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I'm In A Supressed Marriage

I show my husband who I am by my actions. He can see I'm honorable, kind, patient and loving over five years. Yet he continues to be suspisious and verbally abusive for no reason. He's charming very convincing. Surely God does not want me to be in this supressed marriage?

Moderator - What is honorable, kind, patient and loving about divoring your husband?

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 ---Bright on 8/29/09
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Jimmy, you have not posted your credentials for your self-declared title of PASTOR. Anyone can do that for a living and it does not mean you are qualified to "Shepherd" a flock of humans. With your abusiveness here, I am surprised that anyone would call you Pastor.

Bright did not post about men being abused. She posted about herself being abused. There have been posts on Christianet from men who have been abused. IF you were interested, you would have seen them, and seen that I encouraged the male victims of abuse to leave that abuse and seek therapy. Nobody, male or female has the right to abuse anyone, physically, emotionally, verbally, or spiritually. And, nobody, should have to stay in an abusive relationship.
---Trish9863 on 11/16/09


JODY/TRISH

I dont need you apologizing for me ever!

How dare you exploit this person's pain for you own Feminazi agenda. You dont even care about Bright only to exploit a wounded person for you to further your political agenda. But like Satan himself you exploit the hurting to your own arrogant gains. God will be your judge for this!

YOU BOTH OWE HER AN APOLOGY AND GODS FORGIVENESS!
---PASTOR_JIM on 11/16/09


Pastor Jim there is a very simple reason we have addressed female abuse. It has nothing at all to do with the things you keep saying it does. The only reason we went that direction and addressed her abuse is because,as I said its simple,a woman asked the question and its her information. Now if a man asks the same question on another Blog then we will address his problem.
---Darlene_1 on 11/16/09


Bright: I echo Jody's post about seeking counseling. I am also going to suggest that you seek it from a domestic violence shelter, because there you can get guidance about the abusive aspects of your relationship with your husband, as well as explore other areas of the abuse.

If you feel threatened in anyway, get out of the house immediately. Seek safety first and foremost.
---Trish9863 on 11/16/09


Bright: Are you starting to wonder why you posted your blog yet? By now from your standpoint I suppose you are feeling even more victimized. I apologize for pastor jim and ralph. I can't tell you what you want to hear, however, as I understand that God hates divorce so I will just say that good Christian counselling seems to be the next step. I like what Darlene said about the tongue. It is so true. We can murder people with our words! Maybe a Christian women's support group would be good for you. I will keep you in my prayers.
---jody on 11/16/09




Are men also "VICTIMS" of these abuses?

Or is this post a Political Platform for Feminists (PC male/female) to espouse their never ending sexist platform. I have experience a 50/50 split (men/women) on verbal/emotional abuse.

Sadly the poster did not ask for this to be a Feminist soapbox, but it seems some people will take any opportunity to espouse their hatred, agenda, and vendetta toward men.

NOTE: Not a single word on men being abused.

So you really are NOT concerned about abuse, but "The Feminist Victimcrat Agenda"

AGAIN WHAT I WROTE IS THE PROPER ANSWER TO THIS PARTICULAR POST.

IT NEED NOT BE EXPLOITED FOR YOUR HATRED TOWARDS MEN.
---Pastor_Jim on 11/16/09


Ralph ... "There is no denying that many women who want out of a marriage will classify just about anything as "abuse" to justify her decision to dump her husband2

It depend what you mean by "many"

I imagine that world-wide their are thousands of women who will do that.

But were I a betting man, (and I am a man) I would stake a lot on money that there are hundreds of thousands who do suffer genuine, unmerciful and degrading physical, verbal, emotional and, yes, spiritual abuse.

And more hundreds of thousands who just don't know that this is what is happening to them.

---alan8566_of_uk on 11/16/09


There is no denying that many women who want out of a marriage will classify just about anything as "abuse" to justify her decision to dump her husband.

If it's not physical, then it's verbal abuse, if not verbal then it's emotional abuse. I've even seen a new one: spiritual abuse. This whole group of terms is a catch-all for everything and anything that a husband has ever done, not done, said, not said, thought about, not thought about.

