I Hate My Wife
I hate my wife of 13 years. Five wonderful kids. She is lazy and never helps with the house or kids. I'm worthless, lazy, too stupid to earn enough money for the family according to her. She is always out with the girls. I don't believe in divorce. There is no way out. No hope. No life.
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---David on 4/27/08
Helpful Blog Vote (9)
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Yes, I can only hope that David has read the many blogs, eventhough he has not responded at all. Please David if you are reading these tell us if we have been of help, or if you were just looking for everyone to tell you to bolt!
Trust in God and fellowship with HIM AND your wife! |
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---NVBarbara on 5/14/08 |
pray for God to give you love for He is love.There is five precious little souls involved that need a father and mothers love. Hate belongs to the enemy of your marriage. Job could have hated his wife but instead wanted to trust God. Reguardless of your situation God cares about your family.
My prayer will be that you put your faith in Him to meet your need. when you have faith you please God and faith will move your mountian |
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---jimmy5733 on 5/11/08 |
Another poster posts ...and runs
doesn't appear poster or wife is Christian - many non-christians don't believe in divorce
...bit of a contradiction to say she is lazy and never helps (yet) she calls YOU lazy?
does she work and raising kids too?
who gives her money to go out?
who raised the 5 wonderful kids?
a Christian man is to rule his house ...sounds like she runs the roost you're hating her for it now ...hating solves nothing |
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---Rhonda on 5/11/08 |
Once there is Jesus in your life, there is Hope, there is Life!. Five wonderful kids,she must be doing something right, it takes 2 to raise those kids. you did't say if the are all under 10yrs. that would be a lot of work.May be she does not feel good about her self. Maybe, she is feeling the Things she is calling You. Get a good Christian Counsler to help. Gob bless you and your wife and children. |
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---freeda on 5/10/08 |
sagmat: There were NO innuendos intended. |
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---jerry6593 on 5/10/08 |
Sagmat, could you explain what your blog means? I don't see anything unChristian about Jerry's comments. |
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---NVBarbara on 5/9/08 |
David::I'll start by saying "no you dont or else you would have walked long ago.You love your wife and kids but frustrated with the situation.A wise man once said "If there is a problem I caused it"go with that assumption and you will find a way to solve the issue.Hard work is the essence of a relationship & it does bear fruit in the long Run. Hang in there The rewards are greater & Pray like you never prayed before pray with your Kids. |
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---Emcee on 5/9/08 |
jerry, we could do without the innuendos.
I get your drift, it's not Christian. |
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---sagmat on 5/9/08 |
Thanks, Barb. I've learned that marriage is a love triangle, with Christ as the third party. (That's why it's called HOLY matrimony.) If each partener will concentrate exclusively on his individual relationship with Jesus, then Jesus will FIX the third leg of the triangle - supernaturally. I don't understand how He does it, but He does! Marriage is HIS idea. HIS reputation is on the line. Put Him to the test! |
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---jerry6593 on 5/9/08 |
I started thinking she may be tired, because that is what I am with raising Irish triplets all under the age of 3! I feel like I got lazy. Just can't keep up! But I feel that your wife may need to be introduced to Jesus. She does not sound as though she knows Him with her critical words. And out with the girls? She needs to perhaps put her family 1st, then her friends. There is HOPE in Jesus. And life too! :) |
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---iloveHim on 5/9/08 |
GREAT answer Jerry! Sometimes we have to allow God to love someone through us. Does she dislike you? Perhaps that is a cause of what you perceive as 'lazy'. A husband and 5 kids are a load to handle! Maybe she's in depression. Do you attend church as a family? With God there is ALWAYS hope and life! You and yours will be in my prayers. |
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---NVBarbara on 5/7/08 |
To answer you would just speculate I think theres a lot more to your problem than you have expressed. I feel your pain and know that this is a reality for many people. You are not afraid to show your hurt and at least that's out now. TIME FOR HEALING:
Talk to God about it and certainly include a Christian Counsellor, maybe try using some of your service providers(Christian organisation) concerning depression. |
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---Carla5754 on 5/6/08 |
I used to hate my wife, and she hated me. But now she is the delight of my life, and vice versa. What happened? Jesus Christ! Through Him, all things are possible.
Here's something practical you can do. Treat her like a queen, and she will treat you like a king! (Note: This may involve hard work for the rest of your life - but it is sooooo worth it!) |
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---jerry6593 on 5/6/08 |
She bore 5 children. You dont make enough to cover the home of 5 children and a wife that probably felt more like an unsupported brood mare-slash-ball n' chain than your beloved. Sounds more like a foolish man's self-fulfilling prophesy than a true husband and father.
