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Mom's Ungodly Lifestyle

I'm 15. My mom left my dad about 1 year and a half ago-he's a Christian and lives it while my mom turned from God and has lived with several different guys for about 3 months at a time. I know it's wrong, she's wrong, and I don't want to accept the sin or be around that life. Any ideas?

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 ---Vince on 2/11/08
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Vince, you can accept and honor your mother without accepting or honoring the sin. She needs to be covered, not exposed. When Noah got drunk, he had one son who exposed him and two who covered him. The two who covered him were blessed and the one who exposed him became their servant. He was actually cursed by Noah. We have been redeemed from the curse of the law, however, we can continue to walk in the darkness of it.
---Linda on 4/5/08

she 'turned from God' when she started hanging out with people she worked with. she stopped going to church, stopped doing any family stuff, started going out all the time, not coming home, drinking and stuff-just changed completely. all she raised us not to do she does and tells us its ok now cuz shes an adult.really selfish--she even took our playstation for herself-wont let us play it cuz she is
---vince on 2/29/08

It's highly possible that your mom might need a deliverance, vince.
When she's in her right mind, she'll be able to return to your dad and your siblings.
She'll be able, she'll be sound and she'll prioritize the family once again.
Whether she's living away or right there in the home, when she comes back to a sound mind, you'll really have your mom back.
---Bob on 2/29/08

Vince, do you know that even a Christain can do bad stuff? You say your mom 'turned from God', was this about the time the divorced happened? Cause maybe she is acting out is some crazy way due to effects the divorce had on her. This is just a thought. Do you have any idea why she 'turned from God'?
---sue on 2/29/08


why would he want someone like that back after all shes done? its gross.
---vinnie on 2/28/08

You are correct, it is not logical, and it is called unconditional love, the sort that God has for all his wayward children.

If you really want to see the reasons why Dad says that, read the Bible book of Hosea
---Observer on 2/29/08

i know my dad prays 4 her and believes 1 day she'll return to Jesus and maybe then to our family and possibly their marriage. He says she knows the truth and God will use that to deal with her her even if shes doing stuff now. I don't. If she knows truth, whys she doing what she is?other than my dad, we dont want her back. i kinda think my dads crazy. why would he want someone like that back after all shes done? its gross.
---vinnie on 2/28/08

Bob, or the other way around. Both parents need to work TOGETHER on raising good kids.
---sue on 2/28/08

"i think sue said she needs to hear mom's side--i don't know why. "
I agree with you vince, being you have described your mom oh so
---Nana on 2/28/08

If God delivered my cousin that was care free and laid with many men knowing that she had 3 children that needed her to get her act together. The lord will deliver your mother. Malachi 3:17 says "And they shall be mine, saith the Lord of hosts, that day when I make up my jewel, and I will spare them as a man spareth his own son that serveth him." I ask that you be in agreement with me asking God to deliver your mother and forgive her all her trespasses. He listens and always hears.
---Regenia on 2/27/08

Vince you can't hold your Mom up to your christian lifestyle ...many parents don't attend their childrens events, or be with them often if at all because they're working several jobs to pay bills's sad to see any child torn up over a parent who is self absorbed and detached ...remember the better times with her, focus on schoolwork helping your siblings with theirs while at her home and doing activities with your siblings around the house that keep you away from her
---Rhonda on 2/27/08

...making her wrong in her sins and lies won't change anything for you and siblings now ...I doubt anyone here could give idea's to work through the pain out a minister for prayer counsiling in your church - for ways to move past the hurt ...hurt very easily turns to anger when it isn't handled a minor just because you live with her by court orders doesn't mean you have to accept her sins but don't live through them either ...many blessings and prayers for you your siblings and your parents
---Rhonda on 2/27/08

Joint custody, dads often do not know what's going on over at mom's house.
---Bob on 2/27/08

here's the thing-we're not beat or locked in rooms or anything. its just my mom is not a christian-i think sue said she needs to hear mom's side--i don't know why. she has changed guys shes slept with every 2-3 months and cares more about herself and that than us. she doesn't take any interest in us or do anything with us-we're just 'there' until we can go to my dads-she NEVER calls us, NEVER attends anything of ours and lies, lies, lies
---vince on 2/27/08

its just her attitudes,words,actions are not the best for us. my dad helps my little brother study every night for 1-2 hours cuz he needs help-my mom doesn't want to so she says shes 2 tired and plays guitar hero or helps 4 10minutes. its spiritual problem and following God-setting an example rather than just living for yourself-she's taken drugs-found her stuff-but not while we're there--lawyers say its not bad enough for law-but shes not Godly and my dad is,thats our problem-dont want 2b with mom
---vince on 2/27/08