The true shame of it all is that the word "abuse" has been so misused that the meaning has become watered down.
---ralph7477 on 11/16/09


The Bible is clear about the power of words. Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue:and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. Proverbs 18:8 The words of a talebearer are as wounds,and they go down to the innermost parts of the belly. Proverbs 18:7 A fools mouth is his destruction,and his lips are the snare of his soul. Proverbs 18:4 The words of a mans mouth are as deep waters,and the wellspring of wisdom,as a flowing brook. Again the power of words. Matthew 12:37 For by thy words thou shall be justified,and by thy words thou shalt be condemned. Over and over the Bible teaches the positive or negative impact of our words upon others and ourselves.
---Darlene_1 on 11/15/09


Jim, if you need to know my credentials, I will gladly provide them for you. I hold a Masters in Social Work from Temple University, in Philadelphia, PA. My study emphasis was adult mental health. I am licensed by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania to practice psychotherapy, and I have been a therapist at a psychiatric hospital for over three years, in addition to having provided individual outpatient psychotherapy as well.

So, what are you credentials to call yourself a pastor?

Patricia A. Reilly, L.S.W.
---Trish9863 on 11/14/09




God doesn't want us to stay in an abusive relationship and He also doesn't want us to be divorced. You don't have to stay and you don't have to get divorced either. You can live separately while you both work and pray things out. No dating or remarriage. I don't know why people think they must automatically get divorced.

If I were in an abusive relationship I would remove myself after pointing out that I will return as soon as the other party agrees to go with me for counseling. I will do everything in my power to work with them and myself. If they choose to not seek counsel and file for divorce instead, than so be it, but I will not.
---Bob on 11/14/09


"Pastor" Jim ... Can you please stop SHOUTING? It's quite trying to read, and it makes you seem very aggressive.

Both "mental health professional" and "pastor" are real-terms

Trish has had extensive training and on-job assessment and so qualifies. You call yourself a Pastor, so you qualify.

But, it needs no professional to tell us that "there is a huge difference between verbal abuse and arguing"

It's evident from the bickering which is hopefully all we see in our families, and the psychological torture that we see in the criminal, civil, matrimonial, family, employment and coroner's courts.
---alan8566_of_uk on 11/14/09


I AM A PASTOR!
NOW TRISH WHAT QUALIFIES YOU AS A "MENTAL HEALTH PROFFESIOANL" A NON TERM!
---PASTOR_JIM on 11/14/09


"Pastor" Jim

That's strange, because Darlene does not heve either a feminist or a Victim agenda.

YOu seem in danger of being accused yourself of prejudice and vendetta.
---alan8566_of_uk on 11/14/09


Thanks Alan YES, I DO!
---PASTOR_JIM on 11/13/09


As a mental health professional, I can certainly say that there is a HUGE difference between verbal abuse and arguing. Since the original poster said VERBAL ABUSE, I would venture to say that she has experienced it, and knows the difference between the two.

I have done therapy with verbal abuse VICTIMS and know the devastation that it causes in a person.

Pastor Jim, I would love to know what qualifies you to use the title PASTOR, as you certainly lack grace, humility, or empathy, three of the character traits that the pastors of my church have displayed.
---Trish9863 on 11/13/09


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It seems as if "Pastor" Jim is well versed in, maybe not verbal, but certainly written abuse:

I will not waste time addressing someone politicizing and propagating your feminist Victim agenda. Exploiting a situation that was posted, in which you know absolutely nothing about. Do you know these people? NO. So then there is only one reason you would take sides and make someone a victim.

Likely based on your own experiences or agenda. Resulting in prejudice and vendetta.


And of course you know all about Darlene's feminist victim agenda.
---alan8566_of_uk on 11/13/09


Cheers Alan,

Then you need to re-read my original post and see what conclusion I came to on this PARTICULAR issue.

Lest you want to change her post into a philosophical/political arguement on abuse.

That is NOT what THIS post is about. I say no more on it!

Again, I STAND BY EVERY WORD I POSTED.
---Pastor_Jim on 11/13/09


"Pastor" Jim. It would be interesting to know what pastoring you give.

As to Darlene, I support every word she wrote.

And I am no feminist with an agenda.
---alan8566_of_uk on 11/13/09


Darlene,

I will not waste time addressing someone politicizing and propagating your feminist Victim agenda. Exploiting a situation that was posted, in which you know absolutely nothing about. Do you know these people? NO. So then there is only one reason you would take sides and make someone a victim.

AS MY POST SAID:

Likely based on your own experiences or agenda. Resulting in prejudice and vendetta.

