Marriage Was A Mistake
Made a mistake, what should I do? Eight years ago I married a man that I was NOT in love with. He is a good man, provides well for us and he loves and adores me like none other. I am incredibly unhappy, however, please help I don't know what to do.
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---Beth on 1/19/08
Helpful Blog Vote (6)
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I cannot believe this question. Why are you not on your knees praising God for such a wonderful husband? You do not know what unhappiness is. It would do you good to work in a place where women who were abused take refuge. In love? Where is that in the Bible. You mean in lust! |
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---frances008 on 3/23/08 |
They say Be careful what you wish for. You might get it. |
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---frances008 on 3/23/08 |
I speak from experience, I was once that man for eight years and though the girl and boy were hers i cared for them as if they were my own. Then one day thank the Lord I relized that I was just a meal ticket, she never did love me. That feeling of decietfulness and betrayel it's unamaginable to describe the pain. Tell him the truth and set him free. Eight years of living a selfish lie for his sake must come to an end. |
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---Antonio on 3/23/08 |
Happiness comes from within so find out what is causing this in you. As you start loving yourself you will find it easier to love your husband especially if he is the way you say he is. Our happiness comes from the Lord not from other people. |
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---Marilyn on 2/29/08 |
How heartbreaking for your husband ...8 LONG YEARS you take from him everything ..all his love ...his adoration ...and it's clear you give nothing in return ...or else you would not be unhappy ...and you seek help for your self impossed unhappiness? When you learn to appreciate the love bestowed upon you by this man who cherishes you so ...you will learn to love in return ...until then seek God in prayer asking for forgiveness for not returning the love given to you |
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---Rhonda on 2/2/08 |
You sound exactly like my ex-wife and our situation. She was bored, said she 'gave it everything', but in reality gave very little. In the last six months of our marriage she started a relationship w guy 12 years younger(22)Since our divorce a year and half ago, she's had relationships with at least 5 other 20 somethings lasting a couple of months each plus numerous encounters, she started using alcohol & drugs, became a terrible mother, but says she's 'happy' and doing what God wants her to do. |
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---jeff on 2/2/08 |
Its a spiritual issue. rebeliousness and wanting things God does not want for you. From the other side...it is destructive...very painful. My kids struggle, I struggle...but we are strong in our faith and love and trust God...but because of her selfishness...we all have to go through an extremely painful thing that we'll need healing for and will last a lifetime. Seek God and Christian counseling and do anything to obey God. |
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---jeff on 2/2/08 |
Pharisee is 100% correct--read his blogs MANY times!
This happened to my son and I thought his heart would break. Several months after he married a young lady that he had known for 12 years, and dated for 5, she started making these same statements. She agreed to go to counseling w/him, but later refused.
She said she had 'made a mistake' and missed being single. Movers come while he was at work and she was gone when he got 'home.' Love is a CHOICE, and needs nurturing, it doesn't just 'happen.' |
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---NVBarbara on 2/2/08 |
"Made a mistake"
The time for thinking this way is over, YOU made vows, and said till death do you part.
"what should I do?"
Learn as much as you can about Jesus,(REALLY NOT KIDDING) this is the only way you'll know him for who he is, and have the proper awareness (faith) of his presence.
You may not think you need this, but the first three words you wrote proves you are not thinking his thoughts after him...an orphan- Peace be unto you |
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---Pharisee on 1/19/08 |
If you're not sure when you die you'll be with Jesus, you need to seek him. He's also the solution for this life.
No he's no genie in a bottle, but what he does is smoother and also permanent (remind you of anything?) He changes the way you look at EVERYTHING.
