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Wife Spends All My Money

My wife keeps spending all of my money. How can I get her to control herself?

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 ---skyelar on 10/23/09
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Moderator: there's one that got through.
False god: you're a third correct. A man does have responsibility to teach and protect his family even from their besetting sins. Divorce, the incorrect use of the law, and / or an unloving response are not the Lord's will here.
If he does this: 1Corinthians 7:33, Ephesians 5:25-29, 31, 33, Colossians 3:19, 1Timothy 5:8, 1Peter 3:7, and she does this: 1Corinthians 11:3-10, 13, 15-16, 14:34-35, Ephesians 5:22-24, 33, Colossians 3:18, 1Timothy 2:11-14, Titus 2:5, 1Peter 3:1-2, 5-6, this resolves the situation.
---Glenn on 2/23/10


divorce her before both of you are homeless or be a man and lay down the law!
---God on 2/23/10


Skyelar: You need Christian couples counseling. Are you and your wife Christian? There is not enough information in your question to correctly advise you. One thing is for sure and that is that financial problems can destroy a marriage especially if it is not a Christ centered marriage. I am more concerned about your marriage and salvation than the money at this point. Seek counseling and bring everything out into the open. Pray and seek God in all things.
---jody on 2/11/10


I became a Millionaire after I married my wife.

HMMM???

I was a Multi-millionaire before I married her.
---James on 2/11/10


Well, women loves to spend money! Give her enough to satisfy her and no more.
---catherine on 2/11/10




skyelar,

Sag has it about right. In marriage, the money belongs to both. It's sorta like "joint tenancy" title to property... but a tad different in that neither has to die to actually take separate possession.

Say you have a joint bank account, and you get divorced, and she gets to the account and closes it out before you do, when you complain to the court, the judge will tell you, had you gotten there first, it'd have been yours. But since you didn't, it's hers.

As to how the two of you handle your resources, whilst married, that's a separate issue. That's one major flaw in modern marriage. Solely under the "law of man", rather than God's blessing... neither of you are the "responsible party".
---BruceB on 2/10/10


First pay your tithe, pay bills, budget other expences food, clothing, gas etc.. Give her an allowance and have her tithe.
---Cory on 12/1/09


Ralph7477,thank you but I am very relaxed,I'm not irate. I was just going by what you said on 10-26-09 In terms of money,"I know of only one woman on these Blogs who I would trust to handle it responsibly simply from reading her posts. I know a couple more in real life". If thats isn't picking I don't know what is. It doesn't matter what you call it,I just was pointing out without more information how can you be so sure of your choice "I know of only one"and how can you elminate all others? It seems a shame you can only trust 3 women in the whole world to handle money. Thats your prerogative.
---Darlene_1 on 10/30/09


"You picked one woman here who can handle money. I'm sure it wasn't me,and if it wasn't,you've already made one mistake."-Darlene 1

Darlene, relax. I made no mistake. Nor did I "pick" or classify who can or cannot handle money. My point was that there are very few who I would personally trust to handle money responsibly. That doesn't mean that others who I would not feel comfortable with aren't also able to handle it responsibly.

I stated my personal preference, which I arrive at by considering many more qualities in addition to accounting skills.
---ralph7477 on 10/30/09


Ralph7477 a friendly reminder,it's slmost impossible to make accurate judgement calls about people on this Blog because what you know,whats shared on here isn't enough actual information to know what's true for that person. In personal matters such as handling money you may think you know who can from on here but you can't say for sure who can or can't. It's something like the Bible verse which says now we see through a glass darkly. You picked one woman here who can handle money. I'm sure it wasn't me,and if it wasn't,you've already made one mistake. I'm from Generations of women who handle family money and do it well. I think Alan is right,many men do tend to mishandle money. Some tend to play or buy too many mantoys instead of paying bills.
---Darlene_1 on 10/29/09




Mary:

She may think having an allowance is demeaning, children are given allowances to teach them how to properly budget money, while adults have the maturity to show self-restraint. If she can't behave as an adult with respect to finances, then she needs to be treated as a child in that regard until she learns.

If she doesn't like "allowance", how about "budget", which means the same thing? All adults have to deal with budgets anyway.

Years ago, I had a friend who had no budget sense - and he knew it. So ever time he got paid, he immediately divided his money into several envelopes: for rent, phone, bus fare, groceries, etc. and one for himself. This way, he wasn't able to accidentally overspend.
---StrongAxe on 10/29/09


The way to "kindly" put her on an allowance is to give her a checking account of her own. You contribute a certain amount each month. The rest is up to her. If she wants more money from you, all you have to do is say "no". (Better to have a separate amount put aside for household expenses.)

