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Desire To Leave My Husband

What is a women to do if she does not love her husband despite years of faithfulness and desires to leave him. If she falls in love with another man is it adultery or a sin.

Moderator - Both adultery and sin.

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 ---bill on 1/7/09
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A sin. Put your mind on Christ, and let Him lead you in all righteousness. You learned to love that man - learn not to love Him. Use your willpower. The mind is the battlefield - don't let Satan win the battle. If you cannot love your husband romantically, learn to love him and others the way Christ would love them and be content.
---Betty on 3/1/09


If a person says they just fell out of love with someone, they never loved them to begin with. A person doesn't fall out of love with their spouse. There is a big difference in loving someone and being in love with someone. This woman here apparently wasn't "in love" with her spouse. If this woman here, loves someone else or is in love with someone else other than her spouse regardless if she was/is intimate with him or not, it is still being unfaithful and adultery.
---Rebecca_D on 2/24/09


God does NOT want us to be un-happy - but we make ourselves un-happy by making decision without consulting God, thinking we know better than God. Marrying the person that God hasn't selected is one of the areas we make ourselves un-happy by not doing what God knows is best. It is a sin and adultery to desire another man, in your case. You "made your bed, so now you have to sleep in it". My question is why are you not satisfied with your husband? By the way, you "don't fall in love," you grow in love. Something has stymied your growth, you need to figure out what.
---wivv on 2/13/09


Adultery is sin. The ten commandants plainly state: Thou shalt not commit adultery.
---Edwin on 1/16/09


donna, sister,
you didn't not read all of my post.
I said beyond Happy.
To say God doesn't want that is a lie.
To have joy in the Lord is happiness in what ever situation you are in.
I just found out my dad has cancer. But, God has the last say not the cancer. I am happy that God has the last say and that is my Joy in the Lord.
Happiness is a choice not an emotion. I think you have happiness confused with the "love" endorphins.
Anyway, God bless you!
---miche3754 on 1/11/09




Fruit grows > weather may get sunny, rainy, warm or cold, but the fruit still is fruit - - in the night, it is fruit, though it may not show its color. It takes time to become a good old peach. First there's that cute little buddy, so fuzzy, then the green teen not mature. Then in your middle years you may be oh-so colorful in all that peachlight coming down all around you, but you're still gonna get at least a little bit bitter and sour, deep-down inside. Because we need to go through some heat of the summer, before we can reach a ripe old age, but then is when we can get sweeter and sweeter and even more and MORE juicy. (o: Because we made that commitment to
*learn* how to love > "learn from Me," Jesus says in Matthew 11:29.
---Bill_bila5659 on 1/10/09


Yes it is sin. You are truely My disciples if you do what I say. Jesus' words. Also GOD states HE hates divorce. Trust HIM not your feelings. Feelings are opposite of faith.
---Ronnie on 1/9/09


"The joy of the Lord is my strength." This does not mean that the Lord makes me joyful. It means that the Lord's joy in seeing me obedient and faithful to HIM is my strength. I'd rather please the Lord anyday than to please myself or another man other than my husband.
---SusieB on 1/9/09


miche3754 - Being full of the Joy of the Lord, which is a FRUIT of the Holy Spirit is completely different from being happy.

Happiness is a feeling that comes upon us when something good happens to us. It comes and it goes. It's a state of being for a certain amount of time. Being Joyful is a fruit of the Spirit that stays with us unless you let the devil try and steal it away from you.

There is a big difference between the two words. This person is referring to not loving her husband and falling in love with another man - that is a worldly thing and sinful. NOTHING to do with being Joyful in the Lord Jesus. We're dealing here with a worldly circumstance.
---donna8365 on 1/9/09


Um, people, yes God does want us to be happy.Actually, beyond happy..JOYFUL!
Why do you think he said rejoice and have Joy in the Lord?
He just doesn't want you to leave your huband and sin.
Fast and pray. God will give back your relationship with your husband and bless it.
Seek ye FIRST the kingdom of God....
Get right spiritually AND cut yourself away from this other man. Stop any and ALL communication to/with him.
Emotions can cloud your thoughts and stop you from hearing what GOD has to say to you and has planned for you. It will hender you blessings.
Don't you know you are allowing the enemy to attack you through this? do not him win. Give it ALL to God. AND..... Communicate with you husband.
---miche3754 on 1/9/09




If, Bill, - - of course, it's adultery and sin if she falls into unfaithful love and goes with this. But when I have problems with people, it is time for me to look at myself. And as I am appreciative of whatever God has me see, and submit to You for however You would have me do better, I find I get into better relating with people. One scripture that helps me is "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3) I must not try to lord myself over any other person. Expectations and criticizing can be lording over, rather than encouraging how God wants people to gladly do what is good, with rest for their souls (Matthew 11:29) Are you faithful to THIS kind of loving (o:
---Bill_bila5659 on 1/8/09


Donna: I could not have said it better. God does not want us to be happy. He wants us to be obedient and surrendered to HIS will.
---Trish9863 on 1/8/09


THE LORD WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY. STEPHEN, where is this scripture at in the bible?

