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Divorce My Muslim Husband

I'm married to a Muslim for 4 years. We have been separated for 1 1/2 yrs. I have now filed for divorce based on a cycle of infidelity and abuse which led to our separation. He emails me off and on and mixed feelings for him always arises. Does that mean that I shouldn't go through with the divorce?

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 ---Susie on 6/17/09
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Cluny asks: how can you possibly be a good spouse to someone without living with that person?

It is doubtful that a woman is a good spouse, that is why we have divorce and separation and limiting the family size, and why the Bible says it is good not to marry (1 Corinthians 7:1) and why the Bible teaches that it is better not to marry (Matthew 19:10). So I am saying it is less wrong for a married couple to live near one another and separate and continue to have kids together and satisfy anothers needs. If you do not get along, you should not live together. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) It is MORE FAIR and better when a couple is not getting along, that the couple should be near another, but not dwell under the same roof.
---mike4879 on 8/27/16

Mike, how can you possibly be a good spouse to someone without living with that person?

Please explain.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 8/25/16

I think you should live separate and NOT DIVORCE, and that you should come together often in openness to offspring and that you should be a good wife to him, just not live with him.
---mike4879 on 8/25/16

//I'll be extremely surprised if she will reply to the questions you are now asking her.---Rita_H on 8/17/16

As you know, CN post questions as old as 12 years.

The blogs are reposted for the rest of us to discuss.

I addressed the person who wrote the blog, but at the same time showing others on CN how odd it was to mention his religion in the first place.
---Nicole_Lacey on 8/17/16

Nicole, seven years have passed since Susie asked this question and three days later she posted a response thanking people who joined the discussion. She has posted nothing since as far as I can see. I'll be extremely surprised if she will reply to the questions you are now asking her.
---Rita_H on 8/17/16

Susie, why are you telling us he is Muslim?

Your question seems to be about his infidelity and abuse causing your separation.

Is he stopping you from worshipping as a Christian?
---Nicole_Lacey on 8/16/16

Our Lord and savior our first priority....above all things..loving God more than anything is my struggle ...
Seek first the kingdom of God..
Bless you
---Kenisha on 8/14/16

1 Corinthians 7:15

But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.
---anna on 7/18/14

What if they were both Christians (not spirit filled) when they married over 30 years ago and the male spouse turns to Islam. What of the marriage then?
---Francesca on 1/23/11

It seems his involvement with other women is the true indication of his heart. Such emails are intended to draw you back in, to spur your hope that he truly wants you and could change, or because he simply wants you sexually at the moment.

Love for a man can often be so confusing, because we want everything to turn out the way we envisioned it could be. I'll pray for your increased strength to discern this man's intent. Sounds like he's trying to throw you off your present track, because divorce can be expensive in some instances, and he's probably more concerned about how much he'll have to pay.
---Elaine on 5/11/10

i am just curious to know are you still in your situtation.. or did god give you and answer..when you sought him?
---tiffany on 5/10/10

Trust & depend on God for the answer to this your question. This is because God has a plan for you, that is why you are still alive. Ask God to tell you if in HIS plan for your life, you are to go back to your Muslim husband or not. God does not want any one that depends on HIM to be worried or fear, HE will give you the best solution very soon. It is difficult for a person to say "go to him or not" because you are already married.
---Adetunji on 1/19/10

So you christian people are going to take the advice of a Muslim. Look in you bible for the answer it will save you from your sins.
---exzucuh on 1/16/10

Hi.. Im am muslim woman.. my advise is.. divorce your muslim husband... FYI, if you renounce from Islam, it is easier for you to get divorce.. however if you stay as a Muslim, u must get the divorce using Shariah law, which is biased to men... I had divorced my husband successfully by the ground he is abusing me mentally, and physically.. Good luck
---shira on 1/16/10

So you believe Metuselah, that God binds an inocent party, and the sinner can get away and rebuild his life... cruel God that God of Christians. even the pagan gods are not so cruel
---andy3996 on 7/4/09

Andy if only it were that easy then I guess over half of marriages would end in divorce even christian marriages, oh wait it already is. Today one can't distinguish between a christian and a non-christian, why?, because we produce the same fruits. If the unbelieving spouse expell them, yes they are free from the marriage but not from the bond(Rom 7:2-3).
---metuschelah on 6/24/09

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metushelach,the scripture from 1corinthinans you quoted agrees with my point more then yours. however, if it is used wrongly(cut into pieces) one can go anywhere with it.using this scripure wrongly i can justify to divorce even a weak christian, or i can push someone to die because he "can no longer divorce".(both very unbiblical)still, this scripture talks about one that came to the faith in marital state, and the partner (nonchristian)does not expel her due to the newfound faith. yet same chapter says that IF the UBELIEVING parntner expels them, they ARE FREE. in other words, no guilt is on them. they're not free to do just as they please, only free in their decision to stay or to go, to stick too or to start over.
---Andy3996 on 6/22/09

Dear Susie,

A muslim man can marry a christian lady and she is considered to be Islamic by virtue of the marriage - so from his perspective you are subject to Islam(I think his mistreatment of you follows from this). He is also permitted to have 4 wives. Muslims often get around monogamy by not declaring their other wives (in Australia we have situations where the 'non-legal' wives may collect unemployment benefits to raise their children which are considered to be outside of wedlock, i.e single mothers who never married).

