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Spank About 15 Times

Is this practice OK? My wife and I spank about 15 times. That is, we hold our child over our knee and paddle 15 times with our hand. Your hand will be an adequate "pain" gauge, helping you not forget that some serious pain is going on here. We didn't spank hard.

Moderator - Seems to be over doing it. Five or less seems to get the same point across.

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 ---David on 9/19/09
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Hi, you are right, Alan, children are not stupid--they know the difference between a hand touching them in affection and a hand touching them in correction. I don't know why some people still think a child won't know the difference--and yes, an instrument can do more damage. Also, the guy who spanks 15 times--whew! Excessive!
---Mary on 12/19/09


Rod4Him ... When an instrument is used, the child will know that the hand holding the instrument has been raised.

An instrument will cause more pain than the hand, and certainly carries the danger of causing harm or damage. This makes the use of an instrument excessive.
---alan8566_of_uk on 9/29/09


Let me suggest that when one uses their hand for punishment, the child will associate the hand with pain/punishment. It's called conditioning reflex or conditional response. When is hand is raised, the unconscious response will remember pain that comes from it.
I'd be careful with "creative punishment." Doing chores for punishment, teaches that chores are bad. Same for homework or time alone. I liked to get the issue dealt with, over with, and to move on.
---Rod4Him on 9/28/09


Rod4Him ... I agree with everything you say,

EXCEPT ... "Don't use a hand, use something neutral".

Your child needs to know that it is you who is punishing him, not some neutral thing

And in any case, any child is intelligent enough to know that it is your hand that is wielding the so-called neutral instrument.
---alan8566_of_uk on 9/28/09


Each child is different. I have four grown children, so I can speak with some authority.
Whenever discipline is needed, do it in love, knowing the child needs correction. If one can not discipline in love, don't do it.
Never discipline out of anger or revenge.
If one is angry, stop, slow down, and cool off, then decide what type of discipline is needed.
One of my kids needed more discipline than others. One child, all I had to do was to suggest discipline, and that was all that was needed.
If in doubt, don't.
Don't use a hand, use something neutral.
15 times, gezzz... what did they do?
---Rod4Him on 9/28/09




I can't find it now, but someone here said that the spanking provided a way for children to reconnect with their parents. There was strong objection, but I think I understand (I say this as someone who was spanked infrequently by loving parents).

A child in rebellion is much like a errant Christian in relationship with God. Like a sinner, he knows he has disobeyed, and like Adam in the garden he pulls away from God (his parent). What the child needs is to repent.

When a spanking produces tears... and a parent then hugs the child and explains the importance of obedience, there is, for the child, a cleansing sense of relief and knowledge that all is right in the family again. It feels like being made right with God (the parent).
---Donna66 on 9/28/09


Jesus didn't have Children, so more than likely He didn't spank any. He was not always gentle in His responses to those who behaved wrongly, and SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER. There is little, if any, evidence for us to know His opinion about spanking children.
---Donna66 on 9/28/09


The human race is a...

....BLOODLUST/warrior race.

This is what is known as "human nature" (God says that human nature is human folly/foolishness).

"Spare the rod and SPOIL the child" (what does "spoil" mean to you?).

Many, many parents WANT TO spoil their child by giving the child their heart's desire. God spoiled me for all humanity (NOTHING can compare).

Humanity's tendency is to be prudish and think of everything in a judicial/judgemental penalizing (negative) sense.

Be a good, loving parent...spare the rod and "spoil" your child with the desires of their heart (their desires include having a LOVING parent).
---more_excellent_way on 9/28/09


Jesus took a rope and whipped the money-grubbers out of the temple. Those people were adult men, not children. He never spanked children nor said anything about spanking a child. I do not spank 10 year olds. With my 3 year old daughter, I spank once. It's for continued disobedience despite distraction, substitution, and reasoning. She obeys immediately. For example, a kid stands on the street and a car's visibly coming. You tell him/her to come to you, away from the street. The child says, "Make me!". Oh boy, that more than warrants a spank. Whilst every child's anger button varies, you still must not provoke them or Biblically, you're flying in the face of what was advised.
---Katherine on 9/27/09


Fifteen seems like a bit much. There is some logic to using your hand not an implement (so as to avoid accidental injury). And I assume you are speaking about a younger child, say....10 yrs. or less.
If the child is old enough to reason with, he should understand what he has done wrong and have been given opportunities to obey in this area previously.

Spanking is a last resort (but take a moment to cool off if you are angry) It need not be especially painful, but it MUST convey to the child that you are establishing an absolute limit on his behavior and that you, not he, is in control.

Children are most secure when they know exactly what they can and cannot do and what to expect from their parents.
---Donna66 on 9/27/09




Sounds like you are way over-doing it and quite honestly that borders abuse. God teaches spanking for teaching and correction, not until you feel satisfied that you have hit your child enough.
---Kelly on 9/27/09


"helping you not forget that some serious pain is going on here"

Serious pain ...

I hope this is a serious offence that called for serious pain
---alan8566_of_uk on 9/26/09


I am Amazed at this and others who continue to spank their child(ren) and of course thinks it is fine. How old? why do you think it is necessary to spank? does your child continue the behavior? 15 hits is extream! Your hand gauge the "pain" to help "you" Come On, who is feeling the pain? It says in the Bible do not provoke your child to anger, I think This will cause Anger and Fear in your child. Fear of You!
---BB on 9/25/09


Caughtup

I can't agree with you about not using your hand.

