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Affair With A Church Woman

I'm married and having an affair with a married woman in my church. We want to stop but we are in so deep. I fear she may have another man as she confessed once to cheating on me. I want to be cleansed but am addicted to her affection. What can I do?

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 ---Andre on 6/11/09
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If you want someone else then there is something terribly wrong with your marriage.

Do you love your wife or not and if you do then you tell the harlot to take a flying leap. She cheated on you? So she cheats on her husband with you and then cheats on you? She cheats on a cheater?

If you don't love your wife then maybe you should let her go so that she can find someone else who will love her and be loyal to her.

Why are you addicted to the harlot's affection? Doesn't your wife give you any affection? If not then maybe you need to tell her to up the ante in that area.

And just like any addiction you need to stop cold turkey which means absolutely no contact with the harlot whatsoever for whatever reason.
---poopsey on 6/25/11

tryn to get you through this anyone n this situation! I know you have not really thinkn bout it! Satan want to "numb" your senses! God loves you.. He loves us all.. Don't play with the Devil! Your Life worth so much to God! Take time talk n open up to God! David commited Adultery n He was a man said to be after God's own heart...he fell! But,God lift Him up! Don't let your emtions go "hay wire!" Love your body Temple of Holy Spirit.. We cannot judge we love you n KNOW God's Power REAL!Open up talk to God! Don't sing or Go to another church! Let Go n Let God! He has a Plan for you! ELENA
---ELENA on 6/24/11

It can be tough but it is doable - remember that u are able to do all things through His strength.
However, u need to tell this lady that u have to stop purely for God's word sake - u might want to tell her that over the phone or in a public place.
Henceforth, try never to be alone with her.
By the way, she can never cheat on u - she never was yours!
Take this as a test to see how much u love God - will u place this affair over the desire/will of God (that u shouldn't commit adultery)? You can do it! God will help u.
---roly on 11/22/10

My problem is with the Choir director at church, which makes things complicated because I love to sing - especially cantor. I still believe that the Lord is working through me so I can boldly witness to others in song. I confessed my sin to her and to my wife 2 months ago - and to God constantly. Although she denied it, I believe that had (has?) some feelings for me, and continues to have difficulty dealing with it (she's married also). After readings these blogs, I suppose I'll start looking at choirs at other churches (along the same lines as going to another church). Thanks for your time!
---Timothy on 7/18/09

andre- Are you serious? Adultery is sin, and sin separates you from God. If you do not repent of the adultery & any other sins you have, you may die in your sins and go to hell. Call yourself crazy & break it off & don't have anything else to do with the woman. You may want to consider attending another church where you won't be around her unless she lives in your neighborhood anyway.
---Betty on 7/17/09

Changing churches is NOT a good start SusieB.

The sin still remains no matter what church they change to.

How about REPENT? in sackcloth, with weeping, mouring and fastings. No one here told you to REPENT, Be Baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins.

Abstain from every form of lust. Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. You are a Royal Priesthood, a chosen race, a people for God's own possession. Would God approve of what you're doing? Then REPENT in sackcloth and ashes, with weeping, mourning and fasting like Isaiah says to do.
---anon on 7/14/09

it is a good thing you have decided to stop
get to know how you agreed to be led-on and stay away from such in your new church

maybe your wife will need an explanation of some sort of ur changing church?

maybe you could confess to her without mentioning names that you are being tempted sextually and will like a change of environment

personally keeping such a secret will be unbearable and i will find a nice way to confess without destroying spouse's confidence
---patie3447 on 6/23/09

I agree with Randy - I wish I had run from a woman, like Joseph (I am single, and she was divorced), but I succumbed. Repent of your sin, and yes, break it off cold turkey - but be warned - she probably won't accept you doing that without trying to keep involving you, so remain steadfast and don't contact her or allow her to contact you.
---Eric on 6/18/09

Bad habits are hard to break. Changing churches is a good start. But, stay away from the women at the new church!!!!!
---SusieB on 6/15/09

I have been through something similar as a Single man who was emotionally involved with a married woman at work and it was mutual. God protected me from the immeadiate consequences and it turned out for the good and God got the praise for she was being physically abused and eventually they got counseling and then started going to church. Their relationship was restored. Being this is someone in church is very hard. You have to break it off cold turkey, run like Joseph did in Genesis, and saturate yourself in God's word, trust God to take care of you, and seek God, confess your sin ask for forgiveness and direction. (I John 1:9) I would get counseling from a staff person in the church and tell your wife(after you break free from the woman).
---Randy on 6/14/09

I agree with Cluny that you need to go to another church or you will just be tempted again. The flesh is weak.
---Ed on 6/14/09

On the practical side, break it off NOW and start going to another church and avoid seeing her again.

I didn't say this would be easy, did I? But it's what you actually have to do.

I'm not condemning you. You two are not the first Christians to be in this position.

There's a book I've seen on this topic, but I don't know if it's still in print: WHEN TEMPTED BY LOVE.

Blurting things out in your church will only bring pain to at least two innocent people--your wife and her husband, to say nothing about any children.
---Cluny on 6/12/09

You all are right. I have been incredibly sinful and offensive to God. I listened to Hillsong all the way home from work and the tears have been non-stop. I have decided to stop all communication with this women. No need to explain. I'm sure she will figure it out. As for confessing to a friend, I already have and it did make me stop for all of 3 days. But I am much more convicted now. I cannot tell my wife. I do not want to crush her and her faith in christian men. I beleive that Christ will strengthen me. I have vowed to dummy up immediately. Thanks to all of you. I will keep you posted.
---Andre on 6/11/09

These days I can't assume you are a man, but if so find an male accountability partner who will ask you the tough questions DAILY about your walk with God. Be transparent to this trustworthy brother or wait for God to reveal the whole mess with no hope of restoring your marriage.
You must remember the patient cannot heal himself and you must confess your shortcomings to the accountability partner. STOP the sin and THEN confess and to your bride. Admit your sin AND that you have stopped.
God has not promised that true confession frees you from pain and you may still lose your family, finances and reputation. Its not popular to say this but your first sin is NOT against your wife but against God.
---larry on 6/11/09

The best thing for you to do is to get on your knees before God and confess your sins in the name of Jesus.

After and only after you have truly asked for God's forgivess can you move on to any other steps.

You are not being immature you are being deceived by your emotions and carnal self. If you truly want deliverance take it to God not just to a blog.
---Jesus_Child on 6/11/09

You sound very immature when you describe your adulterous lover as "cheating" on you. You have a problem with that, but don't have a problem with you cheating on your wife? You want to know what you can do? STOP! But, you really don't want to.
---SusieB on 6/11/09

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So your cheater is cheating on you the cheater? I wonder how your wife and your cheaters husband feel beccause they are the only two people that I care about in this story. My advice is for them to divorce you both on the grounds of adultery and have you thrown out of the church. Come on, grow up and be a man, confess and repent now.
---TIMOTHY on 6/11/09

Andre here's what I would do. I'm not saying it's best, I'm saying if you really want to stop this is how:

Grab the microphone at church and blurt the whole thing out in front of everybody.

Everything that will be will be at that point and there's no way to self deceive and weasel out. Before you do that you make one thing right and tell your wife first, she shouldn't hear it that way.

The weight that you feel will be lifted, you'll have more support, counsel, and guidance then you could imagine, and you'll turn a negative into a positive by growing in courage to do what's right. Get help.
---Pharisee on 6/11/09

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