MY POST AS WRITTEN STANDS!
---Pastor_Jim on 11/12/09


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Pastor Jim,if you think verbal abuse simply means they argue,then you are sadly misinformed. Verbal abuse is just as much a weapon of destruction as is physical abuse. In the first place anything which elicits fear from another person is destructive. That is what verbal abusers do,frighten the person and beat them over the head with words meant to tear down the persons selfconfidence. The body responds to any attack with a rush from the adrenal gland where the person is prepared physically to either fight or run. When that happens over and over,when the body is flooded with adrenalin,and the person can't do either,the accumulative effect causes real physical illness. Very often verbal abuse turns into physical abuse.
---Darlene_1 on 11/12/09


She does NOT say "physically abusive marriage", which is horrible! She said: Verbally Abusive". Which simply means they argue, nothing more. We are not getting the whole picture here and this person is engaged in demonizing her husband. We do NOT know him or the true situation. Don't jump to the conclusion she is being abused. Some of you even imply it was physical abuse in your ignorant (meant literally/ not insulting) support. Likely based on your own experiences or agenda. Resulting in prejudice and vendetta. No one here knows the whole story. I rarely comment when I hear this from 1 spouse or in-laws etc. The suggestion to see a Christian Marriage Counselor is the correct one. Beyond that is hearsay, speculation, and evil.
---PASTOR_JIM on 11/9/09


It will be interesting to see how these children eventually turn out. I hope the experiment does not produce presonality disasters
*****

personality disasters most assured ...the moral decay is already evident and secure
---Rhonda on 11/9/09


Rhonda ... UGH

Much of what is in the Bible, and what God tells us, is common sense.

How can two men or two women, produce children? It just does not happen naturally. So how can they naturally nurture and bring up children?

It will be interesting to see how these children eventually turn out. I hope the experiment does not produce presonality disasters
---alan8566_of_uk on 11/9/09


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Rhonda ... I refuse to accept that there is such a thing as a "gay marriage"
*****

Alan I agree

what's sad is they exist ...even more frightening is these marriages produce children either by allowed adoption or fertility

my younger children attend school with children who have "parents" of the same sex
---Rhonda on 11/8/09


Rhonda ... I refuse to accept that there is such a thing as a "gay marriage"
---alan8566_of_uk on 11/8/09


If God doesn't bless all marriages, Rhonda, is YOUR marriage blessed by God? Or that of your parents?
****

Cluny what is your point?

God does not bless gay marriages - or do you believe somewhere hidden in scripture God blesses this abomination as "a spiritual union"

God does not bless marriages outside of HIM ...Hindu's other religions pointing to other gods are NOT blessed by the True God - there is nothing in scripture indicating these marriages are "spiritual from God"

unbelievers of the True God their marriages and gay marriages ARE NOT blessed by The True God The Father in Heaven as a "spiritual union"
---Rhonda on 11/8/09


Yes, God wants you to be in that marriage - so you can start looking at the other person - not yourself. How do you know you are honorable, kind, patient and loving? Check yourself on these - not your own assessment but from your husband and others around you. What can stop your hubby from suspecting and verbally abusing you is humbleness. Start by being humble and you will be lifted up. Becoz you see yourself with all the good qualities chances are - you havent looked at your negatives. Work on them and you will be what you say you are. Give yourself another look. Dont be like the Pharisee who said he does not sin.
---laura6946 on 11/4/09


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I know its hard. Especially when you love someone. If you are not happy and your spouse has no trust, and he talks down to you! I would leave him! I know you have prayed, but I think you should talk with a preacher, reverend, etc someone who would guide you spiritually. Even in that you should talk to God and let him lead you! Many Blessings
---marcia on 11/3/09


Alan, how sad it is when so-called people of the cloth can promote sin under the guise of God's order. Yes as the scripture instructs, wives are to rightly obey their husbands as their head in all things, but when a husband betrays against his family then the wife is no longer bound to respect him for he has broken their vow of "to honor and obey to the death". So to answer your question Alan, it was the man whom brokew the vow and not the woman. Truly that church is not a church of Christ, but rather a synogogue of satan.
---Eloy on 11/3/09


Rhonda,
I agree 100% with all you said 11/2/2009. Well said and in much need of being said.
---Nana on 11/3/09


Eloy ... She told the church her fears, but they forced her to stay with him (such was the influence of that type of "shepherding" church) insisting family has to submit to husband.

