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Husband Doesn't Want Kids

Before my husband and I got married we talked about children. He said that he would want them, just in 2 years or so. We have been married for 3 years and he has changed his mind. We have talked about it and he is pretty sure that he has changed him mind. I have always dreamed of a family. What to do?

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The Bible says that children come by the will of the father. That means the woman is the passive recipient. The Bible says 'Be fruitful and multiply.' Some people, by no fault of their own, cannot have children, but can still do God's will in other areas, and being an aunt by blood or by friendship etc. In this case, the man had said one thing, maybe to get you to marry him, and then 'changed his mind'. Well, it seems to me that if he sleeps with you, nature, and God, means that you have every chance of conceiving. It would be against nature, and God to take contraceptives (unless for medical reasons.) The husband decides, if he sleeps with you, then you may conceive.
---frances008 on 5/25/09


Cathrine,

babes have your baby It's your body and God will never hold you guilty for allowing your body the natural ability to conceive,It's your body that will suffer you have the possibility to carry Fibrous Tumours in late life some that can actuallt stop you from concieving.

Your body will even make it's own form tumours tumours which have (hair and teeth) as it is doing to countless older women who never had to opportunity to marry both in/out the church and those that made the decision not to have children early I have since learned suffered hysterectomy's after having bad periods and PMS Pre Menstrual Stress long after deciding not to have any more children.

Think about it!

Love CarlaXX
---Carla3939 on 5/24/09


If God wants women to have children and populate the earth..what about those (like me) who can't have children? Am i not doing God's will because i can't conceive a child?
---Dooly on 5/21/09


Get some pets?
---amand6348 on 5/18/09


carla, sis,
I did say that in the beginning. You just didn't want to hear me.

You know I have 2 children of my own, and I don't know what or where I would be without them BUT, I did not deceive anyone to have them.
If she is patient, seeks the kingdom of God first, and shows love to her husband, GOD will give her the desires of her heart.

God says " Let patience have her perfect works".
---miche3754 on 3/1/09




Ask him why not? He may have some very good reasons for not raising children today.
---Eloy on 2/28/09


miche

It is up to God
What a truthful and wonderful thing to say to the world.
If only everyone would understand, believe and trust this word.
---TheSeg on 2/27/09


miche,
Now why did you not say that in the beginning!
---Carla3939 on 2/27/09


No, carla, I would not feel used.
Marriage is so that we do not fornicate, and for companionship, and children.
We can choose whether we have them or not these days.
It is their decision.
But telling her to have a baby to "change"his mind is wrong AND going against her husbands wishes.
Is is not up to her to change his mind with fleshly intentions.
It is up to God through her love and actions that will change his mind.
AGAIN, deception is not part of God's plan so we should not practice it.
---miche3754 on 2/27/09


miche,

Show in scripture where marrige means one way?

Read what she said not what you want to see! if her husband had a problem then having them or not, will not bring about a happy medium, he don't want any, wouldn't you feel used?

For all you know a baby would change his mind and they could live happy ever after if she has her baby and he's an Ogar she's better off without him, they obviously don't agree, at least she'll have a child to fetch her a glass of water in her old age.
---Carla3939 on 2/26/09




Try to find out why he does not want kids now.What has changed his mind? Also let him know you want to have kids and that he led you to believe he felt the same way. If you do not feel confortable in a relationship with a man who does not want kids, you need to make a decision now while you are young enough.It will be too late after a while.I think he tricked you and probably knew from the beginning he did not want kids.
You need to decide if having kids is more important to you then living the rest of your life with a man who refuses to have kids.
---Robyn on 2/26/09


Also, carla,
you are making ASSUMPTIONS about the husband that he is being selfish when you don't know his heart, BUT GOD DOES.

You are carelessly using the word of God to PROVE you are right.
Which is prideful and not of the Spirit of God.
You should be edifying the Word, not using it for selfish reasons just prove your point.
You should not tell a wife to go against her Head- Her Husband.
---miche3754 on 2/26/09


Carla,
are you saying that she is NOT suppose to honor her husband?

