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Get Out Of This Marriage

I am a Christian. I have had to cope with abuse from my hubby for 30 years. I have fallen in love with another man. 6 weeks ago I left my hubby I no longer love him. After 6 weeks I have come back as he turned our children against me. Will I ever get out of this marriage?

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 ---Sue on 11/10/09
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Hi, I am a believer too. I really feel for you, having endured abuse for so long. Do you feel that remaining in this marriage is God's will for you? What is happening to you/has happened to you as a consequence of living so long in an abusive "marriage" ? Why not leave him and live alone--without a new man?
---Deborah on 1/3/10


Ofcourse, you'll get out! Either, he will die or God will take you out. Hang in there, see what God will do. I do understand.
---catherine on 1/3/10


first of all you say he is an abuser,your children after 30 years must be grown,and apparently dont agree with you,so my question is what abuse.
---tom2 on 1/3/10


Friend,
I disagree with some parts of your post. Why did you stay for so long, taking the abuse? How did you meet this other man? How old are your kids? What was your relationship with your kids over the years? Is your husband a Christian? And no you will never get out of this marriage if you keep leaving and coming back to this abuser.Regardless of your reasons, you need to stay away from him!! Try to deal with your kids away from him.You also fell in love with this other man. You are out of line doing this. One thing at a time. Clean your relationship up with your spouse and kids,first! You can leave your spouse but you cannot remarry as long as he is alive. You are the one who has committed adultery.
---Robyn on 12/30/09


Are you surrendered to Christ & the word of God? Your statements reads as if you do whatever comes to your mind, and this is not an attribute of a Christian. Please go to God's word & seek Christian counselling. If your husband has similar complaints against you and has fallen in love with somebody else, will you feel nice with it? DO UNTO OTHERS WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE THEM TO DO TO YOU.
---Adetunji on 12/25/09




If I were you, I would take my children and leave this abusive man. God did not make us to be punching bags for anyone. While you may have falling in love with another man, cheating on your spouse is not the solution. Stand up for yourself and your children. I had a friend who wouldn't divorce her abusive husband, because people told her she would be in the wrong if she filed for a divorce. So she listened to them and her husband kept abusing her, night after night. Until one day he took it too far and took her life. If she would have stood up to him and divorced him, she may still be alive today. Do not be a door-mat for anyone.
---Rebecca_D on 11/17/09


Eloy is right, you cannot correct a situation if you are in the wrong. You should have left you husband because of abuse not to commit adultery. If he is abusive he is in the wrong
but now you are also and you are both in sin.
A house divided will not stand. You all need to repent. It was not your husband that turned your children against you. You did that yourself through your unrighteous way of leaving. If you had done it right they would have respected you.
---exzucuh on 11/16/09


You are not a Christian, because Christians do not break wedlock and commit adultery, nor do Christians abandoned their husbands and children for 6 years, and then desire to destroy their marriage.
---Eloy on 11/16/09


After 30 years, you deserve some compassion and a listening ear, not a judgmental attitude from other women. None of us really know what you've experienced. Some of us who've been in long-term abusive marriages might have an idea. But it's far too complex to really explore it on a forum like this. Your heart's been hurt enough, don't expose it or your choices on here, seek out an opportunity for personal counselling where you can be respected and heard. My heart was quite moved by your post. It would be better to leave your marriage because of the abuse, not for another relationship. One thing at a time. Give the kids a chance to come to terms with one change at a time.
---Carol on 11/16/09


Its kinda hard to make a call on this one because a lot of things are considered "abuse" now.

It does kinda bother me that your children have turned against you. Reason being if your husband is so abusive then surely they would see that and understand your position.
The fact that they side with him kinda leaves me with the feeling that maybe the 'abuse' ,which Im sure is verbal, may be justified if its him getting onto you about a lifestyle that would lead you into another mans arms for example.

