Can I Marry A Poor Man
I am dating a 37 year old man who is a great man, but is a musician for a living and doesn't have a penny to him name, literally. Should I consider marriage? How will we raise children?
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---liz on 7/30/08
Helpful Blog Vote (25)
Liz, You may want to consider the maturity level of this man you are thinking of marrying. A 37 year old man who won't get a real job because he want's to be a musician? Sounds kind of immature to me. There are millions of young people who move to New York City in hopes of making it big and end up waiting table their whole lives. I think it's a fantasy they never want to give up. Adults do what they have to do and get real jobs, even if it's not their dream job.
---Jed on 5/30/12|
hi,I spoke the other day a guy who visit our church,we were on this subject! Marry someone who doesn't have money..got tell you know quite a few married into $ None are happy!have a nephew,kind of raised him myself,he was poor,built himself up at work good solid salary,bought 2 homesnow,struck car accident,NO job 5 surgery she wants him OUT! Money don't buy happiness!(the guy visit church said it's not everything.. $ amost everything... You marry for love and being the best to one another.Thankyou love of Jesus
---ELENA on 5/29/12|
Liz at 37 with zero financial means always living this way ...should be clear he has no desire to do anything other than pursue his own self interests regardless of financial consequences ...admirable to pursue your passion however 17 years later it's irresponsible ...nothing in scripture TELLS anyone to live poor
cannot expect him to change to raise family ... remember you would financially support yourself children and him always ...how unfortunate many assign greed to your concern ...preferring to misquote scripture of rich rather than truth of irresponsibility to a middle age man who continues to live as 20yo ...so many "great" God fearing responsible men ...what's so "great" about a man who only lives for himself
---Rhonda on 7/18/09|
1) Do you ask this question out of greed? If so isn't it written that a poor man has a far easier time making it to heaven then the rich man. If asking this question for personal gain then I would say No do not marry him, you do not want to drag him to hell based on your greed.
2) If asking this question based on your freinds comments/concerns. I would say do you love him and does he love you? If it is love which is based on the Lord not lust which is based on the devil then I would say Yes. Put your faith in God. Things will work out. If he loves you and you love him, then he and you will do what it takes to work it out.
---MM1967 on 7/14/09|
Since most arguments are going to be about lack of money, I would consider it very carefully before such a big decision. At his age he should have some savings. Not to have any shows a lifestyle that does not fit the image of family man. However, if you are willing to work at home and outside then things could work out. It would not suit me. I believe in the old-fashioned idea of the father taking care of the family.
---frances008 on 7/13/09|
Money does not buy happiness, Robyn, true. But if a marriage is under strain because of lack of finances, that can be prevented by waiting for a better off Christian. Being poor and unhappily married is a lot worse than being rich and unhappily married. At least with a bit of money you can take a holiday away from your husband now and again. Without money you are trapped together and feel more like wanting to be out of it altogether. Just my two cents. I live in a country where most of the marriages are arranged or near arranged and it works well. People stay together because that is what is expected of them.
---frances008 on 7/13/09|
If the 37 year old was making $200,000 per year, would the question arise?
---Janzze on 7/11/09
You raise an important question. I was once "forced" to give a single woman a ride to a church retreat. She was in her early 40's, working as a Wal-Mart check out clerk for $6 an hour, and had been in community college for over 10 years and not graduated yet. She asked me what I did, and I told her I was an engineer. Then she said, oh well, $85,000 is not a lot of money. I don't think I could live on that. It was all I could do to keep from pulling the car over and saying "get out and walk!" LOL Then some people in the group warned me she had a gold digger reputation!
---obewan on 7/12/09|
If the 37 year old was making $200,000 per year, would the question arise?
---Janzze on 7/11/09|
You really need to find out what his goals are. My last roommate was a musician, and he complained about money to me all the time since I am an engineer with a "better" income (when I am not laid off.)
He wanted to play in orchestras and plays, and not teach. That was his downfall. He has an MA in Piano and Trumpet, and manages to pull down about $35K with gigs plus private students.
Well, he finally got his due. He married another musician who is a public school teacher at about $60K. They do fine between the two of them, and he is now open to a college professorship.
It may not be as bad as it seems if the right options are considered.
---obewan on 7/9/09|
Not sure. how much do you love him? Do you make a decent living yourself?
---stacy on 7/9/09|
Just like anyone else. Get a job and work! We have many more poor people than rich. Our chances of marrying a rich person is very slim to none. Do what millions of the poor crowd does..pray, work and trust in God. Welcome to the real world,baby.
---Robyn on 3/2/09|
Ask the right question. Has this man been married before or have you been married before? Is the first partner still living in either case. If the answer is no: then go ahead if it is another Christian. If the answer is Yes: Be fully warned that you are committing adultery.
---Del on 3/1/09|
Gabre--I don't know if some person here can advise you. It would help us to learn something about the customs where you live. How is the girl related to you? Are you a Christian?