You DO realize you telling her to decieve and LIE to her husband, right?

You also know that telling her this is going against Gods word.

Are you saying her husband is a fool just because he isn't ready for children?

And what is she suppose to do if she deceives him and then he leaves her?
According to you she will then be out of luck and have to raise that child alone.

No one should have a child if they are not ready to whether it is financial, emotional, or otherwise. Children are BIG reponsibilities and it is something her and her husband MUST consider BEFORE having children.
---miche3754 on 2/26/09


Carla, telling her to go against her husband's wishes is not biblical. You are telling this woman to make her husband into a fool.That is not of GOD and you know it.


Psa 14:1
To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David.
The fool hath said in his heart, [There is] no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, [there is] none that doeth good.


Pro 11:29
He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind: and the fool [shall be] servant to the wise of heart.

Pro 28:26
He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered.
---Carla3939 on 2/25/09


You say that he is"pretty sure". That leaves room for negotiation as he sorts this out. Does he have a concrete and reasonable reason for his position? Perhaps marriage counseling with a Christian counselor might help. This is a matter that you need to handel with out angry discussions but rather prayerfully approach the subject. Pray to God to change his heart and mind and for Gods will to be done in this matter.:)
---jody on 2/25/09


Carla: I could be mistaken, but the original reference to a "wanna be Christian" was probably not intended for Catherine in her wanting to have children. I believe it was intended to be for supposed Christian women who would advise her to go ahead and get pregnant against her husband's wishes. I could be wrong, but that is my guess.
---Trish9863 on 2/25/09


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You should have thought of this trait in his character before you married him.
---frances008 on 2/24/09
Amen frances, well said.

And tricking him by getting pregnant on the sly is not going to change this.

Carla, telling her to go against her husband's wishes is not biblical. You are telling this woman to make her husband into a fool.
That is not of GOD and you know it.
---miche3754 on 2/25/09


rhonda said:


when did self professing wanna-be christian women DECIDE children are a game USED as pawns to GET what THEY WANT...

Yes this woman wants, ta be a mum, If that is being a wanna be christian you need to leave answering these blogs to people who understand Gods will, and go take up name calling in the school yard with the other kids!

Why would you be cursing the woman she is not asking for riches silver or Gold she simply stated her husband is not being forthwith when it comes to the babies!!!!

How is she a wannna be
?

Whats up with that attitude?
---Carla3939 on 2/24/09


I don't know at which point you or your husband became Christian, so I don't know how to reply. But Christians would not make decisions about children because God tells them to Be fruitful and multiply, and gave us marriage for love and the blessing of children. Anyone who says they will decide when to have children is trying to be God, and it should be plain that they are selfish and controlling, but at least honest about it. You should have thought of this trait in his character before you married him.
---frances008 on 2/24/09


Some of us are also psychologically unfit to have children--myself included. I begged God for 20 years and tried every, well, CONCEIVABLE way to get pregnant but now thank God He said "No". These ladies are right--not every woman should have a child.
---Mary on 2/24/09


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Your womb is not blessed if you do not have children.
---Carla3939 on 2/24/09

Carla this is NOT in Gods Word ...these are YOUR words you have implied the direct opposite when God does not

...your zealot hateful approach on this topic is becoming crystal clear with every new post

ASSIGNING sin and shame to something God does not is only possible by those who ADD to Gods Word as you have done her YET again ...as a mother myself it is frightening to see these lies ...I can only imagine the hate childless women encounter by you

it is YOU alone who has determined that a womb is not blessed if a women does not have children it simply is NOT Gods Truth
---Rhonda on 2/24/09


Carla: Those scriptures still do not prove your point that having children is a MUST.
---Trish9863 on 2/24/09


carla, children are not necessary to prove you are a servant of God.

