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Unwed Pregnant Daughter

Is it right if parents of an unwed pregnant daughter make her move out of their house if she has nowhere to go and no good job? Shouldn't they help her and the baby?

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 ---Betty on 6/29/09
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Do not make her move out - some rebuke, yes, but she is still their child, and carrying their grandchild. Yes, they (the parents) may not be able to help much financially with the baby, but she is their daughter
---peter3594 on 3/9/10


Hope this gets read.To answer the question,Im assumeing that she's not 18yrs old,an you stated she has a job but not a good job?Hard to say but parents do what they feel and believe is right,not always best,Im a parent myself,an I also had a child as a teenager,my mother was very strick but it still happen,and thank God for grandmothers because mine really talked to my mother her daughter.I was brought up in a christian home and family ,mother more stern then my dad.But in this situation all I will say is What Would Jesus Do?..I know he talked to my mother about my situation, He used my gndmother to talk to her also,not saying what I did was right,the saying is learn from our mistakes and go on to use them as tools to bless someone elses life.
---velma7693 on 3/1/10


Our Heavenly Father has not kicked us out.
As Parents we can go to Our Father as His Child.

Ask Him for His Wisdom and Love regarding HIS CHILD he has given you to raise. He sacrificed His Only Son for us.The message is Repentance into Remission.
Then praise Him for His mercy and Grace He has while He gives you HIS wisdom.
---char on 2/7/10


I for sure belive that her parents should help her out since I bet the father of the baby left her her alone to raise tht child, and by the way how old is the younger woman if she need someone to talk to she can serche for me on here my user name on here is Ernea9348, and she can leave me a message with her cell number, or e-mail addrss on my user name thing.
---Ernesto on 2/1/10


Of Course they should. Love her and nuture her and pray for her.
---Chuck on 7/22/09




no, it is not right
but you see, some parents never loved their children anyway and would take any available opportunity to chase them out

usually we get to know the people who actually care about us when we fall into one trouble or the other

the right thing for any parent is to support the child until as a family they are able to help the child find a job and the means to cater for this child-their grand child

no need going to give offertory at church to help the poor when your own child is in the streets living on favours and probably going for days without food... i am sure God will be disappointed at such callousness and hypocrisy
---pat on 7/21/09


sag,

[b]If you hate it then do something about it[/b].


No one comes to church looking for a father for their unborn baby!

Consider this children make mistakes because of a Godless life and when we are godless we are offered the chance to find a God that cares about us because he said:


He will be a father to the fatherless!

That is the kind of world we live in so quit crippling the youth of today where you when they needed to be evangelised!

In church playing church.

Do what you need to do not what is inconvenient like criticising and malicing the poor in spirit.


God Bless

CarlaX
---Carla3939 on 7/11/09


Rhonda - I love your post, for once I actually agree with someone on here. You're right - too often humanity is only offered when someone is doing right.

Jesus said "a servant is not greater than his master - therefore if the world hated me, it will hate you." Why are we then above Jesus when it comes to "sinners"? We must do as he did and offer ourselves as a sacrifice to them, pray on behelf of them, and live as one who has escaped death row on a pardon. We are ALL guilty.
---cathy on 7/10/09


are parents christian, non-christian, or self-professing christians? ...I've seen many self-professing christians judge condemn their own family members with much anger hostility then show up at church functions with their false sickening smile professing warm love and caring for all their christian brothers and sisters while they ignore reject dismiss family members who has "sinned"

funny thing "humanity" only works when everyone does "right" ...I've found one's who condemn judge most are always one's with the most to hide ...although parents of the daughter should help if only from a human compassionate side ...where are the parents of the father of the baby and why are they not helping too
---Rhonda on 7/4/09


Have you not read the parable of the Prodigal Son? This also applies to the Prodigal Daughter. Every person has sinned in their lives. If they repent of their trespasses, then God will forgive them. He is full of mercy. If the parents don't forgive her, neither shall God forgive them. And, of course, if the daughter doesn't repent - well, you know.

Do an online bible search for "one another," "each other," and "encourag."
---Steveng on 7/2/09




I attend a Catholic church where all life is treated as a gift from God. Yes, all life is special. However, I hate how there often seem to be pregnant girls who show up at church just to find a father for their unborn child.

Last night, I had a dream that there was a country with a lot of pregnant girls. They would anxiously await an army of soldiers to come and rescue them.

