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Marry A Much Older Woman

I'm 28 and considering to marry a 44 year old woman. I Love her and she Loves me very much, but I fear that I'll regret this decision one day. Everything about her is all I want in a wife except the age barrier. What should I do?

Moderator - It's not a wise idea.

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 ---Peter on 8/21/09
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Stroneaxe, I said this to Sameboat because of his statement.
I think you misunderstood me.

One can only truly love ONE person at a time. If I'm in love with her, how can I date someone else? How do you break-up when there's still mutual love? ---sameboat on 8/16/15

My reply to him: One can only truly love ONE person at a time.
---Nicole_Lacey on 8/24/15


if the lord brought you two together it doesn't matter what ages you are.
---ruthann on 8/24/15


Nicole_Lacey:

You said: One can only truly love ONE person at a time.

I said: This is why God only loves one of us, and mothers with one child love only one of them. Oh wait. That's not right...

You said: Strongaxe, are you suggesting God has our limitation?

I didn't claim God doesn't love us all. I was using the logical method Reductio ad absurdum to demonstrate that your statement, as written, was illogical, by showing that it leads to an absurd conclusion. "That's not right" emphasized this point.
---StrongAxe on 8/24/15


Strongaxe, are you suggesting God has our limitation?
He became a man, but still remains God.

This is why God only loves one of us, and mothers with one child love only one of them. Oh wait. That's not right...---StrongAxe on 8/18/15

Remember the verse, where God states "even if a mother forgets the baby in her womb, I'll will NOT forget or forsake you.

Why? Could it be because God is God and she is not?

NOW THAT'S RIGHT!
---Nicole_lacey on 8/21/15


Worry, by mistake, Strongaxe.
You have to read the postings slowly. I made the same mistake as well.
You want to address sameboat not me.


Nicole_Lacey:
You said: One can only truly love ONE person at a time.

This is why God only loves one of us, and mothers with one child love only one of them. Oh wait. That's not right...---StrongAxe on 8/18/15




One can only truly love ONE person at a time. If I'm in love with her, how can I date someone else? How do you break-up when there's still mutual love?---sameboat on 8/16/15

Trust me, show her your blog and these postings, and she ---Nicole_Lacey on 8/17/15
---Nicole_Lace on 8/18/15




Peter:

You said: I'm 28 and considering to marry a 44 year old woman.

Now, you're around 2/3 of her age. In 20 years, you'll be 3/4. Age differences matter less and less the older you get. When I was young, 1 year was an insurmountable obstacle. Now, a decade scarcely makes a difference.


Nicole_Lacey:

You said: One can only truly love ONE person at a time.

This is why God only loves one of us, and mothers with one child love only one of them. Oh wait. That's not right...
---StrongAxe on 8/18/15


One can only truly love ONE person at a time. If I'm in love with her, how can I date someone else? How do you break-up when there's still mutual love?---sameboat on 8/16/15

Trust me, show her your blog and these postings, and she WILL break up with you.

PROBLEM SOLVED
---Nicole_Lacey on 8/17/15


\\I know age-gap has its downs: in 10-15y she'll not look same, I'll have to care for her health. I also know that there are girls my age that I can find instead. I'M TORN AND CONFUSED.
\\

If you were really loving her, you would not be torn and confused.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 8/16/15


I agree I am being SEXIST, but an older woman should never marry an younger man over 4 years difference.

It seems never to work.
---Nicole_Lacey on 8/16/15


I'm 26, in love with a divorced 50y woman with two teenage kids. 23Y DIFFERENCE.

Started off as innocent friendship with neither looking for relationship. But over time, developed into love. We "get" each other + make each other so happy. I get along with her kids.

Upon discussing our future, she's ready for marriage and IVF to help me experience joys of parenthood.

I know age-gap has its downs: in 10-15y she'll not look same, I'll have to care for her health. I also know that there are girls my age that I can find instead. I'M TORN AND CONFUSED.

One can only truly love ONE person at a time. If I'm in love with her, how can I date someone else? How do you break-up when there's still mutual love?
---sameboat on 8/16/15




Malvina, I have recently been 'chatted up' by a 56 year old man (I'm 70) I think that he thought I'd be flattered. I wasn't but was saddened at his desparation!

However, I am more often chatted up by 75 year olds who I avoid like the plague. I am 100% certain that they see me as a great replacement for the woman who is no longer with them to do their laundry, cooking, housework etc. I don't find that flattering either.

I sometimes wonder how fast they would move if I said "You do hire a full time housekeeper, don't you?"

