The only thing you can do is ask your husband to speak to her, then have a frank discussion with her together if needed, continue to set boundaries and make those boundaries clear to her, and enforce consequences. If she violates the rules, then leave. Or let her know she's welcome back when she can respect your rules, etc.
Otherwise nothing will change.
---Lisa on 7/5/11|
Talk to your husband first and find out what he feels about having a mom like that, before you initiate anything on your own. Above all, you want peace in your home. Going against mom may bring out the beast in hubby.If he does not like what mom is doing then ease in a couple suggestion to him. Suggest that you two move away to another town or city. Move far enough away that she cannot get to you/him very easily. Or speak to her face to face(gently, at first)let her know you are adults and will not tolerate this behaviour any longer. If she does not stop, you will have nothing more to do with her. And always pray that God will move these stumbling blocks out of your/his way. Remain faithful to God and keep respecting her as a mother-n-law.
---Robyn on 4/21/11|
my in-laws were always giving my husband depression pills so that he can't reason.when they asked me to do it,i backed off and got my him off it.while staying at in-laws we paid them money and not only this we gave all our gifts from marriage to them and she has all my jewellery.My MIL spents most of her time outside the house and she even enjoys the company of other men to which my FIL doesn't seem to have any problem.they took every bit of penny from my husband and spent for their lavish life.they used to torture me for not getting them dowry.Now I dont even talk to them since past two years. she has been using all her male friends and relativesso that me and my husband has no job and have to go back so that they can again began the torture.
---nazafia on 3/3/11|
RitaH: I am so sorry. I did not see your request for the authors of the book "Boundaries." They are Drs. Cloud and Townsend. They are Christians.
---Trish9863 on 3/31/08|
I agree with Jack, don't make your husband choose between the two of you. He needs his mother in his life and he needs you. I have a d-i-l that keeps me from seeing our 2 year old grandson and I believe with all my heart that our son feels like he has to let this happen in order to keep his marriage and his son. We've lost two children, our son and grandson, I urge you to ask God to give you love and wisdom toward your m-i-l, she may not even be aware of how you feel and ya'll need to talk.
---debbie on 3/31/08|
Trish, I have a vague recollection of hearing about the book Boundaries before but have never seen a copy. Would you give me the author's name please, I'd like to check it out? Thanks.
---RitaH on 1/29/08|
The "Christian thing to do" is to talk to your mother in law, not all these strangers on this website.
---Susie on 1/28/08|
Is this your husband's first marriage or subsequent?
If this is a second marriage MinLaw's tend to have a soft spot for the first wife.
The answer is always repentance and forgiveness. Without that, you won't find any peace in your home. Repent for every offence. Ask for the Holy Spirit's help. He can tell you exactly what it to repent for. Then forgive her and ask God to help her forgive you. Only then will peace come to your house.
---Cindy on 1/28/08|
pray for her ,she cares about you she just dont show it in the right way maybe she dont know how to but shes your mother don't do anything you"ll be sorry for later because one day she'll be gone.show her love and kindness,'think' what would JESUS do.
---judy on 1/27/08|
First of all, pray for her. Secondly, read "Boundaries" and implement the suggestions in that book. Third, keep praying for her.
---Trish9863 on 1/27/08|
Spend time with God and get encouraged and get closer with your husband and grow together in how you are going to relate with her. Take advantage of this to become a better person with God in love, and to get stronger in your relationship with your husband. And go for a good relationship with her, as your objective, not just to get rid of her as a problem. Show her what loving respect is.
---Bill_bila5659 on 1/26/08|
The Christian thing to do is to understand that her railing comes from fear and to have compassion that she is caught up in folly.
Proverbs 26:4 (there's a time and place for 26:5) 2 Timothy 2:24-26
In short don't let it get to you. No matter how hard we try we can't change people's minds. Time and experience will calm her down.
---Pharisee on 1/26/08|
I would be curious to hear your MIL's side of the story.
Don't foget--for how many years was she the dominant influence in your husband's life? Old habits die hard.
I hope your husband isn't forced to choose between his mother and his wife. I've seen this happen, and if he's the right kind of man, he'll have to choose you.
---Jack on 1/26/08|