Reconciliation Or Divorce
My husband and I have been married for twenty-three years. We have three children (10,12 & 16) How do I explain to the kids that their dad and I are separating until we go through counseling? I want reconciliation but I'm afraid my husband wants divorce.
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---Lydia on 10/27/08
Helpful Blog Vote (4)
Just sit down Your huisband, you and the kids, and explain openly to them what is going on. Maybe that woulmd be a good idea also for your husband and you that both know where they stand.
---Andy on 3/27/09|
Unless you have committed fornication Matt19:9 or he is an unbeliever and you a christian he is not required to stay only for peace sake. However the conflict 1 Corinth 7. There are no clause for remarriage [except] You committed fornication he cannot marry again without being an Adulterer Matt 19:9.
If he leaves you you are still in Gods word to remain single.1 corin 7
wish him well he can't remarry!
---Carla3939 on 3/26/09|
Kids aren't stupid. They probably know there is problem in the marriage. So, just sit all three of them down, and explain to them exactly what is happening. Don't try and "sugar coat" it, be direct but tackful. (No talking nasty about the husband or playing the blame game.) Just straight talk. It would even be better if your husband could be part of the talk. If he participates, you may want to assign talking points to each other so it's not just one person doing the talking. Assure them you are getting conseling, but don't try to tell them what the outcome may be since you don't know. By telling the kids what's going on, you are really helping them. Make sure they know it's not their fault.
---wivv on 11/3/08|
Pro.22:6 states to train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. The corrective Word of God is this "Way" and for your situation 1Cor.7:1-17 is the Word you need to share with your kids & husband, specifically 1Cor.7:5 as to how, when & why we should seek for consent, for a time, to separate for fasting & prayer, with hopes of realizing the strength of God to come together again.
1Cor.7:5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. (meaning your failure to continue in God's Word)
---Shawn_M.T. on 10/30/08|
Alan of Uk :- PEACEand Blessings Friend
---Mic on 10/30/08|
Mic ... Sorry ... I have now reread you and see more clearly what you were saying to Lydia.
---alan_of_UK on 10/29/08|
Alan of Uk:-If that is the way you see it -that was not my intention on the Gravity of the subject.Did you miss the sentence re reconciliation in my post?Is this not what Lydia was talking about.
---Mic on 10/29/08|
Pray about it. I'm not for divorce, however if you truly worked everything out and he still wants to walk away , then you are not held accountable, he is. Do not stay in it just for the children, because one day they'll move out and you're still stuck with the same situation. i have 4 children ages 3months to 9 yrs so i understand, but i couldn't put them through years of arguing just because they needed a daddy!
---candice on 10/29/08|
Mildred....Please quote scripture for walking away from a marriage because "you" have fallen out of love.
---SusieB on 10/28/08|
Mic ... You talk to Lydia as if it is she who is seeking to walk away from her marriage!
---alan_of_UK on 10/28/08|
Lydia:-when you have produced 3 children in the marriage of your choice with God as your witness.Walking away is not an option or something with which, you have a choice: as it is not about You or your Husband but the 3 Children young impressionable who need sustainability,and example.I dont know the reason but if you want Reconcilliation then you Have to Fight for it.what is more important Your salvation and that of your 3 children, or a satisfaction of what you THINK is right. Your Husband is in the same boat if He values His salvation."what God has joined"-are not idle words but to be taken MOST seriously.Remember "take up your cross and Follow Both of you"if you are "real" christians.
---Mic on 10/28/08|
I am feeling somewhat sad myself today over this same issue. I have been married 28 yrs. So much invested in this relationship but now its just not working anymore. Your case if different. You have small kids. I do not.That is going to make it even more difficult.Also your husband is wanting the divorce and not you. That is difficult.
I wish I had magic words to make it all better but I don't.
You have a lot of work ahead of you. Once the love has gone from a relationship, usually,its best to let it go.Start over with someone new. I think this is where a lot of the bitterness come from in divorces.
---Mildred on 10/28/08|
The answer to your question is to large and complex for a blog. You need to get a trained Christian Counselor involved now regardless of whether your husband is working on or walking from the marriage. Pray!
---TIMOTHY on 10/28/08|
You and your husband both tell your children together, that you and your husband are not praying together anymore, so there are consequences for it.
---Eloy on 10/28/08|
acceptance is the only way to get past want.
---kevin on 10/27/08|
Sit down with your husband and the kids and have a talk. Both of you be honest about your love for the kids and your desire not to hurt them.
---Trish9863 on 10/27/08|
I would ask your counsellor what is the best way to handle this. I think BOTH of you should tell the kids. I wouldn't mention divorce to the kids, I would call it a separation.
Do you not get along? Do the kids hear you two not getting along? I'm asking because if they hear the two of you arguing or sense you aren't happy or getting along, you can guess that they know something is up.
Ask your counsellor how to tell these children.
---donna8365 on 10/27/08|