Perhaps she will learn to handle money this way. But WHATEVER you do. DON'T call it an ALLOWANCE. It is her own personal account, her money to use as she pleases (until it is gone).
---Donna66 on 10/29/09


Skyelar, Are you a Christian? If so, then YOU are declared the leader of the household. Your wife is to be submitted to you, as you submit to the LORD. When you are obeying and submitting to the LORD, then, your wife will be doing the right thing before the LORD when she submits to you. You both will "automatically" be doing the LORD's Will in your lives. BROTHER, take control of that money for yourself. If she is spending all of 'your' money, without getting together with you about it, then, that is not right. Actually, if you're Christians, it is GOD's money! Then, in light of that, it is really BOTH you and your wife's money, for you and her are both now "one" in marriage. Lovingly and firmly set your foot down.
---Gordon on 10/29/09


You both could use a 'Dave Ramsey' class. His strategy on how as a couple trying to make it financially in this material world kept our marriage from falling apart & be debt free, praise the Lord!
---ANDY_REA on 10/28/09


Alan, unclear statements are not synonymous with contradictory statements.

You may not take the time to understand or fully grasp the subtleties and nuances of what I write, making my statements unclear to you. I can't do much about that, but I am always consistent.
---ralph7477 on 10/28/09


You can't make her realize that she has a problem unless she realizes it for herself. Stop giving her your money. Keep separate accounts. Me and my hubby had a joint account to save up for a more traditional wedding. Well guess what? He spent five hundred from it on court costs for a speeding ticket he incurred, AND spent about a hundred or more eating out at fast food places and restaurants without me! We got it closed and got separate accounts since he pulled that crap, and he signed something promising to pay me back the money. Since then he has been paying me back when he can, because originally we agreed that it was for wedding, or emergencies. I don't think eating out every night is an emergency.
---amand6348 on 10/28/09


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Ralph ... You are not the first, and won't be the last, to make contradictory statements!
---alan8566_of_uk on 10/27/09


"Then you don't make yourself very clear!"

Yes, so I've been told many times. Eh, what can I do.
---ralph7477 on 10/26/09


How can you get her to control herself?
By being the man and saying NO.
Take her credit cards and all access to everything and give her an allowance.
Make sure you do this in love too. Don't be angry, make sure you pray about it before you do it so that the Holy Spirit is guiding you in what you say and how you accomplish this.
Let her know that you can't live beyond your means. That the lord expects the bills to be paid and that we are supposed to be good stewards because really it is God's money not your own and he has made you the head and she is supposed to submit to that.
It is her place as your wife.
---miche3754 on 10/26/09


Ralph ... You say "I evaluate women (and men as well) on an individual basis"

Then you don't make yourself very clear!

Elsehwere you say "I also agree that women very good at handling money. They spend it so fast sometimes its just a green blur" That sounds like a blanket not individual judgment

Then you say "What I do have is a lot of experience and a realistic viewpoint" You've probably had a sad experience giving you a rather jaundiced viewpoint.

My late wife was very careful with our money, that is my personal expereince.

And looking at various partnerships where finances have proved a problem, I have observed it was usually the husband who was the spendthrift.
---alan8566_of_uk on 10/26/09


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First of all Alan, I wasn't joking. My statement was simply a creative way of saying that it would be pointless for this guy to try and change his wife. She is who she is. I've known these types of women intimately. His only solution is to keep the money someplace to which she has no access.

Secondly, I evaluate women (and men as well) on an individual basis. I have no animosity toward the female gender. What I do have is a lot of experience and a realistic viewpoint. Truthfulness bothers a lot of people, especially if they are emotionally driven.

In terms of money, I know of only one woman on these blogs who I would trust to handle it responsibly simply from reading her posts. I know a couple more in real life.
---ralph7477 on 10/26/09


No, Ralph ... I would think that a "!" would have meant you were making something of a joke of your comment.

But that's perhaps a difference in our culture, or maybe we sometimes see what we want to expect to see.

It's sometimes very difficult in the 125 word limits to make our post says exactly what we mean.

But in this case of your comment, maybe actually seeing the persons face, or hearing his voice, would tell much more of what he meant than the plain written words.

