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Not Attracted To Him

Been dating one month I feel like he is the man I'm supposed to marry and we connect and communicate so well, he helps me to be a better Christian and there are so many good things about our relationship but I'm not physically attracted to him. He is amazing and everything I need, can this work?

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 ---GiGi on 6/23/08
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//Been dating one month I feel like he is the man...---GiGi on 6/23/08

Can anyone else see the date of the questions? GiGi has probably worked it out by now for better or worse.

Anyone else having the same dilemma, he sounds like a great friend/brother or dad. How can he be everything you need if you are not physically attractive to you.

Honestly, most woman want the bad guy (what he has to offer) and most men do not care as long as they get some. See the Garden of Eden story.

Even though Adam was 'everything' that she needed, she wanted the Serpent and his way. Adam was silent. He was getting what he wanted.
---aka on 2/2/11


I would advise you to give him a little time to see if he becomes physically attractive to you because it does happen sometimes with time as you like the emotional connection more and more. But if time passes and you still don't see it just break it off because i know from experience that a relationship without physical attraction and that certain spark becomes a chore almost and I'm sure that the right person is out there and his right person also just pray that god will lead you the right path for the both of you!
---holly on 2/2/11


I may be wrong but it seems like some males are offended at the thought of a woman not being physical attracted and ironically, it seems that most men incl. christens, have a double standard. They will not usually consider a woman they aren't attracted to but get irritated when women feel likewise. The bottom line is that only the LORD can guide you. If you are not seeking and trusting in Him 1st-then you I believe aren't ready to be married. He is the one whom should guide our relationship with thru Jesus needs to be strong enough that we can lean and follow His will. Why the hurry or press? Seek the LORD and take comfort in His unconditional love.
---Angel on 2/13/10


The lady that I am presently courting, when I first meet her I didn't consider her to be attractive. Now that I have gotten to know her she is an amazingly encouraging believer, who is sweet compastionate and full of life. Truly she gives me glimspes of it was that God intended us to actually trully be. Her heart just exalts beauty. The closer I come to her the closer I come to God. Really. Now everything about her just appeals. Especially her smile. How her heart beams when she smiles.

GiGi this could be the man of your dreams. I hope my testimony is helpful.
---Martin_nz on 10/7/08


Unattractive on what scale? I assume you mean your OWN personal preferences. Some women can be extremely picky. My sister once passed up a very handsome man who was a senior engineer at Ford, a strong christian, and who had a new house and European mid engine sports car. Why? He did not have a beard. She was obsessed with beards. The guy with a beard was a dope smoking bum, she was obsessed with him, and he never married her. Now she is 60 and alone with no prospects. She wishes beards were not on her original list.
---obewan on 7/7/08




i like elders answer.all the important things this guyis great,but his looks arent attractive.so as rlder says find a nit wit ,who isn,t great as you say,that doesn,t help you be a better christian,and has so many good things going for him,but looks good and your attracted to him.oh yea i forgot make sure he isn,t amazing,and is not everything you need.
---tom2 on 7/4/08


Looking for husband material by the way a man looks borders on lust.
---SusieB on 6/26/08


It is what is on the inside that counts,not the outside appearance.That may be kind necessary,but only further down the list.He sounds like a keeper.You been dating only a month that is still early on in the relationship.Try dating for 6 months to 1 year or two.You both are still getting to know each other.Give it time,the more you get to know each other and longer you date,the more you learn about each other and you may be attracted to him more.But the best thing i can tell you is to pray about it,let the Lord lead.If it is God's will for you two to be together and if this guy is the one for you he will let you know.But you have to be willing and willing to be patient and let the Lord lead you and this guy.
---angea on 6/26/08


Forget it. It's that simple.

Outward appearances are important to you and this man deserves someone who is not moved or discouraged by his looks.