I really think that the "best" type of rescue would be to avoid getting pregnant, outside of marriage, in the first place. That is what the Bible teaches in ALL situations. The "best" cure is "prevention". Failing that, you just have to deal with the problem the "best" you can.
---Sag on 7/2/09


Betty,
Thank you for the clarification. It is an excellent hypothetical question and also a quite so common reality in and around our lives. Thank you also for the input you've added. I agree with your saying and all the other inputs, from Augie too. If only I asked for clarification, it is because at times there are other factors that bear on right judgement. For example, If we say that our neighbor locked their 15yr old out of the house, but did not also state that the youth has taken to beat his Mom or GrandMa like a punching bag, we can't possibly be just. Thanks and blessings.
---Nana on 7/2/09


nana- This is a hypothetical question. Some parents/grandparents might get some input from reading this blog. I've heard & read that some parents harden their hearts against an unmarried daughter & her baby. Some seem to think helping them would encourage the unwed mother to have more children without the benefit of a husband. They don't seem to think ahead about what suffering they can cause their child & grandchild. My own view is they should help their daughter and the baby as much as possible. So should the guy's parents. Needless to say, the couple should be married. My only daughter was married when she had her baby.
---Betty on 7/1/09


Trish:

Thanks for sharing your situation with this group of bloggers. In my earlier blog message, I only meant to help the girl "grow up" after having her baby. She is going to have to learn to be responsible for the new life that she brought into the world. Because you have actually been through this difficult situation, I think that your advice was correct and mine waswrong. :<( Oh well, I'm not perfect. God knows that!



---Augie on 7/1/09


The TV show "People's Court", and other similar TV shows, have legal cases that are just like this blog question. The things that are covered include:

* Who is the baby's father?
* Who gets custody of the baby?
* Who pays child support and how much?
* Where should the baby's parents live?
* Should the baby's parents get jobs?

I find it to be quite interesting that the judges on these TV shows -- real legal cases or not -- are the ones who are outlining the RESPONSIBILITIES involved with having a baby! Not the parents, their relatives, or even churches. Secular judges? Hmmm.

I believe that the parents should do what they have to do in order to provide for their baby. I'm sure that God agrees.
---Augie on 7/1/09


This reminds me of a lyric in a song by Jonah33, called "Beautiful" or "You Are Still Beautiful."

One of the singers sings, "And if the world hates what is good, why do we use the world to lend a hand?"

If they can barely financially support themselves that is one thing, but if they can make it, no they should not kick her out. And if they have the resources but not the money, they should seek out help for her, and not just leave her out there on her own.
---amand6348 on 6/30/09


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If it's that straightforward, that she is just getting kicked out . . . she might consider herself fortunate to now find out who her parents really are, so she can find out who really she should depend on. I read that if she aborts, this can damage her uterus so later she can have trouble having kids > it might be "good" to know about if this is really true and how. I'm thinking of how the parents brought her up > likely, she picked up *their* ways that in her made her able to do what she did. And leaving a child to be babysat by toys and TV and video games and peers . . . does not have the child learning with a mature person how to relate in real love, which will make a person sound enough to live morally and succeed in marriage.
---Bill_bila5659 on 6/30/09


Trish9863 and NV_Barbara, good witness from you both and a fine observation by Trish9863.
Betty, if you are the regular Betty who has been around here lately, you do know that more details of this situation are needed if proper advice is to be given. So, what else is there?
---Nana on 7/1/09


ok,
now i think that the parents should help their daughter no matter WHAT the cost. thats just my belief......
---denise on 6/30/09


"Ohhhh, how could you do this to UUUUUUUUUUsssss. What will the naaaaaaaAAAAAAaaayyyybors say?"
---Cluny on 6/29/09

You sound just like my parents. I think that the reason for the problem of out-of-wedlock pregnancies is simple: Parents, and the church too, don't talk to their children until it is too late. Once the baby is growing in the mother's body, all you can do is pray and hope for the best.

I'm speaking from the Catholic point-of-view. Life begins at conception, when the "egg" and the "sperm" cells meet each other, and the baby begins to grow. Abortion is murder and out of the question. That would be even worse than the pregnancy.
---Sag on 6/30/09


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Augie: Why on earth should the parents evict her AFTER the baby is born? That is when she will need help more. The availability of housing for single mothers without jobs, or an education, is very limited, and the social service agencies are overrun with the needs. Christian parents should be more generous than you describe. The mother should be able to complete her education, and get a job to help pay the bills. Paying for daycare is not cheap, not to mention the medical expenses.

Also, legal counsel is needed to get the father of the baby to pay support for the next 18 years.
---Trish9863 on 6/30/09


I have to say that if the only problem with the daughter is her pregnancy, it is totally wrong to evict her and make her seek help from the WORLD.