I still don't know what your attitude to women really is. It seems to be very negative, but I am probably wrong.
---alan8566_of_uk on 10/25/09


All an allowance does for a wife is demean and insult her, she's not a child even if she's acting like one.
*****

Mary yes it is a big ouch ...it is an option for women who cannot control themselves especially if they do not contribute financially to household ...not meant or used to demean

if "all money" is being spent these situations present enormous strain ...NO money in immediate savings with credit card debt ....these women act as if their husbands are an ATM Machine

allowance is used to reign in self-destructive behavior and irresponsibility otherwise there would be no end to issue ...then it escalates to more money and hiding and sneaking ...much like an addict
---Rhonda on 10/25/09


Alan, if I put an "!" at the end of my post wouldn't you simply infer that I meant it even more and that I hate and despise women more vehemently?
---ralph7477 on 10/25/09


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Hi Ronda, personally I agree (for the most part) with your post with the exception of the "allowance"--ouch! All an allowance does for a wife is demean and insult her, she's not a child even if she's acting like one. They definitely need financial counseling--but no allowance to make her feel worthless. Just my 2 cents (my allowance lol) worth.
---Mary on 10/25/09


My husband has always told me that as long as I pay the bills andbuy groceries, he doesn't care what I do with the rest as long as we have money till next payday.

Dude, when you said I Do, things are no longer yours or hers, but our's. Telling a woman to stop spending money is like telling a pig to hatch an egg. If seh is paying the bills and take care o things and you still have money left over, what is the big deal? Face it, you're not single anymore man.
---Rebecca_D on 10/24/09


Trish has a valid point. Go to a counselor or therapist. That way your wife will not be spending your money. The therapist will.
---KarenD on 10/24/09


Karen

you bring up a valid point

I approached from seeing how some parents are within my childrens school ...bored housewife syndrome typically no job living in affluent communities husbands working long hours whose income provides house cleaning yard daycare other services ...never cook mostly take out at local eateries

these women complain they are SO BUSY yet all their IDLE time spent out with other bored housewives for lunch etc gossip shopping activities requiring money ...these wives have zero responsibilities

husbands wanted to make their wives lives easier instead they created bored unfulfilled women with too much IDLE time ...years later looking for damage control as retirement is approaching
---Rhonda on 10/24/09


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Skyelar:

The wording of your question gives me the idea that your marriage isn't a relationship based on mutual "love and sacrifice".

Your question begins with: MY WIFE. If you really love her, I would think that you would refer to her by NAME.

Your wife spend all of YOUR money. In marriage, that becomes OUR money. It sounds like your wife isn't communicating her spending plans to you. She should be. MONEY problems are one of the main reasons for MARRIAGE problems.

It sounds like the two of you are living "separate lives under one roof". Instead of having a marriage based on mutual "love and sacrifice". I recommend seeing a pastor or counselor about things.


---Sag on 10/24/09


Ralph ... I would have been happer if you had put an "!" at the end of your post.

AS it is, it looks as if you mean it, and that you hate or despise women
---alan8566_of_uk on 10/24/09


Don't give it to her.
---Eloy on 10/24/09


if she has an addiction she will not be able to control herself

if she doesn't work then you are head of household both physically and spiritually YOU control her by giving her an allowance ...either by cash or give her credit card gift cards every week ...no ability to withdraw cash you can SEE where money is spent

...once an allowance is determined beyond that every expenditure must be written down discussed and planned before it can be realized by the both of you ...banks can work with you to establish dual control where both spouses must be present to withdraw funds etc

then seek financial counseling to see where you stand due to her misuse of money and separate counseling to help her understand why she does this
---Rhonda on 10/23/09


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Does your wife have any money that is not YOURS????? Do you live in a house that is only YOURS???? Do you call her by her first name or just say MY WIFE?????? Is she just another possession to you????
---KarenD on 10/23/09


Pray for her. Ask God to change her heart. Learn to not accuse her, but love her even more. Back away from telling her how much it bothers you to telling her how much you adore her, how much you want a close relationship with her, but that this spending is causing a distance between you.

And Curious.one, this is a true condition. My marriage suffers from it. We pay the bills and anything left over was viewed by her as fair game to spend, even though we had real needs that were not being met.

Both sexes can be addicted to shopping but it affects more women than men.
---Mark_Eaton on 10/23/09


First, you must pray for her and with her. Pray about your finances with her, and show her the importance of seeking the Lord's wisdom for purchasing decisions.

Then, you need to seek marital therapy for the two of you. If she is your wife, it is not YOUR money alone. It is yours and hers, together. Your thinking about your finances as a couple needs to change in order to start working together as a team.
---Trish9863 on 10/23/09


On what is she spending "all your money"?

Haven't you heard? Since you got married, it's no longer "your money" and "her money", but "our money."

Two can live as cheaply as one, but it takes twice as much.
---Cluny on 10/23/09


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Skyelar, I doubt that she spends "all" your money. Maybe you are just a cheapskate.
---Curious.one on 10/23/09


That's like asking how can you get your cat to bark instead of meow.
---ralph7477 on 10/23/09


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