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Can't Stand My Husband

I truly feel like people can marry the wrong person. I have been married for 3 years and I can't stand be married to him. I try my best to be a good christian and wife. The whole 3 years have been miserable. I just continue to seek the Lord's guidance.

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 ---Misha on 3/20/08
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Elisabeth,
"Because there is no peace there, it is definitely not God's will"? How do you know God's will of anothers life? Do you know His will for your own life? It is usually after a period of trials as a test of ones faith, and great personal difficulty that one later understands Gods will for him or her.
---Ken on 5/30/08


It sounds as though he was not the one that God intended for you to marry...Because if there is no Peace there, it is definitely not God's Will...However, you must get to the root of the problem...What is he doing that is making you that miserable...You both made a vow to God so you must pray for God to change both you and Him...There are very few options that allow for divorce...
---Elisabeth on 5/21/08


Some people completely change characters after they have trapped a person into marriage. This is not just the stuff of novels, it does happen. Since this marriage is so recent and this person is so happy, I think they have done a good job staying so far, but would recommend divorce is things are too intolerable.
---frances008 on 3/27/08


You are doing the right thing. However, I wouldn't be telling the world how rotten he is.
---catherine on 3/27/08


Is he a jerk? Is he dangerous? Or is he just annoying? Or is it that you just don't want to be married? Or that you don't want to be married to *him*?

Answer those questions, and you'll have a start as to what to do.

And remember, nobody ever said you had to be with him 24/7. If you dislike him that badly, do things that don't involve him.

(If he's truely obnoxious, I recommend getting a job where you work the hours he's home. Or take a job out of state. He'll get the hint.)
---Nancy on 3/27/08




It doesn't matter now whether he was the wrong or right person. God hates divorce. Stop looking at your husband & start looking to God. You may not be able to love or submit to your husband but can you to God? Pray for God to change your heart, to help you see your husband the way God sees him.
---melann on 3/27/08


Have you ever noticed when you drive that if you focus on something on the side of the road, the car starts going that direction? It's true in marriage too. Don't focus on the bad. Try to find something to admire in him as a person, everyone has good qualities.
---melann on 3/27/08


What do you mean? Is the guy beating you up, psychologically abusing you, not loving you? Be more specific please.

A lot of people marry because they are in lust and when the lust has been satisfied, the marriage is empty.

A marriage based on mutually agreed ideas, a desire for children (or not), etc. genuine love which is that they care about each other deep down and respect each other. These things are more important.
---frances008 on 3/26/08


** If you touch occult tools, you'll get occult manifestations.**

Doesn't St. Paul condemn the superstion of "touch not, taste not, handle not"? Col 2:20-22
---Jack on 3/26/08


Misha-I married the wrong person for the wrong reasons and I stayed in the marriage, letting him abuse me. Then one day GOD removed him and he was arrested. Pray to God your Father and ask HIM what to do. Ask God to change your husband's heart and to help you see him in a different light. What can't you stand about him? How did that change in 3 years? You need a prayer partner, what is your regular email address? We can pray together for God to work a miracle in this relationship.
---Donna on 3/25/08




The Bible says that love never fails. How about trying some of that? You have chosen not to love your husband. And you say you are trying your best to be a good Christian wife? Every marriage will be successful if the 2 people will love eachother.
---john on 3/25/08


Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.

Witchcraft prayers. Prayer takes many forms ranging from the good the bad and the ugly.

It is the same as using a Ouija Board in ignorance of the spirit in back of it. It's done in ignorance, but the spirits don't really care whether you know about such things or not. If you touch occult tools, you'll get occult manifestations.
---Cindy on 3/25/08


Don't make the mistake of thinking that the devil cannot kill steal and destroy. the only people he cannot touch are those who are under the blood of Jesus but he can get men to touch them. Only those under the blood are free of any curse but if you backslide and this is what Satan is counting on, and deceived into thinking that you are all right
using false doctrine to justify your sin, you are the devils play purty.
---exzucuh on 3/24/08


Cindy, you give Satan way too much credit. He has no 'curses' to put the whammy on anyone. He has no power over the physical world. The only power he has is the power we give him, through fear, anger, and worry.
---Deb on 3/24/08


When someone opens their heart, why are they condemned so easily? It breaks my heart to read some of these posts.

