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2008 May What's Up Humor

It's time for a May What's Up Blog and Humor Blog? What's Up?

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 ---Trish9863 on 5/1/08
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NVBarbara yes I have been praying for them. I seem to remember there is a verse in the Bible where it tells us to remind God of His word. I did that by reminding God some of those in China are Christians,His Children. I want help for all of them but it would be an opportune time for the Idol worshipers to see the move of God,maybe some would be saved. I agree we also need to pray God hold back the water.
---Darlene_1 on 5/29/08


I hope that all of us are praying for the horrible desolation in China.
Of 34 lakes created by the earthquake, 28 are at risk of bursting. The government has already said it expects the final death toll to surpass 80,000. So many homes destroyed and displaced people who need prayer.
---NVBarbara on 5/29/08


Darlene: I am glad that your daughter is out of the hospital. I pray that the doctors will be able to figure out what is going on with her.

Hugs,
Trish
---Trish9863 on 5/28/08


Elder and all,thank you so much for prayers. Debbie got out of hospital yesterday with still no idea what the problem is. She sees her doctor Friday and sets up appointments for two ourpatient tests. What we know it isn't her heart and I praise God for that. Thank you for continued prayer she has a large party at her house Saturday. Its a Kindergarden Graduation Party for her Granddaughter and invitations had already been given out. Her Company got there so she will have help. God Bless
---Darlene_1 on 5/28/08


Darlene, We will and have today prayed for your daughter.
God is able. I know for a fact, more than once.
---Elder on 5/26/08




Thank you for your prayers for Debbie. She is still in hospital and they can't find what is wrong. Now her back hurts from being in bed and they had to give her morphine shot and vicoden to try to help her and even that wasn't working,on top of all that a filling came out of a tooth and it hurts. They say they will do test on stomach now to see if its an ulcer. Please keep praying. She also has company coming in for her Granddaughters Kindergarden Graduation Thursday night and thats on her mind.God Bless
---Darlene_1 on 5/26/08


I will be happy to be in prayer for Debbie, God bless your family.
---NVBarbara on 5/23/08


Darlene: I will pray for your daughter. I hope she is okay.
---Trish9863 on 5/23/08


I don't find "Whats Up" only I shall use this,sorry no joke,but a big PRAISE. My daughter is in the hospital,she was taken there yesterday in ambulance from Clinic where she went to see about meds not helping Acid Reflux and severe pain. I thought it was her heart due to markers for possible future heart atacks,but EKG was fine,blood enzemes good so not heart,Glory. They did CAT Scan to see if its her Gallbladder,no report yet,shes in a lot of pain,please pray for my Debbie. God Bless
---Darlene_1 on 5/23/08


"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society".

Mark Twain
---NVBarbara on 5/22/08




Kids DO say the darndest things!
---NVBarbara on 5/20/08


NVB+Darleen::Thanks guys. I should learn to speak it, more clearly in my foggy disposition:-) Blessings to you both and observer in case of backlash.Oh the pain.!
---Emcee on 5/20/08


My daughter told me this:

A mushroom goes to school and starts telling jokes and causing a big ruckus. Finally the teacher says, "Mushroom get out! School is not for mushrooms!"

The mushroom says, "But I'm a fungi?":-)
---trey on 5/19/08


Observer, obviously you haven't been aware of Darlene's problems. Read back through her posts, maybe you'll understand why Emcee gave her the advice he did.
One dentist wanted to remove ALL her teeth, her new dentist thinks they can be saved-much better!
---NVBarbara on 5/19/08


Y'all are so right. My old dentist always preached do whatever it takes to keep your own teeth as long as you can,but he died so I was forced to see someone I don't know. I'm going to see if the last dentist I saw can fix them like he thinks. My doctor said pull them because he saw so many cavities,but thats nothing new,I had nine fixed 51 years ago when expecting my lasr child,they have a tendency to all go bad at once. God Bless
---Darlene_1 on 5/19/08


Now we all know why you are called 'OBSERVER' Darlene to note! like I said GOOD dentist per GOOD Observer:-( Hope you dont feel left out.:-)
---Emcee on 5/19/08


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Observer, in fact I find Emcee's suggestions very wise and I fully agree with him. A good dentist fixes your teeth and not just pulls them.
---Caring on 5/19/08


2/2

"You idiot! You've thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at auction for half a million
dollars!"