If you use your hand you will will be aware of the level of hurt you are inflicting, & so avoid excessive pain.

If you use an implement, your child is intelligent enough to know that it is your hand which wields it ... so your idea of the hand only being used for love etc goes out of the window.

If you use a belt, you will inflict ten times as much hurt with one swipe as you will with on slap with the hand. And a belt can easily cause actual damage.

There should be no need for "reconnection with the parent" ... if the connection has been lost, the punishment was too severe.
---alan8566_of_uk on 9/24/09


I believe you can find a better to guide the development of your child, and I encourage you to do so.

An additional incentive: spanking can lead to problematic sexual maladjustment, although it does not always do so.

Whom would Jesus spank?
---Jenny_S. on 9/22/09


Cluny...I was having a blond senior moment day. And those can get really bad. Give you children? You gotta be kiddin? But, then I am more alert today! You can't fool me today.
---SusieB on 9/22/09


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The Moderator is right. There is a vast difference between disciplining a child so they learn that doing bad will reap undesirable consequences: and instead abusing a child by beating them to where the child does not learn correctly, but rather learns to hate the abusive parent. It is well known that the damage of child abuse remains with the abused child well into their adulthood. And there are many court records of children that have been repeatedly abused to the point that the child will kill the abusing parent for survival- not a relationship you would ever want. Get a handle on your anger, for it would be better if a millstone were hung about your neck and thrown into the sea, then for you to lift your hand against a defenseless child.
---Eloy on 9/21/09


no more than five swats is sufficiant. you should use a paddle or belt to spank. your hand should only be used for love, nurture, comfort, ect. with the spanking there needs to be communication. explaining in love what the infraction was and a time of prayer and repentence. after a brief period of time for the child to think there needs to be a time of re-connection with the parent. love on them and act as nothing ever happened. God says when we confess our sin he fogives us and does not remember our sin.
---caughtup on 9/21/09


Jesus Christ taught us to do good to our enemies & bless those who persecute us. Matthew 5:39 "But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also" Matthew 18:6 "But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe on Me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea." Jesus told us not to hit even our enemies. Why would we hit our own children? He said do not offend little children.
---Betty on 9/21/09


How many times does the Bible say?
---atheist on 9/21/09


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\\ Cluny...How many children do you have?
---SusieB on 9/20/09\\

Why? Do you want to give me more?

I'm sure you're the only person who didn't notice that I posted with tongue firmly in cheek to make a point.

Did you get the point, SusieB?
---Cluny on 9/20/09


Cluny...How many children do you have?
---SusieB on 9/20/09


Re: Spanking your child
why would you think it is ok to hit any child,
much less 15 times? Your child will grow hitting
your grandchild.
---Helen on 9/20/09


I'd say my parents had authority > they treated us good, so if they changed over to spanking of hairbrushing us . . . the shock of such a change was enough so I needed one (?) smacking from each parent, in my whole life. I wanted to stay with the "love" way and avoid the pain stuff. So . . . not being a genuine character person, though, they were teaching me to be more clever to not do anything *while they were around* that could get me on their bad side and a smacking. I just learned the "art" of not crossing any line. So, you can be teaching them to get better at not getting caught, at blending-in . . . like how conformist discipline can train psychopaths to blend in very well.
---Bill_bila5659 on 9/20/09


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David....Pain gauge? For your hand or your child's behind? Or your child's ego?
---SusieB on 9/19/09


Are you doing it with just your hand or a gloved hand?

Are you using a cloth glove?

Or perhaps a nice, freshly oiled leather glove with a sharp popping sound as you deliver each blow in a clean even rhythm, with about a two second interval between each, leaving firm, colorful handmarks on your child's bare tush?

That would be sure to teach him a lesson.
---Cluny on 9/19/09


Maybe one good but firm smack would be sufficient on flesh part of backside and without anger.
---Carla3939 on 9/19/09


If you need to inflict hurt on your child, there is something wrong with your basic discipline.

How old are your children?

Whatr sort of behaviour merits these 15 blows?

What other punishments have you used?
---alan8566_of_uk on 9/19/09


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Is that the same hand you try to love your child with?
Use an object that is neutral that will be used for nothing else. A small ruler type piece of wood or paint stirrer will work fine. Never threaten with it. If it has to come out it must be used. Control yourself and the administering of correction will be controlled also.
There should be degrees of punishment not 15 whacks for everything. The discipline should stop when the will of the child is broken and evidenced by the crying from the result. DO NOT continue to administer the correction if the child refuses to cry. Change your method of correction to something that works for the desired result.
Whippings are not always the answer or correct discipline.
---Elder on 9/19/09


Anger management classes would be a good idea before it gets worse.

Your child is learning to be rebellious, resentful of authority, and to 'resent' YOU.

This is not how you teach love, nor is it how the child will learn INTEGRITY and CONSCIENCE. The child must be able to UNDERSTAND by example 'parental love', loyalty/devotion, and observe that good, loving, peaceful/gentle decisions made by the parent can be more rewarding than their mischevious decisions (children learn by observing the parents BEHAVIOR, not their WRATH).

What you THINK/intend as "discipline" is not explaining to them the error of their bad decisions (and is it 'giving YOU satisfaction?...anger management classes might be called for).
---more_excellent_way on 9/19/09


It's overdoing it--and it's abuse, pure and simple!
---Mary on 9/19/09


Spanking is supposed to be loving discipline, NOT abusive punishment. You have crossed the line to abuse.
---Trish9863 on 9/19/09


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