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Divorce My Lazy Husband

If I married a man who cannot provide for his home or carry on a job, am I wrong to want a divorce? Should I have to suffer because he was unprepared to be a husband?

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 ---Nyenpu on 8/29/08
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Even if your husband works he should still come home and help,that is a real man, my sisters boyfriend will not even marry her after they had kids,all he does is drink,smoke and play music all day(he sucks),and thinks he is this super IQ philosopher,he is fat,bald,lazy and hates his kids,never cleans the house,does not even take bath.
---doesit_matter on 6/8/11


Tet,
To judge righteously, is to make a decision on whether the information you receive is correct according to scripture.

As I am only faced with scriptures which clearly outline adultery, I am not braisen enough to think I can

Judge in the capacity you feel I have done. Your in the business of sending people to hell based on your misconceptions, I was commissioned to study to show myself approved a workman unashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

Matt 19:9:10:11 Romans 7, 1 Corinth: 7
---Carla on 5/30/11


i really dont know what to tell you i am in the same state you are
---julia on 5/30/11


Nyenpu: Let us reverse the genders in your question? What will you advise a strong, hard-working & successful man who married a lazy woman? Is it to divorce her?
---Adetunji on 4/14/11


Melissa:

If your husband has a 9-5 job, he may be exhausted after 8 hours of hard work, and may not have any energy for anything else. Doesn't working 8 hours a day to make sure there is a roof overhead and food on the table count as some kind of contribution?
---StrongAxe on 4/9/11




My husband has a great job however when he gets home all he does is plop down in front of the tv and ignore the rest of us. We've been married over 15 years and have 2 kids together and I feel like a single parent as he does absolutely nothing to contribute to the family. I don't feel like I'm married, I feel like I am the maid!
---Melissa on 4/8/11


There is a difference between cannot work and will not work. As marriages get on in years, both parties involved will become older and less able to function. This is why people retire. Sometimes, the incapacity may be more severe, and happen sooner (due to illness or accident). This should all fall under for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. It is a fairly shallow woman who will marry, and then dump her husband as soon as he can't support her (or a man dumping his working wife).

On the other hand, if someone is capable of working but chooses not to do so, that is something different entirely.
---StrongAxe on 4/5/11


\\To Carla & Cluny: \\

There are usually two sides to stories like this. I'd be curious to hear his.

The question is: Why did she marry a man who is unable to be an adult?

Is this something she knew at the time?

Or is it something that developed later because of his illness, either physical or mental?

In any case, there's something here she's not telling us.

And I stand by my original posting. Either the words "for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health" meant something to her, and so she is bound by her promise to God, to Whom wedding vows are made.

Or else, she didn't mean them and was lying to God at the time.
---Cluny on 4/4/11


To Carla & Cluny: you sounded like you already threw the stones first. I beg that you stay away from being "too critical". You are NOT God. Leave that to God himself. The answer to the posted blog is found in 1 Timothy where if a husband is unable to provide his family financially, he is the same as an "imbecile". Divorce happens. It's not a new thing. I don't encourage it either but ONLY God puts the answers in our hearts. And being too critical is not going to help anybody's situation.
---Tet on 4/4/11


I am in a similar situation. My husband has a job but does very little to help out around the house. We have been married 26 years. My children are grown now and I am trying to decide whether or not to get a divorce. He works full time but only 3 days a week. The rest of the week he sits in front of the tv or is on the phone. He has never been a disciplinarian with our children. I feel like I have been a married single mom. Being a father means more than just giving love. It means also that you have to discipline them - but that is too much effort for him. I have to work a full time job, pay bills, clean house, solve problems, etc. He just doesn't care and has an excuse for everything.
---Unhappy_and_Tired on 3/4/11




you need to realize that many men out there never grow up. My friend has a husband that just plain feels that the wife can handle it all and he can go hunting, stay up all night on the CB radio and sleep all day. they have two toddlers and she has worked since she was in high school. He won't go to church, cook or clean or watch the kids, won't even bring in wood to stock the fireplace in the winter. They have been to counseling. She is way too intelligent to have to live like a backwoods hick the rest of her life, because he won't get busy and do his "head of the house" job. He can't even grocery shop or take care of the kids so she can take a brake...Yes she is a co-dependant and falling deeper into depression every day.
---Joan on 1/26/11