---Donna66 on 2/26/09|
I'm aman who has not knowledge anough and i want to marry the girl member of my family so can you advice me what about my love
---gabre on 2/25/09|
Why are you so worried about when you have kids? You haven't even married the guy yet! If both of you are believers, then Jesus is your provider! Quit worrying!!! Quit listening to all of these faith chickletts in here trying to preach fear into your faith. If you're gonna let money be an issue on whether you marry the man you love, then you better go hide in a box somewhere with every penny you have left! You obviously haven't been watching the news! We're in the last days woman! Jesus is about to empower His church, and then rapture us out of here! Get married, and both of you get on fire! Quit worrying about money! That stuff is only fuel for the fire!! God bless!
---Bryan on 2/7/09|
The answers here made me laugh at the arrogance and materialistic views shown through selfishness and greed. I married for love and poverty because that is whom I prayed about and received an answer it was right. What happened to faith and take ye no thought what ye shall do and God shall provide your means. I guess the bible is wrong huh. In ten years of marriage, we have the bare necessities, a home, food to eat, have two great children that have clothes, and are happy. We have never had an argument or fight. Do we have luxuries, NO, but the parable of the rich man fits many lives. Would you give up your jewels, cars, homes, or other wealth to follow Jesus Christ in righteousness. From the responses here, the answer is definitely NO.
---ashley on 2/6/09|
Don't! If he stays poor - you'll suffer poverty-- if he makes money, there's MALE EGO. It's lonely being married to a "self made" man when you are the woman who spent thankless years doing endless work behind the scenes to ensure "his" success. I stopped pursuing my goals in order to help build a business my once poor & bright, but unfocused husband could run since he couldn't get or hold a decent job. Finally, the business did well, the success went to his head, and his personality became unappealing to me. As his reputation as a talented professional grew, my identity faded into the background. RUN A MILE in the opposite direction before you marry a man who can't make it without your total involvement.
---C. on 2/5/09|
never use money to measure wealth. By asking the question . Should I marry a poor man? You have already made up your mind by defining him as poor. So dont do it. A mans life consist not in the abundance of his possessions. Those who measure wealth and prosperity with money or material things are shallow.
If He is a man of God and is trying to provide by all means. Consider marriage. IF He is lazy and an unbeliever flee!!!
---richard_buckman on 11/29/08|
Nicola,i'm poor and play mandolin,
write me if the Lord leads you.
---kevin5443 on 11/27/08|
Welcome to the real world,lady. Most of us marry poor people. Very few marry money. If you find a rich man to marry,by all, means,go for it! There is a price to pay for every decision we make in life. Are you ready? I hope so. Money by itself doesn't bring happiness or love. Please keep that in mind.
---Robyn on 11/10/08|
Hi Liz, God bless you dear. And it's true that money does not buy happiness--but it does pay the rent. Not to mention food. I speak from experience that a life of almost no money (or the wise management of it anyway) is a life of stress and strife! When you're scraping the bottom of the barrel in food while your husband insists on spending the little money you do have for frivolous things, it does nothing to improve the romance--trust me, dear! :)
---Mary on 8/13/08|
You haven't said what kind of musician he is. Church musician? Music teacher (free-lance or in a school)? Orchestral player? Singer?
And you haven't said if he's a Christian.
And the question both of you need to ask in your own hearts: Will being married to each other bring you closer to Christ or pull you farther away?
---katavasia on 8/11/08|
Why does it matter how rich or poor he is? If you love him, and live by faith, God will provide all that you need to raise children.
You didn't mention what you do for a living. If you make enough, let him make music, and you provide for the kids.
---Ursine on 8/11/08|
If he plays the mandolin and you dont I WILL! haha!
My papa and nana both were raised poor. Extremely. When pap met nana he was enamoured by her, they both worked hard and new how to take care of eachother: home, family needs, budget. that they had nice things. They looked like mad rich people in the end but in reality, they just took care of what they had and got things that lasted and such.
I think it's possible but only you can he can tell. No cliche here but Have a talk with God. See what He says.
Does he play the mandolin??? ,D hehehehe!
---nicola on 8/7/08|
Liz....You still here? Talk to us. Personally, I'd rather be married to a poor man who treats me great than a rich man who forgets that I am his wife. I learned as a child that money doesn't buy happiness.
---SusieB on 8/5/08|
Fundamental to Christianity is to honour those whom you should honour. Let this man put his house in order and act responsibly, which is consideration for you and love and kindness being expressed. If I were about to marry and had not a penny to my name I would firstly be ashamed and secondly make provision of a decent job. Nowhere in scripture do you find christians who dont support themselves or make some effort to do so, even in such hard times as they had. Paul mended nets. The Apostle Paul, mending nets. If this man loves you more than himself, he would go out of his way to provide on his part. Who pays for the marriage?
---Alan on 8/5/08|
Mima: Awww, bless his little heart! :) You have a very sweet grandson, hope his loving heart stays pure and sweet as he grows older. :)
---Mary on 8/4/08|
While talking to my seven year old grandson I ask, Kolten are you going to marry a rich girl or a poor girl? I'm going to marry a poor girl he said. Why I ask? So I can buy her things he said.
