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Woman Crush On My Husband

Help! There's a woman in the church who keeps calling my husband who is also a pastor. I believe she has a crush on him. What can I do?

Moderator - Your husband needs to have some boundaries and tell her to stop, otherwise he is encouraging it.

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 ---christen on 10/11/09
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Cluny and Robyn, your wordplay is totally an example of how NOT to implement Ephesians 4:29.

29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
---Trish9863 on 10/15/09


\\There are many females who could care less about Jesus Christ, they want the pastor! They do not come to church for the right reasons, they are shopping for di----!
---Robyn on 10/15/09\\

Diamonds?

Like men never go to church shopping for c----?
(Corals)
---Cluny on 10/15/09


You need to find yourself a man who can hande himself with women. Undoubtedly, he enjoys the attention and does not want to put her in her place. He should know how to do this being a pastor. This is why so many pastor does not go into the homes of their parishioners these days. There are many females who could care less about Jesus Christ, they want the pastor! They do not come to church for the right reasons, they are shopping for di----!
---Robyn on 10/15/09


Rod, there are some trees I would absolutely love to just chop down. For some reason a good deal of my post was "executed" so that my response doesn't seem to fit with the original question. Oh well. I guess the experience wasn't deemed particularly helpful, and I sure don't care to type it over.
---Linda on 10/14/09


Linda, I loved that metaphore, "..some folks who just kept running around the same tree no matter what I said." :)

I agree with your point.
---Rod4Him on 10/13/09




Personally, I have counseled some folks who just kept running around the same tree no matter what I said. They would say, "Yes, I believe that" and then go do the opposite, get in trouble, and come back with the same problem and asking the same questions. After a while, you begin to wonder if this is just an attention getting scheme to monopolize God-given time and never had anything to do with receiving help to begin with. I recently dealt with the very same situation you are dealing with. A woman my husband and I knew began to text him continuously, for about 4 days. He never initiated a conversation, just simply replied to her.
---Linda on 10/13/09


And was your husband already a pastor--or on the way--when you married him?

If so, then you know you'd have to share him with others, especially in time and his mental and psychic energy.
---Cluny on 10/12/09


If you have asked her to stop and your husband has asked her to stop and she refuses, it needs to be brought up to your pastor and handled in the church if she refuses to stop calling your husband. If they won't help I would find another church because you sure don't want to be at that church.
---larry on 10/12/09


Thanks for your response. That's the problem. I have told him time and again how this makes me feel and asked him to tell her that this is inappropriate and to stop calling unless it is an emergencies but, he still hasn't. I don't believe he is interested in her. Still I don't understand why he is setting on this. He seems to just avoid the issue. I don't think he believes there is an issue. Based on his actions I feel like he is chalking this up to me be obsessed for no good reason and that hurts not to be taken seriously in this way.
---Christen on 10/12/09


This happens a lot more than most pastors let their people know.

I would suggest that your husband speak with another pastor about it.

This may sound strange but here is the reason why. He needs to speak about it with someone who has the same experiences. Someone who has the same struggles.

Make sure this pastor knows Jesus as Savior and has a constant walk. Also, this pastor should be at least the same age or older.
---Mark_Eaton on 10/12/09




"I believe she has a crush on him. What can I do?"

Christen, the next time she calls, politely tell her you are offended. Let her know that whether her intentions are innocent or not, they trigger insecurities within you. Remind her that it is inappropriate for one who professes Christ, to "put a stumbling block or an occasion to fall, in [his/her] brother's and/or [sister's] way."
---josef on 10/11/09


P.S. Christen please share, without accusations, your concerns with your husband. Once shared, lay those concern upon the LORD and rest in Him. Continue to support your husbands calling, while recognizing, recalling, and embracing your own, as a wife, mother, and most importantly, a child of the living God.
---josef on 10/12/09


You have just pointed out one of the reasons why so frequently marriages of Protestant and Orthodox clergy fail. The marriage simply cannot bear the pressures of what's required of a pastor. Frequently the wife's own jealousy and insecurity is the cause of it. And all to frequently the wife has reason.

Now, do you have any reason to doubt your husband's faithfulness? Are you jealous of the time and energy he's taking from you? Is he indeed doing this?

What if your husband were a physician, psychiatrist, or counsellor, which profession requires lots of care sometimes to be given to a patient? How would you feel then?
---Cluny on 10/11/09


-- Christen :

Since when does someone who 'keeps calling', mean they have a crush. Sound pretty paranoid without cause.

Your husbands a Pastor tending to the Lord's Flock. You don't know what this woman is going through and probably never will.

You should Trust your husband enough to openly share your concerns about this with him!! If you don't or can't then you got bigger problems than some woman with a 'may be, could be' crush.

Being a Pastor, He should not tell you this woman's business but he should endeavor to lay you concerns to rest, and after all that what you're seeking from us through this Blog. Give you husband the same chance, after all you really should be seek these answers from him.
---Shawn.M.T. on 10/11/09


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