Confirmation of her fears followed, so to protect them, she left with the children, and was disfellowshipped.

Later the children testified to the police and he was prosecuted, but the church produced character witnesses to counter their statements, and the case was dropped.

Eventually the children testified again, he confessed, but it was too late to bring a prosecution. The church congratulated the man, and he remains an elder.

Who destroyed that marriage, him or her?
---alan8566_of_uk on 11/3/09


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Mary, you replied in the present tense as one whom is presently married, rather than in the past tense as one whom is no longer married: "Eloy, sorry but you apparently have no idea what it's like to live with an abusive spouse. Some of us do and it's no picnic!, but you should reply in the past tense if no longer married, as: "...it was no picnic!"
---Eloy on 11/3/09


\\there is nothing in scripture that advocates physical or mental abuse by a spouse ...ONLY RELIGION ADVOCATES the VICTIM remain with their abuser to be ruthlessly punished "in name of Christ" ...THAT is pure evil
---Rhonda on 11/2/09\\

Rhonda, can you tell just who is telling her to remain with a presumably abusive spouse?

Civil divorce, however, does NOT do anything to the spiritual union in marriage established by God.

If God doesn't bless all marriages, Rhonda, is YOUR marriage blessed by God? Or that of your parents?

How do you know for sure, besides your own say so?
---Cluny on 11/2/09


God does not bless divorce, else the world would be filled with divorces rather than marriages.
*****

God does NOT BLESS ALL marriages ..ELSE we would NOT have gay marriage

divorce is at an all time high with more than 60% divorcing in their first marriage and more than half of all second marriages fail

this is NOT due to divorce it is due to disobedience to Gods laws

there is nothing in scripture that advocates physical or mental abuse by a spouse ...ONLY RELIGION ADVOCATES the VICTIM remain with their abuser to be ruthlessly punished "in name of Christ" ...THAT is pure evil
---Rhonda on 11/2/09


Hi Eloy, I understand your point--but I'm no longer married
---Mary on 11/2/09


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The law-breaking husband should be arrested for violating his children, and he should be restrained from any physical access to his children, but divorce is a totally different matter. God created and blesses marriage: God does not bless divorce, else the world would be filled with divorces rather than marriages. It could be that the church does not know the facts of the divorce, and therefore disfellowshipped the woman: because the provision of divorce is not meant for a "cure all" for sins in a marriage, just as medicine is not meant for euthanasia, nor abortions not meant as a birth control tool for promiscuous woman. And the church may be misjudging her without knowing the facts as to why she divorced.
---Eloy on 11/2/09


Probably there are people here on these blogs who just love being antagonistic, cantankerous and argumentative.

the earlier we all identified them the better.

They will them lose the ability to divert every issue since we will turn a deaf ear to them and concentrate and providing the help others need here.

think about it folks...cheers
---patie3447 on 11/2/09


Eloy ... That sounds a good principle.

But what would you say of the woman I know whose husband sexually abused their three very young daughters?

Was she wrong to leave the marriage?

Their church thought so, because the man is head of the household, and wife aand family have to submit to him.

In spite of his evil behaviour, it was she who was instructed to leave the church, and was "disfellowshipped"
---alan8566_of_uk on 11/2/09


Mary, I know full well, for I was once married to a very abusive woman whom destroyed all. But my wisdom is beside the point here. Mary, your husband has issues, as well as you also have issues, though neither one of you have issues worthy enough of destroying your marriage. There is an old saying which is very good to practice, which says, "The family that prays together stays together." I find that today many couples do not take each others hands, and bow before Jesus in prayer, to seek his guidance and to offer up thanksgivings together for all his goodness he is doing for them. Try this first, and perish that thought of divorce from your mind. God and the angels in heaven weep over couples whom destroy their marriages.
---Eloy on 11/1/09


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Eloy, sorry but you apparently have no idea what it's like to live with an abusive spouse. Some of us do and it's no picnic!
---Mary on 11/1/09


Surely you misperceive that God permits you to fault your husband and to malign God's instruction by entertaining destruction, when he has said, "What I have joined together, let No person put asunder."
---Eloy on 10/31/09


You can help your husband to overcome this attitude. It may be he is seeing a lot of deceptions in other marriages around him or while growing up & he has taken it to heart. Pray for & with him. Discuss also with him as good, friendly, & pleasant mood/opportunities present themselves between the 2 of you. God will see you through.
---Adetunji on 10/30/09


Cluny...My husband would have a problem with that. I was just being funny since I'm pretty sure you've never been married. Is that right Jack?
---SusieB on 9/4/09


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\\ Cluny...How long you been married?
---SusieB on 9/2/09\\

Why, SusieB?
Are you proposing to me?
---Cluny on 9/2/09


Glenn: How old are you? What kind of marriage did your parents have?