Pray. A lot. You're loosing it. Only God Can save you now. Grow up! Marraige is not only about the Man's morals. |
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---Nicola on 5/6/08 |
In this situation you need to know how to pray. We have not been given enough information to help in the prayer area. First saying you hate your wife alone is cause for concern. If we have hate or unforgiveness in our hearts we cannot enter in. hate also effects tithing, prayer effectiveness etc. and allows strife to enter the household. Get your heart right so in the future you will have the discernment to make better choices. |
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---Tracy on 5/5/08 |
Part 2: seek out your own salvation with fear and trembling. Get that hate, hurt, offense , and bitterness off you. get into the word and prayer. God has a way of changing things and separating unequal yokes. Pray for a change of heart, for your kids, pray lovingly for your wife, and get healing from the Lord. Go forward for the Lord whether anyone else follows or not. Jesus said blessed are the peacemakers. Let him fight your battles for you. Be the example you want to see, and watch God work. |
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---Tracy on 5/5/08 |
"Though I go through the shawdow of death I will fear no evil". There is life for you and hope. If you stick with God, He will find a way out. I can promise you, my friend. It may seem hopeless and scarey as all get out. You will make it. |
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---catherine on 4/30/08 |
Your wife is not the problem. You are. As long as you hold to these wrong ideas and notions about divorce, you will remain a victim, of your own doing.The hate is eating you alive,already.Your self esteem is down very low already. You need to get a grip. Move out and seek a better life for yourself. The kids will survive. They are stronger than you think. Blessings to you |
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---robyn on 4/30/08 |
Pray and seek God and HIS love. Draw close to Him and He will draw close to you. He is right there waiting for you and when you establish your thoughts in Him, your problem will not seem too big. He will help you understand and He will give you the capablility to love the unloveable:) |
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---jody on 4/29/08 |
DAVID
one Question
do you Pray for her? |
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---willow on 4/28/08 |
I'm sorry to hear you hate your wife and feel trapped. I know first hand that I made my husband's life miserable for about 20 years. He was a Christian--I wasn't. I did many of the things you discribe to my own husband. But, he prayed for me and loved me and sacrificed until I finally came to know God. Don't leave...it will mess up your kids. Don't dispair...God really is working in your wife's life. Continue to be a man of good character and she will come around. I will pray for you and your family. |
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---Cherie on 4/28/08 |
I thought marriage was 'For better or worse'. Seems that after baby no. 5 came along, and I take it the first four were not quads, then, suddenly you realized you had made a huge mistake. I am not totally against divorce, but this clearly is a cop out in this case. You would not have had five children with someone you could not abide. Sounds like the 'seven year' itch coming late. |
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---frances008 on 4/28/08 |
If you walk out on your five children, you are showing yourself not to be a true father but just a sperm donor. A true father would never put his children in a position that someone else can come along and abuse them. A true father would protect the children he had brought into the world. A true man would face up to his responsibilities and be there for his children. |
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---frances008 on 4/28/08 |
It would be nice if the posters of questions like these would continue in the discussion. We really need to know more about this situation in order to help him. |
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---KarenD on 4/28/08 |
You can kill her and tell God that you have no idea how she died. No just joking. I can't imagine what your going through with. How old is she? She just might need to grow up and realize that she can't go out with the girls all the time, she needs to stay home and take care of her family. She can still go out but her #1 priority should be her family. If she don't improve, I would think about divorce. Because with you two not getting along, it is making things worse on the children. |
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---Rebecca_D on 4/28/08 |
You have to find your own happiness in your everyday life. People get wrapped in this other lifestyles, because you have to be honest with yourself to be happy in this one.
I can understand your anger, though. 'WORTHLESS' always cuts so deep. I pray everyday for God to soften my husbands heart and strengthen mine. Progress of course comes with time, but you have to remain true and let your anger go.
Believe and Pray for you both, and when the pain comes again God will speak to your heart. |
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---Charala on 4/28/08 |
Maybe you should move back home with your family and stick your head under the bed.
Not really. Are you lazy?
