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Living With My Fiance

I live with my fiance who I am slowly getting to become Christian. We are going to get married and I want to know am I sinning because we are not married? I was living with him when I was re-born a Christian and at age 33. I don't want to go back to living with my parents until we wed.

Moderator - Yes, you are sinning by living with him.

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 ---Leanne on 11/1/09
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(1) IF you have shared the intimate "s" thing together, then you are already married spiritually Exod.22:16-17, do not leave him, the 2 of you should immediately make it legal. (2) IF you have not gone that far, then do what others have advised you below i.e. live separately until marriage.
---Adetunji on 3/8/11

Leanne-- This is Grandma speaking! I don't know where Dave gets the authority to proclaim what is NOT a sin! He didn't consult scripture on that. We can't even assume he is a Christian.
I can understand your reluctance to return to your parents at age 33. But I think you should should move out until he makes a commitment to the Lord. Do you have a Christian girlfriend you could stay with for a while...or one you could share an apartment with and expenses. You might ask your pastor for suggestions. Be honest with him about your situation.

When your fiance finally becomes a Christian, don't hesitate to marry. And God bless you both!
---Donna66 on 3/6/11

My dear friend. All have sinned and fell short of the glory of God. Let him that is without sin cast the first stone. Living with someone you love is not a sin. Stones are being cast at you because of tradition. Living together before your're married is only a tradition. Going to church on sunday is a tradition. You can praise God any day of th week. His words are,'Be fruitful and multiply'. I didnt hear of a grand wedding for Adam and Eve. Matter of fact there are very few weddings mentioned in the Bible. God cares about how your heart feels and not about foolishness. Stay with your soon to be spouse and be blessed in the Lord. Dont let grandma tell you different. LOL. God bless you.
---dave on 3/6/11

I wanted to say something else. You can never get your fiance to become a Christian. Only God can change a person's heart to accept Jesus. Your job is to show him what being a Christian looks like thru your life and God may choose to use this with other things to draw your fiance to Him. By living with Him u r showing him that u really dont put God 1st and if ur not showing him that, ur not showing him what being a Christian really means. Therefore God can't help u.Its best to move out & tell him if he accepts Christ & u marry, u will move back in.
---Tammy on 3/5/11

hello Le,
your case is quite complex. This is because you stated that you were living together before you became born again. If there are children involved, the way it should be handled to bring glory to God and less suffering for children will be different.

Nevertheless moderator's answer is true - answering the question, co-cohabiting is not of God-
However, how to handle your situation would be uniquely different from others.
For example is he ready to marry you? I remember reading scripture which says that when one spouse is converted they could be a good witness to the other spouse.... unfortunately in your case you are not actually married.
Speak to your pastor or a trusted leader and get clasified help/counselling.
---patie3447 on 11/4/09

Mary, Do you really not know that a woman who wants to marry a man is not suppose to be living with the man before they marry? Being wedded means to be joined to a man after marriage, and not before.
---Eloy on 11/3/09

All Christians know that is sin for a woman to live together with a man that she is not married too. If you are not married, then you have zero business living together. Only nonChristians "play" house by disregarding God's regulation of holy matrimony.
---Eloy on 11/3/09

ShawnMT -- I'm assuming what everybody assumes when you say you live with your fiance.
If you plan to marry, do you think ANY ADULT will believe you are living together and NOT sleeping together? (it's "fornication" if you do).

LOOK, It's not that they are being "holier than thou".
It's that, as less-than-young adults, they know from EXPERIENCE that this would be extremly difficult (if not impossible)
if you are a normal human being.

The apostle Paul recognized this too. That's why, tho he warned against fornication, He suggested 1Cr 7:9 "But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn."
---Donna66 on 11/3/09

Shawn please read the scriptures I provided (hundreds of them) as they will answer your question. The scriptures will help you to better understand that God does not approve of cohabitation of a fiance.

Please don't let your pride of trying to be right stand in the way of learning the Word of God. Encouraging a Christian to cohabitate with their fiance is a pagan concept of the world.
---Moderator on 11/3/09

-- Mary :

Amen Sister,

Mary is correct. No one here knows the specifics of Leanne situation to judge & proclaim that she is sinning by living with him, as the Mods have proclaimed without providing verses, b/c apparently they don't have the time to be bothered with charitably sharing God's Word with the Brethren in Christ.

-- Donna :

Sister, Unless of course Fornication now means "Living Together", those verse say nothing about 'she is sinning by living with him' !!

