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Too Old To Marry At Age 30

I have been to many churches that "kick people out" of the singles ministry at age 30 with no group for older singles. Isn't this missing a huge ministry opportunity?

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 ---obewan on 6/2/09
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At my Church, we all divide into Social groups for 3 months at at time. Within each group are couples, singles/divorced. Each week we meet, but at a different home.

We have dinners, or what ever the turn of the person in charge that week decides...bowling, visiting a nursing home..whatever.

If your church doesn't have this, ask your pastor to just try it for a few months and see how it brings people together.

Churches shouldn't label, and separate. We are ALL the Body of Christ regardless of our earthly standing.

But I guess it's what you are looking for...if a mate, then that is a different agenda. Oh but those are so catty!!!


---kathr4453 on 1/17/11


Obewan, I completely know what you are talking about. At my former church which was 1,000 strong, they didn't have anything for singles. I understand that when sisters talk to brothers, many take it wrong and so gossip begins. So one day I ask the pastor why there was nothing for singles? He told me why don't you start something for them. At the time I was single. So with the permission of the pastor, we begin to have dinners for singles and some married couples would cook and serve us. We were free to talk to each other without anyone gossiping about us. We would pray and eat, and be free to talk to each other. Just a thought.
---Mark_V. on 1/16/11


Find a Church where Sunday School is divided into SUBJECTS, not people.
---kathr4453 on 1/16/11

That's fine for Sunday morning, but what about the rest of the week? Reality is that many singles are ALONE and couples and families are not. And churches are for the most part insensitive to the problem. One church I went to even went so far as to form a "Couples Club" which had parties and outings to which singles were not invited. Couples and singles usually don't mix - socially - outside the church.
---obewan on 1/16/11


Yes, I have been to those churches. I visit one church sometimes on sunday & sometimes another for the friday night service, but never for any sunday schools or groups, because they make older single people without kids like me to feel like a freak of nature. Most church people are too critical & judgemental, driving hurting people away from Christ & the church.
---Hope on 1/16/11


Find a Church where Sunday School is divided into SUBJECTS, not people.

I love my Church. You can either study Philippians, Ephesians, Revelations etc. All ages, all people, married or single, etc.

---kathr4453 on 1/16/11




I attend church on sat night - but never again will I get involved beyond attending sat nite - I'm 35
Supposed to be already married by now according to church - um big problem - need a guy to do that
Bottom line - churches neglect people - I'm not voluntarily single but do they care - um no
---Kathryn on 1/15/11


The Lord Jesus ministered & ministers to every-one, even that "ostracised" woman of Samaria John 4. Whatever your needs maybe please continue looking up to Jesus, HE can even use those excluding you today to meet your needs tomorrow. About leaving those churches or not, "do whatever God directs you to do" John 2:5.
---Adetunji on 7/5/09


Personally, I don't believe in kicking anyone out of a group because of age. If they wish to stay in with the thirteen year olds, so be it. We must be careful in whom we let in the church. For fear you might let Satan in. I wouldn't stick my nose up at someone in church who is divorce, because this is judging. We don't know their circumstances either. Still, I do believe it would pay to be careful in whom you are letting inside the church. There are plenty of churches with false preachers who is after the almighty dollar. Come one come all. And Satan you to. We must do the best we can to please God. I realize I tend to stray from the topic a little. I also realize we walk a fine line, in most everything.
---catherine on 7/4/09


It's unfortunate that so many cling so tightly to their religions when there is nothing within these systems that support and foster a community ...generally under 40 singles are different from over 40 ...but under 30? seems like these religions you subscribe to are living in the dark ages ...ignorance is bliss so they say ...although I'm married with children and cannot relate to the single crowd today if I were single and thought religion was the way to the Creator I would find a religion that fostered community for all ...it is sad when even within religion there is deliberate exclusion of many members ...makes you wonder what their real purpose is
---Rhonda on 7/4/09


It sounds like the group they have is more like a "college" or a "college and career" group...all young people making transitions in life...to college or to a career.

Huh? Hormones "slow down" when you are in your thirties? Nah. But by thirty more people have definite plans for their futures and recognize how sexual behavior can impact these plans.