Maybe I should try that!
---Rita_H on 5/12/14


I know a 65-year-old man who is grieving for his 90 year old wife who died recently. He is now praying - for another much older wife and was chatting me up - I am nearly 80
---malvina on 5/11/14


Yes,you are so right, people get mad but you are correct.People even myself did such a stupid thing, that' why, yes Bro.Luke I can say from experience, when in doubt hurry up and think carefully,why? You do not really trust yourself.. Pr.4:5-6 good one help me alot.. Says: Pro.28:26
He who trusts in himself is a fool,but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe.
Love of Jesus!
---Elena9555 on 5/8/14


//I'm 28 and considering to marry a 44 year old woman. I Love her and she Loves me very much, but I fear that I'll regret this decision one day. Everything about her is all I want in a wife except the age barrier.//

You already fear marrying this person because you feel you will regret it. If you feel that way, you should not marry her. The difference is huge. It makes a big difference later in life, maybe not now. But in reality, no one knows, only God. But God speaks to our conscience so do not go against conscience.
If your conscience was not already warning you, you would not even have asked us for help. You would have just married her. Agape
---Luke on 5/8/14


Peter you must look ahead 25yrs if your marriage would even last. She would be 69 and you would still be young. 53 yrs old is very young these days. I have friends that did survive such marriage. She was 39 and he was 19. That was 30 years ago. It's amazing they match and if she had not told me I would not have known. They are still in love. He raised her 3 little ones. Men like that don't one around very often.
---shira4368 on 5/7/14


Hello young man, I do not see that decision as a healthy one. The age difference is too much and I don't think you can enjoy such marriage. Always remember this: "If love is a dream, marriage is the alarm clock".
---Ebenezer_Afolabi on 5/7/14


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If you are both Christian and are equally yoked and u feel that u love this person, age should not be a barrier. Now, if u want to have kids, it may be an issue. Also do u love her enough that when she loses the beauty of her youth, u will still be faithful. If u are willing there is not reason that u cannot. Make sure u both want the same things and asks God's guidance.
---judy on 5/3/14


Hello, all respect to Chris, yes, I agree
100 % yes, my daughter married been
yrs.She young( her dad sign) they got married abroad, her husband is his 60'..he hates kids,she has none with him, but, he is moslem, other wives got kids. My heart is broken.She sneak and told one time he said "you will never be allow to carry a child for me!" I am looking already for another wife..
You got to figure when you marry a teen ager you get rebellion.
If you a teen marry an old guy "he going to treat you like a old fuddy duddy".
Love of Jesus!
---Elena9555 on 5/1/14


As this question is old it's highly unlikely the asker is still interested in our answers but, as I have friends in this situation, I'll add a few words.

They have been married for more than a decade, she for the second time with children, he for the first. Both are Christians and a sixteen year age gap makes no difference to them, yet. Time will tell whether it will eventually because age related (mind) health issues are now surfacing for her and these will affect him greatly before very long. He is 53, she 69 and tough times lie ahead, which is something to give much thought to by anyone considering this.
---Rita_H on 4/29/14


My advice my son. Run! Run and never look back. You will regret this the rest of your life. There are so so many young women out there that for you. Marrying a woman 16 years your elder is a horrible idea. Do you want kids? It's already to late for her. Do younger women catch your eye but your 44 year old woman (bless her heart) is getting grey and wrinkly. Trust me man. Don't do it. I married a woman 10 years my senior and I absolutely totally regret it. I want kids now at 33 and she is 43 and can't have any. Trust don't do it.
---Chris on 4/28/14


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Wow! This is such a tough question because I don't know you, so I'm going to ask if you know yourself? I was faced with a similar question sixteen years ago and I eagerly decided to marry my older "Christian" woman. If you're both Christians then that's a big step in the right direction. I'm 40 and my wife is 67. Despite my age, I'm still the kid in our marriage and she's the adult. Are you prepared for that? There is also the health considerations. My wife is a heavy smoker, so she looks and feels older than she really is. But this works for me, because I know myself.
---Derrick on 4/27/14


I have friends who have been married for 30 years. She was 39 with 3 children and her fella was 19. for whatever reason, they match. He helped her raise her 3 children. He is choir director of a church in Memphis, Tennessee.
---shir4368 on 2/17/14


Hello,Anon, with all respect.
my condolences go out
to you,sorry you have lost a good lady you loved and treasured. May the Lord be with you and help you every minute,days and forever.
Love of Jesus!
---Lidia4796 on 2/15/14


I was in a relationship with a lady 49 years my senior. I had asked God very specifically for the kind of woman I needed, but I never specified her age. God bought her to me and I fell in love with her madly. She was as much a woman as anyone else I had met. We were together for 6 years. It was amazing, but then came what I had feared all along.

She died 4 weeks ago, and I'm devastated. I'm 39 with my whole life in front of me without her. I always asked God to take me first, but He had other ideas.

