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Engaged To An Older Man

I'm a mother of two boys age 17 and 13. and I'm in a relationship with a man who is 59 years old and I am 36. I love him and so do the boys, we are engaged he knows he dont have much longer to live due to prostate cancer. am I wrong for loving a man so much older than me?

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 ---miko on 12/13/09
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You are not at all wrong to marry him. Why should anyone turn their back on one they love just because they are going to die... any who do, do not love. We all have to die someday, how does anyone know if the person they marry is going to be with them a short or long time? You love him and if God is central to your relationship ... THAT is the only key you require.
God bless you and bring you both joy.
---Anon on 1/25/10


You have your answer already. You love him and so do your sons. This is what matters. He may outlive you and the boys. I would go ahead and make it legal. Many blessings to you ad your family.
---Robyn on 12/27/09


I wonder why you would allow your young sons to be traumatized by the death of a stepfather. Why would you set them up for such horrible drama. The household would eventually be focused on the mans pain and suffering and then death! Maybe you are not aware of just how hard it will be on you and your children to endure terminal illness and death of someone in your household. I wouldn't be as worried about the age as the damage it may cause to you and your children. It seems like faulty logic and pitty at the expense of your children and yourself. Blessings to you in whatever you decide.
---jody on 12/19/09


If 2 people are free to marry and they love each other,what is the problem??

Or are people forgeting that people can die when their young also
*****

there is more to marriage than "blind love" ...if this were NOT SO then marriage would not have a better than 65% divorce rate in the USA

my children are in the minority having both my husband and I never having a prior spouse and children from that marriage

marriage today is not SACRED

it is ABSURD to equate marrying and uncertainty of how long a married couples lives will be together TO marrying someone on their DEATHBED
---Rhonda on 12/15/09


People today are sooooooooooo
hung up on age it's almost a sickness

If 2 people are free to marry and they love each other,what is the problem??

Or are people forgeting that people can die when their young also

Gabby6487
---Gabby on 12/15/09




Please think very seriously about this. It is very possible that you are not in love with this man, but you are very involved in feeling sorry for him. If you have not known this man for more than a year, then you don't have a clue how you really feel about him because you don't know him.
---KarenD on 12/14/09


Hi Rhonda, it's not "creepy", it's called "love" and it's beautiful. Sad but beautiful.
*****

yes it is sad when the idea of "love" is used to legally marry someone on their deathbed ...no different than marrying a foreigner to gain citizenship

what are motives of marrying someone who is dying - college education for her kids?

anyone can LOVE someone without marriage why not blessings of love from a supportive friendship

why would anyone complicate the end of one persons life with marriage unless the ulterior motive was a GAIN in some other respect for the surviving spouse?

is this man in his right mind? medications and treatments can alter a persons mental capacity
---Rhonda on 12/13/09


No, Miko, you are not wrong and he is very blessed to have someone like you at his side during what I imagine to be a very difficult trial. Continue to love and respect him, and we pray that you two are happy together. Also, I could be wrong, but I think prostate cancer is one form of cancer that doctors report people having a higher recovery rate from, isn't it? Either way, our Father is a healer, so keep praying for and expecting a miracle.
---AlwaysOn on 12/13/09


Hi Rhonda, it's not "creepy", it's called "love" and it's beautiful. Sad but beautiful.
---Mary on 12/13/09


you are marrying a man who does not have much longer to live?

creepy

age difference is a stretch although with his short life expectancy it certainly would never be an issue

"loving" someone is never an issue ...marrying a dying man and bragging about it under pretense of "age difference" seems a bit delusional though

if marrying a dying man your own age I would still question the motives ...rather than let the man die in peace and be a friend you choose to complicate with chaos for both yourself and your children
---Rhonda on 12/13/09




Why should you be considered wrong, as long as both of you are free to marry?

OTOH, if he or you are married, while you can't help mutual attraction and concern, you CAN help how you express it.
---Cluny on 12/12/09


23 years is quite a difference. I beleive our God can heal, when he does will you feel the same way when you are 50 and he is 73. Mentally, physically and emotionally, you will look and feel younger than him. Many things you want to do, he will not. Trust me, my fiance' is 70, and a lot of places I want to go, he doesn't. Movies, dinner, and senior events, take some work. I usually can talk him into getting out. Think aoubt your physical needs as well. Prostate cancer is very serious and the medications may cause you to hav to adjust your attitude and your mental state. But whatever your decision. I keep you in sincere prayer and love.
---Marlene on 12/12/09


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