However, there may also be other factors which must be taken into consideration. If this unwed mother were involved in drugs and unwilling to seek rehab to get clean so her baby could be drug free, which I see a lot of in my part time job, then the parents may not want that active drug use in their home. Just an example, I am not assuming anything about this young mother.

I was pregnant out of wedlock at 18, and my parents were wonderful in helping me get started in my life with getting married and starting parenthood.
---Trish9863 on 6/30/09


My niece got pregnant when she was 15. Her dad,cried and hugged her when he was told. She was so afraid that she would be ostracized by the family.

When reality set in, she knew our family loved her and would be there for her. She finished out her junior year of high school at a school facility in town that was set up for unwed mothers. They taught the normal studies, plus classes in childcare. She delivered a healthy boy right after her 16th b'day. She went back in her senior year to her old high school and graduated with honors with her class. Her son is now in the 4th grade and she has worked hard to further her education. She works as a lab tech and x-ray tech at a local hospital. She remains unmarried and a great Mom!
---NV_Barbara on 6/30/09


By all means, Yes, the parents should help their daughter and the newborn baby. They need their parent's love and support now more than ever. Who cares about the nosy neighbors? The important thing is to do the will of the Lord and love and care for one another.

Hopefully they share with the daughter that if they believe in Christian values, that the daughter needs to abide by these values and contribute to helping in the household with equal responsibilities. I doubt that the daughter would have rebellious behavior, but would be grateful and would comply in all fairness.
---Anne on 6/30/09


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Many unwed pregnant women look for a way to "fix" their sinful problem. Some run to churches looking for a man who will marry them in a quick "shot gun" wedding. There is only one way to "fix" the problem: REPENT and turn the situation over to God. He will forgive the daughter for her sin of fornication. Once the daugher repents, healing can begin.

The daughter will have to live with the consequences of her sin. I would offer the daughter the opportunity to live at her parent's house until the baby is born. Then I would require that the daughter find a different place to live. Perhaps a church or social service agency could provide advice on alternative places for the daughter to live.
---Augie on 6/30/09


"True Love Waits" is a ministry that encourages teenagers, college students, and others to abstain from sexual relations until marriage. People make commitments to keep themselves "pure" for their future marriage.

Are the "True Love Waits" commitments very effective in reducing out-of-wedlock sexual activity and pregnancies?
---Augie on 6/30/09


I would contact a good lawyer about collecting child support from the baby's father. I would also have the baby's father's parents involved as to how to handle the situation. Keep in mind that the baby is in need of a loving home. A difficult situation that requires input from a lot of people.
---Sag on 6/30/09


No it's not right, it's harsh treatment and violates the grace Jesus' commands require.

"love your neighbor as yourself."

You don't shoot the wounded.
---Pharisee on 6/30/09


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Having a son, or daughter, become parents before they are married "pierces" the hearts of parents. Why? Because it shows that the moral teachings in the home were not followed. God is hurt too.

Even so, you must "forgive" the son or daughter. Unless they "repent" of their sin, you have no responsibility to allow them to live in your home. You have the right to determine which rules the house members live under. God would not want you to allow sinful behavior in your home.

I would suggest contacting your church about possible other living arrangements for your son or daughter. Unless and until they "repent" of their sin, they should arrange to live apart from you.


---Sag on 6/29/09


I think such people are more upset at the idea that their daughter obviously had sex--as if anybody else really cares.

"Ohhhh, how could you do this to UUUUUUUUUUsssss. What will the naaaaaaaAAAAAAaaayyyybors say?"
---Cluny on 6/29/09


If they want to encourage abortion they can force her to move out. I have heard statistics that say that a very large number of abortions - something like 40%++?? are done on young women who come from "evangelical" Christian homes. With parents like that, is it any wonder? If we want to make a dent in the abortion rate, we can start by stopping our judgemental attitudes and starting the support for unwed mothers to carry they baby to term!
---obewan on 6/29/09


Parents have the right to tell their children what to do in their own home. If this were my daughter I would let her stay and work through the pregnancy. UNLESS!!!! The problems are much more than the pregnancy which is probably the truth here.
---SusieB on 6/29/09


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Parents have a right to have those living in their household subscribe to their their moral standards,

If they do not wish to support their daughter at this time, I would recommend that she get in contact with Planned Parenthood and have a trained counselor go over her options with her.

Once she knows her options she is in a position to make an informed decision about her future.
---notlaw99 on 6/29/09


The parents will regret it someday. They always do.
---john on 6/29/09


It would be totally wrong.

They should help her.

Unfortunately for them, her sin will be more noticeable by the neighbours than her father's sin of fiddling his car expenses (or whatevewr sin he does commit)

But her sin is no worse than whatever his is.
---alan8566_of_uk on 6/29/09


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