I miss her so much, but I knew there would be a price to pay for that kind of love, and now I'm paying it.

All I ask is that you pray carefully about this decision. If its real love, you may have to make some real sacrifices.
---Anon on 2/15/14


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Rhonda- I never heard of the term either but it was being discussed on the news a while back for about 5 minutes when up popped a picture of Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher and I figured it out.
I think my kid would tell me I'm old and out of step.
Anyway I heard the term again last week when Comedian Kathy Griffin basically took her son (that Levi kid who was with the Palin's daughter) to some Red Carpet affair. Every time I've heard the term its been used by women, and I haven't laughed that long since Sarah Palin's rambling resignation speech.
---larry on 8/24/09


I suggest getting to know her better before making such a serious decision, regardless of age.
---amand6348 on 8/24/09


The reverse (younger woman-older man) seems to work better. Women are better prepared to be care-givers if necessary.
---Donna66 on 8/23/09


I knew of a situation where the ages were reversed. The women really loved the old man and took care of him till his death. She refused to see men her age. She liked me but she said no, I'll wait untill he is gone. That is what I call love.
---Oscar on 8/22/09


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The Moderator is correct. I don't believe the bible has any teaching about younger men marrying a "Cougar" (older woman)
****

A cougar LOL

so young women marrying older men are marrying an old geezer?

interesting how society labels people

age is not an issue to so many people because they actually SEE the person and their character ...those who don't use labels

age represents the labels society has placed on age because it values an immature younger generation ...or else the self absorption of attaining youth would not be so important to the masses

you can marry someone your own age no guarantees they will not become terminally ill or die prematurely either
---Rhonda on 8/22/09


If you love each other and you've found qualities in a woman that you really want, then you have more than most can ever dream of. Why should the age difference matter? Clearly you've managed to date despite it so what should stop you from being happy in a marriage despite it. On the other hand, you're asking a bunch of total strangers for advice. If you're that worried about your choice then maybe you shouldn't be getting married. Pray about it and once you have peace do what you have to do no matter how difficult.
---Wisdom on 8/22/09


Problem is that we don't know how people will age. I know some 50 year old people who act like they are 80. And I know some 80 year old people who act like they are 30. Many of our friends who are in their 40's cannot keep up with my husband's schedule. In his 60's he is preaching more than our 30-something pastor.
---SusieB on 8/22/09


Rhonda has a good point.

Perfect love casts out fear. Maybe your "fear" is actually God trying to tell you something in this case.

I'm saying nothing against the principle of a May-December marriage, but I respectfully suggest that your hesitancy shows this is not a good idea.
---Cluny on 8/22/09


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Hi, Peter . . . so she's all you could want, except the age "barrier" . . . a woman in later age has had time to refine her manner of relating, so she can be much more charming and able to communicate and get along with people, than a green teen or twenties girl has had time to develop her acting skills. So, an older woman can even be more sweet and attractive despite the body getting older. But this can be an act, with deep problems that have been getting worse and worse. Can you tell the difference? I know someone who married a guy who turned out to be all lies, and says her whole church was fooled, too. We can fool ourselves and not know it.
---Bill_bila5659 on 8/22/09


Superman had an accident and became paralized but Lois Lane remained by his side... Seek virtue as such as Proverbs 31 describe. In that advice neither age or physical beauty are mentioned. Doubt will always sink us, even while walking on solid ice...
---Nana on 8/22/09


It doesn't sound good to me. When you are 48 she will be 64. There may be some 64 yr. old women who can keep up with 48 year old man, and you would probably help her stay young,
be this would be exceptional. (I speak as a woman in my 60's)

She will be ready for SS and medicare when you are at the peak of your career. And when you are ready to retire and want to enjoy life with a companion, she will be elderly and possibly frail.... if she is still living. You will be ready to enjoy retirement....she may require constant care.

You are wise to give this another thought.
---Donna66 on 8/21/09


Peter...Two ways this could go. One couple had an 18-year age difference when they were married many years ago. He died in his 60's and she lived to be almost 90. They had a very happy marriage. Another couple married just a few years ago with an age difference of 15 years. She has become extremely ill and possessive of him, thinking that every woman he talks to is after him. He feels trapped and is tired of taking care of her. If you married someone younger than you, you would also take the chance of either of these situations happening in your life. Life has no guarantees.
---SusieB on 8/21/09


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The Moderator is correct. I don't believe the bible has any teaching about younger men marrying a "Cougar" (older woman), but if you are already speaking regret, your words will bear out and likely to raise feelings of regret and that will be a disaster.
God's will for your life does not bring with it the doubt you now have and that should send up red flags.
---larry on 8/21/09


If you already FEAR a decision you have not made then you have your answer
---Rhonda on 8/21/09


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