Bob, the lifestyle of Vince's mother is sinning by living with her multiple ever-changing boyfriends ...and yes it would be very unusual for a court to make a determination to pull Vince from his mother because he is a christian and he wants to be parented only by a christian who doesn't live with her frequent male friends ...Vince has never mentioned the kind of neglect you have written about and if that was the case then his father would be in deep trouble too for allowing it
---Rhonda on 2/27/08

A mother, this week, left her three young children home alone to go out for the night. She arrived back in the morn to find the police at her house. Little children called 911. Max penalty for her could be 30 years in the pen.

There are parents, and there are people who have children. Child neglect is very serious.
---Bob on 2/27/08

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There are only two things you can do:

1) Pray for her earnestly.

2) The next time she is string out, call Child Protective Services, then call Dad to get you and siblings.

That will do two things:
1) Eventually get her the help she needs. They can make her do things.

2) Get you away for a while.

You can not fix mother, but you can have others help her help herself
---Observer on 2/26/08

Oh Linda, lifestyle of the parent has everything to do with a custody case.
Judges tend to pull children out of homes where there's meth use, abuse, beatings, neglect, no meals provided, on and on.
---Bob on 2/26/08

Bob, laws of land do not equate sins of his mother as being unfit - lifestyle doesn't factor into most custody cases ..laws would require neglecting or physcially abusing children ...doesn't appear from Vince posts his father see's any danger (more disappointment) ...Vince is concerned with her lifestyle (her sins from his christian perspective) ...his father isn't taking action because unlikely courts would move forward with how christian child would like to be parented by a non-christian parent
---Rhonda on 2/26/08

Vince, I'm thinking in a case like this I would need to hear the mom's side also. It is not that I dont believe you, no way, but it would only be fair, right?
Just please stay safe and keep praying.

I do believe God has something very special in store for you.
---sue on 2/26/08

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vince, say what? Child custody is taken very seriously by most court systems.
The safety of the children is the number one priority.
Have you stopped contact with your mother?
Quite frequently, contact is stopped until the negligent or unfit parent is back on board.
---Bob on 2/25/08

my dad has talked to attorney's but they've told him it wouldn't be likely custody would change now. even drug use-unless shes totally strung out doesnt matter. my dad prays 4 her everyday. she won't change-she lies and wants us to accept the latest guy she's living with as godly and not have any problems with it. yeah rite!
---vince on 2/25/08


From what you write, your mom may have a problem that requires intervention of others. Talk to dad and seek his advice.

Meanwhile, here are suggestions:
1) Pray for and unconditionally love your mom, she is the only one you have

2) Talk to your pastor or youth pastor. You can not fix her, you can not carry her burden, and you have to be a kid, not a therapist or fixer-upper.
---John_T on 2/22/08

I just want to add one thing to everyone's good advice. Your mother living with 3 different guys within the space of a year and a half doesn't bode well for clear judgment on her part. What kind of guys is she picking out? How do they treat you? have you ever felt unsafe with any of these boyfriends? Is there any way you can go live with either your father (preferably) or a relative who can provide a stable environment for you to live in? Please write again & let us know how things are going.
---Ginette on 2/20/08

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Vince my cousin did same thing to her husband 3 children it's heartbreaking to hear ...very hard to seperate person from the sin ...parents are not perfect Christian is perfect ...every Christian struggles with judging - it sounds like your father is not judging your mother - follow his lead appears from your posts your mother and her boyfriends aren't physically mentally abusing you or siblings ...take eyes off your mothers sins focusing on God with prayer ...many blessings prayers for you
---Rhonda on 2/20/08

vince, I'm glad that you're not homeschooled.

There is safety in a multitude of counselors and teachers in your case.
Tell your mother that she needs help. If she neglects her children, it's possible that you will be with your dad, fulltime, and you will not have to worry about her boyfriends. It's possible that younger siblings have confided in their teachers and adults all around you are concerned and looking out for your welfare.
---Bob on 2/17/08

Do you have relatives, good role models for you and your siblings? Aunts, grandmothers, grandmotherly female teachers?
When kids have trouble at home, God works in ways that will bring the right people along that you can lean on.

