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Father Daughter Interactions

Christian father and teenage daughter - what is appropriate and what's not? Is tickling under the arm to wake her up, teasy spanking on her butt, grabbing upper leg, flirtiness, etc. appropriate?

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 ---becky on 1/24/08
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Quite different opinions on this! No, I don't have sexual abuse in my background. I did bring the issue up to our pastor, and he supported that the horseplay should stop. I left also because of the anger in the home- verbal abuse with one teenager, prior abuse (mainly verbal)with me. There have been police and social services involved through the years for different things - but it's never conclusive and this is another situation like that.
---becky on 1/25/08

Certain things are acceptable like wrestling or tickling, but if these kind of behaviors were not present until after she became developed then it is definetly wrong. Grabbing her upper leg is not right. He needs to show her the proper way a young woman should be treated, not flirt.
---mary on 1/25/08

Becky,if you felt something wasn't right and it was bad enough to leave,I hope you told the police. If anyone suspects child abuse and doesn't report it then they are,in the eyes of the law,guilty too. I hope for your sake and the childs you turned him for investigation. May God be with you.
---Darlene_1 on 1/25/08

My two younger sisters and myself are forever wrestling, punching, tickle-til-you-cant-breath, slapping(on the bootie) with my dad, im 33, 18, 16. None of us have ever thought/felt anything nasty like that. Our dad is a great and loving christian man who loves his family. Anyone who would just outright assume something like that prob has some prev. issues with sexual abuse-because it is normal, we play fight all the time--what is not normal is to assume that the dad is doing something inappropriate.
---emtp on 1/25/08

A few more clarifications. This wasn't behavior that had been going on for years. This was behavior that started when she became fully developed. Someone asked about why I thought horrible things about my husband. There had been many things since the beginning of the marriage that had eroded trust, and then it came into the home with this situation. I'm sure this is another blog - what to do when trust is gone and one finds themselves looking over their shoulder, even in their own home.
---becky on 1/25/08

Thanks Alan. I was the stepmom in the situation, and I was worried! There's more that happened in the same category.It ended up being part of the reason I left the home, I was told I was the overreacting one. My gut kept telling me something just wasn't right. Sometimes, I need to bounce my reactions off others.
---becky on 1/24/08

They all sound inappropriate to me. It shouldn't be necessary for even the mum to do any of these things. The flirtines and grabbing the upper leg particularly worry me. A teenage girl is approaching womanhood and this needs pointing out to this father.
---RitaH on 1/24/08

Totally inappropriate and if you tell him to stop and he doesn't, then seek counselling first (because he may not agree to it at first). Then bring him with you. Ask him WHY he does these things. They can lead to other stuff, don't you realize that? This is totally inappropriate behavior and I would put a stop to it if I were her mother.
---Donna on 1/24/08

I am an only child and was very,very close to both parents but never did I see that type behavior. My Dad always wanted me to be a lady and that is how he treated me. No it is wrong,never appropriate. Girl needs to tell Dad to back off and ask Mom to help her on this. It needs to stop. Whats wrong with Mom to allow it in the first place? I agree get the girl an alarm clock.
---Darlene_1 on 1/24/08

Oh, let me guess.
I see the new wave of questions that have moved from loveless marriage to problems with the way daddy handles the kids.

Do you know what I think you're doing?
I think you're working your house up into a frenzy of conflict, to validate your own desires.
Yes, I think you want some solid ground to stand on and now you're using the kids as a weapon. Oh, how manipulating.
---Cindy on 1/24/08

I think to assume anything horrible is wrong and judgemental. You should ask your daughter how she feels and if her dad has violated her. You should also ask yourself why you think horrible things about your husband. My husband still wrestles around with our daughter (tickles, slapping the boodie) and it is innocent! I know nothing inappropriate is going on.
---Denise on 1/24/08

Your influence is scarier.
I would be as leery of your influence on the teenaged son as much as this scenario, true or untrue.
---Cindy on 1/24/08

Probably the better solution at her age is to buy her a reliable alarm clock.

She may actually appreciate the attention now but at some point she will mature and it will become an issue. Just continue to let her know that she is loved.
---notlaw99 on 1/24/08

I have had four daughters.
None of those things are appropriate ... in fact they are MOST inappropriate, and if this is happening, her mother should be worried.
What's wrong with speaking to wake her up?
---alan_of_UK on 1/24/08

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