I'm in the same position. I met my husband when I was very young. He was controlling and sometimes abusive and threatened to hurt himself if I left him. I have now been with him for 35 years. I have not only provided for our family financially but I also take care of the kids, clean, cook, shop, and do yard work. My husband has NEVER made any type of contribution to our home. I don't expect him to find a job but would love it if he would at least help around the house. He does absolutely nothing. He smokes pot all day, abuses painkillers and sleeps about 18 hours out of every day. He doesn't even share my bed nor is he a companion. I do not believe in divorce but it is very hard for me to believe that this is the way God wants me to live.
---Unhappy_Wife on 1/20/11


From a Biblical standpoint, if you choose to leave then do not remarry unless he has been unfaithful. That is what the Bible teaches.
---jody on 1/7/11


Most men and women fail to realize that everyone has an "identity" in life, and an insecurity in life.

Women identify with home, and are insecure about their physical appearance. Men indentify with work, and are insecure about being rejected.

If a woman gives in to insecurity by letting her appearance go, the man gives in to his insecurity by feeling rejected.

That can cause a man to quit his identity by quitting work, which can cause a woman to quit her home identity by wanting a civorce.
---James_L on 1/7/11


My sister posed this same scenario to me about her third husband (he won't provide, still a boy, I want a divorce)

I observed from her past that she always chose men who (by most) would be considered a loser - no house, car, ambition, etc.

Then she would browbeat him for being the "loser" that she chose in the first place. "this is MY house, car, etc. If you don't like it you can hit the road. When are you gonna be a man?" Then kick him out when he shut down.

Too many women have been sabotaged into believing they should be "independent" and don't "need" a man. If you need him and depend on him, don't tear him down. If you don't want to need or depend on a man, don't get married.
---James_L on 1/7/11


Yes, leave him. You will be unhappy unless you can accept it. You don't deserve to be a slave.
---Sally on 1/5/11


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Have you prayed about the situation? Did you missed this important fact while courting him? Now since you are in this I strongly suggest going on a Daniel (read Daniel 10 to understand the fast) fast and seek the Lord before divorcing him. Because that same slacker that you are trying to get ris of will work really hard for another woman that will pray and fast. Think about it carefully before you go to Judge Milian.
---joyce on 11/1/10


I was praying about the same problems and God told me it is my obligation to leave without guilt because the man I married is still a child. Ask God. He loves you.
---rightwithgod on 10/30/10


Well sweetheart you married him where was your analytical skills when you first met him, did you not see that he was lazy , did he work when you met him?

Divorce was never an option just because your hubby wont work, although I empathise with your situation, it is not a clause to divorce. You can divorce him but you cannot remarry and if he remarries you will still be in the state of Adultery if you marry, because of the condition you first divorced your hubby for.

As a woman it is not emphasised that you can indeed except for death re-marry you must remain single and leave room for hubby to sort it out love and be able to come back.
---Carla on 10/20/10


No Sister,you do not have to suffer. You can take the wide road. You were given a free will just like him,but,as my pastor would say "watch out for the buts" God may be holding him back because God knew what you would do. I truly believe behind every successfull man is really great God fearing woman. I'll bet if you start looking for the good things about him. You might find a whole lot of that too! I wish you the both God's best.
---Joseph on 10/19/10


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Sounds like you were equally unprepared to be a wife.

Of course, you have NOT said why your husband does not "provide for his home or carry on a job."

