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Wife's Hatred Toward Men

My wife has 2 children by 2 different men, and because of her past relationships she has alot of hate toward men. This however falls on me way more than I believe it should. There is no changing her opinions and I feel this will lead to divorce. What do I do?

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 ---Mike on 12/7/09
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What can you do? I suppose you did not take enough time to know her, well.
---catherine on 3/6/10


As a christian woman--who also "has a lot of hate toward men" I would ask you to consider the following questions: What does it mean to "hate men"? and Do I (you) believe she has a right to her feelings? I won't judge your situation... In my experience christian men don't warm up to my openly independent lifestyle. Further more, if she has had nothing but negative male role-models in her life, time and GOD are the only things that will bring her heart in line w/ what she knows in her mind--you are a good guy.
---littlestar on 3/4/10


I would pray first that God would lead you to the right counselor.

Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages is great.
Available on CD or MP3 too. Incredible stories of marriages recovering.

I would pray everyday.

Before praying please remember these:

Psalms 66:18
If I regard iniquity in my heart,
the Lord will not hear me:

1Peter 3:7...that your prayers be not hindered.

1John 1:9
If we confess our sins,
he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins,
and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Luke 11:4 ...And forgive us our sins,
for we also forgive every one ...
---SuzieH on 1/16/10


Please also preach forgiveness to her Matt.6:14-15 (1) She should forgive herself for going into 2 marriages that did not work (2) Forgive the 2 husbands she had had from her heart(not only by her speech)(3) She should ask for God's forgiveness of all of them. Unless she does that, the scars of the failed marriages may still be generating bitterness in her. The steps above will free her mind.
---Adetunji on 1/15/10


Stay married to her. I am Catholic, and we believe marriage is for life. Personally, I would not have gotten married to someone with her history, but now that you are married, just stick it out until death.
---Pete on 12/17/09




||Then again, do an online KJV bible search for "one another," "each other," "encourag," and "comfort." Do every thing possible to have her build trust in you.
---Steveng on 12/8/09||

"Encourag" does not appear in the KJV, or any other English Bible.
---Cluny on 12/9/09


Mike, look within. Take an honest look at yourself as a husband. It is uncommon for a woman with a history of attraction to the wrong kind of men to drastically change her decision-making process and choose a different type without first drastically changing her own mindset (which you say she hasn't). As a previous blogger stated, her choices in men probably stem from early childhood experiences and it is likely you bear some resemblance.

I may be wrong, but please know that this is a suggestion, not an accusation. I have a relative who, if you only listened to his story, you'd think his wife was crazy. However, those who know the 2 of them see that he's the one with the most issues and her reactions to him are understandable, not crazy.
---AlwaysOn on 12/9/09


Mike...Your wife's treatment of you has nothing to do with her ex-husbands or the two children she has by them. It is a result of things that happened to her much earlier in life than adulthood. The reason she has two ex-husbands is that she also treated them the same way she treats you. Don't talk to her about her exs. Talk to her about her childhood and ask if she will go with you to a Christian Family Counselor to deal with those issues as well as your life together now.
---KarenD on 12/9/09


Hi, Mike . . . please stay with us and share some more > I think we have some very wholesome things already shared > to love her and do her all the good you can and have hope > love "hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7). And children > with different fathers > that's more people for us to love, as Christians (o: Jesus *adopts*. Jesus has in His love adopted ones who were hating Him. He even took Paul who was arresting men and women and voting for them to be executed > I'd say those included mommies and daddies being killed and their even-little kids being left behind > sort of abusive of children, wouldn't you say? So, you can adopt them with your example of love > 1 Peter 5:3. God bless you (o:
---Bill_bila5659 on 12/8/09


When the subject comes up about her hating men, even if it's only implied, just say, "Boy, am I glad I'm not one."

Seriously though, pick up the book, "1001 Ways to Say I Love You."

Then again, do an online KJV bible search for "one another," "each other," "encourag," and "comfort." Do every thing possible to have her build trust in you.
---Steveng on 12/8/09




Love her unconditionally. Pray for her constantly to know God's unconditional love. Love her children, even though they are not from you. Pray for them to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. Keep praying and loving. Seek marital therapy, if things get disruptive. Seek her best and her children's best. See what the Lord can do in your marriage, if you love her.
---Trish9863 on 12/8/09


It just occurred to me that being married to you, perhaps your wife feels "safe" (for lack of a better word) at last for the first time in her life, and therefore she is tranferring all her bitterness and hatred onto you.

This might help explain her behavior.

But that just proves my earlier point--she needs counselling.
---Cluny on 12/8/09


Difficult though it may, I suggest LOVING her more. Love can trump over the strongest hatred, believe me.
---Mary on 12/8/09


Mike
It's hard to say in the right perspective. She shouldn't see or hear this, but, when Eve in the garden of Eden disobeyed God, 1st Tim 2 v 14, sure got this world in a mess, & the blame game continues, with hate, discontentment etc. Her hatred to men, she'l be lost. It's going to take prayer
& even fasting with prayer. Patience is the key.
---Lawrence on 12/8/09


She sounds like SHE needs counselling individually and you might both benefit from marital counselling.

If you knew she had these issues, why did you marry her?

Or did you not find out until it was too late?

(On the basis of the little you are telling me, it sounds like she was not emotionally mature and psychologically free to enter into marriage--but there may be more to this, too.)
---Cluny on 12/8/09


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