If you are his first wife, you are legitimately married in the Lord's eyes (though you are definitely unevenly yoked , as others on here have said). I think prayer must be your first recourse in this matter.
---Eric on 6/21/09

---andy3996 on 6/20/09
Andy I still think that you are incorrect, On the matter of being persecute by your spouse, God says in (John 17:14-15) I have given them thy word, and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. I PRAY NOT THAT THOU SHOULDEST TAKE THEM OUT OF THE WORLD, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil. {Evils such as what you andy think is true}(1cor7:13 & 14 & 16) And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean, but now are they holy.
---Metuschelah on 6/21/09

Hi Susie: Thank you for your clarification concerning your decision to marry your husband. I don't judge you for your decision to marry him, as I know plenty of people who make choices they regret, even believers. That is what 1 John 1:9 is about.

As for your situation, I really would encourage you to seek the guidance and counsel of a mature Christian woman, who is willing to disciple you in the Word, and help you grow in the Lord. This forum is not the best for getting a non-judgmental answer.
---Trish9863 on 6/21/09

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He emails you on and off? This was the only basis I could really use in responding to your question - because the bible says that if we are unequally yoked in marriage, we are to stay married.....HOWEVER, if the unbelieving spouse wants to leave, then we should not hold them back from leaving because God wants us to have "peace."

It seems that this spouse of yours is not adamantly saying he wants to be with you? Should he desire to stay, then I would say forgive and pray for God to work on him. Should he desire another woman, then give him what he wants, but be strong! God wraps you in His arms in times like these. Remember He is a good God we serve. Trust in His strength and pray in the Holy Spirit!
---Cathy on 6/20/09

I just want to take the time to thank everyone for their responses in this matter negative or positive. To answer a few of the questions that some werent sure about...I am a christian, when I married him I wasnt spirit filled, now I am. He told me that he would involve himself in what i believed, faith wise, but it didnt happen. I was raised in christianity and I know what the word of God says.Going thru certain stages in life everyone has had his/her share of life experiences, so one needs not to be self righteous. I wrote this blog because its good to talk about what you're going thru with someone and I consider the christians here my brothers and sisters. Again, I say thanks.
---Susie3469 on 6/20/09

Metushelach, weak faith? if you ghet chased out of your house because youre of the faith, thats a fact. not a matter of "everythings gonna be allright". Your partner cancelled the bond of mariage, not you. Fornication is both spiritual and natural. if i cheat on my wife, she allready suffered before, i declared that i do not respect God (God instituted marriage)EVERY marriage is done in obedience to God therefore I have no longer right on wedlock, yet since I canceled our bond, I broke it, my wife is free before God. However in any case my wife could show God's great compassion by forgiving, even idf she separates. what i said is biblical, and should therefore not be contested by super spirituality, or mega humanism.
---andy3996 on 6/20/09

---andy3996 on 6/19/09

Andy you are right on the part of not leaving because one is unequally yoked but I have to disagree with you on the part of leaving for these two reasons you list here: which was cheating/fornication and being chased because you are of christ. Those are the weakest reasons I have ever heard.First of all, you would have to be very weak not to be able to take persecution from anyone when the only thing you can do is run, God says to stand in the days of evil, if you are a true christian nothing should be able to move you,Trust that.Read my previous comments with part 1,2,3 to get wisdom.
---metuschelah on 6/19/09

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I think whichever way you got involved, the time has come to stick to your divorce. He has cheated on you and as such broke the marriage covenant. You need to sever your emotional ties with this man to be totally free. Confess any sin you have committed in this issue cry out and start afresh. Change your E-mail and move elsewhere once the divorce is through and start a new life in Christ. Light and darkness cannot exist together. Pastor Elijah
---Elijah on 6/19/09

(1cor2:13)" When one reads the bible, they have to search the sriptures and compare spiritual things with spiritual things. People always want to use (mat5:32) as the basis for divorce, well guest what! it's not!. God does not contradict himself. It is man's pride that causeth him to miss GOD"S truth. Why would god tell us to love our brother as ourselves and yet allow us to put each other away in divorce, when he said he hateth putting away. And god even tells us to forgive each other 70 times 7 (mat 18:21). Is god contradicting himself here. I don't think so. It is our blindness to spiritual truth that causeth us not to see (mat 13:13).
---metuschelah on 6/19/09

Part 3
when god said "saving for the cause of fornication" in (Mat 5:32), spiritually speaking, fornication is spiritual sin/death which as you should remember was what israel commited/did against god, they sinned against god (Jer 3:38)(Eze 16:31). So fornication is death, which is the ONLY reason one is free from the bond of marriage (rom 7:2) (1cor 7:39). Let him that has wisdom understand the truth of god.
---metuschelah on 6/19/09