Fight hard now, not to follow the path your mother has taken. When you're older and on your own, you will not make the same mistakes. Help the younger ones, it's hard for young kids to understand an absentee mother. Not there for them in body or in her right mind.
---Bob on 2/17/08

"You know what, vince, you actually sound like the "parent" and far older than your 15 years on earth."
---Bob on 2/16/08

I agree ..., over-and-out.
---Nana on 2/17/08

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Well, i'm not homeschooled. idont know where that came from. my dad is great..he is always there for us..gets us whatever we need...makes time for us..listens and talks 2 us, prays with us. sacrifices a lot i think 4 us. great dad id say. teaches us to love our mom but not accept the sin. his hands are tied in getting us all the time.
---vince on 2/17/08

4 me, other than from my dad, i guess im asking-just because she's our mom..biblically..can and should we stand up to her for god's commandments and not accept boyfriends and immorality and sin. it says to obey your parents IN THE LORD. she's NOT and i don't want her to infloence me or my bro and sis. if she's choosing sin and wickedness shouldn't we say no to that and not accept it? by the way..i only have to watch my bro and sis at my moms
---vince on 2/17/08

You know what, vince, you actually sound like the "parent" and far older than your 15 years on earth. That happens in broken families, the children end up parenting their parents that are unable to function or cope with everyday life.
You stay strong, vince. Stay close to God, look out for the smaller children. God will help you do that.
Forgive your mother and strive not to repeat her mistakes. Turn that bad situation around for yourself and siblings.
---Bob on 2/16/08

Well Praise God for you !!! What a testimony for a 15 year old... Yah..for you....This is wonderful. So refreshing, and sincere, I am very glad to have read your post. And I urge you to keep up your stand on sin. Jesus said that sin would seperate us, so, you are doing the right thing. Perhaps your mother will come to know the Lord, because of your witness, and refusal to be a party to this kind of lifestyle.
---Gayla on 2/16/08

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Vince, why won't your dad help you? I'm thinking that if your mother is as bad as you say, your father would know and do something about it. Please TRY not to judge your mother. Maybe talk to your dad more. If he doesn't help, talk to a school authority. God bless you.
---sue on 2/16/08

vince, are you and your siblings homeschooled?

There is a downside of homeschooling that no one talks about. Child neglect.

There are parents that use homeschooling as a babysitting service, using the older children to watch the younger ones. Very little schooling or learning going on, it is child neglect.

If you're homeschooled, vince, it would be better to be in an environment where teachers and others can offer you and your siblings some positive attention, care.
---Bob on 2/16/08

Out of concern for you and your siblings (if you have them), if you do attend a public school system, there are counselors there that you can speak with.
Never let things get out of hand at home for you/siblings when help is available.
Child neglect is a serious thing, and why I approve of public schools for situations like this. There are people that care, vince, and you must find them if your parents will not help you.
---Bob on 2/16/08

my parents have shared parenting..every other week..the lawyers say its tough to break that without really bad stuff happening-you can be a bad parent but still have custody they say. My dad says we should love my mom but know things she may be doing is wrong and pray for her.
---vince on 2/16/08

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But she IS like poison!!! She teaches my 6 year old brother to lie, swear, be angry, treat my dad terribly...then she tells him that her boyfriends and the way she acts is from God!!! Me and my sister don't allow her to tell us that stuff cuz we know better-so she tells him cuz he's little and accepts it. That's the question--because of how she is..just cuz she's our we 'have' to be around her? I think it hurts us in long run.
---vince on 2/16/08

You can start by forgiving your mother, vince.
Honesty and integrity are characteristics that parents instill in their children. Parents cultivate and continually build up their children by honesty and integrity.
Without a mother cultivating those qualities in you, vince, you're going to have to avoid following in your mother's footsteps.
Lean on your father and your heavenly Father and ask for His guidance.
---Bob on 2/16/08

vince, you should not surround yourself with her lifestyle but don't allow bitterness and unforgiveness in your heart.
Do you have other siblings that you are responsible for, vince? If so, take good care of them while your father is out of the house.
---Bob on 2/16/08

