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My Mom Is Acting Out

My Dad recently died. Now, my Mom is being intimate with a new (unmarried) guy, gambling, clubbing, and dressing provocatively. I told her God disapproves, She says no one can know what God is like. How do I deal with this without blowing up at her like I've done before?

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 ---Ebony on 2/21/08
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Acting out in this manner is a sign of masking the pain that she feels from his death. Maybe by you being younger than her, she may not respect your opinion, but you must let her know how bad this makes you feel to see her acting out in this manner.
---Nina on 4/9/08

There is not much you can do at this point, because she does not see her need for help. At this point, she will not listen to you because she be may mouring your father's death, and because you are her child and children to not tell their parents what to do, is her frame of mind. If she's open to listening to anyone, it may be a close Christian friend or the pastor. Have a friend point out 2 Corinthains 6:14. But most of all, pray for her that she may see what she is doing is wrong.
---wivv on 2/24/08

If you believe in the power of prayer, pray for your mother.
A preaching daughter is not easily accepted in her family home. That's scriptural.
Jesus said it would be difficult in your own town, stomping grounds.

Pray for laborers to be sent across her path, it does not have to be you. God will send people in the most remarkable ways, in the grocery store or hairdresser. God has His ways, and they are better, higher and without anger or arguments.
---Cindy on 2/24/08

Often people who feel repressed will act out once they feel freed up. By telling her God disapproves it smacks of judgment and she won't listen. Once my Mom was going out with a married guy. I just listened without judgment. I asked her later if she still was going to her prayer group. When she said "no" I knew it was from shame but I encouraged her to go anyway, that Jesus sits in the midst of sin and to bring Him even on her dates with this guy. Shortly after she let go of that relatitonship.
---Ginette on 2/22/08

Part 2: I also agree with the answer from "Donna" about the possible causes. I have found many people change after I treat them like adults and let them know that I'm not saying their behavior is ok but what I believe God is interested in is a change from within. There are already too many Christians who act like Christians but whose hearts are unchanged and they are judgmental, bitter, etc. The love of Christ does not shine through them.
---Ginette on 2/22/08

Whether they know it or not, people in this world want to know the light and love of Christ. Just love your Mom and when religion pops up just encourage her to keep Jesus with her whether it's through reading the Bible and/or praying. Encourage her to bring Jesus' presence into whatever she's doing. After all, Jesus came to be among sinners. She may not be able to do this because of shame but keep loving her and encouraging her.
---Ginette on 2/22/08

I also just lost my father on Feb 4th and I'm not acting out one bit. Sounds like your mother is using coping mechanisms and going into rebellion over the death of your dad. Pray for her. Ask God to draw her to Himself. Be gentle with her no matter how hard it is - she's just acting out her frustration, hurt and pain over your father's death. I've dealth with the pain in a different way-I drew closer to the Lord and spend time in prayer and the word, it's the only way I know to cope with death right now.
---Donna on 2/21/08

The simple fact is Ebony YOU can't deal with this at all, neither could I.

I've been in situations like this with family, and I can tell you all the ranting and raving I did in my own strength were a shame to me.

The few words I gave when given to me to speak however make the difference. If you let your passions control you in this you'll make people angry, and exclude the Holy Spirit.
Pray as often as you can remember to pray for her and just wait. God will open the door.
---Pharisee on 2/21/08

Your mother is an adult. Mind your own business.
---Jack on 2/21/08

Your mom is in emotional pain and is acting out to numb herself from that pain. She needs counseling or therapy to help her work through her grief, and to understand what she is doing to you with her behavior. Pray for her first of all, and then ask her to take you to family counseling.
---Trish9863 on 2/21/08

I dont really have any advice on what you can do about this except to pray and keep talking to your mom, but I do know why she's doing it. She is feeling lonesome and doesn't want to grow old alone. This happened to my sister and she ended up marrying somebody who she didn't really love or in her best interest. Now shes stuck with him.Tell your mom that she deserves the best, no matter how long it takes, even if the best is herself.
---sue on 2/21/08

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