My father was a violent alcoholic who beat the crap out of my mother and went after her with a knife when he was drunk. He would try to take me in the car many times when he was falling down drunk. One night, in 1975, the cops were called to our house three times, yet they did nothing to protect my mother. She finally broke something on their car to force them to arrest her, to get her away from him.

She had no job, as Dad would not let her work, so she could not leave him to get away from the violence. She had four children and no where to go.

How cold can you get?
---Trish9863 on 9/2/09


Cluny...How long you been married?
---SusieB on 9/2/09


I'ts easy for Cluny to criticise sometimes you don't know what side of the fence He/she is sitting on?.

Why should someone have a demon to make a suggestion?

What has demons to do with asking a question or expressing a situation?

Both sexes have problems and when posting I post according to the gender of the individual which sounds as if I am speaking out rightly to men only, However very rarely do I hear of women in my community (black) whereby they don't appreciate their husbands because most of the men don't marry them and have run off with other women anyway!

So it does seem stereotypical but that's the way the cookie crumbled.

It don't mean women don't behave wrong they do!
---Carla3939 on 9/2/09


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Cluny 8/31:
That is an excellent question. The 'woman's liberation movement' has given us the woman as victim. Society owes them, but they owe no one. If you ask many wives as to why they do not respect their own husband, they will tell you that he does not deserve it. If you ask her if love is deserved, she will say that women want to be loved. Genesis 3:1 "Yea, hath God said", 16 (4:7) "thy desire shall be to thy husband" means that she desires to rule her husband. Proverbs 14:1.
---Glenn on 9/2/09


What kind of things is he "suspicious" about----other than your imagined unfaithfulness.
(I'm assuming that's what he is suspicious about). Does he think people are talking about him? or that certain people are planning to cause him failure? or that the phone is tapped? or that YOU are being influenced or "programmed" by his "enemies"?...just examples.

I was married to a man with paranoid personality disorder. He too, could be amazingly charming outside the home.
---Donna66 on 9/1/09


Some people,male or female,have had childhood experiences which left them suspicious of their spouses. There does not have to be any basis in fact for current jealousy since the jealousy is rooted in the past not present. One family I know of had a father who was a womanizer and alcholic who would would come home and fight with his wife in front of the children. The wife of course would confront him with his cheating and being drunk he would beat her black and blue and bloody. Some of those children grew up to be jealous and accusing of their current spouse without reason,but in their minds no one was to be trusted. They remained crazy jealous until they died and 99 99/100% of the time they had no need to be.
---Darlene_1 on 9/1/09


\\Cluny, I'll give you the details and you tell me if this is ABUSE.\\

Yes, that is abuse.

\\It appears you have some issues with abused women, and I am curious why you are so harsh and insensitive.
---Trish9863 on 8/31/09\\

I don't have issues with abused women.

I have issues with how most of the women seem to love running down their husbands here in these blogs.
---Cluny on 9/1/09


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Cluny, I'll give you the details and you tell me if this is ABUSE.

One time my ex threw me on the bed, sat on top of my stomach. He yanked both arms above my head, holding them together at the wrist with ONE hand. Using his other hand, he grabbed my face and turned it to the side of my GOOD ear, I am deaf in one ear and put his mouth right up to my ear and screamed as loud as he could, words that I can't repeat on this board. Nasty names. He wouldn't let up. I screamed get off about 10 times, I cried. After 20 minutes, I yelled I'm calling 911. He jumped right off of me, but the damage was done. I never did call 911, I still loved him.
THERE WERE SIX OTHER TIMES WHEN HE PHYSICALLY BEAT ME UP. Is this abuse in your eyes?
---anon on 9/1/09


