Fiance Isn't a Strong Christian
My fiance and I are both Christians. We attend the same church, which is how we met. I've found out that he is not as strong of a Christian as I am. He just wants to be a Sunday Christian, while I am on fire for the Lord. Should I still marry him?
Moderator - No as you may find out that he isn't a Christian at all.
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---Barbara on 4/8/09
Helpful Blog Vote (4)
"I've found out that he is not as strong of a Christian as I am."
I see. And how did you find this out?
You both attend the same church, and since he's a Sunday christian, I would suspect you're one, too, since that's where you met.
But if you're more than a Sunday christian, you'd have known he wasn't... before you got engaged. After all, you only saw him there on Sunday, right?
You know how hard it is to find a Sunday christian these days? You know how hard it is just to find any kinda Christian these days?
---BruceB on 4/19/09|
Hold on one minute! What is your definition of being on fire for the Lord? What does that mean to you? Everyone serves God in different ways. He may be shy and quiet and more introspective. Does tht make him any less of a Christian? How does he lives his life during the week? Do you see him pray and read his bible some days during the week? Help others? Witness during the week? It is not our place to judge another's relationship with the Lord. This is between himself and Jesus. What kind of fruit is he bearing? You should be able to answer some of these questions yourself. You cannot change another. But proceed with caution.
---Robyn on 4/18/09|
Too bad you got to this stage in your relationship and now have to deal with a question that should have ended it before you got emotionally involved. Have you ever heard the verse, "guard your heart"? My opinion is that there is no way you should marry this guy. I'm guessing he has tons of baggage in the closet you will only find out about after you are married and then you will be suffering from trying to deal with it. You have no idea the misery marrying someone like this will bring, and I hope you do not find out. I know it's hard, but break up with him. Next time you date someone, guard your heart against falling in love until you know the guy well enough to figure out if you have the same Christian commitments.
---Shirley on 4/14/09|
"What I meant is that it seems he really doesn't have a true relationship with Christ."---Babara on 4/9/09
Why continue in this relationship if you are already seeing this? The way it works is that the longer you know a person you either see more or less of Jesus in them. If you are seeing less of Jesus now in him, just wait until you are married. What part of him is it that you love if you don't see Jesus in him? Remember that Satan also comes as an angel of light and can deceive many. It is sad to see Christian women and men considering marriage to someone that they know does not have a true relationship with Jesus.
---SusieB on 4/10/09|
Paul2...My definition of a "Sunday Christian" is someone who goes to church on Sunday and presents himself/herself to be a Christian, but lives like the devil the other six days. If someone is a Christian they will live for Jesus seven days a week, not one. I do agree with the posts that suggest that perhaps Barbara is just thinking that she is somehow more of a Christian than her fiance. If she is making these complaints because he doesn't read his Bible or pray as often as she thinks he should or watch the televangelists as much as she thinks he should, then she is wrong. My husband asked me if I prayed and I told him that I did quite often. He asked why he never heard me. I said, "Because I'm not praying to you."
---SusieB on 4/10/09|
Barbara, I would ignore all the negative "advices".
Not sure what you mean by on fire for Jesus. If you like to yell and wave your hands and scream Alleluia, then it won't be easy to find the "right" partner. I don't do those things but I love Jesus just the same.
Be careful. Your fiance might be a bit shy but inside he may be a very good Christian.
---Paul2 on 4/10/09|
I want to thank you for all of your responses. I think that some of you may have misunderstood what I meant about my fiance not being as strong a Christian as I am. What I meant is that it seems he really doesn't have a true relationship with Christ. After spending more time with him I noticed he doesn't understand the things of God, or have the same committment and passion to follow God's word. I do not want this to divide us after marriage and it could cause conflict.
I truly love him and have to make a decision. Your advice has really helped me and I thank you again.
---Babara on 4/9/09|
I find Dawn's advice very prudent.
Many here seem to judge very fast without knowing all the story behind a case.
---Paul2 on 4/9/09|
Perhaps you could spend time talking with and listening to each other during your engagement. Attempt to understand where he really is on his faith journey. Share your faith with him, not in an attempt to change him but to show what makes you who you are. If you love and respect each other and each other's beliefs, it shouldn't be an obstacle. If you've already done this and found that there are huge differences and no room for compromise on either side, then it might not be the right relationship for either of you.
---Dawn on 4/9/09|
Susie said: "Christians do not live like the Devil during the week and serve the Lord on Sundays."
How do you know he lives like the devil during the week? Couldn't it be that Barbara is a bit too fanatic and that her fiance is more normal?