"Oh, I don't think this book would have been worth anything close to that much," replied the man. "It was scribbled all over in the margins by some guy named Martin Luther."
---Caring on 5/18/08


1/2
The Gutenberg Bible

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it.

"Not Gutenberg?" gasped the collector.

"Yes, that was it!"

(Continues)
---Caring on 5/18/08


One of my early dentists pulled a tooth as soon as there was anything wrong with it.
It takes much more skill to save a tooth, but how much more worthwhile it is!
---alan_of_UK on 5/18/08


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Aw poor Eloy, had to sew on a button! Surely that's not the first one you've sewed on?
Steve would keep a shirt hanging in the closet for years if his only choice was to sew it on himself!
---NVBarbara on 5/17/08


Emcee,

It is not good to practice either medicine or dentistry without a license.

Darlene wrote I've already seen a dentist and my doctor and both said it has to be pulled

Your efforts may have been well-intended, but they were surely not helpful.
---Observer on 5/17/08


M.

Thanks and thanks for those that prayed for his chess tournament. He won a 16th place trophy out of 247 national tournament players. Most of the young chess players in the USA are Chinese and Indians, so if you are a good player there is opportunities to witness to the parents while the kids play. The Asians respect Americans if they are top players.
---Moderator on 5/16/08


the bachelor life, I sewed a button on today.
---Eloy on 5/16/08


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One of my students told me this joke.

Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?


On the bottom, of course.
---Trish9863 on 5/15/08


Moderator:: Hope your son won the tournament.
---M. on 5/15/08


Darleen1::Keep your teeth, change your dentist who advocates pulling.Extraction is easy money treating is more work and less pay.You have one set of teeth.hang tight to what you have you wont be sorry in the long run.Tooth extraction is the last resort says a "GOOD "dentist.
---Emcee on 5/15/08


They Walk Among Us!

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
---NVBarbara on 5/15/08


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That's great to hear Darlene! Maybe God wanted you to change caregivers so HE could bless you more! I'll be praying about your health, God bless!
---NVBarbara on 5/14/08


Right back at you Emcee :-)
---NVBarbara on 5/13/08


Kella,NVBarbara,Emcee,thanks so much for your encouraging words. I appreciate all the prayers,I am on the mend. I must say what seems awful at the time may have something good come out of it besides just feeling better. The dentist who pulled the tooth doesn't think I need to have all my teeth pulled,as previous dentist said,so I will let him evaluate my needs and find out. God Bless
---Darlene_1 on 5/13/08


NVB:: *:-o) always
---Emcee on 5/13/08


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I have posted my penpal addy here many times, barba5354. Through this I have made some lasting friends. I don't 'shred' on blogs or in mail. I DO understand Tommy, I get those Volunteer's notes and the ones urging you to take the Quizzes. But I also get lovely notes & cards from other bloggers. NO trashing or 'shredding', just fellowship. Thank you Emcee, Alan and Karen. Perfectly fine Caloopy, that's why I said "those who choose."
Great Holly, my son is a lawyer in Ft.Myers!
---NVBarbara on 5/12/08


NvBarb, As someone else already said," Nobody here wants a deeper relationship." I just removed my name from the penpal register because all the e-mail I was receiving was from the web master, president or some volunteers wanting to talk me into trying this or that.
---tommy3007 on 5/12/08


CO loopy:: You sure dont know much about NVB, but you do need to read more, before you form opinions .Gentlemen who make mistakes apologise if they dont you have outclassed & outcast yourself.
---Emcee on 5/12/08


What is Coloopy on about?
---a on 5/12/08


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Cutting people to shreds, can only be done if the person allows it to bother them, and cannot debate the sinful offence off them. In this manner publicly and example of humiliation but not in the inward person: they are still smiling.
---michael on 5/12/08


coloopy....NvBarb has NEVER cut anyone to shreds in here. You're attacking the wrong person. She is a great example of a Christian.
---KarenD on 5/12/08