Good responses everyone! I have to confess that I don't know all of the details of this marriage. I would consult someone else in person about what should be done.
---Sag on 6/19/09

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Dear sag, Indeed God does not want anyone to be unequally yoked, however what if one maries and then repents without his partner. is that person going to leave his partner on God's command? or if a believer marries an unbeliever and their pastor refuses to excomunicate them? can they walk away from their marriage after some "regrets"? NO I tell You. for God hates divorce more then marrieing the wrong person. as Christian there are two vallid reasons to divorce
1. Your partner cheated you
2. Your unbelieving partner chases you because of Christ.
So the oopps i made a mistake does not come in here.
---andy3996 on 6/19/09

You did not say whether you are a Christian or not. If so, you are free to divorce this man since he did cheat on you. According to the Word of God. He had no right to abuse you,either. If he is Muslim,you were also unequally yoked. This is a no-no for a committed Christian,. You are in gross disobedience to the Word of God. You need to repent before God and turn your life around. Since you have already filed for divorce, you are on the right track. One day, you might want to remarry. But marry a Christian in obedience to the Word of God. Islam is in direct opposition to Christianity. How did this happen anyway? There are heavy consequences in disobeying the commands of God. I hope you are aware of that. Obedience is better than sacrifice.
---Robyn on 6/18/09

I'm not sure , firstly, if you are a christian believer, but regardless, how I understand the bible, you get one shot at marriage. Yes, you can divorce (though I don't believe divorcing frees you up to remarry - just bare that in mind) if your spouse is unfaithful, but understand also that God hates divorce, and despite Israel's disobedience, he never divorced his people, but sought to lead them back to himself. If, however, your husband is physically abusive, separating fro m him makes sense - use that time of separation to pray for his salvation, and see what God does.
---Eric on 6/18/09

I'm not sure what bible all you false teachers here read because your words here shows that i's not THE BIBLE . [Before I first answer your blog let's first lay some ground works.] We have to remember that god uses parables to speak to us (Mar 4:34)"But without a parable spake he not unto them: and when they were alone, he expounded all things to his disciples.
---metuschelah on 6/18/09

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Sag: You assume she was a believer when they married. I assume nothing. Scripture is clear that if a believer is married to an unbeliever the believer is to stay married, unless the unbeliever leaves. However, this man cheated on her and abused her, and that adultery, NOT his Muslim faith, is the grounds for the divorce.
---trish9863 on 6/18/09

Susie...You don't say if you are a Christian. If you do not know Jesus Christ as your Savior, you could do that now. Let Jesus into your life and HE will help you through everything in your life. I don't believe a devout Christian would have ever married a Muslim. Most abusers continue to abuse their spouse even after they get back together, especially when they think that the spouse is very needy of them.
---SusieB on 6/18/09


The Muslim man's adultery would be grounds for divorce.

God doesn't want Christians to be "unequally yoked" with unbelievers. I believe that she make a mistake in marrying the guy in the first place. If he decides to leave, let him leave!
---Sag on 6/18/09

Sag one is free, if the person of the other religion kicks you out. dont geht religious here. fact is that every case is different and yes Susie, if the man is abusive and infidel it is sometimes the best way to divorce. however there are cases known where the partner changes after such a crisis, more often they fall back in the old pattern sooner or later. good counseling could help, then again that is a struggle of years, with no guaranteed results. I pray that you make the right decision, and that God covers and protects you.
---andy3996 on 6/18/09

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Hi, i can hear your cry. You already know the answer to your question. Have you told him i divorce u? Before you married him you herd the voice in your spirit. The pain you feel is real. You dont want to continue to draw it out, to feel it latter. More wasted time.
---Sunnie on 6/18/09

I would like to ask you what you were thinking about when you took him as your husband. was he a muslim or a christian then? Well, if he was and you knew it - yet still decided to go through with the wedding, please, take it as your cross - besides, where did you leave prayers in all of this?
---Wilson on 6/18/09

Muslim or not, if he is abusive he probably will remain so. You decide what you want to put up with.
---eric1968 on 6/17/09

Sag: No where in scripture does it say that we are free to divorce unbelieving spouses just because of their lack of faith. Her husband's adultery would give just cause, but not his status as a Muslim.
---Trish9863 on 6/17/09

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I'd consider marriage to a Muslim man to be akin to marriage to a "terrorist" because of the way that Islam treats women. Be careful in your situation.

Your marriage to a Muslim man was NOT what God had planned for you. Your marriage can be "saved" only if your husband does this:

Repents of his sins, including infidelity, abusing you, worshipping Islam, etc. AND

Believes that Jesus Christ is his Lord and Savior. In other words, RENOUNCE Islam.

Unless you husband turns from Islam and becomes a Christian, you are "free" to divorce him.
---Sag on 6/17/09

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