If he's disabled, do the words "in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer" mean anything to you?
---Cluny on 10/20/10


Typical materialism: you marry a husband, you do not marry money. If a spouse wants "things" and wants "money", then work. It takes two active participants to make a marriage, not one, therefore what work are YOU doing to provide for your home or carry on a job? nothing? then should the husband be wrong to want to divorce a user and a neglecting wife?
---Eloy on 10/19/10


First God only gave one reason for divorce - adultery (see Matthew). We are all in the circumstances we are in because God has approved so (see Job). I would seek council with your husband about his sin (laziness is a sin - Proverbs, Thessalonians, etc.) If he is a believer and you approach him in love, he may respond in a positive manor. If he is not a believer then the Bible instructs the believing spouse to live in such a way that might win over the unbelieving spouse. This will include forgiving 70x7 or infinity as Christ has done for us. Nothing in the Christian life is easy. Jesus said in this life you will have trouble. Good luck and remember God is with you. R2
---Scott on 10/19/10


I think that its okay to separate to send a strong message to spouse that you mean business if needed. Called tuff love. Yes we made a choice in marrying these men. To deal with this, we must stay in prayer for our husbands. Compliment them even though you would rather knock them out.(smile) Prayer changes things. My husband had about 8 jobs since married. Fired from last one this month. Our battle is against the devil who will destroy the head of the family so the rest will fall. As helpers we must stand when they cant. Marital counseling, Christian mens fellowship, positive role models in our lives. Things have to change because we serve a Mighty God. Ignore those comments that are ignorant, and accuse you. Take the positive and move forward
---Blackpeach on 10/17/10


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I am in a similar situation. I do not want to disappoint God on this one, my marriage is very important to me but what grounds do I have to file? What is considered "unpeaceful" in terms of what Matthew is saying about living in peace. I am definitely not at peace and my husband is enjoying the money that should be helping our household---at the bar as we blog. Im sick of holding him above water...who will hold me above water when I start to drown...
---D on 10/15/10


frank,

when i first started posting, i did the same thing. at first, I put Joseph, then joseph, figured there was a problem...then aka.joseph, then aka to make it simpler.

try to pick something that differentiates you, and that is unlikely that someone else will use your name.

frank and Frank and FrAnK are three different names. however, many people can duplicate that.
---aka on 10/14/10


It would really surprise me that any woman would marry a man before knowing if he worked or was capable of working.
Also, the reason for not working should be considered. Whether it be laziness or an infirmity.
Also, I have noticed either someone else is using my name or another Frank's posts are attributed to me. The mods should check this out farther as to who is actually posting.
I would think the e-mail address should seperate them if another Frank is posting.
---Frank on 10/14/10


Responding to Frank,
It seems the woman is making a statement of fact. Her husband cannot provide for a home (notice she didnt
say house as in material objects) and it seems he cannot hold down a job. When you say she is weak, self centered "princess" you are judging someone harshly. If you read the Bible at all, I'm sure you are familiar with throwing stones. If she were a princess, she would be saying that he never takes her out/buys her anything. A woman depends on a man to be a provider, as well it should be. God made woman for man as a helper NOT as a provider.Read the Bible carefully before throwing stones. There is nothing wrong with a woman wanting a man to provide for her and for a woman to be a helper to her husband.
---daniele on 10/14/10


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You must have a legitimate reason for divorcing. This is what the bible say
"I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith. (Malachi 2:16)
---Ulana on 8/31/10


Did anyone put a gun to your head to marry him? It was your choice. You made you bed now you must sleep in it. I'm not condoning his behavior if you are truthful, but you must have seen this before you married him. Do you have a job? My question is why can't he provide? Was he one of the unfortunate ones that was laid off? Quiting is easy. You sound like a very weak self centered woman who didn't get what she bargined for...sorry that's life. Is he a good man, does he love you, is he good to you, is he trying to find and hold down a job...lots to think about. Why don't you try being his helpmate instead of a princess. Work with him on these issues and stop critizing until you have done all you can do to improve the situation and seek GOD!
---Frank on 8/30/10


I am very grateful for these blogs. it helps me torealize i am not alone, there ae other girls sharing my pain. Two books tha helped me are 1. co-dependent no more (please read it - it is the best for living with irresponsable adult. It talkes about what spouses of addicted people should do, but in teh beginning she specifies that it includes those who leave with invalids,addicted, or irresponsable adults/spouses. The book helps you ho wto emotionally detatch fromthem - how not to get the feelings on fore every time you faith waht they do). 2. Book number two by James Dobson is called "Love must be tough" - it teachers you how to confront such spouses (in our case lazy spouses) in a Christianway, but showing them clear boudary.
---Elaina on 8/7/10


