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Relations Before Marriage

What is the meaning of Matthew 19:9? The reason I ask my wife after years wants a divorce because she said she fornicated with a married man, me. She knew I was married and still after a year of knowing she knew that I was getting a divorce. How do I fix this? I want to save my marriage.

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 ---Rick on 8/19/09
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Maybe she is afraid that since you cheated with her, you are going to cheat on her. Or she could be seeing someone else. Either way, get marital counseling or talk to someone religious who can present both points of view to each other, and you can work something out.
---amand6348 on 8/24/09


My version says, "'And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery, and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.'" (Matthew 19:9) I know a number of divorced people, who may have the reason of adultery, but they themselves have problems that still could cause a divorce, even if it might be OK technically for them to remarry. So, I'd say this sort of thing shows we need to not just look for Bible loopholes to justify getting married, but rather make sure with God about if we really belong with someone, and deal with however we ourselves can help to cause our relating problems.
---Bill_bila5659 on 8/21/09


Sorry to hear your trouble, Rick. Share 2 Samuel chapters 11 and 12 with your wife. David and Bathsheba began in adultery, and ended up married AND forgiven.

In 2 Sam 12:13, David's told God has put away his sin (i.e. forgiven him). Although his child died because of this sin, we're recipients of mercy due to the sacrifice of our Messiah. He has paid for our sins-- we are forgiven without an additional sacrifice required. Her leaving you doesn't reverse a thing. It only models a broken home for the children, which is not the Master's plan.

If David was forgiven for his affair (and having her husband murdered), the Father is also merciful to forgive you both. To say He isn't is to deny His mercy and the sacrifice of His Son.
---AlwaysOn on 8/21/09


I did not become a believer until after we were married and my wife was doing it her whole life. I have fallen away from the church because of the type of people I ran into that attended church. No Excuse on my part, but that is what happened, I did do my part to destroy this marriage just basically the same situation with "Fireproof". I am the one trying to save my marriage but she keeps telling me her belief is what driving her away. She told me right after we sent an email to her Uncle " A gospel Preacher" that he would state this a scriptual marriage. But we got the complete oppsite from that. So we are back at ground zero.
---Rick on 8/20/09


You both sinned before your marriage. All anyone in your situation can do is repent and go on living a pure married life together.

Are you sure she is giving you the real reason she wants a divorce? It seems odd that after years of marriage to you, she should NOW conclude that her previous sin is a reason to divorce

I suspect there may be another reason,though I haven't a clue what it might be... Is there some long standing problem between you two that lately came to a head? Is there something that she might hesitate to discuss with you? You need to have more discussion about this.
---Donna66 on 8/20/09




"As I said earlier, you cannot unscramble an egg. She cannot go back in the past and undo her sin with you. Now, she is compounding that sin by leaving you, and making a bad situation worse. Prayer for the Holy Spirit to open her eyes is needed now."
---Trish9863 on 8/20/09

AMEN! Finally someone speaks the truth.

"2 Corinthians 5:17.....
Read Hebrews 8:12."


"You are both forgiven by God for past sins and your life before God is new and you must continue to live in the fear of God and according to the Bible from now on. Many opinions on marriage are not so biblical and Christians need to study their bible. Wish you and your marriage well."
---Delasie on 8/20/09

AMEN TOO!
---miche3754 on 8/20/09


Rick, there is one question you must answer on which all answers could be determined.

Were you both Christians in your first marriages? By Christians I mean making Christ your Lord and savior. After becoming Christians the bible say in

2 Corinthians 5:17
Every sin you ever committed is past away and all things after becoming a believer "is become new". That's how God sees you from now on. Read Hebrews 8:12.


You are both forgiven by God for past sins and your life before God is new and you must continue to live in the fear of God and according to the Bible from now on. Many opinions on marriage are not so biblical and Christians need to study their bible. Wish you and your marriage well.
---Delasie on 8/20/09


Rick: I am sorry you are going through this, and pray you are drawing closer to the Lord in all of this. No matter what happens, He will sustain you.

The only scriptures I have to address your wife's misunderstanding is that now that SHE was your wife, she can no longer marry, as she would also be in adultery in the next marriage.

As I said earlier, you cannot unscramble an egg. She cannot go back in the past and undo her sin with you. Now, she is compounding that sin by leaving you, and making a bad situation worse. Prayer for the Holy Spirit to open her eyes is needed now.
---Trish9863 on 8/20/09


Rick: I am sorry you are going through this, and pray you are drawing closer to the Lord in all of this. No matter what happens, He will sustain you.

The only scriptures I have to address your wife's misunderstanding is that now that SHE was your wife, she can no longer marry, as she would also be in adultery in the next marriage.

As I said earlier, you cannot unscramble an egg. She cannot go back in the past and undo her sin with you. Now, she is compounding that sin by leaving you, and making a bad situation worse. Prayer for the Holy Spirit to open her eyes is needed now.
---Trish9863 on 8/20/09


Rick...Your wife is acting the way she does because her church believes that only the first marriage is valid. Any remarriage after divorce is adultery to her church. They believe this way because that is what the Bible says.
---SusieB on 8/20/09




If she loves you this must be causing her great pain

Has she expressed regret that she is unable to stay yuor wife?

Unless she has it sounds as if she just wants out and is using this as an excuse
---alan8566_of_uk on 8/20/09


Thanks Trish,
Now that she out there in NM, she has told me that she does not feel that she is my wife and never had the right to be together. How can the fornicator put away the the adulter if the forincator is married to me.

How can I prove to her in verses that this a marraige within the eyes of God?

Someone told me that way she believes is called leaglism and not greace, but she feels that it is grace and not legalism? How do I show her in verses of that as well?
---Rick on 8/19/09


This marriage is not functioning as a marriage as well. Your wife moved out, and is living with her parents and allowing a church to dictate how she should deal with her marriage, and twisting scriptures at that.

Repent of your first marriage and pray for your wife to have her eyes opened to the truth of scripture.
---Trish9863 on 8/19/09


My first marriage was a marriage but did not function like a marriage at all. I had a spouse that did not want to be with me, wherever my job put me. My current wife believes this is how she must repent for the sin we have done. The Church Of Christ that she attends is accepts this as well. Some call it double talk or legalism the way they believe. I love my wife and she has taught me alot and we share two kids together and a stepson that I claim as my own. I have done my part to destroy this marriage as well, and I am now trying to fix it. We were attending a marriage counsler but then she moved out NM with her parents. They drive three hours one way to attend a church that believes the way they do.
---Rick on 8/19/09


It is interesting that you want to save THIS marriage and not the one you had before. Hmmmm.

The damage is done, and you are married now to your current wife. I assume you are faithful to her, and she is to you.

You can't unscramble an egg. Stay married, but get marital therapy. You both have a lot of baggage that you brought into this marriage that needs to be sorted.

Also, both of you should be discipled, or mentored, by a mature Christian, and learn what the scriptures say about your lives together.
---Trish9863 on 8/19/09


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