You will know a servant of God if they have these-
Galatians 5:22-26
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other."
What you are saying and telling her to do, have a child without consent from her husband, is not the fruit of the Spirit.
---miche3754 on 2/24/09


Carla: Those scriptures show that children can be a blessing from the Lord. They are not commands to reproduce. There is a huge difference.
---Trish9863 on 2/24/09


Your differences are not Biblical.
Those scriptures:

Prove that children ARE a God given blessing to a blessed family of of God.

Your womb is not blessed if you do not have children.
---Carla3939 on 2/24/09


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Carla: Those scriptures show that children can be a blessing from the Lord. They are not commands to reproduce. There is a huge difference.
---Trish9863 on 2/24/09


carla,
NO where does the Word of God say that a woman is suppose to deceive her husband and get pregnant.
Deception IS NOT of God.

The is the truth she must submit to her husband. If he doesn't want children right now, then so be it. Entrapment is not fulfilling the Word of God. And you trying to use the WORD of God to tell this woman to secretly get pregnant without discussing and agreeing with her husband, is (for lack of better word), BLASPHEMY against GOD. stop teaching deception and show Love.

Catherine, do what God's Word says, show your husband LOVE in spite of the fact that right now you disagree. A husband and wife should be of one accord when it comes to children. Pray about. Seek God.
---miche3754 on 2/24/09


Psa 127:3
Lo, children [are] an heritage of the LORD: [and] the fruit of the womb [is his] reward.

Psa 127:4
As arrows [are] in the hand of a mighty man, so [are] children of the youth.

Psa 127:5
Happy [is] the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

Your arguing is defeated by the Word!!!!

Do you ever read your bible on the subject before you preach?
---Carla3939 on 2/24/09


Marriage may not be only about children, but if you prevent children from coming, this is sinful. To not have unwanted children, you know what to stop doing, until it is safe and the woman is out of the childbearing years. Or limit it to safe periods. But children are always a blessing. They may be a mixed blessing if they have some kind of awful handicap. This is the risk that we take when we have decided to have children if God grants us them. The world is not too populated, that is a bit of propaganda done by cleverly denying food to masses of Africans, grouping them in small areas like townships and prisons, etc etc. Japan and Italy have a population crisis and will need to import people. Britain, America and Canada too.
---frances008 on 2/23/09


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Ronda said:
that men who marry and are STERILE (in other words unable to have children) are "not good" and they are sinners???

If you want answers on those threads maybe you should post a blog with Your findings!


Tts 3:9
But avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law, for they are unprofitable and vain.



God gave women to men in marriage to love not in bondage to limit and injure their own offspring through Worldly/Contraceptive Devices!
---Carla3939 on 2/23/09


Pro 13:22
A good [man] leaveth an inheritance to his children's children: and the wealth of the sinner [is] laid up for the just.

Now please stop hassling me ya'll just being contentious, read YOUR bibles!
Thats what their there for.
---Carla3939 on 2/14/09


Hmmm contentious??? so if I take your misunderstanding correctly than this would IMPLY (per your misunderstanding) that men who marry and are STERILE (in other words unable to have children) are "not good" and they are sinners???

maybe you should READ Gods Word more CAREFULLY FIRST rather than instructing many to read what you don't comprehend

rightfully dividing requires more than an opinion about a verse to SERVE your idea about marriage
---Rhonda on 2/23/09


Carla: My son-in-law had no issues with faith at all. He is a born again believer, and has been since his childhood. He was just not ready to become a father, and deal with raising a child in this world when they first got married. It's not a lack of faith.

My point was that my daughter did not leave him over this issue. She asked me to pray, and we spent the five years they were married before my daughter got pregnant praying. My daughter was especially upset when she miscarried her first pregnancy. But, God knew when to bring Isabel into the world, and now we are anticipating the next one in the Summer.
---Trish9863 on 2/15/09


So your daughters husband had issues with FAITH
is he born again saved sanctified and lead by the Holy Spirit, don't answer that one I wouldn't want you to blaspheme.
---Carla3939 on 2/15/09


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Carla: Your thinking is really messed up on this issue. A marriage is about two people becoming one, and having an intimate relationship with God and each other. PERIOD. It is about sacrifice for God, and each other, NOT about having an entitlement attitude about kids.