What reason(s) has he given you for not holding down a job?Does he drink,abuse drugs? What is the problem with him? He suppose to be the head of the household. If you have talked with him and let him know your deepest concerns, he should be willing to do something about his work. After a while, it won't be his work, there will be other more pressing issues. More trouble that will be harder to deal with. If that happens-divorce will be looming closer and closer to home. You have a right to be loved, provided for and satisfied in a healthy relationship. If that is missing, you don't have to stay in that.
---Robyn on 8/3/10


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I don't feel so alone reading that other Christian women are challenged and by a lazy husband. I have spent much of my inheritance on my lazy husband. I am about to receive a further inheritance. I work and would like to put my wages and the inheritance money in a separate bank account as my husbands has all of his needs met and seems to have no incentive to work. He sees what ever I earn and inherit is God's provision for both of us. I'm tired of it and him. He spends 12-14 hours in bed. Depressed? refuses to get help!
---kathyrn on 8/3/10


Hi Jane, I learnt a big lesson a number of years ago and that was to get control of my mouth and I read James over and over. I learnt to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path."(Proverbs 3:5) So try and spend extra time in the word (sharper than any two edged sword) and let the Lord move in this situation. He knows your husband's heart and He said He will never leave us nor forsake us. It's a frustrating time for you and I can hear how tired you are but I believe your husband will be released from the fear that is holding him back.
---Theresa on 7/26/10


Hi Jane, I learnt a big lesson a number of years ago and that was to get control of my mouth and I read James over and over. I learnt to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path."(Proverbs 3:5) So try and spend extra time in the word (sharper than any two edged sword) and let the Lord move in this situation. He knows your husband's heart and He said He will never leave us nor forsake us. It's a frustrating time for you and I can hear how tired you are but I believe your husband will be released from the fear that is holding him back.
---Theresa on 7/26/10


My question is...are you still out there? Are you still married? Nearly 2 years since you posted your question and I am wondering if he has changed. Has true change or healing occured? I have been married for 19 years on the basis of fulfilling my vows and my husband has never changed. Pretty tough to pick up that cross and follow Him sometimes when your dreams have been dashed for that many years. It is by grace alone...but I have to count my many blessings also. I guess I fear the consequences of devorce more than my desire for a real man. By the responses on this blog it seems that there are more women married to children than I thought, self included. I'm still taking things day by day. God bless those of you really trying to follow Christ.
---jane on 7/24/10


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I am in your same situation. I am in my late 20's work 2 jobs, seven days a week, and go to school full time (5 classes per semester). My husband (of 4 years) does not work and thinks that he is too good to do retail. I am old fashion and think that men should provide for their house hold but in my case my husband does not. I my self am also tired and the fact that i can not get a day off is hard for me. I have considered divorce many times but there seems to be always something holding me back. Honestly I resent him sometimes and feel like I can not sleep with him because I view him as a child so I definitely know where you are coming from. I would also like advice.
---tonya on 6/28/10


i hope you are not one of those women who thought you had a nice man but figure you get married that you can fix the few glitches or basically tryin to change him and once you got married realize that he was not going to change, cause if so then tuff luck, but if not. you have to ask your self is his laziness really worth you happiness and his lack of income.
---victoria on 5/16/10


Divorce is the product of a broken covenant. If the covenant is broken, why stay? Paul wrote that if two can not get along, go your separate ways. The choice is yours. Yes, God hates divorce, however, also know, immorality takes many forms besides adultry. A man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church and was willing to give his life for her. If he isn't willing to provide for his wife, he won't be willing to lay down his life for her either. A godly man follows Christ's example through the Word. Emotional abuse is just as dibilitating as physical. Read Malichi 2:13-16. The word treacherously is used 3 times. To God, the attitude of indifference to marriage vows AND duties are actions of a traitor.
---wd on 5/16/10


All people who say you have to be stuck to a lazy person for life sound so unchristian, have you ever felt what its like to feel theres no future for you,your children because with your work alone you cannot afford all they need? like health,dentist,etc? And you see your husband not working only looking for fun? someone talked about depression of the poor lazy man, and what about the poor woman who has to be stuck with him? doesnt she suffer depression?
Honey if they havent been in your shoes dont listen!! Theres nothing worse than a lazy man! I say because I have one at home, its horrible and Ill send him back to his mom who raised him that way.For the record when you marry them they are angels, they become demons once youre hooked!
---Jen on 5/12/10