If she calls you stupid, tell her that you had enough brains to pick her. |
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---Molly on 4/28/08 |
Well, what can I say. I don't feel bad for you, but I do feel bad for the kids. They unlike you are suffering more. You are an adult who should be able to make adult decisions about your marriage along with your wife. They see your feelings toward your wife and they probably hear you say those harsh things. In this case I would say that I believe that divorce is an option. I don't think that God would like it that your children are a witness to the venom that you and your wife speel onto one another. |
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---Esmer7463 on 4/28/08 |
It's not her place to judge you, dont let it get under your skin, if your doing the best you can, and she cannot see it, then she is just being ignorant of the situation just as much as you are. You need to talk to her about it and if she cannot be reasonable about it. Then i guess youve condemned yourself to a meaningless love. Christianity allows no easy way out without breaking a promise to god. If only people weren't so naive. |
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---John on 4/28/08 |
Well i have a shirt that says my wife is always right so im gonna use that logic for your problem and say you are probably lazy and stupid so change yourself and pray to God |
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---keyblade on 4/28/08 |
david,its apparent that right now you are hurt,and as you are human we respond to it with rage, and strike back at those who have hurt us.I have been thru what you describe twice,with 2 different wives,and once recently with my first wife.it will get better.thers always hope with jesus. |
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---tom2 on 4/27/08 |
Maybe your wife cannot stand being locked up with the stove and kitchen sink. She gave you five wonderful kids, so she is not lazy. You cannot bring up five babies without a lot of work. Maybe it is too much for her and she goes out to get some fun. Please try and see things from her side. If you work and do your best, she is wrong about you. Don't take her words to heart. |
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---frances008 on 4/27/08 |
David, I have no easy answer for you, but I will pray. Please put your complete trust in Jesus. |
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---SusieQ on 4/27/08 |
My first impulse is to feel sorry for you, but I have learned through the years that there are two sides to every story, what would your wife say if she were to tell us her side of the story? God can save your marriage, God bless. |
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---Jim on 4/27/08 |
i beilieve in divorce, my husband was exacty the same way, now \i am free, and single and loving it. its ok to admit when its not working anymore, why hate her, when you can be free of her? |
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---Jacqueline on 4/27/08 |
Ha! You say your wife is the problem and you hate her. Even the first turnip off the truck could see the real problem.
Are you insane? Of course you are. Here is why. The Greek word for "hate" is "sane."
You are in hate, directed towards your wife. In hate = insane.
Hate is a characteristic of Satan. You have given Satan too much of your life.
She wasn't too lazy to carry 5 of your children in her body. You had better check yourself spiritually and turn to the Lord. |
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---Elder on 4/27/08 |
David: If you believe & acknowledge Jesus as Savior & Lord, you'll find He is the Way out of no way. He will renew your hope & fill you with love. He is the Way, Truth & Life you desperately need. Seek & trust Him. Join a healthy, well-balanced, God-centered body of believers (Church) that preaches & teaches the uncompromised word of God (the Bible). Ask them to cover you & family in prayer. Pray always for your wife & children that God's will be done in their lives. |
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---Leon on 4/27/08 |
five wonderful kids who you would not have if you had not married her, David?
and she's out so you are free to do what you want at home with your kids?
and you are blessed to know divorce is wrong?
Please spend some time with us. And I need to judge myself, first. God can do me good with how He evaluates *me*. We have God for this stuff (o: He's good at handling the devil's stupid nonsense (o: |
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---Bill_bila5659 on 4/27/08 |
You two most have agreed about something as you have five kids unless this is a remake of the Sparkle family from the old Laugh In Show.
Try to get some family counciling with a professional councelor where you can both dialog privately and then together and see if the councelor can help both of you develop an operable plan of getting your marrage back together within the physical and financial resources of your family unit. And no matter what don't use the kids as leverage against each other. |
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---notlaw99 on 4/27/08 |
David, I pulled up another blog that might help you with your hatred for your spouse.
Hatred stops any forward motion in a marriage.
It destroys the kids, they want out of the house and will do anything to find a way out.
Hatred destroys everything including you. |
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---Ulrika on 4/27/08 |
Lazy part...do you spend all of your time on the computer?
If you do, that will destroy a marriage.
The internet has destroyed many a marriage.
It's an escape from family problems. It's an escape from life for compulsive types.
If you prefer the computer over your spouse, you will have to make a choice. If computer time is dividing your house, the best thing would be to face problems before the spouse walks out, or finds someone else to spend time with. |
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---Ulrika on 4/27/08 |
If any of your spouse's complaints are true, face them. Look them squarely in the face and make changes.
Any kind of escape will only escalate the problems. |
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---Ulrika on 4/27/08 |
You can kill her, as long as you do it with kindness.
You have patience to remain married then you have the patience for this.
Have you tried a wholesale grace approach? Grace will work when nothing else does, it's the power of our God to work hearts and bring them to repentance.
I want you to know that hushing my complaints, and killing my ambition for what I want in the moment for the sake of kindness to my wife has brought about the best years we've ever had together. Patience always wins. |
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---pharisee on 4/27/08 |
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