but cause hurt and I think this is one of those times. If you do tell her, be ready to prove your statements by DNA testings and have a plan for recovery for your daughter because she will need it. I would say this is something she does not need to deal with.
---john on 1/6/08


You should certainly spend much time seeking God before doing anything. A lot depends upon your current relationship to your Father. Also it matters if you are married, and your husband's relationship with you daughter. There is a need to look within and realize your inner motives for telling her or witholding the information. More information is needed.
---Richard on 1/6/08


I think you need to ask yourself what good will telling her your father is her father do. It will open old wounds for you and may plant new ones in her that she can well do without. She certainly isn't ready to hear anything so awful at 14. Check your motives for even considering telling her,is it for revenge? Go to prayer and ask God to heal all the hurt in you and put all you know on the back shelf. It may be better if she never knows she was conceived by such a vile act. May God guide you.
---Darlene_1 on 1/5/08


What could there be to fear in this?

She won't be capable of feeling the way you do about it, she had nothing to do with it except being born.

If I were the child I'd be upset that you didn't tell me, but if your completely honest about the way you feel she'll understand and forgive you.

Children, especially little girls need their Daddy, and the old man, I'm almosyt certain could use the grace of his daughter's love.
---Pharisee on 1/5/08


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Does she have a man who is functioning as her father, who she calls Dad? Her real father is the one who takes care of her and shows her love. And if your daddy hasn't let her know, I sure wouldn't say anything.
---Bill_bila5659 on 1/5/08




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