I've seen more groups divided by under 40 or over 40 (more in the >40 group are trying to adjust to life without a mate.)
---Donna66 on 7/4/09




Yes it is. I would be suspicious about it. I mean, in your thirties it seems like all of the hormones have slowed down and people can think more rationally. It's almost as if they only have people in their twenties in there, because they are worried about them having premarital relations and want to prevent it. Or they know that their hormones will make them want to marry fast, so they have a special club set up for them.
---amand6348 on 7/1/09


We visited a church a few times which limited their singles group to people who were never married. That was sad as there are young widows/widowers in this town because it is near an Army base and there are divorced singles whose spouses abandoned them. They also limited it to singles who had no children.
---SusieB on 6/3/09
Yuck. I have been to churches like that. The most recent one did allow divorced people, but they spent 90 minutes straight preaching a hell fire and brimstone salvation message to 30 singles that were already saved. I could have used some real meat instead.
---obewan on 6/3/09


We visited a church a few times which limited their singles group to people who were never married. That was sad as there are young widows/widowers in this town because it is near an Army base and there are divorced singles whose spouses abandoned them. They also limited it to singles who had no children.
---SusieB on 6/3/09


"Yes!" Most churches that I'm familar with don't have a ministry to this age group, but they should. To force a person in this age level to attend a singles class of younger people is wrong since the interest & experience level among the ages varies too much. But, the church should provide a class for this age group, especially since more people in their 30's are holding off marriage until they are stablized in thier career. Even putting them into a "singles again" class, (divorced persons,) that some churches have, is not good for the same reason - their interest & experiences are different.
---wivv on 6/3/09


obewan(love the name), suzie, and sag-
y'all are so right.
I am 37, not dead, LOL. I don't believe singles groups are for "hooking" up. I think they are to teach us singles that we are just as important to God and that he was a work for us to do for him too.
Single is single no matter what age. AND, us older singles can help the younger ones to avoid the pitfalls we have already went through.
Paul was single too. Some churches act like older singles are of no use once they get to a certain age. That is just not biblical(true).
I myself will stay a warrior for God until the end wheather I get married or not.
---miche3754 on 6/3/09


Why is this blog titled "Too old to marry at age 30" when the question isn't asking that? The problem with so many people is that they think the singles group is a hookup group when it shouldn't be that.
---SusieB on 6/2/09
I posted the blog question, and was also offended by the title the mod posted.

That is why I said what I did in my most recent prior post.

Some people think singles groups are where people meet a spouse. That includes pastors. I have been told by pastors that if you are not married by 30 it is time to face reality that you are destined to be single, and time to "join" with some of the other "adult" groups. You mean a 25 or 29 year old single is not an "adult"?
---obewan on 6/3/09


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Why is this blog titled "Too old to marry at age 30" when the question isn't asking that at all? The problem with so many people is that they think the singles group is a hookup group when it shouldn't be that.
---SusieB on 6/2/09


Jesus Christ was 30 years old when he began his ministry.
---Sag on 6/2/09
Thank you for raising that point. That also brings up the fact that Jesus was single.

I think one of the good things about singles ministries is the fact that they can help Christian singles realize that it is also OK to be single.

Many churches I have attended put extreme pressures on singles to marry almost to the point of not realizing that the single life can be valid too. Yet these same churches would cut off chances of say a 35-year-old meeting and marrying a 27 year old because they are too "old" at age 30. LOL
---obewan on 6/2/09


Jesus Christ was 30 years old when he began his ministry. It only lasted for 3 short years. Jesus was tortured and murdered, or crucified, when he was only 33 years old. What a young age to die that seems to us.

Anyway, instead of marrying his bride, Jesus Christ gave his life for her. The "best" gift that he could possibly give. It is because of Jesus' death that his bride has "eternal" life. This is an excellent example about never being too old to be used by God.

Can anyone guess who Jesus' bride is/was ???

Let's see. Jesus must be about 2000+ years old now. Will Jesus EVER marry his bride at his age???

No cheating! Anyone.
---Sag on 6/2/09


If your current church seems to be un-accommodating, move on and find a church that is.
---Augie on 6/2/09
Thank God my current church is very accomodating. The over age 40 singles group is the largest in the church with nearly 100 people. There are also two groups in town that minister to over age 30 singles with over 10 sponsor churches...

I only raise the issue because there have been parts of the country where I have lived in extreme isolation. It started with a church in New England that tried to kick me out of the singles group at age 25! They told me it was time to "grow up" and join the "adult" ministry! The elder in charge viewed singles groups as a form of protracted adolescence.
---obewan on 6/2/09


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It could be because most people are married by 30.

And probably there's an assumption that most mature adults will have different interests from the 18-30 crowd.

Generaly, by the time you're 30 you have your career established and are living your life as an experienced adult, instead of just starting out.
---Cluny on 6/2/09


This question is very common. Many older singles find that some churches don't accommodate them. I have found the same thing with people in my situation: divorce.

Jesus Christ loves ALL people. Whatever your age and/or marital status. Marriage can be entered by any person who is still living and breathing. I'm very thankful that Jesus Christ doesn't categorize us based on age or marital status.

If your current church seems to be un-accommodating, move on and find a church that is. It's not a reflection on your missing out on a ministry opportunity. Perhaps God just wants to move you onwards in your walk with him.
---Augie on 6/2/09


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