My daughter's husband was not in favor of children for about the first five years of their marriage. He had misgivings because of the problems he saw in the world, and told my daughter he was against having kids. She prayed, and kept loving him and obeying God, and now I have a beautiful grandchild, and one on the way. AND, my son-in-law is a terrific Daddy.
---Trish9863 on 2/14/09


Why is it when people get married they still think it is about them? IT"S NOT.

ER...EHEM!


One out of far TOO many scriptures to post on Children especially for practically every Book of the bible evidence of Children in every family apart from barren,David's daughter..... and eunuchs!

He obviouysly ain't NO good!

Pro 13:22
A good [man] leaveth an inheritance to his children's children: and the wealth of the sinner [is] laid up for the just.

Now please stop hassling me ya'll just being contentious, read YOUR bibles!
Thats what their there for.
---Carla3939 on 2/14/09


"When was marriage about not having children was my reasoning"- carla

Sister, marriage isn't about whether you should have kids or not.
It's about the joining of two people who love each other and wish to spend the rest of their lives together.

If he's changed his mind, then she should be patient, and ask him why (with the love she said she had for him in the first place).
Why is it when people get married they still think it is about them? IT"S NOT.

If the only reason why she married to him was for children...that's a poor excuse to get married and makes for very unhappy one at that.
Marriage is suppose to be an example of God's relationship with his Church.
Unconditional love to each other.
---miche3754 on 2/13/09


NO woman has a right to anything in a marriage, nor in a relationship with God. We have blessings, not rights. We deserve nothing but condemnation and eternal death ....husbands of this world also have no rights in marriage or God's kingdom.
******

Amen Trish

...Miche's post true ...when lies and deceit used to GET from spouse not from God

...sad to know many women Carla personally know will follow her down slippery slope with her "womb tactics" ...having children at all costs using blessing of sexual union within marriage as a game of GET with the revengeful womb ...just like the serpent beguiled Eve ...women today beguile their husbands with deception produce children out of strife NOT love
---Rhonda on 2/12/09


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God made Eve for the purpose of being Adam's companion. Children were not the primary reason for the union. In fact, children didn't come into the picture until AFTER they had been cast out of Eden.
---Jax on 2/12/09


miche,

Carla, when did marriage become about just having children?

When was marriage about not having children was my reasoning, Just having them are your words not mine.

There is also the subject of when does the husband decide when children are brought into the world does he go through the pregnancy, is it his body that is torn stretched and distorted, is it him that provides healing, restoration and a stable mind after going through pregnancy or is it GOD, should he not be saying if God is willing we do this or that?

There was never a question about it being two way, the situation is ''he has changed him mind''.
---Carla3939 on 2/12/09


If we are truly in the end of days...then what about Luke 21:23: "Woe to those who are pregnant and to those who are nursing babies in those days, for there will be great distress upon the land and wrath to this people"

To me, this sounds like a warning.
---Jax on 2/12/09


Carla, when did marriage become about just having children?

A Christian marriage should glorify God, not the husband or wife.

Manipulation and lies is not fruits of the Spirit.

The world is populated enough.

Most couples abstain from having children these days because they don't wish to bring the innocent into such a cruel and unforgiving world.
And some couples are just not ready. We must consider many things before deciding to have children in today's world.
Well said, rhonda. I agree with you, jax, trish, and graham.
---miche3754 on 2/12/09


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We are not in the beginning we are in the End times where the bible declares that:

2Ti 3:2
For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,


2Ti 3:4
Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God,

With that strongly in mind cast your pure minds back to creation when God said:

Deu 8:1
All the commandments which I command thee this day shall ye observe to do, that ye may live, and multiply, and go in and possess the land which the LORD sware unto your fathers.