When that spirit is revealing darkness within you it means God's hand is upon you, better still, as you study scriptures they'll leap off the page to show you- you cry pray, grow and gain power over sins in your life. Receive him. |
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---Pharisee on 1/19/08 |
Beth, if it's not enough to be married to a good man who loves and provides for you, what do you wish in order to be happy? The Bible says, "be content with such things as you have," in Hebrews 13:5. Is **God*** good enough for you? If He is, be content like He says to be. **His*** love will satisfy us, IF we are in this love, "and you will find rest for your souls." (see Matthew 11:28-30) But if Jesus and a good man are not good enough for you, you have a deep conceit problem.. |
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---Bill_bila5659 on 1/19/08 |
Ladies of early 20th Century would have told you "you made your bed,now lie in it". Frankly thats still is true. You can decide in your heart to love your husband,it may not be the thrill of initial lust provoked exciting "love",but if you take each good point about him and admire him for the great and wonderful person he is,you can learn to love him. You're unhappy because you are looking for a way out. STOP IT! Look for a way to stay in! You're incredibly blessed! Open your heart. |
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---Darlene_1 on 1/19/08 |
Beth....Who determines whether you are happy or not? It isn't your husband. It is you. Obviously, you are determined to be unhappy. I expect you are not so much unhappy as you are bored with this nice man. Were your relationships in the past with men who treated you badly? Perhaps you miss the adrenaline of a bad relationship. Seems to me it would be easier to "decide" to fall in love with the wonderful man to whom you are now married. |
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---Susie on 1/19/08 |
Cinderella, your marriage was not a mistake.
Like attracts like.
You would be incredibly unhappy with any man after the new wears off.
You are the wrong woman for the right man.
If you divorce, you should remain unmarried and leave men alone, single, younger or other married men. You have a serious problem that adulterous affairs will not fix. |
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---Mark on 1/19/08 |
Eight long years ago, you started blogging and telling us about your loveless marriage.
If you look at all of the questions that pertain to your loveless marriage, and the answers that help you with your writing therapy, we see manipulation. |
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---Mark on 1/19/08 |
The greatest manipulation is very apparent when you do not receive the answers that you like.
So you comfort and recognise yourself through writing therapy, and slap everyone else around. If you finally run off with someone, the rest of us will temporarily catch a break from this soap opera love affair with sin. But you'll back for your writing therapy fix, manipulating men and the blogs has become for you like too many hits from a bong. |
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---Mark on 1/19/08 |
Wow. He deserves a faithful wife.
Too bad he didn't find one. |
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---Rebekah on 1/19/08 |
I've been a pastor for 22 years and I've found one thing to be true. When people like yourself are wanting out they are either running from something or too something. Your reason is the same as Jacob's. He got the wrong spouse too. At least you did it willfully. He was in love with Rachel and got Leah. He kept Leah because it was the right thing to do. The right thing for you is to love your husband. He must be going through hell living with you. May God help you do the right thing. |
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---john on 1/19/08 |
Although God does want you to be happy, he doesn't call you, or tell you to be happy. But he does call you and tell you to love and reverence your husband. You are walking in disobedience. Don't run away, there are no better husbands out there for you. You are not in a mistake. You are in a life covenant and now need to make it work so you will be happy. Obviously, you have a head start on most poeple as they don't even have a nice spouse like you do. Ask God to help you love him. I'm sure he will. |
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---john on 1/19/08 |
I can tell you who.
Think about staying away from the Prom, Cinderella.
If the shoe fits, wear it. But stay home. The charming prince will become a frog and you may become a pumpkin. |
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---Mark on 1/19/08 |
Beth,
Marriage is not about being in love. "in love" implies emotions which waver. It usually involves infatuation and a false perception of a person. There should be passion and attraction in marriage but even these things will fluctuate. Love is about actions(1 Corinthians 13). Find your happiness in God. Be thankful that you have a husband who puts his love into action. Choose to do the same for him and just maybe the "in love" piece will come.
Blessings to you. |
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---pg1 on 1/19/08 |
Moderator ... Maybe Beth has fallen for another man, but is it not a bit presumptious of you to assume that is the case.
I can imagine in this situation that, realising that she has made mistake, she has no intention of making another, and probably is determined to keep well away from men, at least in the immediate future. |
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---alan_of_UK on 1/19/08 |
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