Google "Love thy neighbor, Spurgeon".
The very first 4 people who answered you asked you a question.
Please answer that question and know that they do not ask it for
their benefit but yours.
---Nana on 2/15/08

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Here is a bit of that Sermon:
"There may be some acts of kindness which would be imprudent,
seeing that by doing them I might ruin others, and reward vice. I
am bound to set my face against him, as I am just, but I feel I
ought not to set my heart against him, for he is my brother-man,
and though the devil has besmeared his face, and spits his venom
in his mouth, so that when he speaks he speaks in oaths, and when
---Nana on 2/15/08

he walks, his feet are swift to shed blood, yet he is a man, and as a
man he is my brother, and as a brother I am bound to love him,
and if by stooping I can lift him up to something like moral dignity, I
am wrong if I do not do it, for I am bound to love him as I love
myself. O, I would to God that this great law were fully carried out.
Ah, my hearers, you do not love your neighbours, you know you do
---Nana on 2/15/08

not. You do not hardly love all the people who go to the same chapel.
Certainly, you would not think of loving those who differ from you in
opinionwould you? That would be too strange a charity. Why, you
hardly love your own brothers and sisters."
---Nana on 2/16/08

wow, Vince, first of all your mom is NOT poison. She sounds like she's sick. Can you lovingly explain to her that she needs to get into some kind of Christian counsling? or any kind of counsling? Let her know just how much you love her, every single day.
---sue on 2/15/08

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not 2 concerned for's just sick that my dad is a great dad, good husband, great guy...solid Christian. did a lot and sacrificed 4my mom and she thru him under bus and treats him like dirt-us kids too kinda, sleeps around with guy after guy, just turned-well,wicked--and it makes me sick. She's such a selfish, immoral,liar-how do I respect her? Am i 'supposed' to have a relationship with her? how? she's like poison.
---vince on 2/15/08

she just goes against pretty much EVERYTHING we've ever been taught and raised with--totally unChristian, and then she trys to make it like everythings okay, says God wants all this stuff to be happening and trys to 'rope in' my youngest brother cuz he doesn't know any better yet. It's sick. It's more a spiritual battle than physical but is it my 'duty' to be 'the son' just because I came out of her body and she's my mom by nothing else than that at this point?
---vince on 2/15/08

No advice, but I do have a warning--for your safety, keep an eye on your mom's boyfriends, until you can be sure they can be trusted.

And if you have ANY concerns take them to both your mother and father. And to the cops, if necessary.

Stay safe, and stay strong.
---Nancy on 2/15/08

Yes, i'm a dad is too-so was my mom. I do pray for her. but i don't want to be around her influence. she like lies and seems to not be able to face the truth of what she's done or is doing. Hurts my dad, my sister, my brother, and me. Is it wrong to love her and want her to change, but not want to be around her and lifestyle unless she does?
---vince on 2/13/08

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Vince, it's hard to separate the sin from the sinner when the sin has brought the locust to our tent.

Vince you have to to love mom the best you can and pray for her, ask God for specific things to happen to her, they have to be in a spirit of blessing to set her free from the devil 2Tim 2:24-26, He wants us to ask (Mat 7:1-7) but his judgment is for him alone.

Wash her clean with tears and prayers and put them to use with faith in the power of God, the Christian army advances on it's knees.
---Pharisee on 2/12/08

The only thing to add is that in Matthew 7:7 Jesus is literally saying to continually ask and look for his timing, being patient and suffering to watch another day.

Taking on the life of Christ is entirely impossible unless it's your greatest fascination. Have you been born again as a child of God?
---Pharisee on 2/12/08

Yea, Flee.++++
---catherine on 2/12/08

You are old enough by court standards to make the decision with whom you would like to live.
Is your dad willing to let you live with him?
God bless you, I pray things work out for the best for you.
---NVBarbara on 2/12/08

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Since you are a minor, you have no say. But you do have options. As already stated by others, you can ask your mother if she would let you live with your Dad. Or you could also go to court and file a paper to request emancipation, that is taking reponsibility for your own life as an adult rather than your mother continuing to be responsible for you. And maybe your Dad could help you with this, and to find a job if necessary and you could either live with him or get an apartment of your own.
---Eloy on 2/11/08

Vince ... Do you live with your mother or your father?
---alan_of_UK on 2/11/08

Who has custody of you? If you are living with your mom, ask if your dad can have custody of you.
---Trish9863 on 2/11/08

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