Find a good looking man and hope for the best.
---Elder on 6/26/08


Hi GiGi...I can tell you from experience...there are men I have met in the past that were not my "type" and I was not immediately attracted to them, but over time, they became very attractive as I got to know them. And then there were those that I was immediately very attracted to that became quite unattractive as I got to know them. Give it time. Also...if this man was sent to you by the Lord as your mate, ask God to make this man beautiful and attractive to you. He can do that if you ask. Another thing to consider...maybe the Lord is not allowing you to feel physically attracted to him yet, as a form of protection, from wanting to do some things you should not be doing!
---Holly4jc on 6/25/08




My advice to you is "back off". If you are not in a position to appreciate him now because of his physical looks, it will only get worse. If when you can't appreciate him as he is because of "no physical attraction" you should leave him alone unil you come to realize that physical attraction isn't really that important. (Of course if you take to long to reach that conclusion, it may be too late. There are lots of women who would like a man like this - regardless of his physical attraction.)
---wivv on 6/25/08


If you aren't attracted to him & wonder "if" it will work then let it go & just be friends. One thing you should do is not spend as much time together. Spend time apart & get your head clear. If not you may make a decision based on your emotions. I promises you feelings will change, but God's word won't.
Just don't base your decision on how you feel.
---Rickey on 6/25/08


GiGi, Some people "fall in love at first sight", and it works well with them. But, the opposite is also true. As long as you have the Lord GOD's Blessing on this relationship, you may very well find yourself becoming attracted to your man physically sometime along the way. You love him so much that his physical appearance will just "grow" on you. And it will be sweet. But, even if that does not happen, your and his bonding love and GOD's Bonding Love for you two is what is the most important.
---Gordon on 6/25/08


AMEN Susie! Give it some time Gigi, if looks are all that important you'll know in time, and so will he!
---NVBarbara on 6/25/08


The answer to this question in in the first four words. "Been dating one month..." says it all. Give this new relationship another eleven months and see how it is.
---SusieB on 6/23/08


I agree with Ralph. If you aren't attracted to the person it wouldn't be a good idea to marry him. It is good to have someone in your life to help you grow in Christ. Think about it in the long hall. Marriage also requires physical attraction. A man and a woman, christian or not, will find attraction toward each other if they hang out together a lot. I know by experience. But if you have to ask if it will work, it is probably just your emotions talking. Take care.
---Rickey on 6/23/08


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There is such a thing as a "spirit to spirit" attraction. Then the physical comes later.

If you are both on the same spiritual level in your beliefs in every area of your lives, it can work. Do you pray together? Do you fellowship together and with others your own sex? Do you agree about issues such as children? What about finances? You don't want to be co-dependent on someone or marry for the wrong reasons.

Have you ever been married before? How spiritual hungry is he? As much as you? It sounds like you're willing to compromise to be with him and that is not good.

It should be a "spirit to spirit" attraction and see if the fleshly/physical attraction grows. There should be some kind of PA.
---donna8365 on 6/23/08


physical attraction does help, but not important.However marriage is a serious thing & you have to live with this person/decision. If he is everything you need spiritully & helps your walk with God he sounds like a keeper.
---canda7893 on 6/23/08


How would we know? It could be infatuation.
---Donna on 6/23/08


gigi,from what you describe he sounds perfect.now just because he dont look like brad pit,or whoever, doesn,t make any relationship.you have aid you communicate so well and he makes you a better christian,and there are so many good things.well that seems enough.oh yes i forgot hes amazing,and everything you need.but i dont like the way he looks physically.you have so many of the important reasons to be attracted to him,personally i really cant see your problem.
---tom2 on 6/23/08


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I guess I will just have to ask you on e question. Does God agree with your relationship? The answer you have for the question will mean that is what you must follow.
---Scholastika on 6/23/08


No. If you really care about this gentleman then do him a huge favor and put any idea of marriage completely out of your mind.
---ralph7477 on 6/23/08


Good Morning GiGi
It is good that you communicate and connect well but do not ignore the fact that you are not physically attracted to him. If you should marry him it will be a major issue. Physical atraction is not everything but it is part of a healthy relationship between people who are dating with marriage in mind. Be prayerful about the relationship and proceed with caution.
---pg1 on 6/23/08


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