NVBarbara, many of us don't want a more probing conversation. This is as good as it gets. Private emails are boring. Not only boring, but it comes down to talking about everyone else on here. Who wants to do that? If we want to know what others think of us, all we have to do is ask..openly, in the open air. If you want to cut someone in shreds, do it in the open air.
---Coloopy on 5/12/08


NVBarb, there are imaginary internet friends with imaginary internet alliances that gang up on imaginary bloggers with imaginary penpal numbers and addy's. I've run into quite a few of those, I don't bother anymore.
Trish, I hope you were able to fix your car after your latest accident.
---Coloopy on 5/12/08


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Darlene, NVB has good advice-get some rest. I hope you feel better soon. That is quite the ordeal you went through.
---Kella3336 on 5/12/08


Hi everyone...well...I just got back from Florida where I attended my daughter's graduation from Law School. I am very proud of her and what she has accomplished. Law school is very, very hard! Now she just has to pass the bar in July and she will be official. Just what the world needs, one more lawyer! Fortunately my daughter has ethics! Please pray for her to pass the bar the first time around. Her name is Shaina.
Thanks! :-)
---Holly4jc on 5/11/08


hey barbara,fhoma6579.
---tom2 on 5/11/08


Darlene! :You have weathered the worst Its time to heal.:-o)Cheers not tears.
---Emcee on 5/11/08


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This ought to give a chuckle! My wife and I went Saturday to visit my uncle who is an inmate at Hamilton Correctional here in Florida. When we arrived, we discovered that they had a "Drug Interdiction Team" there and that everyone would be screened for drugs. No problem, right? Well, my screen showed a positive for low-level trace of meth-amphetamine. Had to go back outside and have my vehicle searched, they found nothing, of course. See Part 2
---tommy3007 on 5/11/08


Part 2: Comment was made however about our being state volunteers, our badges were in the vehicle. I told another visitor that this would make for interesting conversation at chapel services that afternoon. lol
---tommy3007 on 5/11/08


My mother taught me: To appreciate a job well done:'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just cleaned.'
My mother taught me: RELIGION.
'You better pray that'll come out of the carpet.'
My mother taught me-Time Travel.
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'
My mother taught me: LOGIC .
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going shopping with me.'
---NVBarbara on 5/10/08


My mother taught me: FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

My mother taught me: IRONY
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

My mother taught me: CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'


Happy Mother's Day!
---NVBarbara on 5/10/08


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A guy trying to rob a Bank of America branch in Calif. filled out a deposit slip with this message: "This iz a stickup. Put all your muny in this bag."
He worried that someone had seen him, so he went across the street to a Wells Fargo bank. The teller, knowing she had something less than a genius on her hands, said she couldn't honor the request because it was on a Bank of America deposit slip. He went back to Bank of America to try again, police called by Wells Fargo nabbed him. TRUE!
---NVBarbara on 5/10/08


I wish that those who choose to would put their penpal address on your posts, somebody may want a deeper discussion about some subjects, or just a friendly hello!
---NVBarbara on 5/9/08


Bless you Darlene, get some rest! It sounds like you had a very hard time sis. God bless.
---NVBarbara on 5/9/08


Kella,NVBarbara,thanks,its out. It was aweful, I will never have another tooth out without being put to sleep. Gas didn't help much,it usually does,but I was frankly anxious. Tooth hard to get out. It was worse than I knew. Abcess had eroded the bone which Dr. had to clean by grinding off. It will fill back in but take time. Now this ole boohoo baby is going to sleep. Love & God Bless.
---Darlene_1 on 5/9/08


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Great Darlene, I pray all goes well - God bless.
---NVBarbara on 5/9/08


Darlene, I hope you get it pulled. :-)
---Kella3336 on 5/9/08


They Walk Among Us!

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces, I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.'
---NVBarbara on 5/8/08


NVBarbara I found a dentist, I may get the tooth out at 11 Am Friday,They'll be checking x-ray and if they can,will pull it tomorrow. I'll be glad to get it out.
---Darlene_1 on 5/8/08


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NVBarbara,thanks for your suggestion. I'm calling dentists tomorrow to see if I can get it pulled this week and I will look for one who does. I found one who puts one to sleep with oral medication but I don't want to do that if I don't have to. Anything by mouth I don't wake up very fast. Little Greatgrandchild funny,my 2 1/2 year old went to see "Iron Man" at movie He said "this is going to be AWESOME!!" AWESOME! is his big word used this month. Before it was WOW! Aren't kids cute?
---Darlene_1 on 5/7/08


I teach 7th grade Geography. I asked the kids to list 5 things they know about China, one of my kids wrote, "It begins with "C."