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Laziness is no reason for divorce. As God will tell you, "you married him".
---catherine on 4/19/10


Nyenpu, my last comment was too harsh, sorry. But the question is whether he cannot hold a job because he is selfish, lazy or something else like that, then a strong rebuke is necessary. I, however, have been laid off a large number of jobs because of two health problems (diabetes and epilepsy). Here my wife, naturally complains when I get laid off, wthen rejoices when I get my next job, etc, but does NOT suggest divorce.
---peter on 4/18/10


There are two sides to every story.

Maybe he really is trying and is just down on his luck.

I myself have been laid off 5 times in my 28 year career (through no fault of my own). I thank God every day I don't have a nagging wife to run my business for me.

What are you doing to provide for the family?

I have met plenty of lazy women who do nothing to "provide" for the family but watch soap operas and load food in the microwave.
---obewan on 4/15/10


Nyenpu, your blog looks incredibly selfish to me, but it could be that you just did not write it correctly.... If he had a problem that made him unable to carry on a job, and he had hidden it from you, only then do you even have a claim of having been milead into marrying him. otherwise, you are his wife, and you must stay as his wife.
---peter3594 on 4/15/10


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It is common today for both spouses to provide for the home and to carry on a job. And if your spouse becomes disabled or loses his job, then the other half of the flesh, the woman, is suppose to take up the lack and not sinfully neglect vow and fail the home and marriage.
---Eloy on 3/30/10


I am living with a lazy husband like that. After wedding, I found a job for him. Worked for one or two months, he got laid off because of lateness. Sent out resume, got the call to interview, late for interview! Sit around the house on his laptop, watch TV, and eat. I am in school, working two part time jobs to provide the family. He just ignores it and continue sitting at his laptop. Nine months after wedding, he still sits around the house waiting for me to work and pay for the bill and his parents send him money to spend. Enough is enough! I decide to send him to his MOM. It is not an even issue, it is all about responsibility of a husband. That's enough!
---AN on 3/29/10


I just want to point out that the Word says that wives should honor and submit to their own husbands and husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the church. It does not say to do these things only if they do what they are supposed to do or if they live just right. It is our responsibility to do our own part irregardless of the obedience of the other! Now, be aware, I am not advocating laziness nor any mistreatment of either spouse by the other, but we are responsible for our actions and our part of the marriage and I firmly believe if we let peace lead us and the Holy Ghost show us truth, it will be a blessing and a witness to all those of the love of God in our lives.
---Jim on 10/31/09


When two people marry and become one it is under the assumption that they will love, honor and cherish eachother. Loving and honoring is to provide for eachother. Many times a man or woman may think that it is beneath them to work at a certain pay or do a certain type of work to provide for their own living expenses or to contribute to the upkeep of their family. This is pride. Pride is a sin. If your partner did not understand that they would be obligated under the bonds of matrimony to provide for themselves, their partner or their offspring, then they did not fully understand what marriage is.
---fran on 10/31/09


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Pray for strentgh and the wisdom to see that all things work together for your good. I know this is no easy task but through it all when someone comes to visit do you think their going to say oh that lazy husband of yours..... Oh no! they'll say the Poor Man has been out at work all day and look how his wife keeps the house.

It takes a lot but you can do it and No I don't agree that your boys don't help. You are the teacher teach them to be good husbands by respecting where your coming from You'll soon enjoy having a clean home and a good working patrnership with the boys

Work together teachs your boys how to be good husbands working with their wives.
---Carla3939 on 2/8/09


I just want to say that, I have a lazy husband also, but he has a job. He just will not help around the house. I have 2 boys, and his main line is ( Make the boys clean it). But why should they have to clean it, they didn't mess it up. Lord, I tell you, sometimes I don't know weather I'm going or coming. Now he has been off work for four days now, and haven't done anything around the house, just lying in bed as usual. I just got a day off today and there is this big house that I have to clean by my self. No, I'm not going to ask or even make the boys help me because it isn't their mess. Jesus, help me. Tell me which way to go. Should I divorce a lazy husband or pray for better?
---Melissa on 1/12/09


