Michael: I want to share somethig with you today: I have already given a response but I just had to share this. I know the pharisees and hypocrites will bombard me with put downs and insults but I don't care. This is for your benefit and benefit only. Today this question became really important to me. I have been married 30+ yrs. I feel like leaving my marriage also. I am unhappy,most days now. Not always. I have tried and tried to talk to a man who just won't listen and doesn't seem to care aymore. Our lines of communication has crossed and I am just plain tired of the whole darn relationship. Back and forth (insults,rages) and never resolving anything. I can only imagine what your wife may have gone through.
---Robyn on 12/8/10|
Michael: This is part 2 of what I wanted to say to you. When your wife told you she was unhappy. What did you say to her? Sometimes it does not matter what the unhappy person says or does. It is usually an accumulation of much anger,pain and hurts. Sometimes we let things go to far before we really hear the other person. Perhaps she just got tired one day and just left without so much as a goodbye. I have never opened myself up like this before--publicly. I would like to share so much more with you. Space does not allow that. But I hope you get the meat of what I was trying to say. GBU(God bless you)
---Robyn on 12/8/10|
Michael, its been two years now and we have not heard from you. Are you still around here? I hope so, so that you can tell us how it is going for you.
---Mark_V. on 12/5/10|
Correction to my last comment.Sorry about that. Meant to say:You(Michael) married the sourpuss.She did not get what she wanted , so she flew the coop on you.
---Robyn on 12/5/10|
She may have just married a sourpuss who did not get what she wanted. So she flew the coop. Some people are just selfish like that and don't mind hurting others in the process. So sorry this had to happen to you. I hope you can work things out or find out what really happened. GBU....
---Robyn on 12/3/10|
My Bro, the same exact thing happened to me across the seas from you, please do not be consumed with that thought, believe me with time you will understand, and its not always about wat you did. have you asked yourself "wat went wrong with her?"
---John on 11/30/10|
Pamela, you are absolutely correct. He could have done so many things to remedy that but it still would not be enough. As you said sometimes we do expect something in return, but true love doesn't. It loves without receiving a reward. 1 Cor. 13 is living proof of what true love is. And many times we think we have true love when in fact we do not.
Just check what I felt when this happened ot me:
I need her
I miss her
I cannot live without her
she is my whole life
Those are just examples of what we all feel, it is all about "I" myself, me.
Check that with who is true love? Christ. We love Christ, not so that we can receive something. Yet we do, but not because of our love, but because of our faith.
---MarkV. on 9/18/08|
Honey, your wife left you, period. Her unhappiness is not your responsibility. It is hers. Our delusion is that we expect for others to make us happy when that is our human job in seeking out conditions that will satisfy our need for it. Sometimes it is temporary but until she makes herself happy nobody she is ever with will or can do it. You need to do the same. Your happiness is just as important as God wants for us to live and do it well. You must have some idea as to why she was (or you are). If you pray for God's answer He will tell you in a way you will recognize what can be done about your own happiness. Easy.
---Pamela on 9/17/08|
Sometimes, the last person in the world you ever expected to betray you doesn't meet that expectation. I learned from a third party that my wife had been planning for more than a year to leave me before she did. We'd been together for 13 years (married for ten), and as an abuse survivor, she brought a lot of emotional baggage to the relationship. Even so, I never gave up on her. We started doing better and getting ahead. But after 13 years, when I was now the partner in need of support and encouragement, she wasn't interested. Her marriage vows meant nothing. You can't plan for that kind of rejection. All you can do is believe you deserve better and keep believing.
---BruceS on 8/25/08|
michael,she left for a reason,it may not be one that you understand,or ever will.it may be,or not a biblical reason.I too have been thru this,and my first wife left for wordly reasons.the second one also.then the first one again.my first wife has 4 sisters and 5 brothers,all of them told me iam too nice,too good to her,and she at the age of 60 now is still a child.
---tom2 on 8/22/08|
Sorry about that. You can't beat yourself up about it. If she can't tell you, she may not know herself. You can just pray for her and ask Jesus what he wants you to do next.
---Joseph on 8/21/08|
Having been in this situation years ago, I understand the perplexing feeling. But the advice on here is the only thing one can do. Satan never rests and demonic forces attack, singles, friendships, marriages and any aspect of a believer's life. The unsaved are also relentlessly attacked. However for the believer, we have the power of prayer and God's Word, the armor of God and the unconditional love and intercession of Jesus. Why people leave a relationship can be for so many unfounded and something out nothing reasons. Likewise it may have something to do with ourselves. Only God really knows. Important is the fact to turn all matters over to Him and as hard as it is, let your relationship with the Lord be bigger than the hurtful matter.