There are no instructions anywhere in the bible where a family man should live without Children!
---Carla3939 on 2/12/09


He is wrong and I make no bones about saying a woman's body was made to have babies or she would be barren.
******

CARLA

you are so far beyond ignorant USING "christianity" as a weapon ...inability to understand Gods Word is abundantly clear with twisted belief that a married couple are forced to pro-create is N ...warped "christian" programming by religion turning marriage into forced baby making institute

telling women they should bring a child into the world at ALL COSTS even it it will be unloved unwanted by the father forced into fatherhood is not Gods Truth

...blessing of sexual intimacy in marriage does not come with obligation to produce children
---Rhonda on 2/11/09


Miche - very well said. I agree entirely.
---Graham on 2/11/09


Amen Trish. (And, BTW, it was ME she accused of "being only for the husband.") But it appears that you and I see eye-to-eye on this.

:)
---Jax on 2/11/09


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Carla: I am NOT for the husband NOR the wife. I am for God and the children, should they be brought into this world.

Besides, NO woman has a right to anything in a marriage, nor in a relationship with God. We have blessings, not rights. We deserve nothing but condemnation and eternal death, and have no rights whatsoever in either marriage nor God's kingdom. The husbands of this world also have no rights in marriage or God's kingdom.

As for the explanation I gave, IF either of them has emotional problems, or addiction issues, no child should be brought into the world till said issues are stablized. That is all I was saying.
---Trish9863 on 2/11/09


The reason I appear to be "all for the husband": not bringing a child into the world has the least amount of negative impact. Having a child impacts BOTH parents AND the child. If the roles were reversed and she didn't want kids and he did, my position would be the same.

I don't believe anyone has a RIGHT to ANYTHING. The term "rights" implies entitlement. I think a major problem is the assumption that people "naturally want children after marriage." Not all people do (which is obvious by this whole thread). If you go into a marriage feeling entitled to something, anything, without discussing it in depth and coming to a solid agreement first, then you're only setting yourself up for heartache.
---Jax on 2/11/09


catherine, have you asked him why?

Remember we women are more emotional than men. Men are more analytical. So, you must ask, not demand. Think of his needs. Maybe he is having doubts of what kind of father he will be. Or maybe he is having doubts of bringing a child into today's world. Please don't assume. It may be something weighing heavy on his heart.
BUT I advise this.... DON'T GET PREGNANT.
This would be selfish and can destroy your marriage. Men don't like feeling trapped or tricked and this would be deception. Something a Good Christians woman should avoid.
Do you love your husband? If so, then do as God asks, sister, and put him before yourself and God above your whole life and marriage.
---miche3754 on 2/11/09


While I agree with Trish, I disagree with you because your all for the husband and not even considering that his wife has a right as a woman going into the marriage on the notion that there would be children to naturally want children after the marriage.
---Carla3939 on 2/11/09


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Your response indicates that she should just do as she wants to please herself because they haven't yet come to an agreement (and it sounds like you don't hold out hope that they will). This saddens me, as it shows a lack of faith in God's ability to get them through this. I assure you that if they pray together and put their faith in Him, He WILL get them through this, and they will be in agreement when He does.

While extreme, if she is "truly in misery" because she doesn't have the child she craves, then she is focusing too much attention on her own desires and she needs to pray about that as well. That's called obsession.
---Jax on 2/11/09


Carla: Your assessment of the husband is very critical and judgemental. We do not know the state of their marriage overall, or if the husband or wife have certain issues that would preclude parenthood. This husband may not be ready for a variety of reasons, not just these. Their marriage could be on shaky ground with or without the baby issue. Nobody in their right mind would willingly bring a child into an already bad marriage, if it is so. Nor would a spouse bring a child into a home where there is active addiction, or serious, unstable, mental illness.