---Paul2 on 4/9/09|
Did she mention the word SINs during the week, or are we jumping to conclusions? People whose only weakness is failure to have a daily quiet time are also called "Sunday Christians" or "pew sitters'. That would probably encompass the majority of "Christians" in America today. Are all those people then "not Christians" too? Unequal yoking may be an issue here, but we should not be so quick to judge his personal salvation.
---obewan on 4/9/09|
Barbara, I don't think any of us could give you any really helpful and good advice here. We would need to talk to both you and your fiance in person and get both sides for the full picture of the situation. I would suggest good premarital counselling. God bless you both as you decide what to do next!
---JohnnyB on 4/8/09|
I am a man who is left wondering as to when and how you became engaged. Was it on a day your "fire for the Lord" was running low? Marriage is an institution as the Church also is. To say that the man is not a Christian seems like too much personal liberty the moderator and SusieB are taking.
I would recomend you all read 1 Corinthians 12. If some are teachers, also some will only always be students, even if on Sunday. Suppose both "on fire" with the same ministry bent or level of 'charismania', and he grows cold, what next? The common bond in marriage is not 'charismania'.
---Nana on 4/9/09|
What do yuomean by "Sunday Christian"?
Just that he is less demonstrative than you? That need not mean he was not a committed Christian.
But if he is not prepared to admit his "faith" during the week, it would lead me to doubt it!
I wonder if SusieB is a bit harsh, suggesting he "live like the devil during the week"?
To look at Donna's history, her husband's attitude proved they were unequally yoked, but ...
.... I don't think your faith is proved or disproved by whether you tongue-talk or not. A non-tongue talker can be just as strong a Christian. But maybe it would be difficult if one partner did, and the other did not. Would that amount to unequal yoking?
---alan8566_of_UK on 4/9/09|
a friend is right, if you are looking for a vote. Take your time talk to God and talk to your fiance. You will figure it out.
Is a Sunday Christian of lower class than Sunday and Monday Christian? What if we only take and hour off? Christ only treated the religious people that acted as though they were better than others with disrespect. Be careful, if Christ only hung out with people who were as good as He then we would all be in trouble. remember grace, that is what makes a marriage, between a husband and a wife and God. blessed are the meek not the strong.
---dave on 4/8/09|
There is more to the Bible verse found in
2 Corinthians 6:14 than we realize. "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14 (King James Version) While it states 'unbelievers', I am of the opinion it can also mean you can also be unequally yoked to believers. My advice would to be not to proceed further. While we are instructed NOT to judge, we can be "fruit inspectors" and if his "fruit" is not equal with yours, you may be in the wrong "orchard".
---wivv on 4/8/09|
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Paul is clear that "the husband is head of the wife", in Ephesians 5:21. I'm sure this does not mean the guy bosses over the woman. It means he has become a man who she can trust and she wants to follow his example > "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3) It looks to me like your "fiance" is not becoming your "head" . . . "as also Christ is head of the church, and He is the Savior of the body." (Ephesians 5:21) But I'd advise getting wise to however you were able to get with this guy, so you don't just do the same thing, again. Also, there are actors who are full-time . . . all week. So, you need to become able to tell the diff.
---Bill_bila5659 on 4/8/09|
And, of course, going to church every Sunday is the hallmark of a REAL Christian.
Why do you think your fiance is not as strong a Christian as you are?
Because he doesn't use the right buzz-words?
---katavasia on 4/8/09|
Now, hold on a minute. None of us are born strong Christians. Born- again, that is: I am counting on you being strong enough in the Lord to be able to tell whether or not this man is truly born-again. If he is, do not give up on him. Perhaps, if he is saved, God can use you to strengthen him....If he is not saved, ofcourse, you should call off the marriage. Pray+++and make sure.
---catherine on 4/8/09|
As a former "Sunday Christian", I will tell you that your fiance is not a Christian at all. Christians do not live like the Devil during the week and serve the Lord on Sundays. He is what I call a "pretender" of the Word.
---SusieB on 4/8/09|
I wouldn't say you shouldn't marry him, but maybe you should make the engagement a little longer. He should grow a lot more in the Lord before commitment to you.
---a_freind on 4/8/09|
I believe moderator is right.
---mima on 4/8/09|
I agree with Moderator and I was in the same situation as you are now. I met my husband at a spirit-filled, tongue talking, Holy Ghost Baptized church and he turned out to be my worst enemy.
He would yell at me for praying in tongues. He said I should pray only in English. I told him to take that up with God.
He would not let me go to meetings by myself as he believed we were married and he therefore could tell me what I could and couldn't do.
We were so unequally yoked it wasn't funny. We ended up getting a divorce after 5 years, but the 5 years were horrible. IF YOU ARE SINGLE, STAY THAT WAY until you find a MAN OF GOD!!
---donna8365 on 4/8/09|