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Will Husband Improve

If someone gets married to a quiet guy, is there a chance that this guy will eventualy improve maybe when they get kids or never?

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 ---Lillian on 3/16/08
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What you see is what you get. People can change if they get help from God and if THEY WANT to. There needs to be a need for change. Basically it has been my experience that the basic personality of the person you marry will probably stay constant. That is why it is important to look at it before you marry bc it probably NOT change. You must have liked "quiet" at some point bc u married him. Right? What has changed?:)
---jody on 4/29/08


Well I was very "quiet" when I was younger, but as I matured, and yes had kids, I kind of grew more comfortable with myself and became less and less shy.

Sometimes having kids will bring out the playfulness in a person, but I dont know exactly what you mean by 'quiet'.

My opinion: 'quiet guys' are very cool.
---sue on 3/18/08


If he is quiet and nice you should praise God. He may become noisier. Children may help. On the otherhand, he may help to bring about some well-behaved children. Praise God for that. Be thankful. Do not try and change him. That is God's job, my friend.
---catherine on 3/18/08


I am a shy person. I don't like striking up a conversation first to someone I don't know. There is nothing wrong with being shy or quiet a person. My son is the same way. Even in front of his grandparents he whispers to me. Some people are like that. I'd rather be around someone that is quiet than be around someone that is loud and speaks whatever they are thinking. Those people are annoying.
---Rebecca_D on 3/17/08


Any "defect" you find in a potential marriage partner will be a thousand times worse after the wedding. Don't make this man miserable by marrying him if you are already finding fault with him.
---Susie on 3/17/08




So, what's wrong with quiet? You are making it sound like a disease. One of the things I did as a missionary was to give Personal Profiles, and sometimes a person just has a personality that is, "quiet". If this is the case with your husband, to try and change him may cause more problems than it solves. He was probably quiet before marriage, why do you want to change him now?
---wivv on 3/16/08


Last thought, will you improve?
When the children arrive, will you improve?

It's so easy to point out flaws in our husband or wife, when we have forests of them in our own lives. If your husband is too flawed in your eyes, I would think it over about a million times before you have any children.
---Mark on 3/16/08


"rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4)

Being quiet, then, can be *very* pleasing to God. Is he quiet in the way that is pleasing to God, or are you talking about something else? Are *you* gentle and quiet in God's Spirit, so you are pleasing to Him? Pleasing God is more important than a guy pleasing you.
---Bill_bila5659 on 3/16/08


*Why* is he quiet?

I'm quiet, a lot of the time, because I'm busy sensing for God. But I'll talk generously with a woman while I am with her, because God wants me to love people, by communicating with them.

So, does he communicate with you? If he doesn't, I think in marriage you should first have a man who cares about *you* enough to share with *you*, never mind if he "might" open up with kids, someday.
---Bill_bila5659 on 3/16/08


Some things are fixed, like personalities.
If you knew he was quiet before you married him, you can expect him to remain quiet while you're married. People rarely, if ever change.
Fixer uppers, that's what women want. They really should buy old homes, fix them up and make a profit.
Fixer uppers, men, rarely change.
Genetics play a large role.
---Mark on 3/16/08




Fixer uppers. Many women think having children will fix their marriage.
Wrong.
A fixer upper marriage, needing so many improvements according to the wife, will find out that the holes in the roof, appear even larger with children. The house will be crowded with even more improvements needed to make the house liveable.
---Mark on 3/16/08


No-one should ever marry with the idea that they can change the other person in any way at all. The person you see now might remain exactly the same or there might be small or huge changes over years, and the same applies to yourself. Sadly, you seem to feel that his being a quiet guy is a bad thing as you refer to 'improvement'. If you feel that improvement is necessary I think that you are probably not ready to marry yet.
---RitaH on 3/16/08


Are you saying there's something WRONG with his being quiet?
---Jack on 3/16/08


BTW, Lillian, if you think you can change a man by marrying him, you know nothing about either men or marriage.
---Jack on 3/16/08


You should not rely on any change, and then you will not be disappointed. Wow to the people who look forward to and expect change. Taking action and looking forward to change is a sure route to heartbreak and disappointment. I have many people that I'm counseling to about this very thing. Many married Catholics hoping they would change.
---Mima on 3/16/08


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