---Mima on 8/3/08|
If you are willing to put up with poverty then go ahead. But if you are going to be unhappy and then get a divorce don't do it. Many people who have little money are very happy and there always seems to be a way to increase income whem kids come along. By that time he will probably realize this himself and get some other income to help out.
---john on 7/31/08|
Well, you probably won't. How is he a musician, and broke? He must love his work, or he is no good. I can't put that, it is too rude and crude.
---catherine on 7/31/08|
I know of a similar situation. He has a side hobby but no stable income. Everyone around the engaged couple can see that it is a disaster in the making. Read 1 Tim 5:8 for more insight.
---pg1 on 7/31/08|
pray to God he will leed you
---dave on 7/30/08|
Poor and happy ain't so bad, I'd pick that over rich and miserable any day.
---Pharisee on 7/30/08|
One, has he actually proposed?
Assuming he has, have you discussed fiscal prospects? You'll need to do so.
If he isn't willing to go into a more lucrative field (or sub-field, such as teaching band), you'll have to step up to the plate and support your family.
On the up-side, most musicians work nights and weekends, so it should be possible to arrange your schedule so that he can take care of the kids while you work.
Oh, and word to the wise, if you go to a lot of his concerts, and they use amplifiers, wear earplugs. (We have a lady at our church who has gone to her son's karaoke things for years and has lost most of her hearing from that.)
---Nancy on 7/30/08|
A husband/ father must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. If the husband/father doesn't work, how would the wife and children look up to him to provide a roof over their heads and food on the table? Read Eph chapter 4,5 and 6. He is a musician and fantisizes himself as such lacks judgement (Prov12:11 also Prov15:19). We must learn to work so that we may provide for daily necessities and live productive live (Titus3:14 and also 1Tim5:8).
A suggestion: I suggest buying an apartment building so he may have a roof over his head and food on the table while still providing for the family and practising his craft.
---Steveng on 7/30/08|
Perhaps you should ask HIM this question. The answer that he gives will tell a lot about his maturity, and his character, and his level of commitment.
There is no shame in being poor as such (most of the biggest names in the Bible were poor or even homeless - for example, Jesus didn't even have a place to rest his head).
---StrongAxe on 7/30/08|
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In considering marrying anyone, I would be more concerned as to what kind of music it is that he is playing. Is he playing in bars? Is he playing for churches? Is he playing classical music? Is his professional one which will be able to support a family later on in life? Personally, I think a husband should be the one supporting a family. Are you both Christians who can go to your pastor for counseling prior to marriage? If his financial condition bothers you now, it will really bother you after you are married.
---SusieB on 7/30/08|
He's a 37 year old man who has no money, and you are *dating* him. So, among other things, dates usually involve *someone* having money to pay for what you do on dates.
He's great, you say. Well, we have had people in music whose
*music* was considered great, and ones didn't criticize them for not having money. And a lady to give a great musician love can put love into the music.
Not that music matters more than you and him, though. This world will use musicians with terrible personalities, but not care for them, at all, just use them.
IS he great as a person? This would matter, but not mean to marry him. Jesus is great, different people need a truly great person (o:
---Bill_bila5659 on 7/30/08|
Rita: You make a huge assumption in saying that if Liz wants children her earnings will cease upon their birth. I know plenty of women who continued working while having children. I did, and so did my sister-in-law. My daughter and her in-laws all did. My granddaughter is one year old, and my daughter is a teacher. I work with plenty of women in both of my careers who have their children and return to work. For many women, they are the sole bread winner as they are single parent homes.
Liz needs to decide at what level she wants to be a bread winner, and make her decision about her musician accordingly.
---Trish9863 on 7/30/08|
Do you have a career? Most wives have a job or career that supplements the household income. I did, my sister-in-law did. Now that we are both single, we are able to support ourselves.
Does he have a second job? My son is an actor, his wife an actress, in New York. Both have back up jobs between gigs.
What is his work ethic? You can gauge a man by that.
---Trish9863 on 7/30/08|
If he doesn't have a penny to his name he isn't doing it for a living he's doing it as a 'slightly' paying hobby. I don't know about you, but he should certainly not be considering marriage unless he is prepared to consider his music a hobby and get a job that will put a roof over your heads and food on the table. There are more marriages that break down because of a lack of money and the rows that ensue from that. He will want to earn a good wage if he really wants you to marry him. Regardless of whether you work and even if you earn a lot, you mention wanting children so your earnings would cease, at least for a little while, so ponder all these things before embarking on marriage.
---RitaH on 7/30/08|
As a woman who has married 2 times to men who didn't have a good income, I would have to say DON"T DO IT...Not only have I suffered, but my children have... And it really hurts to see my children do without more then anything, including food. It really is not a good idea to marry before there is a good income.
---a_friend on 7/30/08|