SusieB: Your grandmother was a wise woman. I think you are right about the posts from women wanting out of the marriage. Also, given the word limit for posting questions, and the human condition of denial, it is makes sense that the original post will look very one sided. That is why I always try to recommend marital therapy, where an OBJECTIVE third party can meet with both parties and observe the interactions of the relationship and get to the truth. It worked in my marriage, for a while. Problem is, I saw myself as the victim and truth was I was the offender in most of the negative interactions with my ex. Hard lesson to learn, but praise God I did learn it.
---Trish9863 on 9/1/09


Women have hurt their own cause by throwing the word "abuse" around so carelessly. I've seen some very "creative" definitions of what a woman wants to portray as abuse. Basically, if a woman wants out of a marriage, it's almost guaranteed that much of what she claims regarding her husband is embellished to say the least.
---ralph7477 on 9/1/09


Cluny: Many men will not admit they are poorly treated, or abused. Women do abuse men, and it is usually underreported. Women have trouble admitting it many times and make excuses for their abusers.

It appears you have some issues with abused women, and I am curious why you are so harsh and insensitive.
---Trish9863 on 8/31/09


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Cluny...Some of us have wonderful husbands who we appreciate very much. Some of us women even post in defense of the men that are always being bad mouthed. Problem is that the women asking the questions are never specific about what the "verbal" abuse really is. I've also noticed that when a woman (or man) want to leave a marriage they start saying negative things about their spouse to make themselves look like the innocent party in a divorce. My grandmother used to say, "There are three sides to marital problems---his side, her side and the right side."
---SusieB on 8/31/09


I've noticed the great number of women who come here to complain about their mean old husbands vastly exceeds the number of men who are poorly treated by their wives.

Why is that?
---Cluny on 8/31/09


No man or woman has the right to abuse another human being. However, this man may have a problem with his self esteem. You do not have to take the abuse, but you could suggest relationship counselling. If he won't go, you can seek help for yourself
---Sue on 8/31/09


I don't think it would be fair to consider separating (let alone divorce) without it
*****

that's right continue along with verbal abuse until it GETS to PHYSICAL abuse ...or maybe he will never physically harm you instead his verbal attacks WILL become more aggressive and demeaning ...but be "FAIR" to him in the name of "christianity"

but oh FIVE LONG YEARS OF THIS?

What is honorable, kind, patient and loving about divoring your husband?

I think what moderator probably meant was what is honorable, kind, patient and loving about REMAINING with a VERBALLY ABUSIVE husband?

Did Christ treat his Disciples like this ...or anyone?
---Rhonda on 8/31/09


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\\They need to be casted out but I bet he won't even admit he has a demon.\\

No chance that Bright has a demon, is there?

Would she admit it if she did?
---Cluny on 8/31/09


1/2 If you do this: 1Corinthians 11:3-10, 13, 15-16, 14:34-35, Ephesians 5:22-24, 33, Colossians 3:18, 1Timothy 2:11-14, Titus 2:5, 1Peter 3:1-2, 5-6, and he does this: 1Corinthians 7:33, Ephesians 5:25-29, 31, 33, Colossians 3:19, 1Timothy 5:8, 1Peter 3:7, this resolves the situation. Pray. Read: Proverbs 14:1, Romans 3:8, 6:1-2, Galatians 5:13-6:5, Ephesians 4:32, 1Peter 2:16. Do: Titus 2:3-5. Don't listen to those bitter folk who tell you to divorce: Jude 1:12, 2Peter 2:17.
---Glenn on 8/31/09


One pastor told me that in his experience he often discovered that the abuser was also committing adultery. Each case is different, of course. But I can see that if a person is into one evil, that evil spirit likely has him or her doing other things, too. One can be very possessive and jealous, yet be involved with someone else, not feeling he or she is obligated to answer to one's spouse, but feels the spouse does have to be accountable. That's how narcissism can work.