God doesn't want you or your husband miserable. He loves you equally. Things can change. Pray for help, for him, and for yourself. Try ignoring what you dislike and concentrating on what you do. He can't be all bad, you married him! Talk to him honestly, with kindness.

If it stays awful after working at it, rethink staying married.
---Deb on 3/24/08


Cindy...I suggest one thing to you. Get as far away as you can from those Word of Faith preachers that you are listening to. They are teaching witchcraft and you are repeating it on this site.
---Susie on 3/24/08


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God does not answer witchcraft prayers.
Asking repeatedly that someone might perish and be removed from the face of the earth - is witchcraft. God does not answer those.

But if you pray witchcraft prayers repeatedly, day after day, the devil will begin to use that one to speak his curses.
They do not realise that they are cursing their own life and being used as a tool or pawn to do his bidding.
---Cindy on 3/24/08


Hating your husband, hating anyone and repeatedly cursing your husband and others is cursing your own life.
Eventually, the mind and heart will become so filled with hatred for others than your own mind and heart will disconnect and that one will no longer desire to obey God.
It is defined as a reprobate mind.
---Cindy on 3/24/08


Human doing or works, a form of godliness.

Prayer junkies use recipes, but they do not constitute an obligation on God's part to answer.

Repeatedly praying the same prayers, over and over with more faith in the repetition or method or recipe is having more faith in the method - than faith in Almighty God.

God hears the first time. He does not require a recipe or method. He answers prayers from a sincere and contrite heart.
---Cindy on 3/24/08


What works for me AAALLLL of the time is this advice-separate yourself from that environment meaning your husband and home for 40rty days spend your days through fasting and prayers after the 40th day the answer will come to you from above. Recieve communion before, throughout, and after your fast. This must be done with all of your heart and soul without a single blemish of sin. If you feel that you cant do this task without sinning then it is best u don't try it. God Bless You.
---Antonio on 3/23/08


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You need to make the best of a bad situation. My suggestion is to find a qualified, Christian, Marriage Counselor and go for joint counseling. You should find one that neither you or you husbands knows. The Bible has quite a bit of information on a husband and wife relatioship, so I suggest you read it. Also ask youself, "why did I marry him in the first place?" Write it down, and answer it, than use your answer as a startng place to build up that relationship.
---wivv on 3/22/08


God might be testing you. Malachi 2:16 says, "God hates divorce..." Regardless of whether your husband is of faith, or just a weaker brother, work through it, pray about, communicate with him, seek marital counseling.

"And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband..."
-I Corinthians 7:13-14
---Ryan on 3/22/08


"I have to pray that God give me strenth to deal with him" (not for me to change)

Your praying in unbelief!
The Bible doesn't have any passages for "dealing with your husband" but does talk about submission, humility, and Meekness. It does talk about "being heirs together in the grace of life" but it doesn't tell you "deal with him" as someone separate from yourself.(Eph.5:28)

The bitterness comes from the things you hold against him.
---pharisee on 3/22/08


Marriages that come from Lust or Drunken stupers & other mis-givens, Usually don't End well and 1000's of children are given away & others Killed
"True Love" is the Foundation on which one
can Build a strong house that can withstand the STORMS in Life...
And if you have a couple who's trust is in Jesus & the Love of God is in them,
NOTHING can bring that House Down!
---Duane_Dudley_Martin on 3/22/08


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Well, we don't need to be letting things add up on us. We can trust God to start us fresh, **each day***.

"'And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.'" (Mark 11:25)

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)
---Bill_bila5659 on 3/22/08


I feel for you sister. When it says don't be unevenly yoked the Word is referring to getting married to an unbeliever, however if your already married to one the Word says that's OK because the unbeliever is sanctified by the believer. Now if you find that this marriage is making life impossible to live more than abuntantly, that is as a triumphant Christian, you can always dump the bum, because All things are clean for you, it's just that not all things are edifing or expedient.1Corin10:22
---Robert on 3/22/08


**My love may very well be present, but it is hidden so deep because of his terrible disposition he displays every day.**

I wonder what he would say about your OWN dispoisition.