I asked the kids to read a chapter about Japan, and then answer some questions. Given the context, I asked the question, "Where do most Japanese people live?" My first three classes all answered with, "In cities." Some smart aleck in my last period class said, "Japan, of course."
---Trish9863 on 5/7/08


Darlene, if the Xylocaine or whatever your dentist uses won't deaden the pain, why don't they use gas or something that will knock you out? Just a suggestion. God bless.
---NVBarbara on 5/7/08


Back to a little humor! (very little)

I like escalators because an escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You'll never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. We apologize that you can still get up there.
---NVBarbara on 5/7/08


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More kidney stones? Argh! John I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. I'll add her to my prayer list. How old is Nancy, John? Indeed, God can heal her! God bless all of you who are having health problems.
---NVBarbara on 5/7/08


Darlene_1, I feel so bad that you are going through this ordeal. Keep me informed. I'll keep you in my prayers. It is one of the worst pains I've experienced and hope it is all over for you soon dear.
---Kella3336 on 5/7/08


Hugs right back at you NVB and to you too Emcee. Many:-)'s
---Kella3336 on 5/7/08


Kella3336,thank you,you really went through a drawn out process at least they saved it. I've already seen a dentist and my doctor and both said it has to be pulled,but the catch is the deading medication they shoot in there won't deaden it as long as abcessed. I really dread having it pulled. I'm a big ole baby where dental work is concerned and I was told they all have to be pulled. God Bless
---Darlene_1 on 5/6/08


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Alan Cinco is "5" in Spanish,de is "of", Mayo is "May" everyone in the World has a 5th of May. Ha Ha Good one KarenD.
---Darlene_1 on 5/6/08


Rebbeca, my daughter Nancy is going through the same thing. 8 months ago she had surgery to remove a huge stone. Last week she was back in the hospital for another, so they put in a stent. Next week she goes back in for surgery to remove the stone. The doc's say she will always have this problem, but God can change everything. I'll pray, you pray. God bless you all.
---John on 5/6/08


Darlene_1, I had the same problem. It is so painful...I lost sleep, could barely eat,and nothing relieved the pain...:-| I eventually had to get it drained, then eventually a root canal. Take Care
---Kella3336 on 5/6/08


Karen, that's kind of like asking if there's a 4th of July in France!
---NVBarbara on 5/5/08


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KarenD ... Nor do I
Can you explain?
Ta
---alan_of_UK on 5/5/08


Mod:: I must fess up I have discovered the reason for my FAULT like in badminton its called "double touch"but I am working on it. At first I thought it was my Mouse.but even he dosen't squeek.He has an electrical soul which is about to be shot.
---Emcee on 5/5/08


Rebecca dear its awful that you've gone through so much agony, but try to hang in there help is on the way! We live in a very litigous society, and suits can drag out for years. Secondly, if you sue a Dr., whether you win the suit or not you will be placed on a National list that Dr's have access to and often they won't accept you as a patient! I've seen it happen, and with all your medical problems you don't need that! God bless.
---NVBarbara on 5/5/08


Someone said the other day that Mexico is the only country with a "Cinco de Mayo". I told them that the whole world has one. They didn't get it.
---KarenD on 5/5/08


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Elder, have you thought of marketing your coffee as drain cleaner? Maybe sell it to Roto Rooter?
"Elder's Holy Cleanser, just like salvation-Once is enough!"
---NVBarbara on 5/5/08


Hi all,hope this is a blessed month for all,God keep you in his hand. Please pray for me,I have an abcesssed tooth which isn't responding to antibiotics,and the dentist can't pull it untill it does. Antibiotics by mouth also making me sick so its a doubled edged sword. Thanks, love to all.
---Darlene_1 on 5/5/08


Hey, Barbara I dropped my Mayo down the sinko too.
Had to clear it out with my coffee. Caused the pipes to turn to stone. But, that's OK. They are really slick now.
---Elder on 5/5/08


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