---Robert on 8/21/08|
Michael, Just keep your heart fixed on the LORD, I assume you're a Born Again follower of GOD (?). Trust and love Him first and foremost, even more than your spouse or mate. Your principle reason for existing is to be a humble vessel for the Lord YAHUSHUA (JESUS CHRIST). This is not meant for a band-aid. But, relationships on this Earth can be quite temporary. If there is no reconciliation with your ex-spouse, and you desire a mate, please ask Father YAHUVEH (God) to provide you with a woman of HIS choice. He will answer you. Blessings!
---Gordon on 8/21/08|
complaing is a natural state of the flesh.remember the israelites?moses came God performed many miracles,parted the sea,killed all the egyptians.rain food from heaven and all they did was complain and sin.to the point where only 2 of the original nearly 2 million original people who left egypt were allowed to enter into the promised land.why?because people want and expect happy from this life,instead of realizing that it comes from a REAL PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP with jesus.they go thru life miserable complaing about everything because they are spending their life trying to gratify the flesh,instead of allowing jesus to sanctify the spirit.this is the real problem.
---tom2 on 8/21/08|
Michael, the same thing happened to me 25 years ago. I could not think of a reason why she left. I loved her so much. Every day I would cry. Nothing mattered not even my kids who were grown up already. I tried almost everyday to get in touch with her trying to do what everyone here is saying. She didn't need to tell her life story to anyone. The more I tried to talk the farther she got.
Do you get what I am saying? She left because she wanted to be away from me. There is a problem alright but problems don't disappear in a day or month. And we cannot change another person. Our dependence is on God and not on ourselves. When I stopped trying God started working. Put her in God's hands and stay away from her. Stop trying to do God's work.
---Mark_V. on 8/21/08|
Your wife left her life seeking something to make her happy. We as Christian are called to pray and by divine power bring to her labors that will introduce her to the one that loves her more than u Jesus Christ. Seek God for knowledge to make u the husband that she needs providing her with love and support at all costs. Sacrifice as Chirst did for the body.
---D on 8/21/08|
Face the facts, your wife does not love you.
---catherine on 8/20/08
what a cruel and utterly useless comment from a professing Christian
living in end of age where marriage is almost destroyed ...it's no longer sacred vow between man women and God
marriage today is more like "disposable ever after"
Michael if she won't talk then why are you beating yourself up with blame!!! ...leaving as a first option is nothing more than a selfish person using passive aggressive actions to control another human being (that's your answer) ...your wife was wrong for leaving ...stay close to God in prayer
---Rhonda on 8/20/08|
If your wife left you then look for a new wife if you need one, better yet make yourself content and stay single.
Hopefully your wife did not run off with the kids, take your car and bank account with her.
---Lee1538 on 8/20/08|
Face the facts, your wife does not love you.
---catherine on 8/20/08|
I am sure there was a real reason why your wife left you, I am sorry for that. Contact her and have a face to face meeting just the two of you, and ask her why she left. There is a reason. Listen to her first, do not cut in when she speaks then come to your conclusion. Hope all works out well for you two. In the meantime I will be praying for you two.
---caroa9397 on 8/20/08|
"Does any of this sound familiar?"-Carol
Do you mean a woman complaining about her husband? Yes, very familiar. Maybe you should think about his question...why can't you be a great wife? Instead of a grating wife.
Women always have reasons for leaving their husbands. It doesn't mean that they are legitimate reasons.
---ralph7477 on 8/20/08|
Are you sure there is not a reason? If I were to leave my husband right now he would swear I did it for no reason. After all in his mind all he is suppose to do is cut the grass and pay the bills. He thinks he is a wonderful husband and I am lucky to have him. But on the flip side, he is very critical, spends no time with me, he's stingy, no time for the kids, no vacation in 20 years, won't go out to eat, won't go to the movies, doesn't care what I want, he tells me that I will never fulfill my goals, would rather watch sports on TV than talk to me. He goes to church on Sunday's and puts on a great show then compares me to women at church and tells me that everyone else has a great wife why can't I be that way. Does any of this sound familiar?
---Carol on 8/20/08|
Satan is always tring to work his deception, in the minds of people. Who we obey, shows who we love.
---gayla on 8/17/08|
It could simply be that your wife is one of those women who are not happy in marriage.