I am not saying this woman has any of these, just that we, you and I, do not fully know his reasons, and to criticize, as you are doing, is just plain wrong.
---Trish9863 on 2/11/09


Your assessment that he's "selfish and living in Cloud-cuckoo-land" is quite judgmental (judge not, lest ye be judged). You don't know this man, nor his reasons for the way he feels. You appear to believe that everyone who wants children should have them (and everyone who doesn't want them SHOULD want them). There is such a thing as personal responsibility.
---Jax on 2/11/09


You say it's about the two of them how's that when One says yes the other says No. There is no agreement, so what then, is she to live in misery pleasing him childless.
I would have my baby with my mind made up if he go's it was for a bigger reason than Just babies the man is selfish and living in Cloud-cuckoo-land.

It's like saying He's happy but I'm Married!

Obviously there's no coming together what do you do live to please him and suffer or have the baby? In time like a mother when a daughter gets pregnant they all come round sooner or later, otherwise there are hidden issues which has nothing to do with love.

I'm certainly NOT advising babies out of wedlock!!!!!
---Carla3939 on 2/11/09


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The issue is not about whether or not having children is right or wrong. It's about a husband and wife agreeing on what is right for their life together. You obviously love children with every ounce of your being. That's great, God has shown you your path from the strong desires He put in your heart. God obviously has not put that desire in Catherine's husband's heart. Perhaps God has other plans for them that he and she don't know about yet. Nobody can tell them that one of them is right and one is wrong. We cannot sit here and say "the Bible says you MUST want children." Only they and God know the circumstances of their lives (which is why they need to pray and ask God to show them the way). And they need to work together on this.
---Jax on 2/11/09


Do you have children Jax?

The point is it has to be important or the bible would specifically ask bishops to be eunuch's and encourage men that they should love their wives but inhibit them from having children as it is the bible speaks about leaving a inheritance to your children and grandchildren. The bible talks about a man being blessed to have his house full of them and Hanna obviously felt marred by the fact that she was barren and prayed to the point that Mordeciah thought she was drunk.

No where in the bible does it encourage women to abstain from having children for ANY reason
---Carla3939 on 2/10/09


I agree that we are made to please and worship God. I just don't believe we are all required to do that in the same way. Other things are as pleasing to God as raising children. I believe that God likes variety. After all, variety is the spice of life.

And no, not all people are the same. Some are called to have children and some are called for other purposes. And one way isn't better than another. Just different.

As for the estate, it's all material and of this world. Does it really matter to whom it goes after we die? (Perhaps a charity, to benefit those who are starving or in need of shelter?) How selfless is it to give of ourselves to complete strangers? It's easy to give to those we know, but notsomuch to those we do not know.
---Jax on 2/9/09


I had massive problems for 15 years,I had very painful periods, spotty skin and leaky breasts, progressively having children over the years with each one everything, subsided I even went for a breast scan for cancer because of the lumps and liquid coming from my beasts so I am a living example and even several of my friends their GP's stated that your body settles down after children with certain complaints.

Hence my reason for saying get over it because some women like to think every woman is the same as them. I absolutely believe God wants families to have children or where does your estate go? To Cats or dogs like the two millionaires estate did before Christmas!
---Carla3939 on 2/9/09


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I APOLOGISE OPENLY:

The fact remains that we are not here to please ourselves we are made to please and worship God and if we are doing his will then there should have been no deceit in the marriage.

He is wrong and I make no bones about saying a woman's body was made to have babies or she would be barren.I had one friend where she lost 6 babies to fibroids many years ago another told me her tumour had hair and teeth, I've heard many women at church, clinic and during my working years explain the mental and physical problems they have had all whom had not had babies or stopped for a great length of time.

Few People who don't want present no problems.
---Carla3939 on 2/9/09


And the word "selfish" has no place in this discussion. Any decision anyone makes for his/her own life could be considered selfish. She is as selfish for wanting children and he is for not wanting them. In fact, I don't believe either are being selfish. They just want different things. That doesn't necessarily make either of them wrong.

The bottom line is that this woman came here looking for advice on how to cope with disagreeing with her husband on a major life issue. I think the best advice this woman could receive is: Pray to God about it, talk to your spouse about it in depth, seek counseling if you can't agree, and don't make a decision alone when this decision really needs to be made by both of you.
---Jax on 2/9/09


Actually, this discussion is ALL about responsibility. And both parties must be responsible for (and in agreement with) this decision, whatever it may be. Anything else, and this marriage is in big trouble.

