Should I Divorce My Husband
I have recently (3 months ago) left my abusive, neglectful husband of 9 years. My husband wants to reconcile, but we've been through this same thing 3 times now. I forgive him.. but I don't feel I can ever trust him again. I know what the Bible says about divorce, but what should I do?
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---diane on 12/27/09
Helpful Blog Vote (9)
I have been in a 22 year marriage in which we had four children ages 13-21now. My husband has been on hard core drugs on and off for 13 years now. We have lost 2 houses, and most everything material item we had worked for. He was clean for 5 years, after a prison sentence, when he messed up 3 years ago.he has spent all of our money. We can't even pay the rent this month. He promises weekly to quit...but doesn't. He won't leave and makes threats if I do. He won't go to church.It is a nightmare that has robbed my kids of thier childhood. He has promised me for years to quit and be clean the next week.I am just tired and so sick of waking up in the same nightmare. I cannot leave at this time. I just really don't understand why he won't leave.
---Leigh_Wilson on 11/8/11|
As long as you leave this evil man divorce is not something that can help you to get out of the relationship... going does that for you but know if you do divorce it is not a way of breaking the marriage law of fornication adultery or death.
1 Corinthians 7, You are to remain single or reconcile that's bible.
---Carla on 11/8/11|
I've been separated for 5 months now from my abusive husband of 13 years. We can have boundaries in our marriage and stand up for good, refuse a pattern of evil. Abusive men do not want to give up their control and entitlement mindset. Don't ever get back together until you see true repentance, a long period of demonstrating a change of heart, like a year or more. You shouldn't trust him. Pray and let God tell you what to do for your own healing and restoration, no matter what your husband does. You can be free of abuse. God will heal you and make you whole. He'll tell you what to do. Stay in fellowship, seek christian counseling for your healing, and look up a christian women's support group for abuse in your area.
---Dawn on 11/8/11|
The 2 of u should try and seek good Christian counselling together in an assembly that is courageous in Christ to tell you and him your individual faults and ways to try to overcome them.
---Adetunji on 5/9/10|
Find another man as Robyn has encouraged you only to commit Adultery and go to hell.
Do not listen to that advice it certainly is not in the bible to do so she is speaking from a Selfish and adulterous spirit.
People need to read what the bible states on marriage not what they think!
sending someone to an unsure resting place is Purely evil and not of God.
Read Matt19:9 1 Corinth 7, Romans 7
Nowhere does the bible tell a woman to remarry! and there are many more scriptures besides them look them up Robyn and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you with wisdom.
---Carla on 5/8/10|
Being someone accused of abuse and having my wife file for divorce. I can honestly say that there are men out there that will stop at nothing to get things back to the way they were. That being said, I have voluntarily enrolled in anger management, personal counseling, started to volunteer my time to charities and even begun going to church on my own. I still wish to reconcile with my wife and seek counseling, but she refuses and thinks I am manipulating her once more.When a person has really made changes in there life and is still accused of being the same person they have always been it is more than difficult to accept.I have to put my faith in God that only he can show my wife I have changed and give her the courage to trust and love again.
---Eric on 5/6/10|
You are out, I would stay out. From what I understand, these type of men are sweet talking to get what they want. Hell, is awaiting for you, if you go back to him. DON'T. PLEASE. You can't change people, but, you don't have to put-up with them, either. Have a good life, alone, if need be.
---catherine on 12/31/09|
As you have stated he keeps abusing you, it is vital that you seek shelter. Find a battered woman's shelter and get their support and counseling on how to take the first steps toward healing. You need help with that. Many women are guilted into allowing the batterer to come back to them. Get counseling and learn why you allow the abuse to keep repeating itself.
---Trish9863 on 12/31/09|
Please read what MarkIV told you earlier. I will only emphasize that you depend totally on God for now. Divorce & finding another man(or woman) is not as easy as you may think. Don't you know there are worse ones out there? Only God cannot deceive you or fail you. If God says your love life will still be with him, HE will arrange for you to re-unite & live better than before. But if God knows your togetherness is not in HIS plan, HE may arrange that the one that does not believe ask for divorce. For now, remain as you are and continue to discuss this issue with the Lord.