Many women find the traditional form of marriage to be a jail sentence. It's not that they don't love their husbands, it's that they cannot revolve their worlds around them.
It's like outer space. Some women are planets, liking a tight orbit. Others are comets, soaring far. But they all circle their sun.
And some marriages just plain need to be more comet-like to succeed.
---Nancy on 5/2/08|
Refuse to give her a divorce unless you two go see councilling. It's not fair for her to keep it all to herself and keep you from becomming a better person. That shows a selfish nature.
Another thing: Did you GIVE her your uninturrupted attention or did you even let her get a word in edgewise when she DID tell you when something wasn't going well??? Pulling the self-righteous act is cause for the punishing silence afterwards. Pray and Ask God to make you a better man.
---Nicola on 4/12/08|
What ever happened in your marriage only you know, no one complains for nothing theres always smoke but underneth theres always fire. Did you choose to ignore the warning signs, what were they, neglect may well be a starting point. The bible says a man should treat his wife with the same respect he treats his own self, in terms the daily preperation and cleansiness( treated well) did you do that for a start, now Be HONEST what made her really Unhappy?
---Carla5754 on 4/11/08|
I am thinking that your wife may not have loved you.
---catherine on 4/11/08|
People are very immature and selfish and everything they do is tied up in these attitudes. Perhaps your wife got what she wanted(wedding,gown,attention etc..) and then wanted out. Love may have never entered the picture.Which is very unfair and wrong of her to treat you this way. But life is a gamble. Sometimes things don't work out the way we want or expect them to.It may be for the best. She was a rotten egg witha lot of baggage when you met her. You gambled and lost.
---Robyn on 4/11/08|
I would agree with pharisee.people actually believe that its your job to make them happy.how imature.happiness is a fliting feeling that is affected by circumstances.peace comes from a relationship with God.trying to keep anyopne happy will flat wear you out.if any person is not happy with who you are when you marry then they should never have married you.most people need to seriously growup.
---tom2 on 4/10/08|
may be syhe was not sexually satisfied with you or se was not getting the warmth she wanted from her partner
---wilson on 4/9/08|
I would make every effort to get in contact with your wife. Ask her why she left and if reconciliation is possible. If necessary, get a Pastor or Counselor to help out.
If your wife refuses to talk and get help, pray about the situation and see where GOD leads you.
GOD realizes that in this imperfect world, marriages do fall apart. Your job is to find out what GOD would have you do next.
---Augie on 4/9/08|
According to your wife, she had a reason. She said she wasn't happy. If you can't figure out what you've done wrong, and she won't tell you, then chances are you didn't do anything and she was just looking for an excuse to leave. I would ask God to reveal to you exactly what is going on with your wife. If you truly desire to want to know, God will reveal it to you. But remember be careful what you ask God for. You may not like the answer God gives you or the truth he shall reveal.
---Rebecca_D on 4/8/08|
Michael, if you're here to read what we write to you, please tell us more about yourself, and please stay a while (o:
If she's not happy, that is a real reason for *her*, right? whatever the reason for her not being happy.
I'd think she has said things to you, as an indication, even if you feel they are not real reasons.
It sounds like you haven't been talking with her, to see how she is feeling and doing. NOT doing things can be what is wrong.
---Bill_bila5659 on 4/8/08|
What probably made her unhappy is thinking that happiness is a right when it truly comes by faith and a good conscience before God.
She'll be back if you'll still have her, sooner or later she'll come to her senses and realize she believed a lie.
Or maybe it is you? Nothing personal, but how would I know?
The "everyone deserves to be happy" lie is straight from Hell. Torment is our lot apart from Christ.
What you do with that is between you and God.
---pharisee on 4/8/08|
This happened recently to somebody in my life. I am sorry that you are going through this. Would your wife be willing to just separate instead of divorce? You don't have to sign the papers, but I know you could have legal action against you if you don't. Keep praying. Often people make mistakes in their past that forces them into a self destructive lifestyle. Is this the case for her? She sounds like she needs counseling if she is willing... Have you been the husband that God tells men to be in Eph. 5?
---momof2 on 4/8/08|
It would be very foolish of me to try and suggest why your wife left. If she doesn't tell you why she left, there are only two things you can do about it. The first is to pray that she will reveal to you why she left, the second is to see if she is willing to go to joint marriage counseling. (Make sure it's a professional,Christian, marriage counselor.) Even if she isn't willing to go, you should. Maybe the marriage counselor can make suggestions that may help you know why your wife left.
---wivv on 4/8/08|