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My Husband Living With Girlfriend

I was in a common law relationship (4 years) and had children. He left and is now living with someone elsewere for the last two years. Are were we married and did we have a family according to Christian standards and should I pray and wait for him to come back?

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 ---Gloria on 6/9/09
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The reason we should marry is to have family ties , & we should not live with someone untill we are married, Get an education now & care for your children, Next time Marry first before family.
---Eva on 6/13/09


Yes, I knew exactly what you were saying, Trish. Just thought two opinions of the same nature were better than one. I am sure there very few if any who have not committed emotional adultery in their lifetime. It's a battle of the flesh and the devil. God gave us all feelings and desires but we need to use them appropriately. God can and will make this possible.
---kandee on 6/12/09


Kandee, I totally agree with you on the meaning of adultery. I was challenging the given definition by Cluny.

Obewan, it was all over the national news when it occurred, so I don't know what you are getting your feathers ruffled about.

My point was that Cluny's definition of adultery was too narrow, and allowed a lot of room for people to lie to themselves and get away with sin.
---Trish9863 on 6/11/09


Cluny: Based on your definition of adultery, Bill Clinton did NOT commit adultery,
---Trish9863 on 6/10/09
Gross!!! You should have been involved in the "lust" debate. There was a woman there who argued that a husband guilty of lust could be Biblically divorced on the basis of "adultery" because Jesus cited lust as "adultery of the heart". She said she could divorce her husband for being "unfaithful" and remarry another without commiting adultery herself.

I suggested "lust" is a common problem in the modern church, and that she view the "Fireproof" movie for a good example of how to overcome the problems without yet another reason to divorce.
---obewan on 6/11/09


Trish,the Bible states that even the lustful thoughts and the lustful eyes of a man or woman looking at another with a sexual nature is considered adultery by God. You do not HAVE to literally commit the act. However, there IS forgiveness if one truly asks forgiveness and repents. Do you agree with me?
---kandee on 6/11/09




Cluny: Based on your definition of adultery, Bill Clinton did NOT commit adultery, because he did not have sexual intercourse with Monica.
---Trish9863 on 6/10/09


Since adultery means the sexual intercourse of two people when at least one of whom is married to another, how can you be married and committing adultery at the same time?
---Cluny on 6/10/09
This debate has been beat to death on several other threads. Your current question seems to be addressing the issues of fornication vs. adultery.

These are not my opinions, but many people would say that divorce and remarriage under any circumstance is adultery, and others would say that divorce and remarriage under some circumstances is not adultery. It is all a matter of how a person interprets which scripture. Since I am not divorced or dating a divorced person, I am not (yet) forced to finalize my opinion on the subject.
---obewan on 6/10/09


\\No it does not change Jesus' words. The Bible says that the divorced people ARE MARRIED. At the same time it says they are adulterers. It does not "forbid" the sin.\\

Since adultery means the sexual intercourse of two people when at least one of whom is married to another, how can you be married and committing adultery at the same time?
---Cluny on 6/10/09


\\ If the state says you are married, then you are in Christian terms too in my opinion.\\

obewan, does this include those civilly divorced and remarried people who are living in relationships that Jesus called adultery?

Or does the state overrule Jesus's word on this matter?

Please elaborate.
---Cluny on 6/9/09
No it does not change Jesus' words. The Bible says that the divorced people ARE MARRIED. At the same time it says they are adulterers. It does not "forbid" the sin.
---obewan on 6/10/09


\\ If the state says you are married, then you are in Christian terms too in my opinion.\\

obewan, does this include those civilly divorced and remarried people who are living in relationships that Jesus called adultery?

Or does the state overrule Jesus's word on this matter?

Please elaborate.
---Cluny on 6/9/09




Gloria...Did you go by his last name and represent yourselves as husband and wife? Living together without being legally married does not mean that you are in a common law marriage. There are legal requirements for that in those states who do recognize common law marriages. I see no reason why a Christian would not want to have a marriage ceremony. This man has now been living with another woman for TWO years. Did anyone catch that? So, if he is representing this second woman as his wife and common law marriage is legal in the state, then is he a bigamist?
---SusieB on 6/9/09


It depends on who's Christian standards or interpretations of the Bible you are talking about. Idk. I think that if he was truly committed to you he wouldn't have left you. You may have been married to him, but he may not have been married to you, do you get what I'm saying? Your level of committment seems like it was higher.
---amand6348 on 6/9/09


Gloria:

Your living with the children's father, outside of marriage, was not God's plan for the family. Whether or not you could "legally" be considered "married" is something that depends upon where you lived. The children's father could be "legally" responsible for supporting the children. I would contact a lawyer about these things.

I would pray about what God wants you to do in this situation. He knows what is "best" for your children. Are you a Christian?
---Sag on 6/9/09


Pharisee:

You explained everything that I was trying to explain. Thanks for your input.
---Sag on 6/9/09


If the state says you are married, then you are in Christian terms too in my opinion.

The law is the law, and the Bible tells us we are subject to those in authority over us.

To those who say a church wedding ceremony is required (to establish a marriage), I would point out that Adam and Eve did not have one, and they are every bit husband and wife in my eyes as those who do.

That said, there are only two options. Either a divorce could be pursued on the grounds of adultery, or he could be forgiven if there is a chance he will come back home.
---obewan on 6/9/09


"Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it"
Psalm 127:1

Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house, and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house, and it fell: and great was the fall of it. Matthew 7:24-27

Not a Christian? Tie up that loose end first.
---Pharisee on 6/9/09


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Suzie according to which state they live in they are married even if they didn't go through the formal process.
---Moderator on 6/9/09


Gloria...While would you live with a man without him marrying you and have children with him? He is showing his true colors by living with another woman right now. I would be less concerned with whether your relationship would be considered a marriage by Christian standards and more concerned about your relationship with Jesus Christ. Have you accepted Jesus Christ and been born again? When this happens in your life you will not be going around living with a man with whom you are not married and having children without being married. You will want to live for Jesus.
---SusieB on 6/9/09


Moderator....Why did you title this blog "My husband living with girlfriend" since these two never bothered to get married?
---SusieB on 6/9/09


Why does it matter what a Christian thinks about your relationship?

A person is only as married as they intend to be, you can get legal (greater proof of intent) and then the state's involved and it's "official" and still be a total dirt bag to your marriage partner, and yes less married spiritually then a couple that "shacks up."

Others might argue this point that's fine, but it seems your making this question about proving a point to someone. Truthfully you can only be as married as you are willing to give grace to and cherish the person you're joined with, part of that is seeking a legal and undeniable marriage for the others protection in death. For the Christian you can add staying above reproach.
---Pharisee on 6/9/09


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