I personally don't believe that a woman procreating is the end-all/be-all of her existence. The whole "GET OVA IT!" is uncalled for. I can't imagine that God approves of this kind of in-your-face attitude, not amongst Christians. There is a way of respectfully communicating our feelings, with Christ-like love.
---Jax on 2/9/09


Sorry!!! When two people get married God should be the centre of their relationship, how do you understand God and take contracption that causes you to prematurely abort the fetus?

There are other methods that there does not need to be any contact with the egg and sperm, however Children will ultimately be a result of sexual intercourse unless one is not very fertile.

If a man don't want children he can always be a eunuch, a womans body is built to have children GET OVA IT!

If he don't want kids ley him go get the MALE PILL

sounds like all the pleasure but no responsibility. SELFISHNESS.
---Carla3939 on 2/9/09


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Where did it say he "promised" her he'd have kids? If she only entered this marriage to procreate, she should've had a contract written up stating that so he knew exactly what he was getting himself into. (Children are not a requirement of marriage.) The way I read this post, it sounds like he didn't want kids initially, and said he "would" want kids down the road. Looks like he decided otherwise. People change their minds, it's not a crime...it's HUMAN.

I guess I'm the silly type of person who believes that, if people get married, they should do it because they actually LOVE each other. And, IMO, that love should be enough to get them through anything...even this. If it isn't, then there's a bigger problem.
---Jax on 2/8/09


.......to appease the spoiled gotta have it may way manipulative wife''


PLEASE EXPLAIN?
******

Carla why don't YOU EXPLAIN WHY SHE SHOULD JUST GO RIGHT AHEAD AND HAVE THEM???

when did self professing wanna-be christian women DECIDE children are a game USED as pawns to GET what THEY WANT


BOTH must be in agreement to have HAPPY LOVED CHILDREN by BOTH parents ...otherwise child becomes a SICK game of TAKE ...turning her husband into a forced father

I see lots of these kids whose fathers were FORCED into fatherhood they are my childrens friends ...it is HEARTBREAKING

when did dreamy idea of family become MORE important then the child brought into the world by DECEIT
---Rhonda on 2/7/09


Show your husband this answer. Any husband should realize that having a family is a womans dream. I think he is being deceitful in his word to you. I think he is also being very selfish. I think he also doesn't understand that God says that children are a blessing from the Lord. I hope he changes his mind about this even just for your sake.
---john on 2/7/09


He promised they would start a family in 2 years.He should keep his promise.-IMHO
---shirley on 2/7/09


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The mind set of ya'll who claim to have Christ in your lives and put the man in better stead than the wife/baby are human embryo haters why don't you encourage her to have a abortion since that's what most Pill IUD contraception do unaware by most women. Read your contraception leaflets most allow the the egg to fertilise then cause the womb to be hostile, so that the egg cannot plant.(abortion)

Not saying she uses those methods but none of you who are giving her advice has once put the ball in her husbands court, is this husband saved then why go against God and nature?

Go ahead and have the baby at least the child will be there to give you a cup of water in later life, hubby will be long gone then with his selfish attitude!
---Carla5754 on 2/7/09


He said that he would want them, just in 2 years or so. We have been married for 3 years and he has changed his mind.

I have always dreamed of a family. What to do?

Did you guys not read the post the man fooled the woman into marrying now he don't want them. She said she always wanted a family,

How would she be

'' SICK that's right have it HER way ...bringing an unloved unwanted child into the world and FORCING fatherhood unto her husband ...to appease the spoiled gotta have it may way manipulative wife''


PLEASE EXPLAIN?
---Carla3939 on 2/7/09


"DO NOT get pregnant now without his permission."

