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Pastor Allowing Church Affair

How do you confront a pastor who allows one of their leaders to have an affair openly in their church?

Moderator - With some elders or deacons of the church in private.

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 ---amanda on 1/1/09
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1/2
While telling lies, presenting rumours for evidence, or hypocritical and censorious judgment, are not permitted *1, we are instructed to judge *2, and God tells us to correct anyone who calls himself a brother and sins *3. But a Christian minister has to be able to receive discipline from the Lord: either through his word, or through correction brought by other Christians *4. Unrepentant people should not be put into positions of presumed authority, less teach, James 3. We are to forgive Christians if they truly repent. But, practically speaking, many people will retain resentment against them.
Romans 6:1-23, 1Corinthians 6:15-20, Galatians 5:16-6:5, Ephesians 4:17-32, 5:3-18, Colossians 3:5-10, 22-23.
---Glenn on 9/23/09


The situation described is an outrage and intolerable but the moderator is correct.
Elders and/or deacons should first confront SIN and then the pastor.
Sinning Elders (Pastors)are to be rebuked - 1 Timothy 5:20 Those who are sinning rebuke in the presence of all, that the rest also may fear. (NKJV)

And remember 1 Corinthians 5 Paul warns that sin that is ignored will corrupt the whole body, so the pastor must be confronted and confronted soon.
---larry on 9/23/09


2/2
The disciplining of a presumed Bishop is not a punishment, but recognizes that man is not qualified. This could be due to immaturity, ignorance, sin, apostasy, or not meeting various Biblical standards *5. In Galatians 6:1-5, we are told to help a brother, but these verses don't make reference to 'restoring' a man to a particular position in the Congregation.
*1 Leviticus 19:16, Matthew 7:1-5 / Luke 6:41-42 , James 4:11.
*2 Leviticus 19:17, 1Corinthians 2:15, 5:3, 11-13, 6:2-4, 11:31.
*3 2Thesalonians 3:6, 11, 2John 1:9-11.
*4 Proverbs 3:11-12 / Hebrews 12:5-11, 1Corinthians 11:31-32 , Revelations 3:19.
*5 Acts 20:27-30, 1Timothy 3:1-15, Titus 1:5-16, James 3:1-18, 1Peter 5:1-3.
---Glenn on 9/23/09


Judgemental. All of you. Let he is without sin cast the first stone. Pastors are human. We are all carnal.
---Beenthere on 9/22/09


The applicable verse is 1Timothy 5:19-22 which shows that there must be two, or more (reputable) witnesses. Rumors, visions, and suspicions don't count. Many people believe that you must accuse them in front of another elder(s) first, and then, bring the accusation before the church. If they don't permit this, they violate 1Timothy 3:1-15, Titus 1:6-9, 1Peter 5:2. If the charge is justifiable Romans 16:17, 18, 1Corinthians 5 come into play. Matthew 18:15-20 concerns offenses committed against you personally. Matthew 18 allows the matter to be dealt with in private if they repent, 1Timothy 5 does not. See also - 1Timothy 1:20, 2Timothy 2:17, Revelations 2:20.

yours in Christ, Glenn
---Glenn on 3/26/09




According to scripture, which states to first go to them in love and in private. If they don't hear, go with another, if correct response is not forthcoming, then it goes to the church. Being a pastor does not change how he or she is to be dealt with. They are Christian first. Pastor somewhere after that.
---elain3998 on 1/4/09


If a pastor or any church leader is guilty of having an affair with anyone in their congregation, you need to re-evaluate your affiliation because it is obvious they are leading a cult that is disguised as a church of God. Adultery is a sin that destroys families and comes from Satan. If a pastor condones such behavior without excommunicating the person guilty of such acts, he is no more following God than an atheist does and proves it is his church, not God's. There are thousands of cult churches set up by men for profit and teaching man's doctrines, Not God's and red flags seen by members only reinforces that.
---ashley on 1/4/09


Correction.....I meant "listening to gossip", not "listening to gospel."
---SusieB on 1/3/09


Start by talking WITH the pastor. Note: I said "with" the pastor. It would just be a bad move on your part simply to accuse the pastor of allowing this. He may just get offesive and tell you it's none of your business. There are always "two sides to every coin" and maybe all you know about is one side. You could ask him a question like this, "Maybe I don't understand, but I get the feeling one of our church leaders is having an affair. Have you noticed this too?" Or some question like that. Make sure it's a question, not an accusation or a statment of what you consider to be a fact.
---wivv on 1/3/09


The proper Biblical procedure comes from Matthew 18:15-35. The main portion is verses 15-17. You confront your brother privately, if he repents, good. If not, take 2 or 3 witnesses with you to confirm all the facts. If he still refuses, call the church. If he refuses then discipline him.
---Robert on 1/2/09




amanda...The only way you could possibly know that there is an affair, is if you saw it for yourself. If you are just listening to gospel then you need to stop. The Bible says if you have a problem with your brother or sister in the Lord, you should go directly to them first. Have you thought of asking the person you say is having an affair? If this a a single couple who are dating each other, you are way out of line.
---SusieB on 1/2/09


**If I knew for certain, and I prayed about it and hoped God would allow me to kick him out of the C H U R C H.**

God told me to tell you He would never allow you to do any such thing, catherine.
---katavasia on 1/2/09


Those elders are not doing their job if they don't confront this pastor if they they have evidence of him having an affair. The qualifications for an elder (which the pastor must also adhere to) say he is to be a "one-woman man."
---Leo on 1/2/09


I thought I sent a PS immediately after my last blog here. I didn't see it show up, so I am making a PS to my last blog. The people who are allegedly in the affair should be confronted first before going to the church leadership.
---Rod on 1/2/09


I am going to be a little different on this one. I do not believe I would meet with anyone. If I knew for certain, and I prayed about it and hoped God would allow me to kick him out of the C H U R C H. No big deal. You can be religious all you want to. Meet with nobody.
---catherine on 1/2/09


Mod is right, and there are some good suggestions here. The problem one is likely to run into is that the leadership of the church, because they are the leaders, tend not to listen because they "know" what is the right thing to do. They are in charge, so don't challenge them or question their decisions. If one can take two or three witnesses, you may have a better chance at helping to make things right. I did go to a church where the youth minister repented in public, so there is hope. The affair isn't the big problem, although it is to the people personally involved. The big problem is that overseers/leaders are supposed to qualify for leadership.
---Rod on 1/2/09


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How do you know the affair is open, amanda?

Would you want someone to confront the pastor about your own sins--actual or perceived?

If so, then you are free to confront the pastor about somebody else's.
---katavasia on 1/2/09


Personally I would not. Father will correct His own.
"I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone, For kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands. so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders. But let none of you suffer as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other peoples matters."
Ref. 1Tim. 2:1,2>1Thes. 4:11>1Pet.4:15
---josef on 1/2/09


Mod has the best answer I can think of. The elders and deacons should be informed and involved in any discussion with the pastor.
---Trish9863 on 1/2/09


I agree with Mod. Take it to the leadership. There is a chance you may be wrong. If so, you could do a lot of damage.
---john on 1/1/09


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If they are open with it then is the Pastor cool with this? If he is and your not then maybe you need to find another place to worship. Go to him with 2-4 wittness and confront him with love and question his motives. then make your decision. An affair is wrong no matter who's involved.
---BRENDA on 1/1/09


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