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Emotional Needs Not Met

What to do when emotional needs are not being met?

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 ---Rbn on 7/27/09
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I can understand not having emotional needs met. My husband is 16 yrs. older than I am and he is what i call an emotional anorexic. After 11 yrs. of marriage, I have come to realize that he tries but he really cannot relate in the manner i have always thought was right for marriage. So it has caused a great deal of depression which has turned me to Jesus. As a born again Christian I guess I feel that somehow Jesus will rescue my broken heart. There is no room for cheating or divorce in my life and there never will be. The Lord is my only answer and I do pray HE will help me
---CFW on 4/2/11

first, take inventory and find out whether you are not meeting important needs (spiritual, emotional, physical, personal, etc...)
---aka on 3/30/11

ralph7477: Please tell me you are not married. If you don't know what emotional needs are you are lost in space somewhere. It is men like you who have this poor woman seeking help on CN. But CN is a teaching site as well. I hope you learn something here. Do not even think about forming a relationship with a female, until you thoroughly understand, what emotional needs are.Good grief!
---Robyn on 3/30/11

Tell your spouse and tell them what exactly is missing and what you would like them to do to make it better. Then when he makes the effort acknowledge that but expect slip ups from time to time.

Emotions are part of love and for those that say otherwise I would say they are cold-hearted.

I've had the same problem and still do to some extent. My husband has improved over the years and I am trying to be more patient. Sometimes both people need to compromise a little and meet in the middle.
---poopsey on 3/27/11

you know there are no husbands or wives in heaven.
---tom2 on 8/7/09

knowing the difference between love and attraction is something that many people dont understand.When a man is a good provider a woman should appreciate it and add that to the column of reasons why she loves her husband,but alas too many marriages are based on it,along with looks,and other reasons which aren,t,in the end of God,but of the world.Thats why when they divorce they say,Oh we fell out of love,or I fell out of love, well maybe they never really were in love.
---tom2 on 8/6/09

after reading the answers to this blog, i think what really needs to be expressed is that "God IS Love" (1 John 4:8) "Love" is not an emotion, it is God entirely, feeling the presence of God when you express to family and friends. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love doesn't delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. LOVE NEVER FAILS! 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 meaning God will never fail! if you desire love in your life, fall entirely on God, He will be your strength and faithful to you till the end, Amen.
---nicole on 8/4/09

Glenn, what on earth makes you think I have not accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord?! That's baloney, I love and serve God, just not the way you think women should--as dirt!
---Mary on 8/4/09

As an addendum, please don't listen to the bitter, railing, rebellious, marriage ruining, Satan serving, Jezebel women, Proverbs 6:27-28, 1Corinthians 5:9-13.
Mary: 1) If he didn't put a ring on your finger, don't let him ring the bell. 2) Receive Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, and ask him to fix your bell.
---Glenn on 8/3/09

How sad (for yourself) that you expect others (including your husband) to be "entertainment" for you. With that attitude, you will never know happiness.

God says that we should let Him mean "everything" to us because...

1) no one on earth is capable of being so meaningful to us.

2) GOD must be NUMBER ONE to each of us ("so that He may increase" in our heart and mind).

1 Corinthians 15:28
"that God may be everything to every one".

There are many human "emotions", but true love is not an emotion,... TRUE love is "THE" (one and only) SENTIMENT (it comes from being able to feel sorrow/heartbreak love).

Verse is from the RSV.
---more_excellent_way on 8/3/09


There's no room for cheating if you have a good heart and mind only sin filled, selfish, and lustful people cheat!
---Carla3939 on 8/3/09

Tell the person. Communicate better. Otherwise you will probably be tempted to cheat.

And if they refuse to meet your needs and you must leave them, remember the One who will give you the greatest emotional support of all.
---amand6348 on 8/2/09

Hi, the more I read, the more grateful I am for my wonderful boyfriend who DEFINITELY meets my emotional needs and I certainly pray that I meet his--as much as a girlfriend can, anyway. Obviously no one person can do everything for anybody--we're only one person and we're not God. But we can love and that my dear Dan does oh, soooooo well! :)
---Mary on 8/1/09

yep.and he is to lov her as christ loves the church.but how many do.I like donnas reply best.
---tom2 on 7/31/09

let me say that I believe the biggest mistake that people make is believing that love is an emotion.This thinking has destroyed more relationships than I care to think of.Love is by far a choice,that should be based on Gods word.we are to love one another,we are commanded to love one another.The problem is what we believe love is.Lokk in 1 corinthians,chapter 13 for Gods discription of love.Then think about how you love others.
---tom2 on 8/1/09

Rbn--You need to realize that NO man can fully meet your emotional needs. No husband, no wife can bear the responsibility of meeting all the emotional needs of their mate. Be grateful if your man at least shows an effort once in a while.

Try being more aware of his needs, of doing what makes him happy....he might even reciprocate.

If you are a Christian, express your needs to the Lord in prayer. Make some Christian women friends. Try to think of somebody else's (not just your child's) emotional needs you can help meet.
---Donna66 on 7/30/09

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Don't trust in your emotions, or let them control you - they are fickle (up and down). Trust ONLY in Jesus Christ and let ONLY Him control you. If you trust in your emotions and let them control you, you will ALWAYS be hurt and NEVER get to where you want to be. ONLY Jesus can meet ALL your needs (including emotional). He is "I AM" - whatever you need Him to be for you.
---Leslie on 7/30/09

Sorry Tom but you are partially wrong, partially right but also wrong.
---Mary on 7/30/09

Tom2 ... surely not!!

Is not the man responsible for loving and homouring his wife?
---alan8566_of_uk on 7/30/09

The only thing a man is responsible for is being the spiritual leader of his family,God will provide everything else
---tom2 on 7/30/09

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Emotions are our feelings. If we are hurt, we cry (some do anyway). If we are happy, we laugh. If we are full of Joy, we are Joyful. Those are emotions.

If you feel you have a need to be loved (which is what I think you're referring to here) then let God meet your emotional needs. He can fulfill your being with such deep love, that you will love being in His Presence with Him, Worshipping Him, and talking to Him about things.

Get fulfilled in His word, In His Presence and you won't be looking to others to fulfill your emotional needs such as being loved.
---anon on 7/28/09

What in the world is an "emotional need"?
---ralph7477 on 7/28/09

Pray to Jesus.
---stephen on 7/28/09

Would you care to elaborate, Rbn?
---Cluny on 7/28/09

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What we as women need to understand is who can you really trust with this immensely important faculty.

Women need to be mindful of who you invest your physical mental and spiritual emotions to. The only person that can be trust with this is God your confidence, well being, and true happiness can only come from him. Men havn't got a clue how to manage support and mantain their womens emotions because there is a big void for many men of them of how to manage their own never mind such an misuderstood issue as Emotions.
---Carla3939 on 7/28/09

what emotional needs?ALL. some,maybe your just tooooo emotional?
---tom2 on 7/27/09

Who is responsible for meeting your emotional needs? I was in a marriage where I thought my husband was responsible to meet my emotional needs and I learned the hard way that I was wrong. God is responsible. God meets the need. I read His Word and pray. Only by taking care of my relationship with the Lord are my emotional needs met.

I speak from having gone through a divorce and am now living alone. I have three wonderful children, and many friends. I have no man in my life and I am content. It is not that I do not desire a relationship with someone. I just am content to have the Lord be the Man in my life right now.
---Trish9863 on 7/27/09

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