Donna, You, the Mods & many others are jumping to assumption. People don't need to live together to be fornicators, nor is everyone living together out of wedlock fornicators. Judge not least you be judge.
---Shawn.M.T. on 11/3/09

Sorry Mary ...
God is not Politically Correct.
On Judgment day the ACLU would not be appealing his decision to a liberal court.
---Pastor_Jim on 11/3/09

Mary, I didn't state the "facts" of scripture, I quoted scripture.
I did that because someone was asking, "Where in scriptures does it say that a man & woman are sinning by living with one another out of wedlock ?"
I told them where, because they seemed to be questioning whether it was in scripture.

If there is some special hardship or suffering (other than the discomfort we all feel when out of God's will) for which I should show compassion, I don't know of it.
---Donna66 on 11/3/09

Wow! You guys are right but soooooo lacking in compassion and kindness!! Especially whoever it was that said her only relationship was fornication! How do you know? Do you know the couple personally?! You can state the facts of Scripture without being so mean-spirited, people--please do!
---Mary on 11/3/09

A man leaves home to be joined to his wife, a man does not leave home to be joined to a nonwife. "It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication. let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they live even as I. But if not have self-rule, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to be inflamed." I Corinthians 7:1,2,8,9.
---Eloy on 11/3/09

---Moderator and---Pastor_Jim are correct.
---mima on 11/2/09

"fiance"----the new meaning of shack-up.
---KarenD on 11/2/09

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Shawn please take the appropriate Dating, Marriage, Relationships, Sin, Sanctification and many other Bible Quizzes. Each test has 25 Bible scriptures and were put together so that the Mods don't have to repeat themselves over and over as we don't have the time.

The Bible supports my answer, however the Bible doesn't support a cohabitation answer. And as stated even the Holy Spirit in the blogger has told her as much.
---Moderator on 11/2/09

I can tell from all my experiences, the person you are "shacking up" with will get marry, but not to you. He has no respect for you or Christianity(the same for yourself). I used those terms for he is neither your boyfriend, nor you Fianc (as you say). You really do not have any relationship except for fornication. People from the outside can easily see you are in denial of this. Has he sat definite wedding date? or is it somewhere in the unknown non-future. Sadly the true word is Shacking up(Lora Schlessinger). Now you are desperately trying to find some scripture to support you obvious sin. Try Psalm 151.
This is harsh because you already knew the answer, but wanted someone to say it's OK for you.
---Pastor_Jim on 11/2/09

A man and women living together without marriage is sin, and more often then not these unions produce bastards which are illegitimate children because they are born outside of wedlock. When you do it God's way you get blessed, but if you do it not God's way then you will not be blessed.
---Eloy on 11/1/09

1Cr 6:18-19 FLEE FORNICATION. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body, but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body....know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and YE ARE NOT YOUR OWN? (caps mine)

Paul recommends: 1Cr 7:8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I {single and celibate}--brackets mine.

But he KNOWS this lifestyle is not for ALL.

I Cr 7:9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn

GOT THAT? MARRY (not live together)
---Donna66 on 11/1/09

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Shawn reverse your logic to answer your own question. Where in scripture are we told to live with our fiance? Of course it has never been morally acceptable to live with your fiance. That is the way of the world and even the new Christian knows that much just by the conviction of the Holy Spirit in her.
---Moderator on 11/1/09

--- Moderators :

Where in scriptures does it say that a man & woman are sinning by living with one another out of wedlock ??

--- Leanne :

Sister, You should be more concerned about renewing the hopes of the loins of your mind which are still conformed to this world, and are causing you to still desire to join your heart in wedlock with someone who has yet to Spiritually give their heart as you have !!......and you should start with the fact that you don't want to go back to living with your parents ??

God's Holy Union of Marriage is more than just a way out from underneath your parents !!
---Shawn.M.T on 11/1/09

A few questions:

How long will it take before you "get him to become Christian"?

He presumably knows that according to conventional Christian morality you are breaking God's rules by living together before you get married?

I wonder what he thinks about you so easily breaking the rules that God gave you?

In asking those questions, I am NOT condemning you.

Another question ...

How much do you love him, and Why not get married now, immediately?
---alan8566_of_uk on 11/1/09

Whether you are sinning by living together before marriage depends on the answer to a question I have posed, but never had answered:

What must a man and woman do to be really, truly, and validly married in God's sight?

Give book, chapter, and verse in your answer.

(For those of you who are married, it should be very easy to give Biblical proof of what distinguishes your lifestyle from mere concubinage.)
---Cluny on 11/1/09

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You cannot slowly get your shack-up boyfriend to become a Christian. You probably don't even have a clue when you are going to get married. You already know what you need to do as you said you didn't want to do it. You are not a reborn Christian if you have no guilt for living with a man who won't marry you.
---KarenD on 11/1/09

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