Sorry but thats expected from a spouse when youre cheating.
---JackB on 11/15/09




Sue, God cares much for you and is right there with you. Christ alone can give you love and joy of life and peace in the heart -do you believe this or not? What life testimony will you give? This other man - is he a Christian and in love with God? In principle I would doubt it. For a heart in tune with the affections of Christ is self-sacrificing -he would look out heaven's best interest not his own. Fall in love with Jesus, read the Gospels, Philippians 2:5-8 -He gave all to prove/reveal His love for you, Sue, and is able to fulfill your heart's need for this pure love. You and friends intercede forcefully for you husband and God will answer.
---Scott on 11/14/09


It sounds more like you just want out of your obligations, not just to your husband but also to your children. I see why your children hate you, and it is NOT due to your husband actions, BUT YOURS!

They need an unselfish Mother. Parents have NO rewards other than bringing up your children right. It is like God and us since he is our Father.

You sound like all you want is to be is irresponble, FREE and EASY. The 2nd man is not your husband. Maybe you would like try a 3rd or 4th?

BE A MOTHER IF NOTHING ELSE!
---PASTOR_JIM on 11/13/09


God does not intend for us to subject ourselves to abuse. you don't mention what type of abuse, but abuse, whether physical, mental or spiritual abuse is not of God.
You should examine yourself first and get self right with God then pray and ask God to show you the way. His word says if you seek him, you will find him.
---jodollie on 11/11/09


Something else to think about. After 30 years of marriage, youre gonna have SOME feeling of love for your husband, especially if you have children together.

What would happen if your husband (through your example) found CHrist and it changed his actions toward you and he became the loving husband he failed to be for the past 30 years? Pray for him

Sounds kinda like youre giving up on Gods ability to change your husbands heart. If hes that unhappy with you are you sure he hasnt broken the vows already? That would certainly let you off the hook.
---JackB on 11/11/09


Sue, has your husband ever gone outside of the marriage? Have you? If neither of you have committed adultery as Christ said and you are both alive, there is no scriptural basis for divorce.

I dont however believe that means you have to stay at home and take the abuse. Move out! It does however keep you from divorcing your husband and remarrying another man simply because of your feelings for him.
---JackB on 11/11/09


Forgive me Sue if this sounds unfair or judgmental, but, I would be inclined to think that you probably set in motion the feelings you children developed by leaving them with your husband. If he was abusive to you, he was probably abusive to them as well. You cannot leave your husband just because you don't love him anymore. There is too much misunderstanding of these issues among the ranks of christianity due to ineffective, inaccurate preaching.
---tommy3007 on 11/11/09


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"Will I ever get out of this marriage?"
Yes, when either you or your husband dies.
You made the vow, remember, until death do us part.

The only thing that can turn your children against you is your own lack of communication. Communicate your love for them and be honest concerning your feelings, if they witnessed the "abuse" understanding your position should be easy for them.
Love is a choice that can not be force upon anyone or taken from anyone.
---Josef on 11/10/09


Keep in mind that all a civil divorce will do is terminate the secular effects of the marriage, and perhaps give you some protection from your husband.

The spiritual bonds in God's sight still exist.

His abuse of you did NOT annul the marriage.
---Cluny on 11/10/09


So you left your children with your husband when you left? Can I ask why?

Only you can decide if you will ever get out of this marriage. I would start with going to a marriage counsellor. Go alone if he doesn't want to go.

I filed for divorce right after the police took my husband out of the house for domestic violence. But that was because he was beating me up for eight months. It takes courage to file for divorce plus you have children to consider.

You left him and have now come back? Why? To get your children? Why didn't you take them in the first place? Just asking and trying to understand your situation. Start with counselling - you really need to sort this out with a counsellor.
---Donna on 11/10/09


You cannot get out of this marriage by committing adultery. You could separate from your husband if you have been abused by him for all these years. But, you should not get a divorce. I will pray for your husband and for you. Why has your husband not been arrested if he is abusing you?
---KarenD on 11/10/09


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