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Dating While Married

I dated for 1 1/2 years. He has children from previous marriages. We began marriage talks months ago. He revealed he's still married b/c divorce took longer than expected. I severed ties immediately. Now divorce is final. He wants to "fix" us. Sadly I question if I should rebuild.

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 ---Tonya on 5/19/09
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It might be good to require that he show you he can be happy just him and God alone? Otherwise he may be seeking someone to fill a void only God can fill, that is a recipe for disaster. He needs to be a whole person before moving into another relationship.
---Jamwao on 6/23/09


Sister Tonya,
I have to say you have gotten very good scripture based answers from your brothers and sisters in Christ.
I would follow their wise instruction on this matter.
THis man tried to build a "house" on sinking sand. A false foundation.
We are called to build on the rock, Christ.
Firm solid foundation.
If he has tried this once, he may try it again. He started dating you under false pretences. Anything false will not stand. I would move on and I would give him this advice. That he is the one who needs to get HIS mess right with God. He needs to examine WHY his marriages have failed. And not use you to try to correct HIS issues.
This man sounds like he is not planted firmly in Christ.
---miche3754 on 6/23/09


Tonya,

he "revealed" he was still married (many marriages?) ...he started dating you in complete deception ...relationship built on lies ...curious did he have next wife lined up at end of all his other divorces?

he's incapable of having a relationship if one has not ended selfishly wants another at NEW WOMENS expense ..at what point do you overlook a mistake realizing he's capable of lying for many months on end

if you buy into his "fixing us" theory ...what will you be buying from him later on?

remember this man is capable of carrying on deceit for extended periods

he didn't learn his lesson with all his other divorces ...hope you can learn yours here
---Rhonda on 5/22/09


Last word from me,

Tonya, I don't know this guy, you do. The people here don't know him, you do. His Ex knows who he was, not how things that have happened have changed him since then.

My whole point is this, you can operate in fear and shrink back from what life has to offer or you enjoy what you do have and be thankful to God for it. Nothing in life is perfect, far less the people that we know and love. The decision you make will affect your life in many ways, some positive and some negative, but that's the nature of fallen human relations. You take the good with the bad grow up and overlook the ugly if you want things to work.

If not you already know what to do.
---Pharisee on 5/22/09


You should NOT...You will be asking for a troubled life.
---a_friend on 5/20/09




Betty ... how right you are!
---alan8566_of_uk on 5/20/09


If he went out with you while he was married & has kids, he'll probably cheat on you, too.
---Betty on 5/20/09


If he deceived you by being married while dating you, even though a divorce from his wife was in the process of being final, he may decieve you at some point. This is a matter of being "safe" rather than "sorry" at some point in the future. You will find it diffulcult to trust him 100% even if he's 100% honest. DON'T rebuild this relatonship.
---wivv on 5/20/09


You should check with his X as to why he is divorced. That would give you a first hand report of this fellow.
Most people wouldn't do this but I guarantee it will give you an eye opener as to a persons real character. If she tells you he is a loving, caring, Godly man then you may want to proceed.
---john on 5/20/09


It isn't "us" that needs fixed. It is him. There is nothing to rebuild as he is a liar. Some may not notice that you said he has children from previous "marriages" which is plural. Find you a man who is honest and has not had multiple marriages. Let the Lord direct you to the right man HE has for you.
---SusieB on 5/20/09




Straining gnats to swallow a camel. Is this what grace is about? God forgave you all that you owed him, and now this one offense and all of a sudden the guy is unacceptable.

People do things out of weakness and fear. He took your affections for granted. he should have been honest, I agree, but if he was you'd never have known and fallen in love with him in the first place.

My Sister was cheated on by the guy she was engaged to. She still married him, and they've grown together nicely because she was willing to overlook a small flaw in the man's character. Truth is most of the time the guy has the best intention, but gives in to the worst temptation. It's fear and fallen men get bested by it now and again. The Lord restored Peter.
---Pharisee on 5/19/09


I think you have good right and good reason to question if you should rebuild. Let's be honest: He wasn't completely honest with you. That's one. Two, he wasn't completely honest with you about something big.

If he suggests that the divorce is final so much now, I'd ask for proof, for papers, and even then I don't know if you should take him back or not. You need someone you can trust.
---amand6348 on 5/19/09


You did wise by breaking off your relationship with him. His deceit toward you is a sign that he cannot be trusted. Find someone who is definitely single.
---Trish9863 on 5/19/09


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