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Disappointed In My Sons

I have two sons and are disappointed in both. What will I do in my old age?

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 ---Robyn on 5/2/08
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Robyn--// My sons never really gave me any huge problems. Maybe what I am trying to say is: I wish they were more charismatic,charming.//

I know you wouldn't say it to their face, but they get it, believe me. They can sense your disappointment in them for something they cannot help (kids most always do). If they never gave you any huge problems, you have reason to be proud... and a lot to be thankful for. Try just accepting them as they are. They will love you for it!
---Donna66 on 12/9/10

Very true, Robyn. I worked five years in a nursing home and daily cared for the "forgottens".
---Linda on 12/8/10

I use to visit the hospitals and nursing homes and it did break my heart to see the elderly be ignored and left alone by their relatives. I would read to them,pray with them, bring gifts etc...But I am sure that did not take away the pain of their children and other relatives from visiting and caring about them. This freakin world is in a sad shape. God have mercy on us all.
---Robyn on 12/8/10

Through our kids come grandkids, son-in-laws, daughter-in-laws, Mothers have always gotten with other mothers and we brag a little about our children, Grown or otherwise. I wanted to actually have something to be proud of. My sons never really gave me any huge problems. Maybe what I am trying to say is: I wish they were more charismatic,charming.
---Robyn on 12/8/10

You sound more concerned about being proud of what they do instead of who they are. Identity comes before behavior. Are you proud they are your sons? Then be like your Father in heaven and minister to who they are apart from your expectations of them. They will never meet your expectations until their own expectations are raised because they find security and acceptance in being loved for who they are apart from their performance.
---Linda on 12/8/10

I have read most all of the comments here. I think a lot of you have misunderstood what I was trying to say. I only wanted the best for my kids. I want them to be successful. Have a family ,marriage,normal things. Is that so bad? Is it wrong for mothers to dream? So what is the purpose of having kids if you cannot one day, look back at your labor of love ,and take some pride and joy in having kids?
---Robyn on 12/8/10

Go to you tube. Type in "Ricochet from service dog to surface dog". Watch the video and pay close attention to the song playing. My children may not always do what I would like for them to do or be who I want them to be but I am never disappointed in them.
---Linda on 12/7/10

Mom in Wisconsin---I remember my father in his 80's saying wistfully "All I ever wanted was for my mother to be proud of me..."
---Donna66 on 12/7/10

My parents were disappointed in me, and it still hurts, 20 years after my mother's death.
They never approved of the man I married, a devout Catholic, a wonderful professor, a fine writer, a faithful husband, and a good father to our 10 children. I think a lot of heartache can be avoided by not "expecting" our plans and dreams, but by being receptive to what God allows to come our way. God is a good Father, He will be your support in your old age.
---Mom_in_Wisconsin on 12/6/10

The bible says to train up a child in the way, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Maybe it is past time to look within. Could your sons be distant because they sense your disapproval? Have you rejected them, now, they are rejecting you? Did you train them up the way they should go, training them, in righteousness & in love, in mercy and forgiveness, or in judgement? There is a huge difference, and children, can spot attitudes of the heart, a mile away. Jesus said, Who is my mother, and brothers, "Those who obey the will of the Father."
---gayla on 8/17/08

There are many people who are old and childless, and in the same boat.
---StrongAxe on 5/19/08

Earl: I never thought of them being disappointed in me. Something to think about. Or they could be disapointed in dear old dad. He is getting on in yrs and not much fun to be around anymore.
But I would never tell them I am disappointed in them,to their face. Only wanted to know what others felt about something like this.
---Robyn on 5/17/08

I don't worry, It just makes me sad & cry sometimes, Because i know how it is for the Elderly.
When i go see my G-Ma in the nursing home it breaks my Heart to see some of the other people that have no one.
I talk to some of them about whatever they want to & I tell them how much God Loves them & Its going to be ok.
It truely Breaks my Heart.
---Duane_Dudley_Martin on 5/17/08

well lets see my 39 year old daughter and her husband 47 amd her 21 year old son, live with me. iam retired, on disability,they work ,oh about half the time,and moved in with me cause they were 6 months behind in rent and got evicted.they have no vehicle ,and put 24 thousand miles on my brand new car over the last 18 about half the time iam putting gas in the car,not too look for a job,and about 2 thirds of the grocery money.shall I go on?cause this would be about 20 thousand word blog.
---tom2 on 5/16/08

" kumquat_You break my heart...
I would."

Don't worry. With God's help and mercy I'm getting along ok.
---kumquat on 5/15/08

Before your old age, make peace with your sons, and your old age will be taken care of with or without them: in this manner they would if they could like you said.
---michael on 5/12/08

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I do not expect my kids to take care of me when I am old. They will have families to care for at that time, and will be unable to afford it. If they do care for me, that would be nice, but it is definitely not an expectation.

Both of my sons are not walking with the Lord, and that concerns me, as they had made professions of faith as children, but chose to stray as young adults.

Yet, I am proud of both of them for making their way in life, and one of my sons overcame heroin addiction.
---Trish9863 on 5/12/08

kumquat_You break my heart...
I would.

I would also hope that IF i was'nt around, that some God fearing person would help my grandparents if they were in need.

THAT, is Loving your Neighbor as yourself,
And what a rewarding feeling it is too!

Sometimes its just a friendly ear that is needed.
I'm so happy i have a Loving Heart...
---Duane_Dudley_Martin on 5/12/08

My sons are not walking with the Lord either. But, I am not disappointed in them as they aren't dead yet and God isn't finished with them yet. And, I am certainly not planning on them taking care of me when I am old. I'm living my life for today and not dwelling on the future. And, I'm not dwelling on what my sons are doing as they are grown men and accountable for themselves.
---KarenD on 5/12/08

The Bible tells How widows are to be treated
By her Children & the Church.
Let that be your guide.