---Adetunji on 12/31/09|
You did something a lot of women find it hard to do. And that is get away from the abuse. Congratulations to you. Now don't go back. Even though you have done it before. Stop it ! It does not matter what he wants at this point. He has made his choices and they were bad and abusive. You can stay separated from him. Forgive him and move on with your life. You deserve to be happy. According to the Word you cannot remarry until your legal spouse dies. If you caught him in the act of adultery, you can divorce and remarry,if you so choose.
I would move far away from him,find a new man and begin to date. Be restrained in all you do and keep trusting in the Lord.
---robyn on 12/30/09|
we all,well most all,have a very low tolerance to what we perceive as abuse.if we are honest with ourselves.The thing that bothers me most is the apparent lack of committment,and the sad attitude that most agree with the for better part of the marriage vows,but their perception of the worse varies dramatically,and often leads to divorce.Maybe the word worse needs to be stricken from the marriage vows,my second wife specifically told the pastor she word not say the word OBEY when we got married,he and I just looked at each other,his look was BOY YOU GOT PROBLEMS COMING.AND HE WAS RIGHT.
---tom2 on 12/30/09|
Diane, there is no one here who can give you any correct advice as to what you should do. It will come from within you. If you are looking to justify what you already want to do and need some incouragement to do it, then it is different. No one knows your case exactly, only you. He is not speaking out also to give his side. Normally when we give our side, it is always one sided. All cases are different in some way, plus no one but God knows what is in store for you and what He wants to do in your life and his and family.
---MarkV. on 12/30/09|
divorce is not a good solution to your problem. since he asked for forgiveness, go ahead & forgive him, pray for him lead him to christ, there's only one reason that can make a christain divorce her husband or the man his wife. so all u need is make GOD head of your home & HE will make it a beautiful one.
Pray for your family always.
---cara on 12/29/09|
Cluny, it is possible for a man to be abusive and neglect his wife at the same time. Every time I've known a spouse to complain of neglect, it has always referred to a neglect of their needs and desires within the marriage, such as intimacy, companionship, etc. I don't think that anyone would look upon abuse as someone filling the requirement to pay attention to their spouse. Yes, abusive behavior is (negative) attention but it is not the type of attention that leaves a spouse feeling fulfilled in the marriage. Major difference.
---AlwaysOn on 12/28/09|
Any kind of abuse should not be taken. God gave spouses to eachother to love & honor. NOT to be abusive. get out now while you can.
---candice on 12/28/09|
if you are right in saying you know what the bible has to say on this.
you know what to do.
its your life.
dont be fooled by the bull dust replies you have had.
the bible says only adultery is grounds for divorce is a lie.
get a good teacher of bible doctrine and learn real answers for yourself.
and remember its your life, so make your own decisions, right or wrong and then live with them.
if you work with bible doctrine and not with human view point like whatever makes you feel good.You will be ok
i should not be saying all this, sorry
---ted on 12/27/09|
I don't see how your husband can be both abusing you and neglecting you at the same time. Abuse requires him to pay SOME attention to you, even if it's negative attention.
However, you don't need to allow yourself to be continually hurt over and over again, either.
---Cluny on 12/28/09|
I noticed you said abusive,neglectful husband,and failed to mention whether or not he has been faithful.By abusive you mean physical?the bible says only adultery is grounds for divorce,there are passages that say a believer can let a non believer spouse leave.
---tom2 on 12/27/09|
Stay seperated UNTIL both of you have completed marital counseling from a qualified, Christian, marriage counslor. (It would be best if this marriage counslor was a stranger to both of you. It needs to be a stranger so the counslor can be objective.) If the husband refuses marriage counseling - he's not really serious about dealing with the issue and this qualifies you for divorce.
---Ray on 12/27/09|
Be smart and stay away from him. Congrats on staying away from him for three months. He wants to reconcile with you so he can go back to controlling you. Sorry that these things happened to you. God will always be there for you and remember:
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. -Phil. 4:13
---amand6348 on 12/27/09|