I love this statement. It says alot about some of the posters mindset. The wife is NOT property and doesn't need "permission." Remind him that having sexual intercourse leads to pregnancy.
---NurseRobert on 2/4/09
*****

HOW SICK that's right have it HER way ...bringing an unloved unwanted child into the world and FORCING fatherhood unto her husband ...to appease the spoiled gotta have it may way manipulative wife

maybe someone should remind nurserobert that children are not property either hmmmmm
---Rhonda on 2/6/09


Before the question comes up or the contradictory crew jumps up My husbands vasectomy was no choice I would either die carrying the baby or both of us would be at risk of death if I got pregnant again and Oh! to answer Alan of UK's little debate Physicians still operate Via God
---Carla5754 on 2/6/09


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Jax: You are reading into what I am saying about contraception. I am not suggesting she act like a spoiled child. My first suggestion was for her to pray. My second suggestion was that they seek counseling/therapy. My third suggestion was that she inform him that contraception goes two ways, and he should bear that responsibility, since it is HIS choice to not have children.

In suggesting that, she is reliquishing the responsiblity, as well as freeing her from being accused of getting pregnant intentionally should that happen. If he bears the burden of responsibility for preventing the pregnancies, then should it happen, by God's grace, it will be because of his behavior, or the faultiness of the quality of the contraception.
---Trish9863 on 2/5/09


Nurse Roberts,

One Muslim registrar after three already tried although it was more about control for him not realising he had already asked me 3/4 times and I clearly said my husband was going for the Vascectomy but he ignored me so I asked him if it was okay that I kept my, you know what they cut out of their own women!

The midwife turned purple and I looked him clean in the eye for the final time convieniently asked him not to address sterilisation to me again, I was sick and tired of the stories of my friends being sterilised because their so called
husbands wouldn't go for the vasectomy.


Two way street NAW mate one way street for women for real!
---Carla5754 on 2/5/09


Women are not seen as human beings in this world but property by a large proportion of men. Men ought to love their wife in so fulfilling the gospel, do they NO WAY they largely look for a mother, a nurse, someone to look perfect even after the kids.

It's preached women are gossipers, dress slovenly and that was just one reason I left my church always slaying women but not acknowledging theirbad behaviour towards their own wives.

So I have beef when I hear women are oppressed in marriage, Men Give women a break!

We want to be all God said we should be WITH ALL THE PERKS just as men should rightly should.
---Carla5754 on 2/5/09


"irresponsible and not conducive to a respectful and loving marital relationship, and certainly not respectful of her husband's preference to not have kids."
---Jax on 2/5/09

There is no respect in this marriage, and the husband has NO respect for his wife's preference.

People are quick to quote multiple scriptures about women "obeying" their husbands (which btw, the word OBEY is not used in any of these passages) but conveniently forget that this is a two way street.
---NurseRobert on 2/5/09


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Actually Trish, I am a female. (For some reason I posted 4 separate parts to my response and only one got posted. Pfft.) What I have a problem with is someone encouraging this woman to absolve herself of any and all responsibility just to "get her way." Saying "I'm not going to use birth control because I want a baby even if you don't" is, in my opinion, irresponsible and not conducive to a respectful and loving marital relationship, and certainly not respectful of her husband's preference to not have kids.
---Jax on 2/5/09


Basically what I stated in one of my posts that got lost in cyberspace was that these two need to pray about this and talk about it until they come to an agreement. Encouraging her to just impose her will on her husband (or try to strong-arm him into doing what she wants) will not benefit either of them.
---Jax on 2/5/09


Just because a woman wants children, that alone doesn't mean she'll be a good mother. Having spent several years living with his wife, maybe the husband has identified some traits about her which made him think twice about what life with children would be like.

Perhaps his wife is one of these women who are impossible to please. Maybe if he does give into her and supply her with children, she will start complaining after a few years that he is never home because he has had to get a second job and work weekends in order to support the family in the lifestyle that she expects.

Maybe he has looked around and seen all the wives who leave their husbands and try to take the kids with her. Not that I necessarily know anyone like that.
---ralph7477 on 2/5/09




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