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Emotional Wreck After Affair

My wife had an Emotional Affair. We have been married for almost 20 years with three kids. I never suspected a thing until I came across a hidden email address she was using. I was able to break into the account and couldn't. Are there any resources to help me? I am an emotional wreck.

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 ---Mike on 9/3/09
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Mike, you are wise to ask for help. The same thing happened to me and unfortunately, as I have discovered, emotional affairs happen all the time. They are just as damaging to a marriage as physical affairs. But because there is no sex, it's easy to rationalize and say "we're just friends" or "you're over-reacting". Don't believe these lies.

I have sought help from many resources but have found Marriage Builders to be the most helpful. There is a lot of information there that can help. God bless you.
---grace on 9/9/09

It is sad that the internet provides such an easy way for people to conduct clandestine "emotional" affairs even if they don't become physical

so true ...emotional affairs break trust creating secrets and a life apart from family

although if she met him in his city it is likely he has met your wife in your city

BEFORE you approach talk to someone a counselor pastor etc ...get your head on straight enough to put emotions to one side to confront her with a clear head and emotions in check and with a plan and strategy for moving forward to rebuild trust ...remember she will most likely be hostile for your snooping to cloud the real issue at hand
---Rhonda on 9/6/09

Get a counselor.
---amand6348 on 9/5/09

Well, I'd say you have a chance of knowing her and your relationship, more than anyone else can. In a "great relationship", possibly you have talked openly about difficult things, in the past, and in doing this you got to know each other better. Maybe handle this basically the same way as you have talked openly, before. Maybe asking her what's really going on, and being able to hear her out thoroughly, with careful listening prayer both before and after she talks. >

"He who answers a matter before he hears it,
.It is folly and shame to him." (Proverbs 18:13)

"He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray,
since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2)
---Bill_bila5659 on 9/4/09

mike,let me first say that I can personally relate with your circumstance,having been through a similar situation nearly 30 years is sensitive.and earned,when lost,in many cases,it can,and may never be repaired.But true forgiveness is and can do the job.counseling to see if this is the case is your best option,I will pray for you,and your wife.
---tom2 on 9/4/09

Thanks Bill, I am a Christian and have turned to God looking for answers. I believe he is telling me to confront her on this. I just don't know how or where to begin. I never in my life thought I would ever be in this position or our marriage would ever face such a challenge. We have always had a great relationship and I never saw this coming.
---Mike on 9/3/09

Hi, Mike . . . I am Bill, one of the guys who hangs, here (o: I don't know where you should go on the Net, but I have seen in counseling on Net how someone who is troubled is first advised to give oneself to God, to trust Him with the situation. And we have Colossians 3:15 > "And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body, and be thankful." So, I'd say, start with how God has you seeing things . . . once you are in peace. I don't know how ones on Net are doing in their marriages, and I'd think you'd need someone who has done well in marriage for longer than you have been married. A qualified pastor would be like this > 1 Timothy 3:1-10. Hope to see you some more . . . God bless you (o:
---Bill_bila5659 on 9/3/09

Thank you Carla and Alan for your responses. I do have proof of the emotional affair. With the limited space I accidentially edited too much in my initial post. I did break into the account and read several elicit emails between my wife and the other man. They even met in another city while she was traveling on business. The relationship doesn't sound as if they have "gone the distance" but it is rather heated. It sounds like it has really only been this way for six months or so. I just don't know what to do. Are there any good Christian resources or websites which can give me guidance in this area?
---Mike on 9/3/09

Carla ... You are right to counsel caution ... there seems to be no proof of an actual affair, and to destroy one's marriage because of mere suspicions is stupid.

I don't quite undertnd what Mike is saying, anyway! His words are "I was able to break into the account and couldn't" Now what on earth does that mean?

He couldn't what?

If his wife has had conversations with a man and she has not yet progressed to an affair, Mike should try to find out what it is that has driven her to conduct these converstions.

It is sad that the internet provides such an easy way for people to conduct clandestine "emotional" affairs even if they don't become physical
---alan8566_of_uk on 9/3/09

First of all take a very deeep breath and THINK about it.

There are so many people that get it wrong.... You could potentially damage your relationship with your wife and family if you suddenly find out she is not actually having an affair and jumping to conclusions can have a undesirable affect and because of you accusing her You potentially put the idea in her head to do so (just because you actually believe she's had an affair when she hasn't).

So leaves you with a situation bought on by you without Factual evidence.
---Carla3939 on 9/3/09

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