You do not have to suffer. Believe me.
Try this one on for size. Married for 18 1/2 years, two sets of twins. I have made more money every year I have worked. Which has been 15 of the 18 years. He has
walked out on 4 jobs during out marriage....
One he waited 4 days to tell me. Then to find out he was emailing some girl that we
both know. When i confronted him, he said he would not do it again. That lasted a whole two weeks. He has a job right now
making 6.55 an hour.
He left the bed 11 years ago cause it hurt his back. And has never returned. (I have
had 3 mattresses since then).
Do I have to put up with this.... NO.
---Theresa on 1/5/09


Matt, 5:32. Put it in the Hands of G-D, and have faith!
---Aharon on 11/19/08


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Although we are both Christians, we are apart. Seek the Lord. That's all we have at this point.
---elle on 11/18/08


For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil.
1 Peter 3:11-13

For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
1 Corinthians 7:15-17

My prayer is with you guys. For what its worth. Hang in there....who knows the end time.
---Trav on 11/19/08


I understand your plight. My husband and I both struggle. Although we love each other very much. He has a hard time finding a job so therefore, he's discouraged as to going out and getting one (felonies) so. I struggle with supporting everything. We are currently separated due to assorted issues. Although we are both Christians, we are apart. Seek the Lord. That's all we have at this point.
---elle on 11/18/08


I agree with bridg4675. I too have a lazy husband who is in his way out. I am sending him back to his MOM. God says that those who don't want to work should not eat neither and those who don't provide for the family are like those who have denied the faith. So I don't want to continue being marry to a lazy and unfailful man to me and God.
---Elisabeth on 11/18/08


was it an arranged marriage?did you nag him
to marry you,or did he propose? does he
provide any emotional support to you?
does he defend your honor?there are more ways to provide than just material goods!
---kevin on 10/19/08


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How was he before you married him? Was he always out of work? Did you have to pay for the expenses when you were dating? When was his last COMPLETE physical? You may have a man who was unprepared to be a husband, but you are stuck with him, based on what the Bible teaches about divorce. What you should do now is evaluate what you can do to improve the situation, not run from it. See a good Christian marriage counselor, (usually not a well-meaning pastor or friend). If he won't go, you go by yourself.
---wivv on 10/3/08


My interpretation of 'better or worse' is better or worse that life gives you..the worse including sickness, financial crisis and the like. Not what your partner decides to throw at you.

Think about it - where will you be in 5 years - same situation perhaps worse.
---Audrey on 9/26/08


The Biblical answers to how you should handle your husband is to be a Christian witness to him. That includes cooking for him instead of withholding meals to get back at him. The old saying, "I don't get mad, I get even" is not Christian.
---SusieB on 9/5/08


Unless there are health issues which prevent your husband working - and I think you would have said if that were so - then he needs a wake=up call.

Divorce, scripturally, is only allowed for adultery, but you could try leaving him for a time to see how he fends for himself. This will only be an option if you have somewhere to go of course and any children would have to be cared for by you, because it doesn't sound as it he would be able to do that.

I don't envy your position.
---RitaH on 9/5/08


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Adultery is the only Biblical grounds for divorce however I agree with Char that I would stop making him dinner. If there are no mental or physical reasons for his laziness then I would suggest a little tough love. Don't fight or argue because that just drains your spirit however I would start reducing the things that you do for him. Set boundaries by taking care of your needs and building a life for yourself. You can't change his actions, you can only change your response to them. Pray for him and take care of yourself.
---TIMOTHY on 9/4/08


Pray for your husband for God is able to make him the man that you want him to be. It could be your husband has depression. It would break him if you left him. He needs help not divorce.
---caroa9397 on 9/4/08


Your obligation is to love your husband.
---john on 9/3/08


Well, the Bible says If a man does not work, he should not eat. Just tell him you won't feed him until he gets a job.
---char on 9/2/08