** I learned to pray for his salvation and for God to save him. He claims that he is saved. I can't tell.**

Maybe he can't tell if YOU are saved. Maybe you need to pray that God will work on YOUR heart intsted of his.
---Jack on 3/22/08


The good news is that since you're already married, there is no biblical reason to divorce him unless you are being abused or he is cheating on you. So, forget about that. Once you do, it will be easier to keep your head in your marraige and things won't seem quite so bad. I would start out by looking for a good christian marraige counselor. Yes, it is hard, but you'll be okay. Things were get better.
God Bless you
---L on 3/22/08


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It's a foolish notion to consider the one you married the wrong person.

The truth is WE are the "wrong person" when we say this. It's easy to look around everywhere else and find fault, but it noble, nay HOLY, to look ONLY at self and ask what am I making of this today?

The truth that hurts us is that we get what we put in all the strife and struggling that Jesus didn't die for is not only a betrayal of your partner, but of GOD through the vows your lips uttered before him.
---pharisee on 3/22/08


Another truth is one Paul stated in Corinthians that we see through a glass "dimly" at the workings of God in our life and how many times he's frustrated our ideas because we've ruined another day we should of been grateful for...the law of sin and death- you bring sin and death ensues.

It's the law God made, killing our own marriage because we won't even be grateful for what he HAS GIVEN.

We can look up and realize how much WE changed and still miss the glory he has for us.
---pharisee on 3/22/08


A mess is only a mess as long as we stay messed up, there is grace even in this moment to come to God in humility and say plainly...

I've really blown it, my husband is what he is, and only a fool will tell the wind which way to blow.
FIX MY EYES GOD, that I see him with Jesus vision, the way that you see and ache for him.
FIX MY HEART GOD, the one who tells you how my life should be, and help me learn that the teachings of the apostles will be my joy and crown.
---pharisee on 3/22/08


** I truly feel like people can marry the wrong person. I have been married for 3 years and I can't stand be married to him.**

How would you like to have it put another way: Your husaband married the wrong woman and he can't stand being married to you, though he tries his best and has been miserable for 3 years.

How does it sound now?
---Jack on 3/22/08


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I do feel one can marry the wrong spouse. The bible says do not be unequally yoked(2 cor 14:1),what does light have to do with darkness. Everyday I have to pray that God give me strenth to deal with him and not allow bitterness to over take my heart. My love may very well be present, but it is hidden so deep because of his terrible disposition he displays every day. I learned to pray for his salvation and for God to save him. He claims that he is saved. I can't tell.
---Paulette on 3/21/08


Continue to seek the Lord's guidance. Only He can tell you what the right thing is to do. Would marital counseling be a possibility? I do not know the circumstances, what about the relationship is making you miserable but I will pray for you and your marriage.
---mary on 3/21/08


NurseRobert...I guess Rebecca has forgotten about her first marriage which she has said was terrible.
---Susie on 3/21/08


Misha: It's always wise to seek the Lord's guidance. Pay attention to Him & the Lord will meet your needs by first showing you where "you" need to change rather than by your trying to change your husband. Allow the Lord to work on you & he'll use you to do the same for your husband in due time. Try seeing your husband thru God's eyes & love/respect him accordingly.

Jesus was hung up for our hang ups!
---Leon on 3/21/08


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NurseRobert: There are two sides to every story and then there is the truth, all the truth. There is something not quite right with this marriage. It doesn't take a person three years to figure out they can't stand to be married to their spouse. This woman made her bed, now she must lie in it.
---Rebecca_D on 3/21/08


I wonder what your husband would say were he to post an answer here.

You certainly don't think it's all HIS fault, do you?
---Jack on 3/21/08


Thats right, Rebecca, its all Misha's fault.

Since you don't know the particulars, it must be easy for you to judge.
---NurseRobert on 3/21/08


Your in a marriage where you can't stand to be married to your spouse, but yet you claim to be a Christian, and you want God to give what kind of guidance? God won't bless a mess. Sounds like you got married for the wrong reasons. How can you try your best at being a good Christian and a wife when you hate being married to your spouse?
---Rebecca_D on 3/20/08


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