2nd, you are ASSUMING that you Will have a Long life, when Today can be the Last day for ANY of us.

God will provide, have Faith in Him, Not man!
My Prayers are with You.
---Duane_Dudley_Martin on 5/12/08

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Maybe both of your sons are disappointed in you.
---earl on 5/12/08

Could be a symptom of major control and manipulation. If it is, do not expect your sons to take care of you in old age. They might move further away to be free of the control.
---Jhonny on 5/12/08

"Kumquat:I am looking for and expect assistance,if I need it, in my old age. ... I would like to know someone would assist me, if I needed it.Especially when I am on in years. Wouldn't you?"

My parents split when I was 11 and I took care of both of them until they died. I remained unmarred and am not pushing 60, am on disability, and have no one to take care of me.

So much for expecting things....
---kumquat on 5/12/08

Robyn, "I am looking for and expect assistance, if I need it, in my old age." I don't actually think that we should expect anything from adult children, although it would be lovely if that happens. We took care of our children because we chose to have them. This does not work in reverse and, if you ever told them that you expect from them because of what you did for them you risk getting the answer "I didn't ask to be born". I have actually heard that said to a mother.
---RitaH on 5/12/08

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Robyn, I feel for you, I am a prodigal son. I was raised by a pastor and his wife. I left God, substituted drugs, alcohal, sex, anything but God. I found my way back fortunately before my mother passed away. The Bible says to raise up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old will not stray. But doesn't say that there is not some wandering in the middle years. Pray it worked for my mom.
---dan on 5/12/08

Todays my Sons 22 B-Day,
He was born on Moms Day 1986.

Reply to "?",
All i can say is, Pray!
---Duane_Dudley_Martin on 5/11/08

Kumquat:I am looking for and expect assistance,if I need it, in my old age. I took care of them when they were in need. Why not? I hope I am vibrant and healthy to the end but I would like to know someone would assist me, if I needed it.Especially when I am on in years. Wouldn't you?
---Robyn on 5/10/08

Both of my sons confessed Jesus as their Lord and Savior but never went any further with it.Neither are in church now but occasionally the younger one reads the bible. I have not and will not give up on them. God never gives up on us. Thanks for all the wonderful views and ideas. I am encouraged today. God is in control.
---Robyn on 5/10/08

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I think being a mother is a very tough job. I've come to realize that without JESUS there is no way I could guide my children. My response to your question is this do the best you can to teach them and guide mothers it is hard not to allow our emotions to get involved but do your best and let God do the rest. kuule3944
---kuulei on 5/9/08

Sounds like time for tough love. Have you listened to Laura Shlissenger (spelling?) on the radio, or read her books. She talks a lot of sense.
---frances008 on 5/4/08

My sons are soon to be 24 and 27. I feel they should be doing more with their lives than they are. The soon to be 24 won't work. He has a baby he is not taking care of and in and off and on relationship with a woman old enough to be his mom. This disappoints me. His dad is more disappointed than am. I try to keep the peace but it is wearing me down.
---Robyn on 5/4/08

Robyn, I am sad for you. When God sent you children to look after until they could take care of themselves, it was a job entrusted to you. Then, they go out like arrows that you have shot from a bow and arrow. Healthy boys won't be confined by their homes. Pray for them to find God. Meanwhile you witness to strangers and you might be helping someone else's children. In a sense we all belong to one family. Messangers from God may get through to your sons one day.
---frances008 on 5/4/08

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God's words says: train up a child in the way that they should go and when they are old they will NOT DEPART. Did you plant a foundation for your boys according to God's word? Trust God to take care of you because He Will Never Leave YOU nor Forsake YOU If YOU take Him At His Word. Please don't let doubt take the place of Your Faith. Look to the Author and Finisher Of YOUR Faith... Just Repent and put your trust in God's word because He's not a man that He should LIE.
---Mi_Mi on 5/4/08

You don't give enough information for a good answer. For example: how old are your boys now? What makes you disapointed in them? Why do you think they should take care of you in your old age? What makes you think they won't take care of you in your old age?
---wivv on 5/4/08

You sound like you were expecting them to take care of you. Were you?
---kumquat on 5/3/08

robyn,do you believe that God is disappointed in us?allow God to do his work in them,pray for them unceaseingly.thats your job.
---tom2 on 5/3/08

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Release your sons like a mother should. Let them live their own lives and don't rely on your sons in your old age to make you happy.
Find your own life.
---Kathr4453 on 5/3/08

also love them always,forgive them even more.perhaps when you are old you will be surprised at the change in them.not me though ,God can do it,you cant.
---tom2 on 5/3/08

If there was ever a parent that wasn't disappointed in their children at some point, then I'd wonder about them. I have disappointed my mom one time that I know of. And that was when I got pregnant with my son before I got married. It doesn't matter why they disappointed you, just remember that they are your children and realize that disappointment comes with being a parent.
---Rebecca_D on 5/3/08

Speaking generally it seems that each new generation cares less for their elders and loved ones. This might be because many youngsters are given too much in the material sense and too little in responsibility and accountability. We have mollicoddled our children and they expect us to do that until we die. In addition to this, many adult children no longer live close to their parents so it can be physically impossible to do much that children, at one time, did for elderly parents.
---RitaH on 5/3/08

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"Restore them gently" (Gal 6:1)
---pharisee on 5/2/08

You will grow old and die like the rest of us. Don't plan on your children taking care of you when you are old. Plan on having a healthy, vital life until you die. My mother did that and she worked part-time until her death at 82.
---KarenD on 5/2/08

Why are you disappointed in them?
---alan_of_UK on 5/2/08

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