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Regardless of whether your husband is lazy or is a work-aholic, IF you made your wedding vows to the Lord, then you have to answer to HIM when you break them.
---SusieB on 9/2/08


This is a tough situation, but you are called to honor your vows save for one exception - infidelity - so yes you are expected by God to honor your husband, pray for him, encourage him, and love him, even when he is unlovable. The bible says to "love the one you marry, not marry the one you love" this to imply that God recognized we wouldn't always be happy and blissfully in love, but we are to choose love even when we don't want to. We are called to love the unlovable in all situations.
---Pam on 9/2/08


No Do Not listen to comments like that divorce is NOT the end of your sorrows consequences of the Divorce is worse.

If you love the lord and like to bring others to Christ how will you witness effectively if you do not operate love towards your husband.


longsuffering is a Fruit of the Spirit and endurance produces patients and with patience comes Peace.

Do what Christ would do love the sinner do good in exchange for evil, the rewards are greater than the quick fix.

The grass you thought was greener on the other side is the same old grass been used by the stray cats and dogs cleaned up mowed down and puckered up to look just perfect just as your own grass.(husband)so why exchange him!
---Carla3939 on 9/1/08


SEND HIM HOME TO HIS MOM OR WHEREVER YOU PICKED HIM UP FROM AND FILE FOR A DIVORCE. I DONT SEE HOW YOU CAN STAND TO SLEEP WITH HIM LET ALONE BE WITH HIM. HOW COULD HE POSSIBLY FEEL LIKE A MAN AND HE DOESNT HAVE A JOB OR WONT HOLD ON TO ONE. FILE FOR A DIVORCE HONEY NO ONE WILL HOLD IT AGAINST YOU. NOT EVEN GOD. IN THE BIBLE IT STATES THAT A PERSON IS TO PROVIDE FOR THEIR FAMILY. AFTER ALL WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE. IF ANYTHING YOU HAVE EVERYTHING TO GAIN.
---bridg4675 on 9/1/08


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Maybe you should quit looking at yourself as a victim. You are in the midst of a trial that you can win. "1Co 10:13 You are tempted in the same way that everyone else is tempted. But God can be trusted not to let you be tempted too much, and he will show you how to escape from your trials. "
---john on 9/1/08


You are to provide in marriage also. "Yes, I promise to take this man to be my lawfully wedded husband...for better OR FOR WORSE, in sickness and in health, till death do you part."
---Eloy on 9/1/08


**Should I have to suffer because he was unprepared to be a husband?
**

You seem to think he was unprepared to be a husband. So why did you marry him?

I wonder--how would HE answer if asked if you were prepared to be a wife?

HMMMMMMMM????
---katavasia on 8/31/08


Could your husband suffer from depression, or a mental illness that prevents him from being able to hold down a job? I suggest you get him to a doctor for a complete physical, and then to a marital therapist to discuss this problem with a professional who can help you both learn what is going on with him.

What is preventing you from working? The Proverbs 31 woman provided for her home as a business woman who dealt in real estate and other dealings. I have worked full time for over 20 years. My daughter is married, and has been working and helping to provide for her family since the day she got married. In fact, all of the women in my family, and my daughter's sisters-in-law all work full time, except the retired grandmothers.
---Trish9863 on 8/30/08


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Why do you really want a divorce?
---SusieB on 8/30/08


Yes it is wrong to divorice him. My question to you is why did you marry him if you knew he couldn't provide for you, to begin with? If you went into the marriage thinking you could change him than that was your mistake.
---Ann on 8/30/08


Yes you are wrong to want a divorce. Now in todays society they have adopted many worldly reason that are acceptable to man. Though to God is not acceptable. If your husband cheats or beats on you. You may ask for a divorce but you may not remarry.
Romans 7:2 says if your husband dies you are released from the marriage and can remarry and not be a adulteress.
1 Cor. 7:27 says if you are married do not seek a divorce.
There has been times I wanted to leave my husband too. But pray about it. Let the Lord handle it, it will be ok. Phil 4:13 All things are possible through Christ who strengthens me.
He can do anything, yes even fix your troubles with your husband IF you allow him and not tell him how to do it.
---dayce on 8/30/08




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