We are to NOT sin and Adultery is sin. We are to abstain from every form of lust. We are to obey the word of God at all cost, even if it means we are not happy about it.

We are not called to be happy. We are called to have the Joy of the Lord which is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, produced by the Holy Spirit and that Joy is in the Lord God.

Jesus never said, "I called you to be happy." That's why the word SACRIFICE is in the bible many times. What does the crucified life mean to you Stephen? What does Not my Will but THY will be done mean to you Stephen? Sheesh, the things people write on this board shocks me.
---donna8365 on 1/8/09


True love is unconditional. It appears that yours is based on how you feel. Falling in and out of love are emotions, not true love. I recommend that you buy or go to the movie Fireproof.

Despite our continued unfaithfulness to Christ, He continues to love us unconditionally. We owe nothing less to our spouse. Remember that you promised to love and honor until death.
---Ronnie on 1/8/09


Moderator is absolutely correct. It's called lust, even if adultery is not involved. Both lust and adultery is a sin. Perhaps you could find a way of falling back in love. This out of love is in God's eyes no excuse for divorce.
---catherine on 1/8/09


Many times "huge" problems are nothing but anger towards another person.

I suggest councelling by a good professional non religious concellor. Telling a person s/he will commit adultery will not stop them from proceeding.

Save the marriage if you can. You'll both be glad that you did.
---Paul2 on 1/8/09


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You are to ask God to fill you with the love you need to continue in this relationship. Pray for your marriage to change. God is in control if you let him things will be different. Gal 6:7-8,2Thes3:3,1 Peter5:6-7,Phil 4,James4:7-8,2Cor2:5-11, These maybe helpful to you. Try the Love Dare book.
---Liz on 1/8/09


IF THERE IS NO LOVE THERE IN THE MARRIAGE THEN THERE IS NO REASON TO STAY IN IT THE LORD WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY.
---STEPHEN on 1/8/09


First things first, where is Christ in the life of this women?

What is behind this thinking? There must be a frustration of some kind based on something that is happening or not happening in the marriage.

In Christ or not in Christ, there are issues that need to be understood between the partners. She has needs, and he has needs that can be fulfilled by each partner. Many times each partner is not aware that his or her needs are not the same as the partners. The assumption is that they are. Christ helps us incredibly when we know what we should do. He helps us and brings to rememberance those things we ought to do or not do.

First things first, where is Christ in the life of this women?
---Rod on 1/7/09


Keep in mind that "falling in love" is a mere feeling. It doesn't last, and is certainly not the grounds for marriage, much less leaving one marriage to get another spouse.

What you do with this feeling may be sinful, but presently, it's a temptation, and a very dangerous one.

As a wise man said in a movie, your love for your husband is there. You've just mislaid it.
---katavasia on 1/7/09


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There was a book written in the 1990s that addressed this issue. It was written by a Christian who was also the manager of a pro basketball team. I suggest you try to read it. It is called "Rekindled" by Pat Williams and his wife.

I also suggest you read "The Power of a Praying Wife," by Stormie O'Martian. I changed my whole attitude about my husband from reading it and praying the prayers.
---Trish9863 on 1/7/09


i really understand this question.although i am missing a large portion of the story. my wife has been emotionally neglected by me alot. she is trying to divorce me and has become involved with someone else who has nothihg to do (not even a job) but pay attention to her. I am praying and have made every possible change in my life to get her to change. I am afraid she is willing to lose it all over this young man.
---ricky_hernandez on 1/7/09


It always amazes me to see yet another person asking this question. You know it is sin and adultry or you would not be concerned with it. Why throw away one man only to go to another, they are all made the same, the one you have probably just needs some special attention from you. Get reaqainted and start a new life together, let God and the Holy Spirit be the center of your marriage, pray together and ask for forgivness. Love is not a toy that wears out it last a lifetime if you take care of it.
---Brenda on 1/7/09


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