But the thing is, if your ways got you together with such a person, and you get a divorce, your ways can just get you in some other trouble, if you don't get wise to your own self > better than we can straighten ourselves out . . . with God.
---Bill_bila5659 on 8/31/09


Bright, you are describing my ex-husband. I loved him with all of my heart, and he was physically abusive to me, beating me up whenever he'd get angry. Mostly for not wanting to be intimate with him when I was completely exhausted.
You cannot change demons. You cannot love demons back to life. They are destructive. The thief cometh to steal, kill and destroy.
I would say separate from yuor husband. Go live with a friend. When you go back to him, you'll find out he hasn't changed one eye-ota because demons don't change. They need to be casted out but I bet he won't even admit he has a demon.
God does not call us women to be abused. Some men think they should stay in the marriage, I did not and DO NOT think you shouuld either.
---anon on 8/31/09


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Counseling would be your best bet. It would be even better if he will attend with you. But if he won't, you can still benefit. I don't think it would be fair to consider separating (let alone divorce) without it (unless he is physically abusing you or your children).
---Donna66 on 8/31/09


Cluny: Your lack of love and sensitivity is not befitting a Christian who is obeying Christ's command to love one's neighbor as oneself.

Women in abusive relationships are not whining. They are trapped, and scared. If a woman says she is being abused, I take her word for it. I recommended that the couple seek marital therapy, as I do not know the exact dynamics of the relationship, and those dynamics would come out quickly in a joint marital session with an objective third party. In that session, if the man is an abuser, it would come to light rather quickly, if he even participates in the first place.
---Trish9863 on 8/31/09


\\ And Trish is so right--abusers don't have to have a reason to abuse. \\

And whiners don't have to have a reason to complain.

I'm just saying that it would be interesting to hear what the husband has to say.
---Cluny on 8/31/09


2/2
Jesus prohibited divorce except for adultery, that included lying about ones virginity. The non adulterer could remarry. The adulterer, and anyone marrying one, is entering a prohibited marriage. A divorce without cause, was no divorce, and so, another marriage was a type of bigamy. The exception is in 1Corinthians 7:15. If the unbeliever departs, the Christian can remarry because the marriage was not 'in the Lord'. Matthew 19:9, 1Corinthians 7:27-28 allow remarriage.
Deuteronomy 22:17-19, 28-29, 24:1-4, Proverbs 2:17 (forsaketh husband), Isaiah 54:4-8, Jeremiah 3:1, Malachi 2:14-16, Matthew 5:31-32, 19:3-12, Mark 10:2-12, Luke 16:18, 1Corinthians 6:15-16, 7:10-17, 27-28.
---Glenn on 8/30/09


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Bless you. I was in an abusive marriage for many years. I tried all to save it, but it does not work when you are unequally yoked and only one person is trying to save it and the other is detroying it. I pray for you. If you ever need someone to talk to, please feel free. I pray for your life and marriage.
---TIffany on 8/30/09


Boy, some of you guys don't know what it's like to live in an abusive marriage and are awfully hard on Bright! I have been in her shoes, anybody want to walk a mile in them? I don't think you guys do! And Trish is so right--abusers don't have to have a reason to abuse. Bright, you need a good therapist to help you work through the issues and decide what to do in time. God bless you girl.
---Mary on 8/30/09


What do you mean by 'suppressed marriage'?

A suppressed marriage is one that has been declared void.

Something tells me that your husband might have another side to this story.
---Cluny on 8/30/09


Of course God would not want you to be unhappy of lack peace, If you feel that you cannot live with your husband you can divorce.

What you cannot do is remarry!

Mat 19:9:10

Romans 7, mat 5, 1 Cor 7,
---Carla3939 on 8/30/09


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Well, if we fool our own selves into marrying the wrong person, our own perception lied to us. We lied to ourselves, because of how we made assumptions. So, it's not the other person who is the problem. And we must be fooling ourselves also in other ways to hurt ourselves. So, if you get a divorce, you're still the person who betrayed your own self, so now you can just find another way . . . unless you have given yourself to God and Jesus has made you a new and different person who is able to hear our Shepherd's voice which does not have us thinking such lies to ourselves about people. We can learn to live in communication with God and perception that is honest. In His peace (Colossians 3:15) He leads us according to what *He* knows is true (o:
---Bill_bila5659 on 8/30/09


Bright...Your question answers itself. You are not "honorable, kind, patient and loving" if you are considering divorce. Perhaps your husband sees your resentment instead of the other attributes.
---SusieB on 8/29/09


Wivv: Abusers abuse for no reason. It sounds like you are blaming this wife for her husband's behavior. It is my experience as a social worker that abusers abuse with no reason, or a reason that is perceived and not based in facts.

To this wife...seek individual and marital therapy. Learn what you can about yourself, and see if your husband is willing to learn about your marriage.
---Trish9863 on 8/29/09


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